Sulking, and sulking.

People enter my room while I'm away; I know because things are knocked over, shoes by the door are out of place.
People eat my food. It'd be okay if they asked to take my popcorn or cheese or spinach or something, but they don't. (I'm actually glad, now, that I'm the only real meat-eater in the suite. It's the only food I can still rely on to be there. Besides Chinese stuff, I suppose, because they don't know what it is. I think they've even been using my rice recently. I've taken to hiding snacks in my bedroom..)
People use my dishes and utensils. Normally I'd be fine with this, if, like me, they cleaned them when they were finished. But I sometimes find myself dishless because all of my things - and everyone else's things - end up festering in the sink for days on end. Sometimes I can't even find the fucking sponge when I want to wash a bowl, because everyone else throws it into the sink after they've used it, and then it's piled upon by more dishes.
People drink my orange juice, and then instead of just throwing away the carton, they fill it back up with water so when I go to finish off my juice, not only is there less than I remember (even with the water, it was lighter than before), I get a mouthful of watery, vaguely orangey gross.

I don't know whether I'm ill-suited to live with other people, or just these people. I feel like living with friends - real friends, good friends; not aquaintance friends or situational friends - would be a fuckload easier, because I could actually tell them when things are bothering me and not be whispered as bitchy. The problem with aquaintance and situational friends is that they don't really care about you, for the most part. These kinds of friendships are more about keeping one's own appearance together, rather than knowing people who can rely on you. These are the kinds of friendships in which everyone secretly hates everyone else, and everyone bonds through gossip and catty remarks. I hope it gets better after a certain age. I doubt it.

...

UGH. It's two thirty. I spent most of today studying for my art history midterm. I was just down in Danny, Justin, and Alex's room; Norm and Shane were there too. We were studying and quizzing each other and commiserating and sulking and swearing a lot.

This is ridiculous. This test is going to be way worse than last semester's final. Too much fucken information. We are not art history majors. There is a reason I hated my history classes in high school and earlier. Fuck this. I am not in the slightest ready for this. ARGH.

Time to sleep. I am fairly confident that I will do well on the digital video midterm we also have tomorrow. But art history..seriously. Our teacher is insane.

Olivia

Saturn, DnD, jetpacks, Nazis, Inigo Montoya, deeps.

Okay, so Christine just showed me something great.

...

Today I was in the GW for..about thirteen hours. Got there ten minutes early for DnD, then we waited around for two and a half hours for everyone to show up. Then we played DnD for a very long time. It was awesome. Seriously. I really like this game. It takes a very long time just to get through five in-game minutes, but it is a fun long time. Will is now one of my favorite people in the world. (Also Eric, of course, for arranging the whole fucken thing. Thank you Eric.)

Then we watched a movie about a jetpack-wielding, Nazi-punching, glass-breaking pilot. It was pretty great. (Upton Sinclair is the Nazi. But..not really. Actually I don't even remember his real name anymore, because we kept referring to him as Upton.)

(Wait, it was Neville. Neville Sinclair. At one point, when he was wearing a wig and brandishing a sword and running around on a bad movie set, he reminded me of Inigo Montoya.)

I need to work on my character. Eric had pre-made prologue characters for us, to get us into the game / class / stuff, and the real campaign starts next session. So I need to make my character more interesting. Triana Flamewreath (this name is kind of silly to me) is pretty damn apathetic, and that doesn't make for very fun roleplaying. All I got to do was intimidate a small dog-man-creature. (There is a race in this campaign called the fey corgi. Adrian played Barkithor the fey corgi shaman. His character for the main campaign is a fey corgi bard, and he plays..the accorgian.)

I hope Will actually does draw his character's moves. This kid seriously goes all out with the roleplaying. My personal favorites include the jumping on mid-air flesh schrapnel to get a better angle to strike; leaping to the druid's fire-hawk, setting her seven daggers aflame, and diving towards the enemy's head with all seven burning blades outstretched; and the 'can-opener', which involved digging into the skull with her hidden crotch-blade and kicking another opponent's head in order to propel herself around. Oh, halfling rogues. Oh, Rena Rollens.

...

Ran my first instances DPS tonight, as Tauren. The good thing about not tanking is that you don't have to know where you're going; you just follow the tank.

...

Hm. It's four fifteen in the morning. Time to sleep. (I'm not even really tired anymore. I was tired earlier, in the beginning of the movie. Then the movie got fun. Then we were talking about DnD stuff. Then I went on WoW. Then I wrote this post. Now I am thoroughly un-tired. Blargh. I have to do shit tomorrow; I should probably sleep now anyways. Also I'm hungry, which means I need to go to sleep.)

Olivia

PS. I want to change my character's last name to Flamewrath; I think it sounds better. Angrier. Like roar, instead of like flowers. Um. Yeah. And something should be done about that first name. It makes me giggle. It feels more like an elf's name, at least to me. I'm a fucken tiefling. I'm not an elf.

Yeah. Anyways. I should stop thinking and sleep now.

More Fire Emblem freakishness.

Imagine my joy upon learning that, with the item Master Seal, a character can move up in class rank! First thing that came to my mind: 'If I promote Barst to Warrior class from Fighter, he and Minerva can be together with less social awkwardness!' Mental happy dance. (I'd wanted to bring him up to Hero, but that's from Mercenary, and unfortunately only his boss, Ogma, has that rank.) Barst is awesome. He's basically my best character.

I'm such a freak.

Anyways, I just used one of my Master Seals to up Barst to Warrior. I don't know how many I have left; at least two, I think. I'll probably use one on Abel so he can get to Paladin. Maybe I'll use the third on Lena? I don't know what that would make her; hopefully something that can actually attack, because as a Cleric she's just a pain in my ass, having to protect her all the time. Maybe she'll be a Sage..

Pff. She's a Bishop. Lol. I should have guessed; that makes more sense than Sage. At least now she can use attack magic.

...

Early bedtime tonight; eleven. I have to be awake tomorrow before noon..

Olivia

Weird video gaming.

You know you've gone crazy when you start shipping the members of your Fire Emblem army. Especially when it's like 'Oh my god, Princess Minerva has a fucking awesome axe that destroys armored people, and Barst has a fucking awesome axe that destroys armored people! Let's make them go kill these two knights together! Yay, they killed the knights! They should date or something.' Then their relationship takes a dip. 'Aw man, Minerva's on a dragon; she's always faster than Barst. He won't be able to keep up with her. And besides, she's the princess of Macedon, and he's just a mercenary. My best, but still, he's not a socially acceptable match for her. It'd never work out.' Then it comes to the end of the battle, and, coincidentally, the people in the best positions to attack the boss-dude are Minerva and Barst, and the boss-dude happens to be an armored-person! Then Minerva attacks him and Barst attacks him and he's down, and you take it as a sign that they should be together, even if you were the one orchestrating the whole battle, so it's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy..but seriously! You thought it was going to be a difficult one! You were planning on surrounding him with your best fighters, but it turned out all you needed to take him down were the axe-couple.

