Oh my god Protomen why have I been ignoring the links and recommendations until now.
This music is just so epic. It is like original-Pokemon-theme-song plus every-dramatic-song-from-a-musical plus the-friggin-opera plus magic. That kind of epic. I want to conquer the world in a montage with this as my soundtrack. (Also, robots.)
Okay, I have always been enamored with musicals, since as far back as I can remember. I'm pretty sure it started because my parents had a copy of the Phantom of the Opera original cast soundtrack and it was one of the only things I listened to when I was young. (This also explains my deep-set nostalgia for certain U2, Phil Collins, Bryan Adams, and Simon and Garfunkel albums. I listened to my dad's music a lot. Also a whole bunch of classical stuff we had around. Four Seasons, anyone?) There's just something really alluring about a collection of music that tells a story. Sure, normal songs are great. Normal songs can tell stories too, in themselves. But god, there's just something beautiful about musicals, and also these albums presented as rock operas, etc.
So this afternoon, when I finally clicked a link to the Protomen site that I've passed by at least three times, I ended up listening to the songs on loop while making my alpha channels and animating for several hours, and then deciding that I needed to acquire the entire story. This..this is pretty cool. I've had the two albums on repeat four times around already. Something that has always interested me: different methods of storytelling. So yes, I love reading books and short stories and poems, but lately I've been extremely attracted to graphic novels and webcomics because of the highly visual element, and also I guess I want to be an animator, so there's another method in animated movies. And I used to be very interested in plays, and that came back into the picture with last year's acting class. (One reason why I enjoy MSPA and Homestuck so much is that I am very impressed by the new medium Andrew Hussie has created. It's part comic, part video game, part animated series, part who-even-knows-anymore, and totally engaging.) So I've been sitting around imagining the events of the Protomen songs, visualizing them behind my eyes, and it's awesome. (Strangely, all the robots look rather like The One Electronic from Rice Boy, which, incidentally, is also a fantastic webcomic-thing.) I can't decide whether I would like it if it were made into a film, or whether I prefer it as only an audible story. What interests me about receiving a story purely in song is that music is extremely effective in helping to conjure visuals. You can see the setting with barely any words, sometimes, based on the contour given by the instruments.
Guess basically what I am trying to say is that this is a Pretty Cool Band with a couple of Pretty Cool Albums and some Pretty Cool Stories and I hope they make more.
...
I went home for the weekend; got back Sunday night. Refilled some medicine prescriptions, got my eyes checked. So I got new glasses! I have always liked getting new glasses; there's just something refreshing about it, and the fact that it only happens every few years makes it a novelty. These are kind of a new style for me; they make my face look different. Maybe it's just more obvious to me because I'm used to seeing my face, but..it's interesting. Whenever I get new glasses, mirrors become distracting for a few days. I just can't help staring at the new thing. I guess it's a good thing I'm not planning on getting any drastic haircuts or strange facial piercings, or I would startle myself every time I'm in the bathroom.
But mainly I went home to see my cat. God I missed her so much.
...
Ughhhh it is almost five in the morning ughhhh I am such an idiot ughhhh I have so much work to do tomorrow ughhhh okay goodnight.
Olivia
PS. Oh, last weekend I finally (finally ughhhh) got through The Last Airbender. Only took me what, three months? The verdict is here, if you want. Next movie I talk about will be an enjoyable one, I think. I just got around to reading the first volume of Scott Pilgrim, so maybe that'll be it.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Old shit.
Periodically I look back at myself and cringe. I'm skimming my old Livejournal account for kicks, and holy fuck I was so obnoxious four years ago. I talked like any other kid on the internet, minus the chatspeak abbreviations. So fucking annoying.
Some things, like the insistence that art will only ever be a hobby, have changed. And then there are some things that have stayed constant, which I find interesting. Here is an entry from about two and a half years ago.
...
[
The things that bother me, all my problems and worries, seem so trivial and immature when I think them through and write them down. Here they come, in no particular order. Close your eyes.
I don't want to have a purpose in life. I don't want to know what I want to be when I grow up. I don't want to grow up, period. Can you see me being an adult? I can't.
I no longer love to write, because I can't seem to put anything onto paper that's worthwhile in any way. I don't think I've written anything considered good since fifth grade.
Art is only my hobby, and will never be a profession. But it's the only thing I want to focus on, ever. An hour not spent at my little table in the corner sculpting or painting is an hour wasted. It seems to be the only thing that ever makes me happy at the moment.
I don't want to go to college, but it will be embarrassing if I don't. This is probably just my stubborn mind being resistant, but as it is, I just don't want to go.
I've found the college version of CTY, and it's amazing, and it will do absolutely nothing for my future.
Although it doesn't show on the outside, I've been thinking some very violent thoughts lately, and it's unnerving.
Despite evidence to the contrary, I honestly don't think anyone cares about me, not even my best friend. Don't you dare call that emo, because my head will probably implode.
I really don't like when people say I'm good at something, because all I see is hopeless, endless mediocrity. This is the obsessive compulsive perfectionist coming out in me, and I hate her, but she won't stop.
I am wholly uninteresting. And my GPA sucks. So why would a college accept me anyways?
I can't lose weight, and I want to scream whenever anyone talks about it. Especially if it's my mother, or my doctor.
When I get my third term report card (should be any day now), I will have to sit through a very familiar lecture. Or perhaps several.
I blame Barney for making me feel like I was unique way back then. Stupid Barney. I want to kick him.
I don't know why you guys are my friends. Why do you like me? I'm really not that great.
I hate allergies. I've been sneezing all week, and I can't get another pet. I miss my rabbits like hell, and it's almost been a year now.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't atheist, so I could have someone to blame. But most of the times, I'm glad I don't believe in a god; nobody's there to witness my emotions, unless I choose to let them out.
If anyone tells me to go to an adult with my problems, I will break something. Telling an adult will do nothing; it might make my life worse. I'm not depressed, nor am I suicidal. I'm just angry at life. I'll probably stop being angry in a couple of days, or at least stop acting like I'm angry.
I don't even know why I'm telling you guys all this. You probably think I'm nuts.
And gods damn it, I just put my red paintbrush into my blue paint.
Well, how was /that/ for catharsis?
In good news, I just burned up several perfectly good studying hours making a lump of clay look like a pie. I'm out of red paint, I've ruined a couple of my paintbrushes, and I'll probably fail my driver's ed final exam tomorrow (which I should have taken back in February), but hey! It looks like a /pie/!
Hahah, grammar sucks at eleven thirty.
]
...
Hm I wrote this a couple days ago and now it is Thursday. I guess I'll post it anyways. I'm really bad with that; I write so many posts and forget about them or don't feel like posting them anymore.
I don't even know.
Olivia
Some things, like the insistence that art will only ever be a hobby, have changed. And then there are some things that have stayed constant, which I find interesting. Here is an entry from about two and a half years ago.
...
[
The things that bother me, all my problems and worries, seem so trivial and immature when I think them through and write them down. Here they come, in no particular order. Close your eyes.
I don't want to have a purpose in life. I don't want to know what I want to be when I grow up. I don't want to grow up, period. Can you see me being an adult? I can't.
I no longer love to write, because I can't seem to put anything onto paper that's worthwhile in any way. I don't think I've written anything considered good since fifth grade.
Art is only my hobby, and will never be a profession. But it's the only thing I want to focus on, ever. An hour not spent at my little table in the corner sculpting or painting is an hour wasted. It seems to be the only thing that ever makes me happy at the moment.
I don't want to go to college, but it will be embarrassing if I don't. This is probably just my stubborn mind being resistant, but as it is, I just don't want to go.
I've found the college version of CTY, and it's amazing, and it will do absolutely nothing for my future.
Although it doesn't show on the outside, I've been thinking some very violent thoughts lately, and it's unnerving.
Despite evidence to the contrary, I honestly don't think anyone cares about me, not even my best friend. Don't you dare call that emo, because my head will probably implode.
I really don't like when people say I'm good at something, because all I see is hopeless, endless mediocrity. This is the obsessive compulsive perfectionist coming out in me, and I hate her, but she won't stop.
I am wholly uninteresting. And my GPA sucks. So why would a college accept me anyways?
