To one specific, important life.

This is for you, and you know who you are because I just finished talking to you, and I wish you knew how much of an impact it has made on me. And I know you read this blog, or you still did last time we mentioned it in conversation.

I'm sorry.

I wish I had known earlier. I wish you had felt you could trust me with this information sooner, and I'm sorry we drifted apart for a while. I wish I could have suffered for you.

I feel selfish when I fret over my own comparatively miniscule problems. And I feel even more selfish for all of these I-statements I'm making right now.

I wish I could help.

I know that there is nothing I can really do, practically, and because of this I choose to delude myself into thinking that offering my emotional support is enough.

I want to believe that rationality is enough to keep you around, and I know that this is not necessarily true.

I love all of my friends. You are no exception.

And because I am stubborn and do not like airing my emotions in the open, you have never really known how much you helped me, years ago, when I desperately needed a friend.

(You helped a lot.)

I cannot possibly fathom what you feel. If it was anything of smaller magnitude.. But it's not. I only know that I feel powerless.

Times like these, I wish I could pray. I wish I could believe that a higher something could fix a person's problems. I know it can't.

I hope this helps, if only by a fraction of a degree. I hope you take this to heart.

I wish I could do more.

Olivia