Or maybe it's just me. Maybe every other person who plays Fire Emblem just plays it, and doesn't dig so deep into the characters..

Whenever a character dies, I either go into a state of shock, start mourning them, or restart the game. Sometimes a combination. I get really upset when I lose one. I talk to them, too. I yell at them. I tell Caeda she's lame and I don't like her very much, but I need to keep her around because Marth loves her, and because sometimes I need her to talk to people so they'll join our army. Or I whine at Abel because I was hoping he'd hit for more damage. And I always congratulate them when they one-shot an opponent, or down a particularly hard foe when they're already at low health.

I think when I play this game I start roleplaying with myself, in my head. I'm so weird.

(I do this when I'm playing Pokemon and Professor Layton, too. I kind of get..absorbed. Freak. The difference is that this game has a bunch of different characters for me to control, and it's totally my fault if they die, and when they die they never ever come back ever unless I restart from the last save point.)

I'm so weird.

Good night.

Olivia

PS. The mentality kind of transfers into WoW, too. Dude and I rerolled Tauren on a random server for kicks, and it's weird being a Hordie, especially in battlegrounds. Suddenly I have the urge to stomp gnomes..

Aughblagh.

Okay, so it happened again. I went to take a nap, at like five thirty yesterday, and I woke up just now. (Actually, I vaguely recall waking up around eight thirty and immediately falling back asleep..)

Sorry. This is last night's post. Real one tonight, I hope.

Weird things happening in my sleep schedule.

Olivia

Movies and video games and things.

They didn't say much; the other candlesticks, the dishes, the utensils, the brooms. We weren't all servants, you know, not in that sense. When the curse settled on the castle those years ago, it gave them life. They were foolish, like children. They didn't know how to think on their own, and so they could be commanded. It wasn't fair, really. Because when she came, and the spell was cast away, so were they. They went back to the way they'd been before - motionless, mindless, lifeless - and I was left companionless. Again.

I watched Beauty and the Beast again. Also Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas, which I thought I'd never seen before, or at least not more than a few parts long ago, but I kept getting I-remember-this-part moments. I'd totally forgotten about the CGI organ, but when I saw him I immediately though 'Wait, he's in this movie?' like I'd had nightmares or dreams or thoughts of him before. (Now I realize; his face is eerily similar to that of the magic mirror in Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. I believe I have found the reference!) Also, the 'As Long As There's Christmas' song, and that little ornament Angelique, are really really familiar now that I've seen them again.

I think I've only seen this movie once other than today, and that a long time ago. Christmas specials - for shows or movies that exist on their own - kind of piss me off most of the time. (Except for the Star Wars one; that was just hilarious / painful, and I only watched the first ten minutes or so.) Some of the made-for-Christmas movies, though, I like, if only because of nostalgia. Like the stop-motion Frosty and Rudolph and those. Also Olive the Other Reindeer - actually, I love that one. Now I want to watch it again. That one's adorable.

...

So, another movie I saw recently is Moulin Rouge!, on Saturday. It's pretty goofy, but I kind of adore it. Admittedly, I seem to have developed a strange infatuation with the songs, especially the love songs. Such a silly and pretty and sad movie. Ewan McGregor has perhaps the most sincere smile in the world. I mean seriously, look at it. He looks so fucken happy.







Don't make fun of me. I just really like musicals..

...

Been playing Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon the last couple of days. Such a fun game. But so mean. It's a strategy game; you get units that do different things in combat, and you send them into battle and tell them what to do. Unfortunately, if one dies in combat, he or she dies forever. No more that-character. The problem is, it gives each character a name and face and personality and background, and when they die they say depressing things, and it makes you feel guilty for not protecting them, so you turn off the game and restart the battle from the last save point, and keep doing it until you get it right. It makes you think about strategy a whole lot, because not only do you want to win the battle, you want to keep Cain alive so he can seek vengeance for his fallen comrades; and you want to keep Caeda alive because even though she's kind of a liability most of the time, she and Prince Marth are in love; and you want to keep Wolf alive because you already let three of his four companions die and you feel bad about it, so even though he's not as good as some of your other units, you have to be nice to him; and so on. And early on in the game, somewhere back there in the prologue, when Prince Marth was escaping the castle after the enemy invaded, you had to send out one of your men as a decoy, so the enemy units would not pursue you - this was part of the plot, so it had to be done - and it took you five minutes to decide who to send because you felt like you would be betraying him, and your main reason for sending Frey instead of Cain was that Cain had already been through so much and you didn't want him to die after escaping the enemy's forces in battle and bringing Prince Marth his father's last dying wish.

Or at least, you do all this if you're me. If you're weird and pathetic and empathize with video game characters.

...

If you were to build a prison, would it be a dungeon deep underneath the earth or a tantalizing tower in the sky? Was Rapunzel fortunate for having a breath of fresh air, or was it a tease?

...

Being sick is lame. Good night.

Olivia

Yawn.

I decided to take a nap at six.
I woke up at two.
I'm still tired.
I'm going back to sleep.

I think I may be sick.

Good night.

Olivia

PS. Why do I have the hiccups?

Why a single apartment will be good for me and my personality.

I am not a confrontational person.

When I got back, I noticed that my window was closed. I always keep it open, so I knew it had to be that someone had entered my room while I was away. I had been thinking about locking it, because I'm usually an extremely private person when it comes to my personal space, but I didn't. And now my window was closed.

I asked Sarah whether she'd done it - I was curious; I wasn't about to go bitching - but she hadn't been in my room. I figured it was probably Jen, because out of my three suitemates, Jen is most the kind of person to..I don't know. Intrude? Not really the right word. But she's most likely to do something in order to get what she wants. I guessed they'd probably felt the air coming in from my room, into the common area. But she wasn't around, so I couldn't ask her. So I sat here on my bed and thought about why it bothered me that someone had been in my room, and closed my window. I thought about what I'd say to her if it turned out that she was the one. Just a gentle, please-don't-do-that-I-like-my-room-cold-and-I-like-my-personal-space, something. I took out the second bit; it felt weird.

I found her a few minutes later, and she admitted to closing the window because it had been cold. And then..I said Okay, no problem, and retreated back into my room.

Maybe I just didn't want to seem intolerant. The other girls have much more vague boundaries; they're in and out of each other's rooms all the time. Maybe I didn't want to seem strange. An intrusion is not really a big thing. Maybe I didn't want to isolate my roommates further with a simple request. Sometimes little things can be blown out of proportion.

I plan to get a single apartment for next year. It's really the best thing for me. There are advantages to having roommates, but they're mostly little conveniences, and I'm a hermit. I will do a bit extra - buy the paper products whenever I run out, instead of half the time; or mop the floors myself, without a neat-freak to do it before I get around to it; or go and get flour instead of borrowing someone else's that's sitting in the cabinets - for a more solitary and comfortable life.