I can't lose weight, and I want to scream whenever anyone talks about it. Especially if it's my mother, or my doctor.
When I get my third term report card (should be any day now), I will have to sit through a very familiar lecture. Or perhaps several.
I blame Barney for making me feel like I was unique way back then. Stupid Barney. I want to kick him.
I don't know why you guys are my friends. Why do you like me? I'm really not that great.
I hate allergies. I've been sneezing all week, and I can't get another pet. I miss my rabbits like hell, and it's almost been a year now.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't atheist, so I could have someone to blame. But most of the times, I'm glad I don't believe in a god; nobody's there to witness my emotions, unless I choose to let them out.
If anyone tells me to go to an adult with my problems, I will break something. Telling an adult will do nothing; it might make my life worse. I'm not depressed, nor am I suicidal. I'm just angry at life. I'll probably stop being angry in a couple of days, or at least stop acting like I'm angry.
I don't even know why I'm telling you guys all this. You probably think I'm nuts.
And gods damn it, I just put my red paintbrush into my blue paint.
Well, how was /that/ for catharsis?
In good news, I just burned up several perfectly good studying hours making a lump of clay look like a pie. I'm out of red paint, I've ruined a couple of my paintbrushes, and I'll probably fail my driver's ed final exam tomorrow (which I should have taken back in February), but hey! It looks like a /pie/!
Hahah, grammar sucks at eleven thirty.
]
...
Hm I wrote this a couple days ago and now it is Thursday. I guess I'll post it anyways. I'm really bad with that; I write so many posts and forget about them or don't feel like posting them anymore.
I don't even know.
Olivia
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Pretty mediocre day, but I have come out of it pretty happy. Sometimes late night makes a good day horrible, and sometimes it makes everything better.
Why don't I ever want to sleep? Lately at least. I find myself sitting around wide-eyed and half-delirious and I just don't want to go to bed but I know I should because I don't want to get up late the next morning but there is just so much pointless shit with which to waste my time but I'm not even doing pointless shit, I'm just sitting around thinking about doing pointless shit. Last night I was reading a book and then I put it down to get some water and when I came back I just couldn't pick up the book again. I sat there staring at it for ten minutes, trying to decide whether or not I wanted to keep reading it. This was at maybe four in the morning.
What do I have against sleep?
Why don't I ever want to sleep? Lately at least. I find myself sitting around wide-eyed and half-delirious and I just don't want to go to bed but I know I should because I don't want to get up late the next morning but there is just so much pointless shit with which to waste my time but I'm not even doing pointless shit, I'm just sitting around thinking about doing pointless shit. Last night I was reading a book and then I put it down to get some water and when I came back I just couldn't pick up the book again. I sat there staring at it for ten minutes, trying to decide whether or not I wanted to keep reading it. This was at maybe four in the morning.
What do I have against sleep?
Friday, October 15, 2010
Tomorrow I am going to GO OUTSIDE like a NORMAL PERSON.
I have a problem.
My problem is that I rarely go out alone. I emerge from my bedroom for food and supplies and classes, and that's it unless I have someone to give me purpose. My weekends drag on and on and I spend the whole time loitering inside on the computer, working and killing time and trying to convince myself to go do something instead of wasting my life away in front of a screen or in bed. I can't even talk myself into heading over to work in the labs most of the time. Why should I go anywhere ever again when I can operate from inside my safe zone?
Eventually all my books will be reread, all my movies rewatched, all my homework finished and touched up, and I'll just be sitting here not even able to draw because I am wholly uninspired and for someone who is trying to enter a creative field, I'm just not that goddamned creative. I think I've lost it. I think I lost it at least a year ago. I can't make anything I like anymore. All I can make are faces and sandwiches and stupid blog posts. I can hope that something will inspire me to actually do something, but lately I have been inflicted with a strange hopeless lethargy, and at the same time I chastise myself for flopping like this again. It's starting to fall into a pattern. And it really shouldn't, because like I've said before, how fucking young am I going through these crises? I really shouldn't be. It's ridiculous; it doesn't make any sense. I'm being stupid.
So then I reach out to the few people I can contact without feeling awkward, because they may be just about as socially impaired as I am making myself out to be. (One of them has agoraphobia. Fuck, that's kind of a big problem.) We help each other by forcing ourselves to emerge onto the outside world, and things are good until we part ways for the day. I realize that it is very difficult for me to be with almost anybody without feeling like a fat loser by comparison, or second-guessing everything I say or do as not up to par with my companions. (Not to say that the people around whom I am comfortable are losers, just that..I'm not sure. Maybe that they are more..reachable? I am not sure. And there are people I like to be around, but who unintentionally make me feel insignificant and boring.) I think I have managed to convince myself that everybody is too good for me; whether or not it is true, I cannot say.
You know what I need? I need to stop talking to myself, because when I talk to myself I just end up beating myself up about something or other, and that is kind of a jerkish move. It just makes things worse.
My problem is that I think too much.
I'm an idiot. Fuck.
My problem is that I rarely go out alone. I emerge from my bedroom for food and supplies and classes, and that's it unless I have someone to give me purpose. My weekends drag on and on and I spend the whole time loitering inside on the computer, working and killing time and trying to convince myself to go do something instead of wasting my life away in front of a screen or in bed. I can't even talk myself into heading over to work in the labs most of the time. Why should I go anywhere ever again when I can operate from inside my safe zone?
Eventually all my books will be reread, all my movies rewatched, all my homework finished and touched up, and I'll just be sitting here not even able to draw because I am wholly uninspired and for someone who is trying to enter a creative field, I'm just not that goddamned creative. I think I've lost it. I think I lost it at least a year ago. I can't make anything I like anymore. All I can make are faces and sandwiches and stupid blog posts. I can hope that something will inspire me to actually do something, but lately I have been inflicted with a strange hopeless lethargy, and at the same time I chastise myself for flopping like this again. It's starting to fall into a pattern. And it really shouldn't, because like I've said before, how fucking young am I going through these crises? I really shouldn't be. It's ridiculous; it doesn't make any sense. I'm being stupid.
So then I reach out to the few people I can contact without feeling awkward, because they may be just about as socially impaired as I am making myself out to be. (One of them has agoraphobia. Fuck, that's kind of a big problem.) We help each other by forcing ourselves to emerge onto the outside world, and things are good until we part ways for the day. I realize that it is very difficult for me to be with almost anybody without feeling like a fat loser by comparison, or second-guessing everything I say or do as not up to par with my companions. (Not to say that the people around whom I am comfortable are losers, just that..I'm not sure. Maybe that they are more..reachable? I am not sure. And there are people I like to be around, but who unintentionally make me feel insignificant and boring.) I think I have managed to convince myself that everybody is too good for me; whether or not it is true, I cannot say.
You know what I need? I need to stop talking to myself, because when I talk to myself I just end up beating myself up about something or other, and that is kind of a jerkish move. It just makes things worse.
My problem is that I think too much.
I'm an idiot. Fuck.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
NYCC and also I am sick so I'll bitch about that for a while.
So I attended NYCC over the weekend and now I am sick out of my mind.
It was pretty cool though. First real con I've ever been to, I guess; MoCCA is really small. I went with a friend and her friend on Saturday, and friend's-friend ended up giving me her weekend pass so I could go on Sunday as well, with a different friend, because different-friend waited way too long to get a ticket for Saturday, and friend's-friend is a bumpkin who cannot survive more than a day in the city, all walking around and being jostled and standing near people who are smoking. Oh Long Islanders.
Things about MSPA. We found a good amount of people cosplaying as trolls, which was amusing. Hung out with them for a while. Talked to Hussie. Got pictures drawn by Hussie. Bought a book from Hussie. Gave a little troll-sculpt to Hussie. Also got several un-Hussie-related prints, and a cold.
Sunday-friend and I spent most of our time looking for The Internet. Webcomics people are pretty cool I think.
I have decided that steampunk is the coolest weird-geek-fashion. If I were someone who was not me, I would be a steampunk. (That did not make sense, but it did in my head.)
