PDA.

Finishing what I started.

...

I was thinking about PDA.

While I was on the bus heading back home, there was a couple sitting across the aisle from me. They were all over each other, cuddling and kissing, the entire fucking ride. It was kind of cute. It was kind of really obnoxious.

So. PDA: public display of affection. Is it an act of narcissism, or a loss of self-consciousness? Do you love someone so much that you must be constantly open about it, or do you want to show the world that you are loved?

Most of the time I'm not big on hugs in public. It just makes me feel awkward. I wonder how many of you have been subjected to my quiet one-armed quick embrace.

Usually with me, my levels of snarkiness and verbal abuse are directly proportionate to how comfortable I feel around you. The people I love get sarcastic jabs and lots of pokes and light punches. It's kind of bad.

But I'm a total dork for my cat. Whenever I'm around her I'm constantly telling her how much I adore her, and she doesn't even know what I'm saying. It is almost embarrassing how much I express my love for my cat. (I must be turning into a cat lady. Oh god.)

Back to the point. I think couples are kind of sweet. (They also depress me sometimes, depending on my current mood and outlook on life and prospects for my future.) But PDA isn't always very pleasant. So sure, kiss sometimes. But don't have wrestling matches on a four hour bus ride.

Thanks.

Olivia

Stuff that isn't finished.

I hate my voice. It's annoying. I wish it sounded like it does in my head.

...

I was thinking about PDA.

While I was on the bus heading back home, there was a couple sitting across the aisle from me. They were all over each other, cuddling and kissing, the entire fucking ride. It was kind of cute. It was kind of really obnoxious.

...

Oh fuck I didn't finish this last night. Uh. It's nine at night on Thursday and I kind of abandoned this post. Uh. We'll pick up tonight. Sorry bout that.

Olivia

Image and stuff. Also, Lost.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and actually think I'm okay today. Then in my head the thought is immediately followed up with 'just compared to yourself, though; this is only okay by your standards'. I can't seem to stop degrading myself.

It's getting tiresome.

...

Dude and I were talking about nude models last night. One of our acquaintances, who goes to Ringling, posted a Facebook status asking if anyone would be willing to let him draw them naked. He got some responses from friends. I know some photo majors who takes nudes of themselves and/or their friends, and most of the time the images are gorgeous. But I can't imagine having a friend model for me. Models in class are one thing; I don't know them - I don't even know their names most of the time - and they're being paid and they're there specifically to be drawn naked. But people I already know? I wouldn't be able to focus on drawing.

I think you'd have to be pretty self-confident to pose nude for a friend's photos, or for your own. Or for a classroom of students you don't know. I admire these people.

...

I started watching Lost again. (I watched half of the pilot on Hulu at my dorm before giving up on the shitty internet connection.) It is turning out to be a pretty cool show.

Now I am seven episodes in. And I'm hooked. Oops.

...

That said, good night. Gonna go watch some more Lost and take some Advil for my freshly root-canaled tooth and go to sleep.

Olivia

Yeah home.

I'm home.
I'm happy I'm home.
My cat is happy I'm home.
Not much more to say tonight.

Olivia

PS. Last night was so weird. I couldn't settle; the emptiness made me restless. I was reading and then pacing and then sitting and then loitering on the internet without actually doing anything and then reading again and then wanting to go to sleep but not being able to fall asleep, and then pacing again, et cetera. It was so strange.

Yeah. Stuff.

I can't think of anything to talk about today..

I moved out. My room echoes. Going home after class tomorrow. YAY WHOO.

That's it. Don't have anything else. Talk at you tomorrow.

Olivia

PS. Hey Eric, if you're reading this, you should start writing your blog again. That would be cool.

PPS. I don't know why, but I'm ridiculously tired. It's only eight thirty and I am seriously considering just going to sleep now..

Done packing.

I just finished packing. So weird. I have way too much stuff. And yet here I am done, and my life fits in boxes, and it's just so strange.

I probably won't write a post tonight; I'll be in Flushing. So if that's the case, this and the last post are what you're getting for today. Which is twice as much as most nights, although not in content.

Olivia

What happened this morning.

I woke up at four thirty this morning to the sounds of Brooke and Cody (her ex) yelling at each other. Apparently Brooke and Lauren haven't been talking for a few days because..Lauren kissed some guy Brooke liked, or something? Brooke asked why Cody was mad at her. Apparently Lauren was now crying in the stairwell and Cody went looking for her to see if she was alright, which is apparently more than Brooke did. Brooke said that she'd only been giving Lauren space because she didn't want things to be awkward, and Cody threw it back in her face with a "I know how you are, Brooke; you make everyone feel bad about themselves and make up bullshit". Around that time Brooke started crying, and then I really started feeling bad for her, because..this is the way girls are: They can be as bitchy or manipulative or underhanded as they want, but when you rip off that layer they're either completely fucking vulnerable, or faking it to make you sympathize. While Lauren thought Brooke was ignoring her, Brooke thought that Lauren was ignoring her. Then apparently they talked through text, and Lauren said it was fine and that she was going to sleep, but apparently she just stayed there crying. And that's when Cody stormed in yelling about the idiocy of the politics of girldom.

I don't want to hear this kind of stuff. It makes me uncomfortable.

And all I could do was lie there listening. And I had to go to the bathroom.

And that's what happened this morning.