I'm a crazy bitch, really. But crazy in a mellow way.

...

Whoa, it's four thirty in the morning, how did that happen. I left this for a while to do other things, and now..it's very late. I guess that's it for tonight. Jeez.

Olivia

Well, there's usually a reason for cop-outs.

Reggie and Christine complained that yesterday's post was a cop-out. Today's is too, more so than yesterday's. I'm in Maryland with too many people. Tomorrow's will be real.

Also I'm not posting this until I get back to New York tomorrow, because Reggie and Christine are JERKS.

Olivia

PS. Just kidding I love you guys..

Time zones in my head or something.

I am in Maryland, with Christine and Reggie.

I'm tired. No seriously. I think my internal clock resets to 'normal' every time I'm away from school, with other people. Because it's midnight..and I'm tired..

Weird shit.

Good night.

Olivia

What about art? And a note for the weekend.

So this is what I said in a comment on Reggie's Facebook status about science yesterday:

"So today my drawing class visited some local galleries in the morning. There was an interesting show of Olafur Eliasson (http://www.olafureliasson.net/works.html), of contained, darkened spaces with colored lights projecting layered silhouettes of the viewer onto the walls. The second floor contained watercolor studies for the lights, as well as a shifting projection onto a dark wall of bright colored lights coming together in different ways, studying the optical effects of staring at light and having an after-image linger in the eyes.

We all liked the show, but we weren't sure whether or not to define it as art. It felt more like a demonstration of optics in a science museum, or something. At first I was certain Eliasson was secretly a physicist.

It was better than some of the other galleries, though. One was this guy who was basically printing fractal paths onto huge canvases and calling it art. We all decided that we could do the same in Maya in a few minutes.."

So here's something to think about. What defines art? It's something I've been thinking about recently, what with talking about Malevich and Mondrian and Duchamp in our art history class. In addition, Dude and I have been having conversations that are challenging my perceptions of art, as new forms continue to appear; he takes game screenshots, in WoW for example, and some of them actually look really good. Are these considered art? As he reasons, though Blizzard may have modeled and programmed the animations and settings, they weren't there to capture these exact moments. Can this be considered a form of photography? And one of the galleries we visited today, housing a show of one of TM's painter friends, had some really great stuff, but some of my classmates were hesitant to call the paintings fine art, instead saying they were too slanted towards illustration. While, true, they hinted at stories, I quite liked them. That aspect, I feel, makes them richer. Why isn't illustration considered fine art? The paintings were beautiful.

Art: What the fuck is it?

...

Lately I've been listening to the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack a lot. -dork dork dork- I love this musical. It was the first to which I was exposed; my parents had the music on CD when I was little, and I listened to it all the time, although I didn't always understand what was going on. I don't know why I love it so much. Is it pure nostalgia? Is it that I like its message? Is it that I sympathize with the Phantom?

I just really love this musical. It makes me happy, and sad. It makes me want to sing.

Sometimes, when I'm alone in the apartment, I do.

...

You know what's awesome? Clementines are awesome. Clementines are really really awesome. Also delicious.

...

Note: I'm going to be in Maryland tomorrow, Saturday, and part of Sunday. Since I'll be at Christine's tomorrow night, I'll probably get a post up in time, and I'll definitely have one up on Sunday, because I'll be back by then. Saturday's up in the air, but I'll start writing it in a text document even if I don't end up posting. (I'll try to post. I just don't know about time and internet connection and stuff.)

...

Hm, early bedtime; it's only one. Well, good night.

Olivia

Nothing, really.

Hm. I don't have anything to talk about today.

Dude and I leveling Tauren on a roleplaying server, for fun. The shaman quest is really frustrating. Blargh. Lots more annoying than the Draenei shammie quest. I actually liked that one.

Note to self: colors assignment - invert colors (green object, caption 'I am green.', draw in red); grey tone?

That's it. Nothing much to say.

Olivia

PS. WAIT, I forgot to talk about the galleries we visited in drawing class today. I will tell you about them tomorrow.

Opinion-y stuff, and links, and opinion-y stuff accompanied by links.

ARGH. Last night I tried downloading the latest WoW patch so I could get on, but it screwed over my internet and everything was being really unresponsive and blargh blargh blargh long story short, this is the earliest I could post. So I'm putting up Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and maybe Tuesday at the same time..

...

Oh. Wow. I just heard about the Kevin Smith / Southwest fiasco. I'm..kind of disgusted, honestly, and not just because I'm rather a fatass as well. It's mostly the comments below the Southwest blog post that irk me.

"Allowing large people on can cause a huge problem when a quick evacuation is necessary." So fat people shouldn't fly, obviously.
"Kevin is just being unreasonable by kicking and screaming in public... he should probably channel his energy by going to the gym."
"Thanks, I've sat next to seem really fat people on airlines. I appreciate you enforcing this for us all! If anything, I think most people should be required to run a mile in under 15 minutes to fly southwest. Can we get this imposed?"
"I am very glad Southwest chose to remove the man. People in this country are too fat and need to start taking better care of themselves. Its not fair to have people extra close to me because there body is larger then the seat."
"Kevin, wake up and get on a treadmill or you won't have anything to Twitter about. Seriously, this happened for a reason, get healthy."
"The real victim is not the oversize person but the person that is required to sit next to them."
"The fact remains, people in the North America are getting fatter and fatter. Very few can blame genetics and should instead look in the mirror and admit they are lazy. If we stop rewarding their behavior (by refunding tickets) maybe they'll go put down the bacon and go for a walk." Put down the bacon..and go for a walk. Wow. This one takes it, I think.

In opposition:

"By the way...can I get you to kick a thin passenger off a plane because he falls asleep and impedes MY PERSONAL SPACE by falling over and drooling on my shoulder?"
"I would also suggest that SW and all other carriers remove the seat reclining option as most times the person in front of me will be sitting in my lap if they choose to recline and that hasn't much to do with size."
"You stupidly claim that your goal was to get the plane off the ground and into the air as quickly as possible. Does it not take MORE time to force a passenger who is already seated and buckled, with his bag stowed, to get OFF the plane instead of simply taking off? To say nothing of the humiliation and embarrassment it clearly caused?"
"In digging into this story I came across countless other blogs about people who have been humiliated in a similar way by this airline. And yes, they have a policy - but it's a ridiculous policy; in Canada the Supreme Court ruled last year that the practice of forcing someone to buy 2 seats is discriminatory."
"I understand folks not wanting to sit beside bigger folks. I really do get that. But did you think for a minute that SW crammed all of you into a tiny little box in the first place with virtually no room to move? SW has pitted passengers against one another by putting this rule in place, and slotting it under the guise of "safety" is insulting."
"Southwest - You claim that the policy is partially a "safety" measure. When I fly with my wife and only "impede" on her comfort, you always ignore this policy. But if I travel by myself and another customer is seated next to me, suddenly I'm a safety threat and you enforce the stupid policy. So I'm not as dangerous when I'm not bothering other passengers?"