On Saturday was dragged through NYAF as well, or at least the artist alley. It is astounding, the difference in average quality of work between the comic-con artists and the anime..people. I mean some of them were good or decent but a good number of them were just..not so much. Also on Saturday I learned way more about Hetalia than I ever needed to know. Although it's still very difficult for me to discern between some of the different countries, because for some reason they are all blond.
I hate when my sinuses get this way. I cannot breathe lying down, so I guess I'll sleep sitting up tonight. And when I swallow, my ears pop. Why does everything on the face have to be connected, whyyyy. And my head hurts like fuck but Advil isn't working and Sudafed isn't working and UGH WHAT USE ARE DRUGS IF THEY DON'T WORK ah well. And this whole thing was written in a daze so it's probably kind of strange and I just can't tell because my eyes feel like they're glued open.
Uh.
Yeah.
It was pretty cool though. First real con I've ever been to, I guess; MoCCA is really small. I went with a friend and her friend on Saturday, and friend's-friend ended up giving me her weekend pass so I could go on Sunday as well, with a different friend, because different-friend waited way too long to get a ticket for Saturday, and friend's-friend is a bumpkin who cannot survive more than a day in the city, all walking around and being jostled and standing near people who are smoking. Oh Long Islanders.
Things about MSPA. We found a good amount of people cosplaying as trolls, which was amusing. Hung out with them for a while. Talked to Hussie. Got pictures drawn by Hussie. Bought a book from Hussie. Gave a little troll-sculpt to Hussie. Also got several un-Hussie-related prints, and a cold.
Sunday-friend and I spent most of our time looking for The Internet. Webcomics people are pretty cool I think.
I have decided that steampunk is the coolest weird-geek-fashion. If I were someone who was not me, I would be a steampunk. (That did not make sense, but it did in my head.)
On Saturday was dragged through NYAF as well, or at least the artist alley. It is astounding, the difference in average quality of work between the comic-con artists and the anime..people. I mean some of them were good or decent but a good number of them were just..not so much. Also on Saturday I learned way more about Hetalia than I ever needed to know. Although it's still very difficult for me to discern between some of the different countries, because for some reason they are all blond.
I hate when my sinuses get this way. I cannot breathe lying down, so I guess I'll sleep sitting up tonight. And when I swallow, my ears pop. Why does everything on the face have to be connected, whyyyy. And my head hurts like fuck but Advil isn't working and Sudafed isn't working and UGH WHAT USE ARE DRUGS IF THEY DON'T WORK ah well. And this whole thing was written in a daze so it's probably kind of strange and I just can't tell because my eyes feel like they're glued open.
Uh.
Yeah.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Hmm.
Now that I think about it, the only real problem I've ever had with a dude friend getting a girlfriend is that I feel like I am not allowed to talk to him anymore, at least not like I could before. I guess this is kind of silly, especially since it's not like I..well I don't know what I was going to say but it shouldn't be an issue..but it has been an issue.
...
Sometimes I think I start mourning friendships before they end. It's wrong to feel so jaded; I'm only fucking eighteen years old. Stop thinking about these things; you do not know the world, you only know what you have fucked up so far, and hopefully you have learned from them enough to not keep fucking things up. But god, now I'm just treading as lightly as possible and hoping that my past is not my future. I just want people to be able to tolerate me and be nice sometimes and not find me overbearing and ughhhh I don't even know. I guess I want to be liked. That would be pretty cool. I am too insecure to genuinely think that people like me, most of the time. Why is that.
...
I have been better today, emotionally. It was actually pretty good. The key to my contentment, it seems, is solitude. Do not talk to anyone and you will be fine. This is pretty amusing, actually, considering most of my issues from last night were centered around loneliness. Obviously, I can't make up my mind.
...
TL;DR Olivia is having emotional theatrics. She will be okay. She should just shut up and grow a pair and be happy with her fucking awesome life.
Now that I think about it, or have been thinking about it most of the evening anyways, I rather like living in my own head. Screaming at myself while I calmly go about my business. It is the easiest way to live, I think.
I apologize. This is the third entry today; I should have just kept them all in one. But it is easier for me to think about things.
I apologize. This is the third entry today; I should have just kept them all in one. But it is easier for me to think about things.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Fuck. But..in a good way, I guess. I mean in a pretty shitty way too, but I think mostly in a good way.
THIS IS A GOOD THING. If I tell myself enough, I will start to believe it. It has worked for most of the things I didn't want to think about, at any rate.
(I guess the difficult thing is that I was having such a great day and I was finally adjusting to the semester - a process that has taken too long as it is - and now I am doing that thing where I second-guess myself and screw with my own head and just kind of pick around in my emotions until I start to fall apart again. And it usually doesn't have a particular starting point but I guess today it did.)
THIS IS A GOOD THING. If I tell myself enough, I will start to believe it. It has worked for most of the things I didn't want to think about, at any rate.
(I guess the difficult thing is that I was having such a great day and I was finally adjusting to the semester - a process that has taken too long as it is - and now I am doing that thing where I second-guess myself and screw with my own head and just kind of pick around in my emotions until I start to fall apart again. And it usually doesn't have a particular starting point but I guess today it did.)
Thursday, September 30, 2010
And I am still tired?
So last-last night I had a little more than an hour of sleep because I procrastinated my VFX homework for too long. I was alert through that class yesterday, then alternated between napping and waking in history of animation, and came back to my room and tumbled into bed for a nap. Woke up at one in the morning, stayed up until three, woke up again at eleven.
Man I should not do this again. Note to self: Keep the fucking sleep schedule relatively intact.
Man I should not do this again. Note to self: Keep the fucking sleep schedule relatively intact.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Someday I would like to know why my mind works the way it does.
So basically every time I talk to my parents, I find more reason to feel bad about myself. The funny thing is, it's always when they're trying to help me make myself better. Every conversation with them is about me, about how I can work harder and how they believe that I can reach my goals and sharing experiences with lessons that will help me out and whatever else; for some reason I can only get internally frustrated and grit my teeth and beat myself up and wonder why I do anything at all. I think they think too much of me.
They're so goddamned supportive. What do I have to get upset about?
Olivia
PS. Hm. Funny how a short and silly and stupid conversation with you sends me from tears to happy sarcasm. Thanks. My night has gone from bad to better.
They're so goddamned supportive. What do I have to get upset about?
Olivia
PS. Hm. Funny how a short and silly and stupid conversation with you sends me from tears to happy sarcasm. Thanks. My night has gone from bad to better.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Things about social things.
A friend visited New York this weekend; Hearty, from Ohio, and from the internet. It's weird how all of a sudden, the people with whom I spend the most time are people I met online, and through a friggin children's site no less. They're the easiest people to be around, probably because I've already known them for several years? How pathetic am I, that the majority of my social interaction either occurs online or among friends I met online? Answer: EXTREMELY PATHETIC.
Nonetheless, it was a good weekend. It was a pretty awesome weekend. Still kind of amusing that we call each other by handles instead of real names - except for me I guess, because being known as any name other than Olivia would probably just confuse and irritate me.
Hm I was going to say other things but I don't quite remember what they were. Basically what this boils down to is LOL I AM A FREAK WHO CAN BASICALLY ONLY SOCIALIZE ON THE INTERNET YAY?
...
Lately I've been really emotionally up and down. It's pretty weird. Pretty annoying, too. Like I can be perfectly happy all day and then come back to my room and beat myself up until I want to cry my friggin eyes out, and the whole time there is a detached part of my brain telling me not to be so happy, and then saying that I'm being really unreasonable when I'm not. It's all absurd and I want to stop and I can't. How difficult it is to be blank.
...
When I really like someone I am a huge jerk to them. This is a problem. I've always sabotaged myself in life but really, this is fucken horrible. Why am I mean to my friends WHYYYYYYYY AM I MEAN TO MY FRIENDS I mean it's a sarcastic joking bitchiness but it is still kind of a bitchiness.
...
I am amused.
...
Too much work. Gotta do work. Goodnight.
Olivia
Nonetheless, it was a good weekend. It was a pretty awesome weekend. Still kind of amusing that we call each other by handles instead of real names - except for me I guess, because being known as any name other than Olivia would probably just confuse and irritate me.
