Man you guys I really enjoy Lady Gaga. I went from Eh I dunno about her she's kind of strange to WAIT actually she's pretty cool to ARGH TOO CATCHY CAN'T STOP LISTENING.
...
Okay so you know that forum I'm on that I was talking about a couple months ago? (Don't blame you if you don't remember..) Anyways, one of the members told us to join this roleplaying group thing on deviantArt that she had co-founded, and a bunch of us flocked over and did. Seriously there's like twenty of us there. I joined because I haven't done that shit in a long time and I thought it would be fun; my buddies from the forum are the craziest people I know, because the internet lets you do that, and we spend more time clogging up the RP chats with weird chatter in the OOC (out-of-character) than anything else. I told Christine to join too. Her character has already slit my character's throat. Bitch.
Seriously though, it is ridiculous fun. I love the internet.
...
THIS..IS..TWILIIIIIGHT.
...
When I type in all caps my throat strains, like I'm actually yelling. It is Weird Shit.
...
Know what time it is? It is five in the morning. I AM SO BAD AT THIS SLEEPING-AT-NIGHT THING..
Good night.
Brolivia
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
Fireworks, TIRED.
Fireworks are only worth it when you can feel them.
Fireworks make me feel lonely, because when I'm out of the house I'll probably forget to go see them because there will be nobody to go with, nobody who will even remind me that they're happening.
Something from my Livejournal two years ago:
"I have no great unconditional love for this country, but I do have one for fireworks. The big loud ones that assault your eyes and shake your body, and make you feel positively winded, whether from holding your breath as they go off or from feeling the cracks and booms rip through your heart. I have no patience for tame poppings. I'm always waiting for a finale to rattle my brains, and leave me dizzingly ecstatic. Sounds like my thoughts on the fourth's fireworks, and, for that matter, my life."
...
I think I am kind of annoying, complaining about how much I'm dissatisfied with myself all the time. I am probably a pretty shitty friend. I would probably make a pretty shitty girlfriend. It is a good thing I will never be, then.
...
Man I feel like I am either going to fall asleep or die. So I should go to bed, good night.
Olivia
Fireworks make me feel lonely, because when I'm out of the house I'll probably forget to go see them because there will be nobody to go with, nobody who will even remind me that they're happening.
Something from my Livejournal two years ago:
"I have no great unconditional love for this country, but I do have one for fireworks. The big loud ones that assault your eyes and shake your body, and make you feel positively winded, whether from holding your breath as they go off or from feeling the cracks and booms rip through your heart. I have no patience for tame poppings. I'm always waiting for a finale to rattle my brains, and leave me dizzingly ecstatic. Sounds like my thoughts on the fourth's fireworks, and, for that matter, my life."
...
I think I am kind of annoying, complaining about how much I'm dissatisfied with myself all the time. I am probably a pretty shitty friend. I would probably make a pretty shitty girlfriend. It is a good thing I will never be, then.
...
Man I feel like I am either going to fall asleep or die. So I should go to bed, good night.
Olivia
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Something old.
A Livejournal post of mine that I just found. This from October, only a week or so before I started this blog.
...
This is college.
I am constantly finding my peers to be irresponsible and immature, posing as the adults that they may or may not ever become. They appear to like me, but they find it strange when I want to leave early for events so as not to miss them, or when I try to keep things fair between everyone. They get defensive when I turn out to be right, or when they turn out to be wrong.
Everyone has a number of masks behind which he may hide. It's starting to get on my nerves. This whole world is false. Sometimes it's acceptable; sometimes it's totally fucking not. Do not lead people on, deceive them, pretend friendliness if you do not like them. I am witnessing mindgames everywhere and I am sure mindgames are being played against me, and I do not like it.
I still find within me a huge capacity for love, but also a subtle undertone of hate encompassing almost everything I know. I am not apathetic, though sometimes I choose to appear that way.
I needed flour at midnight tonight. There is a grocery store a few blocks from my dorm, open twenty-four-seven. On the walk over I smell booze and cigarettes and vomit as I pass a club, and trash lying out on the curb, and the souring perfume of drunken partiers wandering the sidewalk, and the wet of the rain turning into sewage. The lights of the buildings above me stare out of empty windows.
I am strange and alone in a city of lonely strangers. This becomes me more than did my life back home; at least I'm not the only one here.
...
I was talking about my roommates and the group of people I used to hang out with, in the beginning of the year. I had forgotten that it started way back then.
Olivia
...
This is college.
I am constantly finding my peers to be irresponsible and immature, posing as the adults that they may or may not ever become. They appear to like me, but they find it strange when I want to leave early for events so as not to miss them, or when I try to keep things fair between everyone. They get defensive when I turn out to be right, or when they turn out to be wrong.