My family flies Southwest because it's cheap and lets you choose your seat. I have no problem fitting. I have no plans to boycott, like half of the commenters on that blog; it's not worth it. The only fat-humililation I get on planes is the same I have everywhere else, and usually it's mostly self-consciousness. But the issue still pisses me off.

Discrimination ticks me off no matter what its root. Nowadays even sexual orientation is fought for as an equal-rights-type matter. (That's good. There's still problems, of course. But it's getting better.) But people are still allowed to make comments like this because it is a socially acceptable opinion.

This whole situation has a feeling of caricature. People talking about being squeezed between lardbuckets on flights. You can see it, right? A little cartoon broomstick-man helplessly squashed to the window by a guy whose body fat is pouring into the surrounding seats. His shirt probably doesn't fit, either. He's probably munching noisily on fried chicken and has grease stains on his clothes.

Obviously, fat people aren't human. We're monsters.

Jeez, rest-of-world. Have a heart. Suck it the fuck up. Not everyone can be normal.

...

I just watched Aladdin, and now I'm watching Aladdin and the King of Thieves for the first time in..forever. Ten years or something. I don't know. But I'm only half a minute in and already there's such a drastic difference in the animation. It's terrifying. I mean, I've long known that the direct-to-video Disney sequels are shitty, and I'm really really glad they weren't able to force Pixar into making a half-assed Toy Story sequel, but..wow. I never looked at this movie from an animation standpoint before. This is just atrocious. It's like the Disney Channel shows based on The Little Mermaid, or Buzz Lightyear. Oh my gosh. Art, of any kind, is supposed to be always moving forwards. Not backwards. This is ridiculous. I'm so glad they're not pulling this shit like they did in the bad years.

...

Hum. In my acting class Sam and Kay and I were talking during the break, and conversation turned to Valentine's Day, and then their relationships, Sam's with her fiance, Kay's with her long-time boyfriend. It was strange to be included in a conversation to which I could offer no input. I think it was easier to talk to them because we don't know each other extremely well.

...

This is an article someone I know wrote for..I dunno, his town's newspaper? He writes a teenager's opinion column for them, under a pseudonym.

...

This is interesting. Someone posted it on my Twitter feed (Amanda Palmer's assistant, actually, who is very cool). I don't like the label 'feminist' for myself because..I don't know, there's some negative connotations in my head. I think this comment sums up my train of thought:

"Feminist comes from a Latin word meaning woman, I think. So you could also say "woman-ist". That's why I don't like the word and don't identify with it. Why not gender equality-ist?
In fact I don't like anything that ends with "ist" because it draws a separating line between you and others. "You are with us or against us!" I don't like to see activism as a perpetual war. If you don't make other people into your enemy, they are more open to listening to you.
I really do believe in gender equality though and hate to see sexism. I also believe in equal treatment for animals, children, old people, homosexuals, immigrants, and members of all and any religions, philosophies and worldviews.
Actually, I believe in love."

...

Some links I'm just posting for myself for future use; I haven't finished reading through the articles, or comments, or whatever, and I want to. My computer is a dumbass who doesn't want to cooperate, so I can't use bookmarking at the moment.

Skinny bitches.
Google 'It's okay to be an -ist'.
Whoa, dude.
Both interesting and sad. One of my reasons for being pro-choice is that I don't think adoption should be a woman's only option ( - because really, who honestly believes that abstinence will fix it?), but I've never actually heard a birth mother's first-person view. Uh..except Juno, but that doesn't count.

And now, not so serious.

...

I don't know why fairy tales interest me so much. They just do. Same with Greek mythology.

I'm starting a new series of short stories. They're based on fairy tales that everyone knows (mainly because of Disney), but mostly from the villain's perspective. Hard to explain. I'm not including the Frog Prince, and probably not Beauty and the Beast; they don't really have villains. I'm still on the fence over Briar Rose.

...

Well. Gotta restart my computer. He's freakin out on me. Good night. Hopefully I never lose internet ever again ever.

Olivia

PS. Just came across this comment on the Southwest blog:

"Having a Customer Of Size policy is unconscionable.
Substitute Color - Gender - Faith - Sexual Orientation.
Imagine a Customer of Color policy.
A Customer of Gayness policy.
You would be run out of business.
Size is the last acceptable (and shouldn't be) prejudice.
A person's size is NOT something within their control. Weight is no more truly controllable than height (which is also an issue of size - what do you do with really tall people, SW?)."

That's what I mean. It's still 'acceptable'. Discrimination is disgusting anywhere it's found. So why don't we stop encouraging and applauding it?

Family visit. (Monday's post.)

This is Monday's post.

...

My family is in the city today. It's my brother's winter break, so they came down to visit for a couple of days. My dad's parents flew over from Minnesota; they're going back to Massachusetts with my family, and staying with them for a few weeks.

I love my family, and sometimes miss them. But it's weird being with them now, because I'm so used to living on my own, and my parents are still in the mindset of tell-Olivia-what-to-do.

...

That's it. Not much else. Good night.

Olivia

So this was my day. (Sunday's post.)

This be Sunday's post. The internet was down all day, so I typed it into a text document.

...

So, earlier I was pretty sure today hated me. Then later I was certain it hated me. A while after that I decided it didn't quite hate me as much as I'd though, but it still didn't like me.

Tom, Danny, and I set out to film B-rolls (blah filler footage) for our digital video class tomorrow. The problem we discovered: The lame-ass battery in the camera we borrowed only powered an hour at a time, while we each need an hour of footage. It takes about an hour to recharge, so we had to split up after the first bit of filming and wait around. Instead of wasting a few hours of my day, this dumb assignment took up my entire fucken afternoon. But at least I got some good footage.

I was supposed to meet the person who was buying my laptop during filming, with Tom and Danny. But our battery ran out for the first time right before I was supposed to meet the guy in Union Square, and they both said they had to do work (Danny's full of shit; I came back from the meetup and he was napping on Beans), so I went on my own. I didn't really want to - Craigslist is really sketchy, and I figured there was probably a fifty percent chance it would be some really creepy person, or someone trying to scam me. But he turned out pretty cool. Wil's basically around my age, and also an artist (weird coincidence), and thinking about going back to school for some kind of computer art, like maybe graphic design (weirder coincidence), and it was his first time buying on Craigslist so he was worried about sketchy people too. So it turned out fine. Also I have seven hundred more dollars. Huzzah! Money is a good thing. (Carrying around seven hundred dollars in twenties in your wallet is really weird. Kind of terrifying.

Then Greg got Sarah a huge bouquet of roses and I got inwardly upset just kind of on principle. But I talked to dude guy so it got better. He really is a great dude guy. I miss him.

So today wasn't awesome. But it wasn't bad.

...

Hm. That's it.