Hm I was going to say other things but I don't quite remember what they were. Basically what this boils down to is LOL I AM A FREAK WHO CAN BASICALLY ONLY SOCIALIZE ON THE INTERNET YAY?
...
Lately I've been really emotionally up and down. It's pretty weird. Pretty annoying, too. Like I can be perfectly happy all day and then come back to my room and beat myself up until I want to cry my friggin eyes out, and the whole time there is a detached part of my brain telling me not to be so happy, and then saying that I'm being really unreasonable when I'm not. It's all absurd and I want to stop and I can't. How difficult it is to be blank.
...
When I really like someone I am a huge jerk to them. This is a problem. I've always sabotaged myself in life but really, this is fucken horrible. Why am I mean to my friends WHYYYYYYYY AM I MEAN TO MY FRIENDS I mean it's a sarcastic joking bitchiness but it is still kind of a bitchiness.
...
I am amused.
...
Too much work. Gotta do work. Goodnight.
Olivia
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
More of the same, today, at least on the work front. I will not complain to you because you have already seen enough of that. Strangely, my day was going perfectly well until my parents called and told me they were worried about me and blah blah stuff; it's like they're psychic or something, but yesterday had not translated into today until that conversation.
That didn't make much sense, the way I wrote it, but that's what happened.
That didn't make much sense, the way I wrote it, but that's what happened.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Fffffffff.
Hey guys guess what I'm feeling really lonely today wheeee. Not in an oh-boy-I-have-no-friends way because today I have friends. But. I dunno. More in a WOW I REALLY WANT A GODDAMNED BOYFRIEND way. It is pretty silly and I hate feeling this way because..I'm not sure. I've always wanted to be..above that kind of wanting, if that makes sense. And of course as you know, I'm totally not. But..I just hate it. I wish the feeling would go away.
Blaaaaaaaargh.
...
On top of this, I have not eased into the school year as quickly as I had hoped. And in my Maya class I honestly feel pretty bad about my work right now, because although all I know is animation, basically everyone else has had some experience in modeling / rigging / lighting / whatever, and I feel behind. I know it'll pass with time and work, but in the first couple of weeks..it's just not a good feeling right now, especially compared to the confidence of freshman year. I want to be better than I am, and I want the way to be faster than it is, although I know it can't be so.
OH WELL.
...
The troll arc of Homestuck ended tonight. SOB.
Yeah that's it. Good night.
Olivia
Blaaaaaaaargh.
...
On top of this, I have not eased into the school year as quickly as I had hoped. And in my Maya class I honestly feel pretty bad about my work right now, because although all I know is animation, basically everyone else has had some experience in modeling / rigging / lighting / whatever, and I feel behind. I know it'll pass with time and work, but in the first couple of weeks..it's just not a good feeling right now, especially compared to the confidence of freshman year. I want to be better than I am, and I want the way to be faster than it is, although I know it can't be so.
OH WELL.
...
The troll arc of Homestuck ended tonight. SOB.
Yeah that's it. Good night.
Olivia
Friday, September 17, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Not really much to say; I just sat in front of my computer screen all day.
God modeling is fun. But also pretty frustrating sometimes. And very time consuming. It's like animating in these ways, I guess. I will show you my chess set tomorrow, when I figure out how to fix some things.
Hang on, the title of this entry is wrong; I went out this afternoon to get some books I need for various classes. I also dropped thirty bucks on a couple of computer art magazines; concept art books and now these are apparently my major monetary weaknesses, but I guess it's better than weed or something. Anyways, I had a chance to flip through one of them while waiting for things to render, and it is pretty cool. I am such a geek for graphic design; I love the direction it's been taking lately, this smooth minimal clever style. So great.
Anyways, still gotta write a five-page story for creative writing. Ughhhh are Ray Carver's stories even that long, that is pretty long. (It's not that long, I'm just whining because we've only read two of this guy's stories and how am I supposed to get a good look at his style from only two, but that's my fault because I could have researched him more on my own or something, but whatever now I'm just procrastinating so I should get to it.)
Goodnight.
Olivia
Hang on, the title of this entry is wrong; I went out this afternoon to get some books I need for various classes. I also dropped thirty bucks on a couple of computer art magazines; concept art books and now these are apparently my major monetary weaknesses, but I guess it's better than weed or something. Anyways, I had a chance to flip through one of them while waiting for things to render, and it is pretty cool. I am such a geek for graphic design; I love the direction it's been taking lately, this smooth minimal clever style. So great.
Anyways, still gotta write a five-page story for creative writing. Ughhhh are Ray Carver's stories even that long, that is pretty long. (It's not that long, I'm just whining because we've only read two of this guy's stories and how am I supposed to get a good look at his style from only two, but that's my fault because I could have researched him more on my own or something, but whatever now I'm just procrastinating so I should get to it.)
Goodnight.
Olivia
Monday, September 13, 2010
Blaaaargh I am a bum.
The last few days have been those posts that haven't been posted OOPS. Anyways.
You know how chimps' feet look like hands but longer and with shorter digits? I was just now staring at my hands for a few minutes thinking about how they look like a chimp's feet..
I do not know why.
...
I've been modeling the chess pieces. And by that I mean I procrastinated all weekend and finally made the pawn. Wow Olivia way to go. On the plus side, it was fun. Tomorrow morning I will wake up early and finish them. Yay modeling. Modeling is cool.
...
Yeah I don't have much else to say I've basically just been wasting my weekend..
Olivia
You know how chimps' feet look like hands but longer and with shorter digits? I was just now staring at my hands for a few minutes thinking about how they look like a chimp's feet..
I do not know why.
...
I've been modeling the chess pieces. And by that I mean I procrastinated all weekend and finally made the pawn. Wow Olivia way to go. On the plus side, it was fun. Tomorrow morning I will wake up early and finish them. Yay modeling. Modeling is cool.
...
Yeah I don't have much else to say I've basically just been wasting my weekend..
Olivia
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Why am I so tired it is only the second day.
UGH SO TIRED SO TIRED SO TIRED SO TIRED WHY AM I SO TIREDDDDDDDD it's not even five in the afternoon. And I don't even really feel like taking a nap although I guess that is the only option right now.
Had VFX at nine this morning; teacher is Eric Reinfeld. He seems like he'll be a good teacher, although he assigns a shitton of homework, he said it himself. We have to make a reel of sorts this week, thirty seconds about us and our work. Man I'm so boring, I don't know what about me to put in. Then at noon I had History of Animation. Uh..it was fine at first, but it kind of dragged on a bit. Hopefully it will get better though; I know it'll be better than last year's art history. He showed us a bunch of old posters and things from old animated movies, and it made me want to watch them. I guess the advertisements worked? I have been wanting to watch some of these movies but have been too lazy / too busy to actually do it.
I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow. I also need to obtain required textbooks. (Note to self: Ask dad to buy some of them, because he has an Amazon membership with hella discounts and free shipping.)
I'm going to take a nap now and I'm honestly not sure if I'll wake up before tomorrow morning.
Olivia
Had VFX at nine this morning; teacher is Eric Reinfeld. He seems like he'll be a good teacher, although he assigns a shitton of homework, he said it himself. We have to make a reel of sorts this week, thirty seconds about us and our work. Man I'm so boring, I don't know what about me to put in. Then at noon I had History of Animation. Uh..it was fine at first, but it kind of dragged on a bit. Hopefully it will get better though; I know it'll be better than last year's art history. He showed us a bunch of old posters and things from old animated movies, and it made me want to watch them. I guess the advertisements worked? I have been wanting to watch some of these movies but have been too lazy / too busy to actually do it.
I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow. I also need to obtain required textbooks. (Note to self: Ask dad to buy some of them, because he has an Amazon membership with hella discounts and free shipping.)
I'm going to take a nap now and I'm honestly not sure if I'll wake up before tomorrow morning.
Olivia
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
First day back.
Ugh so tired so tired so tired. The thing that sucks about having class on the west side right after class on the east side is that you have ten minutes for a fifteen minute walk. And I helped Norm move in today. I'm tired.
Anyways, creative writing was..thingie. I dunno. Not sure what I think about the teacher yet. She talks a lot. Ah well.