Everyone has a number of masks behind which he may hide. It's starting to get on my nerves. This whole world is false. Sometimes it's acceptable; sometimes it's totally fucking not. Do not lead people on, deceive them, pretend friendliness if you do not like them. I am witnessing mindgames everywhere and I am sure mindgames are being played against me, and I do not like it.
I still find within me a huge capacity for love, but also a subtle undertone of hate encompassing almost everything I know. I am not apathetic, though sometimes I choose to appear that way.
I needed flour at midnight tonight. There is a grocery store a few blocks from my dorm, open twenty-four-seven. On the walk over I smell booze and cigarettes and vomit as I pass a club, and trash lying out on the curb, and the souring perfume of drunken partiers wandering the sidewalk, and the wet of the rain turning into sewage. The lights of the buildings above me stare out of empty windows.
I am strange and alone in a city of lonely strangers. This becomes me more than did my life back home; at least I'm not the only one here.
...
I was talking about my roommates and the group of people I used to hang out with, in the beginning of the year. I had forgotten that it started way back then.
Olivia
Yeah just some random weird stuff.
Mang okay I'm really sorry, self and like two people who read this thing. Part of the not-posting was internet troubles, part of it was me-troubles, part of it was making excuses for myself being lazy.
BUT NO MORE.
That was the last vacation-from-blog ever. I hope. (I actually did write some entries, but for some reason or another, did not post them. Dumb dumb. I will copy-paste them in later.)
...
Today I started animating again. Man. It is fun, but the computer I'm working on is pretty slow and when I move the whole rig, not just body parts, it gets laggy and doesn't playback real-time, which is a problem. Working on figuring out a way around this problem.
...
I've been working for Nexcelom (parents' company) lately. Making demo videos for web, making diagrams, stuff like that.
...
Okay you know what would be funny. Changing my relationship status on Facebook just to see how people would react. That would be so great; I would be sitting on my end of the internet giggling my head off okay it's a little depressing actually that I want to fuck with myself for some kind of sick amusement..
I-it would be funny to me..
...
I am feeling a little bit weird lately. A little bit hysterical. It is like I am trying to make myself crazy. I dunno, it doesn't happen until at night when I'm alone in my bedroom and sitting there thinking about life. You know, I am always stressing about the future. It is hard wanting to be the greatest animator ever and then turning around and never being good enough. It is hard having a picture in your head and not being able to put it on paper even though you know you can. And I am not sure whether I am overambitious or just a lazy dreamer.
...
Okay, my laptop battery is about to run out. Tomorrow I will probably talk about things like fireworks and roleplaying groups and Lady Gaga and more stress.
Olivia
BUT NO MORE.
That was the last vacation-from-blog ever. I hope. (I actually did write some entries, but for some reason or another, did not post them. Dumb dumb. I will copy-paste them in later.)
...
Today I started animating again. Man. It is fun, but the computer I'm working on is pretty slow and when I move the whole rig, not just body parts, it gets laggy and doesn't playback real-time, which is a problem. Working on figuring out a way around this problem.
...
I've been working for Nexcelom (parents' company) lately. Making demo videos for web, making diagrams, stuff like that.
...
Okay you know what would be funny. Changing my relationship status on Facebook just to see how people would react. That would be so great; I would be sitting on my end of the internet giggling my head off okay it's a little depressing actually that I want to fuck with myself for some kind of sick amusement..
I-it would be funny to me..
...
I am feeling a little bit weird lately. A little bit hysterical. It is like I am trying to make myself crazy. I dunno, it doesn't happen until at night when I'm alone in my bedroom and sitting there thinking about life. You know, I am always stressing about the future. It is hard wanting to be the greatest animator ever and then turning around and never being good enough. It is hard having a picture in your head and not being able to put it on paper even though you know you can. And I am not sure whether I am overambitious or just a lazy dreamer.
...
Okay, my laptop battery is about to run out. Tomorrow I will probably talk about things like fireworks and roleplaying groups and Lady Gaga and more stress.
Olivia
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Oh my god. I just realized, if I ever decided to commit suicide, this is how I'd do it:
In a car, speeding off a fucken cliff.
Like a roller coaster but deadlier. Falling, getting that horrible wonderful feeling in my stomach as I hang in the air, having maybe just enough time to swallow my fear before -
I'm not saying I want to die. But if I did, that would totally be my way to go.
Awesome.
Olivia
In a car, speeding off a fucken cliff.
Like a roller coaster but deadlier. Falling, getting that horrible wonderful feeling in my stomach as I hang in the air, having maybe just enough time to swallow my fear before -
I'm not saying I want to die. But if I did, that would totally be my way to go.
Awesome.
Olivia
Friday, June 25, 2010
BLAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH.
Things have been wonky. Wrote posts but didn't post them. Internet sucks balls. Will post.
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