Olivia

Oh gosh.

FUCK IT. My internet went down around one o'clock Sunday morning, so I wasn't able to post this, or Sunday's post. I wrote them, though. Posting now. (The timestamp's even on this one to prove it; I started it before the internet died.)

Funny, too; everyone in our dorm was dying from the lack of connection. We were all slowly driving ourselves insane.

...

I think I'm a bit backwards. I love typewriters and Polaroid cameras. Technology is awesome, but old gadgets make me nostalgic for the generations before my time.

...

I think my subconscious keeps trying to reveal my horrible little embarrassing secret to him.

"Whoa, I'm already up to seventy-four entries."
"Cool. Know how many I have?"
"Does it rhyme with schmero?"
"No. It rhymes with schone-hundred-and-five."
"You have a blog and didn't tell me? Is it on Blogger? Gimme the URL and I'll read it."
FUCK. "Can't, I made it private."
"Well, why would you make a blog if nobody else can read it?"
I am totally lying. "I dunno, it's easier than keeping a physical journal."
"Okay, whatever. You're weird."

...

I get really really fucking sensitive around this time of year, I think.

I hate crying. It's another loss of control. But it also gives me an emotional release to which I am unaccustomed; I hold things in so much that I never feel free of my own restraints.

Stupid Christine. So nice to me I started sobbing.

...

I am such a hopeless romantic. For instance, I'm a total sucker for the ballroom scene of Beauty and the Beast. Been watching too many Disney movies these past few days, and only my sarcasm's been saving me from turning into a complete sap.

(Hopeless romantic: Because I'll never actually do anything, but I'll keep wishing that something will happen anyways.

...

Anyways. Not looking forward to tomorrow. It makes me a bit weird in the head. But oh well. Good night.

Olivia

Blurgh.

My mom has told me that I sabotage myself.

She was talking about things like school work or job-hunting or the like, but it's true, you know. I mean, it's not like I want to, but I do anyways. At the risk of sounding crazy, I say again that there are at least two distinct parts to my self, one desperately wanting success and love and happiness, one certain that I don't deserve it for whatever reason that may present itself at the time.

This is what will happen. I will tell him again and again that I like him, in my head, and out in the real world I will keep my mouth shut and eventually he'll get a girlfriend and I will resign myself to dejection, once again. (Whoa that sounds emo.)

I'm not like normal people. I'm not strong enough to go and get what I want. Or maybe I just think too much.

...

I played around with tarot cards today. They started talking about success, so I stopped listening to them.

They're fun, though.

...

Hm, I was going to talk about stuff but I forgot. Oops. Maybe it'll come to me later, or tomorrow. Anyways, good night.

Olivia

FISH. More important than the rest.

I think that the only real reason I resent the high influence of physical attractiveness is that it is one quality I do not myself possess. It is probably the stem of most of my anger at the world.

Rarr.

...

Hey look I drew a fish.



LOL LOOK A FISH. CLICK IT. Gift for my mother; it's her birthday today.

I think I want to draw more giant fish.

That was the first thing I've drawn for fun in a while. Now I'm working on a short comic-y thing about why I don't like Valentine's Day. (Hurr, I just can't let go, can I? This is a bad time of year for me.)

...

Okay sleep time good night.

FISH,
Olivia

On princesses and general damsels in distress.

Ended up watching more movies today, all Disney traditional animation. Beauty and the Beast (only ended up watching about half an hour last night, then fell asleep), Tarzan (only seen it once), The Hunchback of Notre Dame (never saw that in its entirety before today). Then I watched the first season of Avatar (the show, not the cheating-its-way-to-high-stature-with-pretty-graphics-and-a-sub-par-plot film). And by watched, I mean I listened while drawing, inking, and putting all the tiny scales onto a giant koi and a normal-sized scuba diver. First thing I've drawn for fun in a long time. Tomorrow I'm going to play around with coloring.

Anyways. The movies. I've been thinking. Although I am a hopeless romantic at heart, the concept of a damsel in distress really gets on my nerves. Let's think about the lineup of Disney princesses. Snow White cried and was rescued by her animal friends and her little men. Cinderella cried and her happy plump fairy godmother gave her a dress and a ride. Jasmine and Belle are a bit better, but are still comparably weak to the overbearing men in their lives (Jafar, Gaston). Ariel was okay, but ended up being rescued by her daddy, then her prince. Aurora, oh, don't get me started. She falls in love with men from dreams and decides to run off with them without even knowing their names. Then she falls asleep to wait for a kiss. Pocahontas and Mulan are on an entirely different tier; one's not even technically a princess, but Pocahontas has spunk and Mulan's a fucken warrior. Apparently Tiana's now included in the mix, which is fine by me. She's a modern girl compared to the rest, in both setting and creation, so I should hope she would be a bit stronger.

I'm not super-crazy-feminist like some people. But there's something about the traditional role of female protagonists in movies that irks me. Know something I've noticed? When the girls go exploring in intimidating locations, they hold their arms out a bit from their bodies, in an extremely delicate and ladylike gesture. I'd demonstrate it for you if you could see me now. Amy Adams parodies it in Enchanted. It's kind of disgusting, and her character of Giselle grows out of it towards the end of the movie. I realize that one reason why I like Hercules so much is that, even though Meg's still kind of a DiD, she's sarcastic and obnoxious and dry.

That said, I don't think it's bad to have princesses. Not all girls are like me. Some just need to be girly. I don't really have the right attitude to be girly. And I don't have the right body, and I don't have the right personality, and I don't have the right life.

...

I just looked up 'Disney Princess' on Wikipedia and found my way over to an interesting article.

On my childhood in relation to this article:

I liked torturing my Barbies but also occasionally actually playing with them.
I remember being embarrassed of the baseballs on my bedposts for a period of time (I didn't even play baseball or softball, I just played catch with my dad) - but I'd picked out that bed because I thought it was cool. I still have that bed at home.
When I was younger I wore dresses, and liked them, and then one day decided that I would never wear a dress again.
I liked Legos and Hot Wheels and sometimes even dolls. Mostly, though, I liked empty boxes and blank paper and pencils and markers and my imagination and my little brother as a partner. We played spies and wizards and space-people.
I once had a Snow White dress, from Disney World. That dress was fucken awesome. (You may recall, ballgowns are on my list of things I like. I don't want to wear them, because I wouldn't look good. But I like them anyways. When other people wear them. They're pretty.)

Ooh, also. I think little girls in princess dresses are cute. The little girls dressed as mini-whores I see more and more lately, not so much. That's just depressing. (Then again, a grown woman in a princess dress would be awesome and kind of hilarious, and I can probably find one if I look hard enough - this is New York, after all - but grown women dressed as whores are just sad.)

...