Computer animation was good. We're modeling. Learned a lot about modeling. Took a lot of notes. He goes really fast.. Homework is to model and stage and light and animate a chess set. Lots of homework.
I bought orange juice but it tastes kind of gross. This is upsetting.
Anyways, that's it, I think. Good night.
Olivia
PS. Is it bad that the only shows I've ever been to / wanted to attend have been related to Amanda Palmer? (They are the only ones I hear about..)
Anyways, creative writing was..thingie. I dunno. Not sure what I think about the teacher yet. She talks a lot. Ah well.
Computer animation was good. We're modeling. Learned a lot about modeling. Took a lot of notes. He goes really fast.. Homework is to model and stage and light and animate a chess set. Lots of homework.
I bought orange juice but it tastes kind of gross. This is upsetting.
Anyways, that's it, I think. Good night.
Olivia
PS. Is it bad that the only shows I've ever been to / wanted to attend have been related to Amanda Palmer? (They are the only ones I hear about..)
Monday, September 6, 2010
SAVE ME. (Although that is beside the point of what I'm trying to tell myself in this entry..)
Here are the problems with being a sophomore and living in a single.
(Ah, but Olivia! you cry. You spent a good part of last year whining and moaning that you wished to live alone! Two days after your wish has been granted, you start listing problems? You fickle bitch! Worry not, dear reader. The solitary dorm life is all that I wanted. I only do this because yesterday was such a shock of social happiness, and today is comparatively dead.)
There is nobody to tell you what to do. There are no nervous clusters of freshmen being herded around orientation week by loud upperclassmen - or at least no longer in your world. There are no obnoxious social events, organized so that aforementioned nervous freshmen might meet some people so as not to be alone in a large and terrifying city, to attend. And because I have a single, there is not even someone to talk to.
I was probably better off with the events and the suitemates, even if I do not get along well with social situations. I need to learn how to be the kind of person who can just go out and make friends, instead of sitting nervously inside and hoping that the world will just barge in or go away.
I need buddies. I like to tell myself that I function pretty well as a loner, but sometimes being alone is really terribly boring. I need to contact friends from last year and say LET'S DO SOMETHING LET'S GO SOMEWHERE LET'S JUST HANG OUT instead of twiddling my thumbs and hoping someone else will initiate. I need someone to talk to.
And this is why I can't wait for class to start.
Olivia
(Ah, but Olivia! you cry. You spent a good part of last year whining and moaning that you wished to live alone! Two days after your wish has been granted, you start listing problems? You fickle bitch! Worry not, dear reader. The solitary dorm life is all that I wanted. I only do this because yesterday was such a shock of social happiness, and today is comparatively dead.)
There is nobody to tell you what to do. There are no nervous clusters of freshmen being herded around orientation week by loud upperclassmen - or at least no longer in your world. There are no obnoxious social events, organized so that aforementioned nervous freshmen might meet some people so as not to be alone in a large and terrifying city, to attend. And because I have a single, there is not even someone to talk to.
I was probably better off with the events and the suitemates, even if I do not get along well with social situations. I need to learn how to be the kind of person who can just go out and make friends, instead of sitting nervously inside and hoping that the world will just barge in or go away.
I need buddies. I like to tell myself that I function pretty well as a loner, but sometimes being alone is really terribly boring. I need to contact friends from last year and say LET'S DO SOMETHING LET'S GO SOMEWHERE LET'S JUST HANG OUT instead of twiddling my thumbs and hoping someone else will initiate. I need someone to talk to.
And this is why I can't wait for class to start.
Olivia
Sunday, September 5, 2010
It was a good day.
WHOO OKAY here goes the second post-in-a-row wow I'm on a roll this is awesome.
Today was super fun and amazing and definitely one of the best days I've had all summer (which is kind of depressing because there is one more day of summer). Know those two internet-buddies I met up with last..April or something? Well Akky-the-one-who-goes-to-NYU and I both moved back to the city for school yesterday, so we all decided to hang out today. We ended up spending twelve hours together, walking back and forth and bothering roommates and yelling at each other and drinking milkshakes and giggling at street art (and I got an awesome print of a clone trooper action figure holding a sign that says 'CLONE WARS VETERAN PLEASE HELP $ $ $ FORCE BE WITH YOU $ $' and it is awesome) and we ended up going to Duane Reade and buying like eight ridiculous greeting cards for different friends and making packages full of condoms and pregnancy tests and panties (we wrote over all of them with Sharpies and went to like six stores trying to find black lipstick for Izzy-the-one-who-lives-in-Brooklyn to kiss the panties) and we sat in Union Square drawing and writing all over the cards and envelopes for like two hours. And the entire day I had one meal; we got lunch in a diner at four thirty.
And now I am back.
And now
I
AM
TIRED.
I'm going to sleep. Maybe I can get my sleep schedule on a more reasonable track before classes start.
Olivia
Today was super fun and amazing and definitely one of the best days I've had all summer (which is kind of depressing because there is one more day of summer). Know those two internet-buddies I met up with last..April or something? Well Akky-the-one-who-goes-to-NYU and I both moved back to the city for school yesterday, so we all decided to hang out today. We ended up spending twelve hours together, walking back and forth and bothering roommates and yelling at each other and drinking milkshakes and giggling at street art (and I got an awesome print of a clone trooper action figure holding a sign that says 'CLONE WARS VETERAN PLEASE HELP $ $ $ FORCE BE WITH YOU $ $' and it is awesome) and we ended up going to Duane Reade and buying like eight ridiculous greeting cards for different friends and making packages full of condoms and pregnancy tests and panties (we wrote over all of them with Sharpies and went to like six stores trying to find black lipstick for Izzy-the-one-who-lives-in-Brooklyn to kiss the panties) and we sat in Union Square drawing and writing all over the cards and envelopes for like two hours. And the entire day I had one meal; we got lunch in a diner at four thirty.
And now I am back.
And now
I
AM
TIRED.
I'm going to sleep. Maybe I can get my sleep schedule on a more reasonable track before classes start.
Olivia
Saturday, September 4, 2010
ALRIGHT LET'S DO THIS.
Whelp, I'm back at school. (I just said 'whelp'..)
I lucked out with my dorm. One of the singles on the hall is handicap-accessible, and since there's apparently no need for it, I got assigned to it. So my room is slightly larger than I expected. Whoo.
Packing is boring. Unpacking is also pretty boring. Slightly less boring. But that doesn't stop me from putting it off. (In my defense, it is late. It's like one in the morning. And I'm getting up earlyish because I'm seeing people tomorrow whoo back to school means back to having some semblance of a social life. Seriously. I had next to none the entire summer.)
...
I just realized how many entries I wrote without posting.. It is a lot..
Perhaps I will look through them and post them. Perhaps I will let them rot. I dunno, a lot of it is repeat stuff you've seen before with different wording. Apparently I am not a very complex person, because I keep dwelling on the same things over and over.
...
Was thinking about talking about everything that happened this summer, but I am too tired. I will do that tomorrow.
And back to school means back to writing an entry every day. Honestly I kind of have mixed feelings about the way I handled it over the summer; on one hand I'm upset with myself for not sticking to the one-a-day resolution; on the other hand I know that it probably would have been four months of horribly boring barely-there posts. Ah well.
Can't wait for classes to start. On Tuesday I have creative writing workshop and computer animation.
Olivia
I lucked out with my dorm. One of the singles on the hall is handicap-accessible, and since there's apparently no need for it, I got assigned to it. So my room is slightly larger than I expected. Whoo.
Packing is boring. Unpacking is also pretty boring. Slightly less boring. But that doesn't stop me from putting it off. (In my defense, it is late. It's like one in the morning. And I'm getting up earlyish because I'm seeing people tomorrow whoo back to school means back to having some semblance of a social life. Seriously. I had next to none the entire summer.)
...
I just realized how many entries I wrote without posting.. It is a lot..
Perhaps I will look through them and post them. Perhaps I will let them rot. I dunno, a lot of it is repeat stuff you've seen before with different wording. Apparently I am not a very complex person, because I keep dwelling on the same things over and over.
...
Was thinking about talking about everything that happened this summer, but I am too tired. I will do that tomorrow.
