Blurgh.

My mom has told me that I sabotage myself.

She was talking about things like school work or job-hunting or the like, but it's true, you know. I mean, it's not like I want to, but I do anyways. At the risk of sounding crazy, I say again that there are at least two distinct parts to my self, one desperately wanting success and love and happiness, one certain that I don't deserve it for whatever reason that may present itself at the time.

This is what will happen. I will tell him again and again that I like him, in my head, and out in the real world I will keep my mouth shut and eventually he'll get a girlfriend and I will resign myself to dejection, once again. (Whoa that sounds emo.)

I'm not like normal people. I'm not strong enough to go and get what I want. Or maybe I just think too much.

...

I played around with tarot cards today. They started talking about success, so I stopped listening to them.

They're fun, though.

...

Hm, I was going to talk about stuff but I forgot. Oops. Maybe it'll come to me later, or tomorrow. Anyways, good night.

Olivia