And while at the same time being a hopeless romantic, I also find myself laying the sarcasm on rather thickly while watching these movies by myself, holed up in my room. "Belle's falling in love with a fucken mutated bear. I mean, I know the whole thing about how it's the inside that counts, but he's not even human!" "Jane loves Tarzan because she loves gorillas. She probably has a wild man fetish, and he fulfills it. As for him, he's the first female of his species he's encountered since he was an infant. Of course the hormones are raging like crazy. I'm surprised he hasn't tried humping her yet. I mean, he wasn't raised in 'civilized' society, after all."

So very bitter.

And you'll notice Sunday's fast approaching. You probably won't want to be around me on Sunday. I wouldn't want to be around me. I'll probably be sullen as fuck, unless I find something to distract myself. Maybe I'll play World of Warcraft all day. (Wait, they have Love is in the Air going on right now, don't they? Hm, maybe no WoW..)

...

Speaking of, Brooke and Jen were talking about needing boyfriends like half an hour ago. I hate when people talk like that, because I want to say something and then I want to not say something and then I want to hurt something and then I want to walk out of the conversation and so I just sit there and don't say anything until they start talking about something different.

...

Avatar is awesome; I haven't watched it in a long time but I miss it. Good times. Now I guess I'll start in on the second season. I love the SVA film library.

Rambles about movies, and watches too many,
Olivia

About animated movies. Concerning recent viewings and their integration into my opinions on the respective studios.

Hm, I've been watching too many animated movies recently. WALL-E, Monster's Inc, The Incredibles, Madagascar 2, Bolt, Horton Hears a Who, all in a few days' time. Surf's Up, Ice Age 3, the Toy Story first and second, and that recent-ish Wallace and Gromit film are next on the line-up.

Out of all of these, I haven't (or hadn't) seen the second Madagascar, Surf's Up, and the third Ice Age. Oh, how I love my school's shared film library. I can just download movies to Lothario whenever I'm in the lab. It's great. It's superfantastic. I don't have to pay anything. Except..uh..tuition.

I've been subconsciously comparing all the studios to one another while watching these. I still think Pixar is boss. Nothing in their movies feels unholy, unclean. They all have an almost classic feel, like I'm watching Cinderella or Beauty and the Beast or The Lion King again. They feel timeless. They feel like Winnie the Pooh - have you read the original? (It's a clean and beautiful and nostalgic story, and the characters are both grown-up and childlike at the same time, and it holds different meanings for children and for adults, without leaving anyone out. It reminds me of the movie for Where the Wild Things Are, which is basically childhood made understandable for people who've grown out of it.) There's comedy in their movies. There are jokes and giggles. But the jokes are not the things that stick in the long run; it's the underlying messages and the perfectly captured feelings, not forced down your throat but gently moving their way into your mind, that make them last. Sure, I laugh at gags in movies. But what stands out to me is that even after ten viewings of Up, I still cry during the Married Life sequence in the beginning. I genuinely feel the emotions pouring out of the little robot in WALL-E. I can believe that a monster can learn to love a little human girl as a daughter, and still tear up when he has to bring her home. That's what I want in a movie. I want to feel things. I will laugh at jokes but ultimately, I want a master of the craft to show me a real piece of life.

Anyways. Enough Pixar-idolizing for now. I sound like a nut. Back to what I was saying.

From Blue Sky I've only seen the first two Ice Ages and Horton, but I think they're heading in a Dreamworks direction when it comes to story and audience-catching devices (dry wit, silly references, things pointed obviously at the adults in the audience). I'm still not sure how I feel about them. Animation-wise, I'm not sure their modelers are quite as detail-oriented as the other studios, yet. It may have been the style of the movie. But I think there could have been more. Even with a simpler, smoother style, there could have been more.

Dreamworks is not my ideal. Their movies are silly, funny, cute, whatever. They hit a comedy point. But they don't hit an emotional point, for me. And sometimes I find myself thinking their comedy is almost obscene, in a weird, dirty-but-clean way. It's hard to explain. Some of the sub-plot directions they started heading caught me completely off-guard, and not necessarily in a good way. Also, it's really really difficult to make a sequel effective. I'm thinking they were trying too hard. Also, it seems everything with Dreamworks is a franchise. The end of Madagascar 2 felt waaaaay too much like an opening for a continuation. In my opinion, every movie should have a completely satisfactory wrap, and the story artists should be good enough to be able to develop a sequel that really feels like it works, instead of just doing it for the money. I liked the song when Alex was dancing towards the end, though. It was catchy. And there were certainly a lot of big names on their cast list.

And let me just take a minute to criticize the choice of Miley Cyrus as voice actor for Penny in Bolt. If you know me, you know I really don't like that girl. But while I was watching the movie, I wasn't trying to purposefully poke holes in her work. I just really didn't feel it. Voice acting is an interesting thing. I think the best voice actors retain their own sound, while creating something new for the character, that separates the two and gives the character a life of her own. Dakota Fanning does it in Coraline. Tom Hanks and Tim Allen do it in Toy Story. Jim Carrey and Steve Carell have it in Horton. John Travolta, her co-star in Bolt, gets it. But I don't think Miley has grasped it. Her near-sickening cutesy Southern drawl is pure Miley-Cyrus-characterization, and it shines through full-blast in Penny. I couldn't get into the character of Penny, because her voice was so very separated from her face, in my mind. She has such a sweet face, and it didn't feel like the right sound for her. Has anyone else seen it? Has anyone noticed that, or is it just me?

As for Bolt as a movie, it's a charming story. I quite like the cat. I thought the pacing was done well. It is definitely a Disney movie. It lacks the all-encompassing goofy antics of a Dreamworks or Blue Sky feature, restricting most of the silly to one sub-main character, most of the sarcasm to another. Its earnest hero is typical Disney. (We do not count things like The Emperor's New Groove as typical Disney; Kuzco is definitely not a typical Disney hero.) It is a quest-story and a friendship-story. It's not really very extraordinary. The ending is very very predictable. It's not a ground-breaking, earth-shattering movie. And frankly, some of the animation (background characters mostly; humans mostly) doesn't look well thought-out. But what can I say? It's a Disney movie. It marks a point when Disney is heading out of its slump, but slowly, carefully. Like The Princess and the Frog, it's not phenomenal, but it's not bad. It's certainly getting somewhere. And it's a crowd-pleaser.

Though I haven't watched a stop-motion recently ('recently' being in the last week..), they hold a special place in my heart. There's something really respectable in the craft of stop-motion, and mind-bogglingly masterful. In features my general opinion is the smoother the better, if we're talking about the technical aspect. That's one of the reasons I love Coraline so much. I can tell it's stop-motion - there's something fluid and strange and beautiful about stop-motion that sets it apart - but some people thought it was done in CGI, which is quite an accomplishment, I think. Watching the commentary version was an exciting experience for me; it was a lot of explaining how they made it, and it's quite remarkable. Then again, there's something to be said about the lumpier movements of the characters in Chicken Run and Wallace and Gromit, for example. It's charming. I am not quite as awed, but there's something very sweet about claymation. Now, I haven't seen The Fantastic Mr Fox yet, but I'll be interested when it becomes accessible. The jerky movements of the animation in the previews were off-putting for me, but maybe I'll find something in it. I've heard the story is good. I guess we'll see, eventually.