And back to school means back to writing an entry every day. Honestly I kind of have mixed feelings about the way I handled it over the summer; on one hand I'm upset with myself for not sticking to the one-a-day resolution; on the other hand I know that it probably would have been four months of horribly boring barely-there posts. Ah well.
Can't wait for classes to start. On Tuesday I have creative writing workshop and computer animation.
Olivia
Friday, August 20, 2010
Blogging, and clothing.
I haven't been posting nearly enough. I start to write things, and they either sound too melodramatic or too stupid, and so I don't ever post them. This is getting a little bit ridiculous; I am just giving myself reason to think about all the things I don't like about myself. Not like I want to stop writing the blog, though. That would be giving up, and also it would just be kind of silly. I predict I will be back to the one-post-a-day format when I get back to school. More to do besides going to work and coming home and lazing about; people to think about who are not me.
Maybe instead of thinking in my posts, I should just talk about my day, and be cheerful. That would probably work.
...
I bought some new clothes online and they just arrived. Black sweatshirt. Black shirt. Grey shirt. Different-shade-of-grey shirt. Dark jeans. I'm sensing a pattern.
I don't know whether I do this because I think bright-colored clothing looks silly, or whether I am too - uh, whatever the word is for me - to wear it.
The good things about shopping online: They always stock my size. And I don't have to go to the store; I detest clothes-shopping out in the open. (The internet is going to turn me into a hermit.)
...
Bluh.
Olivia
Maybe instead of thinking in my posts, I should just talk about my day, and be cheerful. That would probably work.
...
I bought some new clothes online and they just arrived. Black sweatshirt. Black shirt. Grey shirt. Different-shade-of-grey shirt. Dark jeans. I'm sensing a pattern.
I don't know whether I do this because I think bright-colored clothing looks silly, or whether I am too - uh, whatever the word is for me - to wear it.
The good things about shopping online: They always stock my size. And I don't have to go to the store; I detest clothes-shopping out in the open. (The internet is going to turn me into a hermit.)
...
Bluh.
Olivia
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
It's not better yet.
Sometimes I look back at old posts and marvel and how stupid I sound.
Actually, that's basically my outlook on life. Peering over my shoulder and wondering when I'm going to grow up.
Olivia
Actually, that's basically my outlook on life. Peering over my shoulder and wondering when I'm going to grow up.
Olivia
Yeah! Yeah! So intense!
Tonight instead of a thought-filled post I present this to you and urge you once again to read Homestuck if you haven't gotten into it already because it is magical and amazing. Or just start with Act 5 (Hivebent) because, being a tangent from the rest of the story, it can more or less stand alone (although some of the jokes would be best appreciated with full knowledge of Homestuck). And it's fucking hilarious.
MSPA IS..AWESOME.
Olivia
PS. Also if you don't know the Double Rainbow video from which the song comes, what do you even do on the internet?
MSPA IS..AWESOME.
Olivia
PS. Also if you don't know the Double Rainbow video from which the song comes, what do you even do on the internet?
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Whoo let's talk about friends.
I seem to enjoy sabotaging and tormenting myself. This week, every single day of this week, I have been dwelling on things that I really don't enjoy thinking about.
...
Sometimes I wonder whether my relationships have all fallen flat because of the way I act, or whether I act the way I do because my relationships have all fallen flat.
I had lots of friends up until I was eight. Especially this one girl who lived one house away from me. We'd just run over to the other's home whenever we wanted to hang out. We were BFFs-forever. Things were simple. Then my family moved out here, and we kept in touch for a while; she even came to visit the first summer.. She got homesick and cut her trip short. Last time I saw her. And communications dwindled to nothing.
I moved in the middle of fourth grade, into a temporary apartment. I remember, it was the week of Valentine's Day, because everyone had made those construction-paper-pockets to hold valentines, and the teacher hastily made one for me. The kids acknowledged my presence but I wasn't exactly friends with them. All but one. Then on the last day of school, after I got home, we moved into our new house. It was in a different area of the school district, and I was transferred to another elementary school. I lost touch with that girl after a while as well, although not before she found opportunity to tell me that nobody else in that class had really liked me. That was at my birthday party.
In fifth grade everyone knew each other. I was taken in by a couple of girls who fulfilled the unpopular-bitches quota of the class. I called them friends, but most of the time I couldn't stand them. They were..extremely bitchy, even to each other, and they'd apparently been best friends for a while. (Granted, it was in that passive-aggressive-bullshit way that girls are to each other.) But they were basically the only ones in the class who would talk to me with any sincerity; at least, they were the only ones who created the impression of accepting me. At the end of the year, one of them moved away, and another would be going to a different middle school. This was a relief, frankly, but again I was friendless.
Met a girl first day of middle school. (Actually, I met her in a summer program, but I did not remember her. She remembered me, though.) She had gone to my elementary school the previous year, but I hadn't known her. We had a little group of friends that year, a few other girls. Then in seventh grade it was basically just us; towards the end of the year we became good friends with a guy. In eighth grade it was the three of us.
He went off to some private Jewish high school, and she and I moved up to the public high school. They started dating, and we remained friends for a while, but then he basically friend-dumped me because he said I was being a bitch (and I'm sure I was; I tend to abuse the people I'm closest to, and I don't know why), and then he broke up with her for several reasons but mainly because he was a dickhead. I wrote him a letter from camp trying to make amends, but he called me up and told me that he hadn't even read it.. Whether true or not, it kind of killed me a bit. So there went that friendship. And throughout most of high school she hung out with her drama guild friends and I hung out with the people who for some reason enjoyed my company but who were mainly weeaboos and stuff, and I don't know why they liked me, but they apparently did. Probably because I sat near them and inserted my sarcasm into their conversations. And in my senior year I made a few good friends, too, but for the most part none of them outside of school. A fantastic writer, some artists, a geek.
Through all of this, I made friends at camp. And I got on better with them than most other people. And most of them are still friends.
And then I graduated, and moved on to college. And I got along with my roommates well enough for a few months, and then it started falling apart; this was probably the fault of all of us. Though it was only a problem for me, since they all still love each other. And I had good relationships with all of my classmates, but only in class. And I met some awesome cartoonists who are probably the coolest people I have ever met, but I never quite felt right with them because they are so much more awesome than me. (Of course, if I were looking for people like me, it would be a group of self-hating mediocre artist-types who pretend to be happy, and that would not be much fun..) And I held on to the friends I'd made the year before, and was in almost-daily contact with one of them. So though the roommate situation was not so great, it was nevertheless a pretty good year. Probably the best year I've had since before I moved the first time.
And this summer I have seen people on a very limited number of occasions, all occurring in the first month of my vacation. The summer is turning out to be like all the others before it. Other than work, I have been sitting around at home and thinking about the kind of person I am. It all comes up shitty. And I wonder why I have friends. I wonder why people like me, or seem to. This is a question that plagues me regularly.
I want to keep the friendships I have right now. I have no idea how. I feel like I have some kind of time-bomb attached to each of my relationships, and that when the few years run out I will do something stupid and I will lose people again. I am not good at making friends. I am not a good friend. When people treat me badly I feel like I deserve it, and when they are good to me I feel like I don't. I am a bitch. The question is, to whom am I the bigger bitch? Others, or myself?
I wish I was a better person. I try to be but I don't seem to know how to make this happen.
I wish life were like it was before. It was so easy to be friends with the world when the world consisted of a cul-de-sac full of children and neat little houses and neat little yards and a park and a pond and block parties.
I wish I was a better person.
...
Today was a good day. I animated, and we had some family friends over and had a barbecue, and Max and his friend and I watched Mean Girls and commented on how true-to-life it really is.
Olivia
...
Sometimes I wonder whether my relationships have all fallen flat because of the way I act, or whether I act the way I do because my relationships have all fallen flat.
I had lots of friends up until I was eight. Especially this one girl who lived one house away from me. We'd just run over to the other's home whenever we wanted to hang out. We were BFFs-forever. Things were simple. Then my family moved out here, and we kept in touch for a while; she even came to visit the first summer.. She got homesick and cut her trip short. Last time I saw her. And communications dwindled to nothing.