Hm. Now I kind of want to watch Beauty and the Beast. Maybe I will do that. (It's three in the morning, I just finished watching Horton. I should probably get to bed. But I've been drinking Mountain Dew all night and we have a snow day tomorrow. Pity, really - my drawing class was supposed to go to the Met tomorrow. Figures the one day we have a field trip..ah well. Anyways. I guess I'll stay up another two hours..) But after that, Surf's Up. I've never seen it, but Tom says it's good. We'll see. (Who even made it? Was it Sony? Or was it some obscure unknown studio? Happy Feet was done by some VFX studio in Australia or something; they had the gross creepy integration of real humans filtered to, I assume, seem less real, but they ended up in the Uncanny Valley, and..just no. Anyways. I think Sony did Surf's Up. And speaking of Sony, I oughta check out Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs when it's in the film library. Reggie said it sucked. I kind of assumed it sucked by the trailers. So far Sony hasn't given me much of a reason to give them a place in my mind. We'll see.)

I'm getting a bit babbly. Off to Beauty and the Beast. Good night.

Hm, lots of opinion in this one - also a lot of italics,
Olivia

Questions and their answers.

Why?

Because he's goofy and geeky and charming and talks to me every night and sometimes even makes me feel good about myself. Because he's addicted to video games and webcomics and fantasy. Because he's someone to whom I can ramble about Neil Gaiman, or make random references at random times, and understands what I'm saying. Because he shares my views on alcohol and drug use. Because while I'm hiding in my room from my intoxicated roommates and their loud friends, he's hiding in his room from his intoxicated hallmates and their loud friends.

Because he makes me email him my artwork and against my wishes shows it to his friends, and forces their compliments down my throat. Because that makes me happy, even while it makes me cringe.

Because whenever I tell him I hate him for it I might as well be saying the opposite. Situationally, emotionally.

Because whenever I tell him I hate myself he distracts me from it, or teases me and mocks me and goads me into retaliating. Because he knows the right things to say to get me out of my slumps. Because he barely needs to try. Because he knows the right way to act in different situations. Because even though most of the time he's silly and sarcastic, he can occasionally be serious or very, very kind. Because he's honest, and doesn't coddle my feelings when he thinks I'm being irrational.

Because he makes me happy. Because he makes me laugh. Because sometimes I think about him and smile involuntarily.

Because sometimes he makes me forget that I'm alone.

Also, on a side note, because he's incredibly good-looking, whether he realizes it or not.

That's why.

...

Why?

Because he seems to want to talk to me as much as I want to talk to him. Because sometimes he sounds like he misses me, or wants to see me. Because most of the time he initiates the voice chats on Google, not me. Because even though I know that it is sometimes partly out of convenience - it's easier to play WoW when you're not messaging people - the simple alternative would be not to talk at all.

Because of that one time when I was feeling shitty and he tried to convince me that not all guys care about appearances..

Because he hasn't been in constant contact with anyone else from high school.

Because every night, every conversation, is the most comfortable thing in the world.

That's why.

...

Why?

Because I don't love myself, and therefore can't think of any reason why anyone should love me. Because I am neither attractive nor unique. Because I have been purposefully emotionally withdrawn out of self-defense since the fifth grade. Because this is an entirely new situation for me and I don't know how I should act or react. (Because all I know of this I know from other people and from cliches. Because I don't know what's right for me, myself.)

Because he never acts like he's interested whatsoever in relationships. Because he's nonchalant and happy-go-lucky and very very rarely serious. Because I can't get into his head, can't figure out what he's thinking, and it drives me mad.

Because I don't have solid proof.

Because I am a coward, and a very nervous person.

Because, as much as I want things, what I want most is to be a rational person. Because there's this thing that splits me in half, the one side dreaming about diving in headfirst, the other holding it in, too overly cautious of the untested waters. I'm a fucking penguin; why can't I be a lemming? (Because I make stupid analogies like that.)

Because I'm terrified by the thought of what might happen to our friendship if he doesn't feel the same.

That's why.

...

Why?

Because I think it would make me happier. Because I think it would maybe make me feel better about myself.

Because I would stop being irrationally jealous of happy couples on the streets or on the subway or in my classes or in my life.

Because I would stop driving Christine insane. Because everyone who knows us has been pestering me to just do something about it instead of pretending it'll go away. Because..I think even my brother knows..

Because I would stop writing these weird blog posts.

Because I really really want to.

That's why.

Love,
Olivia

Failure.

Feeling uninspired. Sorry.

Olivia

PS. Well whaddaya know, this was my one-hundredth post and I completely blew it. I quadruple my earlier apology. But it's three in the morning and I just made a new post. I was going to go to sleep an hour ago but then I started thinking.

Pixar versus Dreamworks, part one.

Watched The Incredibles today; haven't seen that in a while. Then I watched Madagascar II. Should have watched that first; saved the better for last. But oh well.

Never seen it before. It's a typical Dreamworks. Bits of really weird comedy. Funny, fine. Certainly not Pixar.

Wow am I biased or what. Seriously now.

...

Had an intense and conclusionless discussion with Christine tonight, too. More later. Sleep now.

Olivia

Thought progression.

Sometimes I realize that the things that make me want to curl up and never leave my bed again are superficial and unimportant.

Then sometimes I realize that they actually are important, at least to most of the world.

Then sometimes I realize that I just don't want them to be important, because they make me upset.

I know in the back of my mind that they're important, but I tell myself they're not - for me at least - so I won't feel guilty about not having whatever they may be.

(I need to stop thinking so much.)

Olivia

Pixar geek stuff.

Another thing I just realized I like about Pixar - she says while watching Monsters, Inc; geeeeeeek - is that none of their movies center around romantic love. Love is a prominent theme in all their movies, but in different ways. In Toy Story there's a friendship love and a caring love (for the child); in Finding Nemo there's familial love; The Incredibles additionally introduces hero worship, not so healthy. A Bug's Life has a love story but does not use it as its main focus; Up concentrates on what happens when someone's love remains too static - it speaks about moving on. The only real love story in a Pixar movie so far occurs is Wall-E, but it's unconventional and wordless and beautiful and it tugs on your heart so that you don't really realize that love stories in movies make you roll your eyes.

So bitter.

...

I love the music in Monsters, Inc. The swing-y stuff, and the sweet little violin bit that plays when Sully realizes that Boo is just a cute little girl, and when it makes you cry at the part when he has to send her back.

Music is good.

...

"But she can't stay here! This is the men's room."
"...That is the weirdest thing you have ever said."

...

Monsters, Inc. Yeah. Good night.

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek,
Olivia

People and patterns and D-Day..I mean V-Day.