I moved in the middle of fourth grade, into a temporary apartment. I remember, it was the week of Valentine's Day, because everyone had made those construction-paper-pockets to hold valentines, and the teacher hastily made one for me. The kids acknowledged my presence but I wasn't exactly friends with them. All but one. Then on the last day of school, after I got home, we moved into our new house. It was in a different area of the school district, and I was transferred to another elementary school. I lost touch with that girl after a while as well, although not before she found opportunity to tell me that nobody else in that class had really liked me. That was at my birthday party.
In fifth grade everyone knew each other. I was taken in by a couple of girls who fulfilled the unpopular-bitches quota of the class. I called them friends, but most of the time I couldn't stand them. They were..extremely bitchy, even to each other, and they'd apparently been best friends for a while. (Granted, it was in that passive-aggressive-bullshit way that girls are to each other.) But they were basically the only ones in the class who would talk to me with any sincerity; at least, they were the only ones who created the impression of accepting me. At the end of the year, one of them moved away, and another would be going to a different middle school. This was a relief, frankly, but again I was friendless.
Met a girl first day of middle school. (Actually, I met her in a summer program, but I did not remember her. She remembered me, though.) She had gone to my elementary school the previous year, but I hadn't known her. We had a little group of friends that year, a few other girls. Then in seventh grade it was basically just us; towards the end of the year we became good friends with a guy. In eighth grade it was the three of us.
He went off to some private Jewish high school, and she and I moved up to the public high school. They started dating, and we remained friends for a while, but then he basically friend-dumped me because he said I was being a bitch (and I'm sure I was; I tend to abuse the people I'm closest to, and I don't know why), and then he broke up with her for several reasons but mainly because he was a dickhead. I wrote him a letter from camp trying to make amends, but he called me up and told me that he hadn't even read it.. Whether true or not, it kind of killed me a bit. So there went that friendship. And throughout most of high school she hung out with her drama guild friends and I hung out with the people who for some reason enjoyed my company but who were mainly weeaboos and stuff, and I don't know why they liked me, but they apparently did. Probably because I sat near them and inserted my sarcasm into their conversations. And in my senior year I made a few good friends, too, but for the most part none of them outside of school. A fantastic writer, some artists, a geek.
Through all of this, I made friends at camp. And I got on better with them than most other people. And most of them are still friends.
And then I graduated, and moved on to college. And I got along with my roommates well enough for a few months, and then it started falling apart; this was probably the fault of all of us. Though it was only a problem for me, since they all still love each other. And I had good relationships with all of my classmates, but only in class. And I met some awesome cartoonists who are probably the coolest people I have ever met, but I never quite felt right with them because they are so much more awesome than me. (Of course, if I were looking for people like me, it would be a group of self-hating mediocre artist-types who pretend to be happy, and that would not be much fun..) And I held on to the friends I'd made the year before, and was in almost-daily contact with one of them. So though the roommate situation was not so great, it was nevertheless a pretty good year. Probably the best year I've had since before I moved the first time.
And this summer I have seen people on a very limited number of occasions, all occurring in the first month of my vacation. The summer is turning out to be like all the others before it. Other than work, I have been sitting around at home and thinking about the kind of person I am. It all comes up shitty. And I wonder why I have friends. I wonder why people like me, or seem to. This is a question that plagues me regularly.
I want to keep the friendships I have right now. I have no idea how. I feel like I have some kind of time-bomb attached to each of my relationships, and that when the few years run out I will do something stupid and I will lose people again. I am not good at making friends. I am not a good friend. When people treat me badly I feel like I deserve it, and when they are good to me I feel like I don't. I am a bitch. The question is, to whom am I the bigger bitch? Others, or myself?
I wish I was a better person. I try to be but I don't seem to know how to make this happen.
I wish life were like it was before. It was so easy to be friends with the world when the world consisted of a cul-de-sac full of children and neat little houses and neat little yards and a park and a pond and block parties.
I wish I was a better person.
...
Today was a good day. I animated, and we had some family friends over and had a barbecue, and Max and his friend and I watched Mean Girls and commented on how true-to-life it really is.
Olivia
Friday, August 6, 2010
The thing about good dreams.
I hate having good dreams. Because most of the time my dreams are just really weird and messed up and I can deal with that and sometimes they're amusing, but occasionally my subconscious gives me something I actually really want to happen, and then I wake up and it's like LOL NO.
And those are always the ones I remember the clearest.
This dream has been haunting me all day, and it's a really really good dream. Like, genuinely happy. Whenever I'm not doing something it ends up taking up brain-space again and I want it to stop. It makes me happy and then I realize that really all I'm doing is lying to myself, and that makes me unhappy again. I'm so ridiculous.
I'd really rather not have good dreams, honestly. I'd really rather just have strange and meaningless ones. They are less of a let-down, because at least when I wake up I can just laugh at myself, instead of wanting to punch myself.
Dreams probably bother me more than they should. But I just wish I wouldn't torment myself with this-could-be-your-life. It's bad enough when I do it consciously, imagining what would happen if I were different or if I had or hadn't done certain things; when I play it out while I'm asleep, it just kind of makes it worse.
...
I love getting mail. There's something that's just nice about getting an envelope without a window or a printed-out label on the front. This week I have gotten lots of mail. One of my internet-buddy-people sent me a letter (actually, she wrote it about a year ago, and just found it while cleaning her room, and then her mom saw it already addressed and stamped and everything so she mailed it out), and Eric sent me his mini-comic (which is awesome), and another internet-buddy-person is going to send me a postcard from her vacation, and another internet-buddy-person is going to send me strange flavors of lip balm (long story), and I am writing letters.
...
On another note, I realize that during this past week I've developed the bad habit of writing a few paragraphs of a blog entry and then not posting it. So um..I'll do that.
Olivia
And those are always the ones I remember the clearest.
This dream has been haunting me all day, and it's a really really good dream. Like, genuinely happy. Whenever I'm not doing something it ends up taking up brain-space again and I want it to stop. It makes me happy and then I realize that really all I'm doing is lying to myself, and that makes me unhappy again. I'm so ridiculous.
I'd really rather not have good dreams, honestly. I'd really rather just have strange and meaningless ones. They are less of a let-down, because at least when I wake up I can just laugh at myself, instead of wanting to punch myself.
Dreams probably bother me more than they should. But I just wish I wouldn't torment myself with this-could-be-your-life. It's bad enough when I do it consciously, imagining what would happen if I were different or if I had or hadn't done certain things; when I play it out while I'm asleep, it just kind of makes it worse.
...
I love getting mail. There's something that's just nice about getting an envelope without a window or a printed-out label on the front. This week I have gotten lots of mail. One of my internet-buddy-people sent me a letter (actually, she wrote it about a year ago, and just found it while cleaning her room, and then her mom saw it already addressed and stamped and everything so she mailed it out), and Eric sent me his mini-comic (which is awesome), and another internet-buddy-person is going to send me a postcard from her vacation, and another internet-buddy-person is going to send me strange flavors of lip balm (long story), and I am writing letters.
...
On another note, I realize that during this past week I've developed the bad habit of writing a few paragraphs of a blog entry and then not posting it. So um..I'll do that.
Olivia
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Oh the joys of the internet.
Okay so. A few weeks ago I joined a roleplaying group on deviantArt, because as we've already established, I'm a huge dork. It's set in this fantasy world and blah blah. Now, I suppose I am rather a snob about writing-things, because a lot of the more active characters are really ridiculous. Mind you, these are almost all teenage girls doing this. So a whole lot of really stereotypical fantasy girls. I swear there's like at least five pet wolves. And not only are the characters pretty uninteresting, but the way they roleplay is just..argh.. Everyone has their own agenda, which is fine, but they don't have much in the ways of interaction. Everyone is so predictable. And each post is so goddamn long, because even if they only say one sentence aloud, or something, they have to go through at least a whole paragraph of inner monologue to get to it. Everything is so dramatic. Honestly, I'm not sure why I'm still a part of it. Probably hoping there are some more interesting people off in the wings - the only super-active people have the most annoying characters - and I'll be able to do interesting things with them.