You know you're weird when you spend your weekends (yes, Thursday night is the weekend for me - I love having Fridays off) hiding in your room while your roommates have loud friends over, not wanting to emerge and make dinner because the majority of them are vegetarians and you're craving meat.

Such a fucken recluse.

...

I'm a bit fucked up.

I like patterns.

We have colored lights hanging in our common area. Yellow, green, blue, red, pink; repeating. Sometimes it pisses me off, because the first sequence on the strand is actually pink, green, blue, red, pink. It seems careless to me. I was staring at them absentmindedly while waiting for my dinner to finish cooking, and I saw a yellow, green, red, pink sequence, and I started angrily questioning myself, thinking I'd gotten it wrong..and then I noticed that the blue had gone out.

Freak.

...

I think one of the reasons I like him so much is because he makes me feel wanted. I never feel wanted, even when I may actually be.

I HONESTLY DON'T GET IT. Why the fuck would anyone want to talk to me? Every fucking night, no less. I can't be that interesting.

...

It's funny, usually I forget that other people read this until they mention it in conversation. Most of the time I feel like I'm talking at myself. I suppose that's the weird thing about the internet; most of the time it's kind of speaking into a void. Or I guess to the stove, a la The Goose Girl.

...

Reasons why it can be nice to live with normal girls:

- You can make cupcakes together in the middle of the night.
- You can sit on the sides and giggle while they get drunk and sing at the top of the lungs.
- Then one of them passes out on the beanbag and the other's boyfriend comes over and they retreat to her bedroom and have awkward conversations which you can hear through the walls, involving touching and..other stuff; and you remember that you're alone and go hide in bed again.

...

Drabble. Drabble drabble.

I like the word. I also like the concept.

...

FUCK Valentine's Day is in a week but just shut the fuck up. It's an annoying holiday-type-thing so shut up with all the pink and red and hearts and things.

And you know I'd have a different opinion on it if I had some reason to.

(I don't.)

(By reason I mean boyfriend.)

(I don't.)

(I never will.)

(It's around this time of year that I generally just get upset with myself all over the place.)

(I hate couples.)

...

And on that note, good night.

Olivia

PS. Except Christine and Robby. They are my favorite couple ever. And NGAFP, obviously. And..my parents. That's a pretty good one too.

PPS. And you know I'm totally a hopeless romantic and heart, but I've been repressing it my entire life, because nothing happens to me, as a rule.

An important list.

Reasons why you don't want to live with girls:

- They shriek. No, seriously. They shriek when they're excited or when they're starving for attention or when they're with guys and want to seem, I dunno, fun or something. Sometimes when you're, I dunno, say, trying to take a nap, they might wake you up by shrieking at the top of their lungs for who-fucking-knows-what and just keep doing it, every few seconds, and you can't block it out. And then you get really cranky because you really wanted a nap, and it takes them what feels like forever to stop fucking shrieking. (What the hell is up with shrieking, really? Is it some evolutionary defense mechanism, or mating call, or something?)
- They talk about diets.
- That mirrors thing.
- THEY'RE SHRIEKING AGAIN. WHY.
- They think they're good at singing, so they sing. All the time. All the fucking time. Like, say, for instance, maybe, when you're trying to sleep.
- Somehow, makeup gets all over the bathroom.
- Squealing over new dresses.
- Whining about weight.
- Whining about boobs or lack.
- Whining about ass or lack.
- PMS.

I like them. But they're hard to live with. Normal girls are weird. They're like aliens or something.

Good night.

Olivia

Oh look drawings. Also, people. (Also, drawings of people.)

Oh hey there.

I hate drawing self-portraits. Or sculpting them, or whatever. (Did I post photos of that? I forget.) It makes me depressed.

...

Something kind of surreal happened to me this afternoon. Most of the people from my sculpture class last semester are in the classroom next to me during my acting class. I see them sometimes, and say hi. Today I saw them outside the building after class, and then some of the guys went across the street to DaVinci's. I tried getting on the shuttle back to my dorm, along with a couple of the girls, but apparently that particular one was ending service as it was dropping the people off. (Ending at three, that's really dumb, especially since they don't at least bring us back after classes at three end..) Anyways. I started walking back instead, and talked a bit with the two girls from sculpture. We stopped at the corner waiting for the light to change, and they were apparently waiting for the guys as well, whom they'd thought had gone ahead. Joyce called Julius. "Hurry up! Me and Ariel and Olivia are waiting for you!"

And like that I was part of the group.

While I'd talked to them some during sculpture, and liked them, and waved to them on the streets when I'd pass them, I mostly worked on my own in that class. They all shared classes, like I do with my computer art block, so they knew each other well. I'm also friends with a lot of them on Facebook, but that really means nothing in this era. And honestly, I keep to myself so often that the inclusion caught me off guard.

I think I subconsciously judge people by how they include or exclude me.

...

Dude needs to stop complimenting me. I am no good with compliments. I feel bad and don't know how to respond. Compliments make me nervous. Also, part of me is positive that none of them are actually true. (I hate that part of me. She's fucken vicious.)

...

Pictures. Not all very good. Some okay. Some actually looking like they should.

Uh. Drag to URL place-thing if you want to full-view; I forgot to give them links and I don't feel like doing it right now..






Sorry..

...

Hm. That's it for tonight. Sleepytime. (Because I actually can sleep before four tonight, so I might as well take advantage of that.)

SO GOOD AT NOT PROCRASTINATING, HAH,
Olivia

Kicking procrastination in the ass (relatively), and a reminder for a ramble.

I really need to start doing my drawing homework on Mondays. This evening I finished seven of the ten pastel portraits due on Wednesday. And I'm going to get sleep tomorrow night! Yaaaaay.

But I have to apologize to a couple of people. At first I was more upset about yours, Eric, but then I realized that it does look like you. It just doesn't look exactly like the photo. Also, Christine, you're fucking gorgeous, and that headshot from Dervla is beautiful, and I just don't think I did you justice.

I think tomorrow night I might post them, once I'm done with all of them.

...

Suprematism and Constructivism is some really interesting shit. Art history was hella painful, as usual, but I was actually interested. (Only in that class, with that teacher, can such an instance occur. (Speaking of instances, Adam was talking about them today in digital video and the first thing I thought of was WoW. I felt like a huge dork. But it's okay because Norm did too.) I like the material, but she makes class sooooo boring.) People like Malevich and Mondrian - so weird. So very weird.

I will talk about them tomorrow. Because seriously, it's very interesting and strange stuff, and I want to half enough brain-space to do it justice.

That being said, bedtime.

Just discovered the secret to stressless Tuesday nights,
Olivia

PS. I think there's something wrong with some of my nerves in the palm of my left hand. When there's pressure on that part of my hand it really hurts. I don't think it's a muscle, I'm pretty sure it's a nerve. And it's been going on for a few days now. Since Saturday, I think. Weird shit.