One of my friends joined to troll; her character is almost seven feet tall and basically a Lovecraftian monster underneath his many layers of purposefully-ridiculous clothing. He has four pairs of horns. I was once stuck in a really really boring situation with two other characters - I swear, the girl who opened was walking herself to death in her intro, and then me and the other person came along and put her on the other person's horse and had AN HOUR OF SMALL TALK AND WALKING TOWARDS A NEARBY CITY, and I kept trying to inject strange bits of conversation but they basically didn't notice at all and kept having their paragraphs and paragraphs of inner monologue - so she swooped in to save me, and had her character walk out of the bushes and greet my character, who knows him, and the other two's reactions to him were hilariously dumb. Basically just "-waits to see her reaction to make sure he's a good person-". And of course she said hello rather cheerfully and they relaxed, even though they'd only known her about five to ten in-character minutes, and all they knew about her was that she'd recently gotten her throat slit in a bar fight (which they'd casually waved off), and HE LOOKS RATHER SCARY. So off in IM we were both just headdesking the whole time.
My friends and I, who all joined thinking it would be fun and quickly realized that all the active members kind of suck, have been making a sport of logging on to watch the roleplay happenings and making fun of them. A few jewels: A character having sex with another character and then, the next morning, feeling relieved because she had been wearing her lucky contraceptive bracelet what the fuck; the same character (or rather, her player) getting upset that a sexist guy had ignored her challenge to fight and going off for a couple of days ('four months', by her count, though it confused everyone because they were running on a closer-to-real-time calendar) and changing her character completely, from name to appearance to personality to abilities, chalking it all up to the character's experiences of dying after touching a wolf statue and being brought back to life but now soulbound to the wolf-statue-demon-thing and we don't even really know; anything that involves that one stick-skinny chick who was practically in love with the douchebag (until he got a girlfriend) because, we think, her player went through all the characters and decided that he would make the best love interest (the douchebag is played by one of my friends, and apparently the skinny chick had been stalking her - or her character - for a while, because of this fascination with the character as a potential boyfriend); any time the clique of regulars roleplays, because everything between them is so goddamn dramatic.
I really shouldn't be complaining. I accidentally made a female alien Aladdin character for a DnD campaign. (Stfu she is cooler than Aladdin.) Also, my character for this group on dA is basically a version of me who does not have my inhibitions and self-esteem issues, and despite having a shittier past than me is much happier. Also she can make fire. Talk about living through fiction.
Okay done with my geek-rant (for now).
(I'm pretty sure I was trying to make a point somewhere in here, but I seem to have lost it along the way. Ignore this post.)
Olivia
One of my friends joined to troll; her character is almost seven feet tall and basically a Lovecraftian monster underneath his many layers of purposefully-ridiculous clothing. He has four pairs of horns. I was once stuck in a really really boring situation with two other characters - I swear, the girl who opened was walking herself to death in her intro, and then me and the other person came along and put her on the other person's horse and had AN HOUR OF SMALL TALK AND WALKING TOWARDS A NEARBY CITY, and I kept trying to inject strange bits of conversation but they basically didn't notice at all and kept having their paragraphs and paragraphs of inner monologue - so she swooped in to save me, and had her character walk out of the bushes and greet my character, who knows him, and the other two's reactions to him were hilariously dumb. Basically just "-waits to see her reaction to make sure he's a good person-". And of course she said hello rather cheerfully and they relaxed, even though they'd only known her about five to ten in-character minutes, and all they knew about her was that she'd recently gotten her throat slit in a bar fight (which they'd casually waved off), and HE LOOKS RATHER SCARY. So off in IM we were both just headdesking the whole time.
My friends and I, who all joined thinking it would be fun and quickly realized that all the active members kind of suck, have been making a sport of logging on to watch the roleplay happenings and making fun of them. A few jewels: A character having sex with another character and then, the next morning, feeling relieved because she had been wearing her lucky contraceptive bracelet what the fuck; the same character (or rather, her player) getting upset that a sexist guy had ignored her challenge to fight and going off for a couple of days ('four months', by her count, though it confused everyone because they were running on a closer-to-real-time calendar) and changing her character completely, from name to appearance to personality to abilities, chalking it all up to the character's experiences of dying after touching a wolf statue and being brought back to life but now soulbound to the wolf-statue-demon-thing and we don't even really know; anything that involves that one stick-skinny chick who was practically in love with the douchebag (until he got a girlfriend) because, we think, her player went through all the characters and decided that he would make the best love interest (the douchebag is played by one of my friends, and apparently the skinny chick had been stalking her - or her character - for a while, because of this fascination with the character as a potential boyfriend); any time the clique of regulars roleplays, because everything between them is so goddamn dramatic.
I really shouldn't be complaining. I accidentally made a female alien Aladdin character for a DnD campaign. (Stfu she is cooler than Aladdin.) Also, my character for this group on dA is basically a version of me who does not have my inhibitions and self-esteem issues, and despite having a shittier past than me is much happier. Also she can make fire. Talk about living through fiction.
Okay done with my geek-rant (for now).
(I'm pretty sure I was trying to make a point somewhere in here, but I seem to have lost it along the way. Ignore this post.)
Olivia
Monday, August 2, 2010
Basically.
Basically I am just really dumb.
Whyyyyyyyy do I stay up so late before I have to go to work. It really doesn't make any sense at all. I have such bad habits. DUMB DUMB DUMB.
Argh.
Olivia
PS. Alex left this morning. Actually, I'm not sure whether I told you about Alex..I did in a blog post that I don't think I ever published, because I forgot about it or something. I'll dig it up tomorrow.
Whyyyyyyyy do I stay up so late before I have to go to work. It really doesn't make any sense at all. I have such bad habits. DUMB DUMB DUMB.
Argh.
Olivia
PS. Alex left this morning. Actually, I'm not sure whether I told you about Alex..I did in a blog post that I don't think I ever published, because I forgot about it or something. I'll dig it up tomorrow.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Seriously, not the coolest thing.
I have not been able to log in to Blogger for a week. It's been driving me up the wall.
Figured out what it was today. It was fucken Google.
So Blogger owns Google, right? If you sign into Blogger, you have to use your Google account. No problem, right?
Actually it's a fucking huge problem because I dunno it's a glitch or something, it thinks it's back however many years ago, when this started. It tries to get you to merge old blogs with new accounts. I had a blog in middle school. It's that old. It thought that was the one I was trying to get into. It took a weird bit of signing in and out of Gmail a few times to fix it.
Arrrrrrrgh.
Anyways. Back now.
Fuck.
Olivia
Figured out what it was today. It was fucken Google.
So Blogger owns Google, right? If you sign into Blogger, you have to use your Google account. No problem, right?
Actually it's a fucking huge problem because I dunno it's a glitch or something, it thinks it's back however many years ago, when this started. It tries to get you to merge old blogs with new accounts. I had a blog in middle school. It's that old. It thought that was the one I was trying to get into. It took a weird bit of signing in and out of Gmail a few times to fix it.
Arrrrrrrgh.
Anyways. Back now.
Fuck.
Olivia
Friday, July 23, 2010
Ow.
Sometimes when I breathe I feel like I'm not getting enough air or not filling my lungs enough or something. When this happens I force myself to take huge, gasping, sighing breaths until the feeling goes away. Usually it comes back.
I crack my knuckles a lot. One of them has started hurting when I crack it occasionally, but I have to do it anyways. If I don't it really bothers me until I do.
My eyes water when I yawn or when they have been staring for too long. I feel like I'm always crying.
I don't know why I decided to write about this.
Olivia
I crack my knuckles a lot. One of them has started hurting when I crack it occasionally, but I have to do it anyways. If I don't it really bothers me until I do.
My eyes water when I yawn or when they have been staring for too long. I feel like I'm always crying.
I don't know why I decided to write about this.
Olivia
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Blah blah I am just kind of a screwy person.
I am either emotionally underdeveloped, extremely self-absorbed, or very socially awkward (but I suppose we already knew that bit). When an emotional response is expected of me, I freeze up. I do not know what to do. Unless I'm in explosive-mode - in which my emotions just kind of go crazy depending on the situation, in which I either can't stop crying or am barely holding back punches, in which my skull feels like it will cave in under the pressure - I just can't react. I don't know what to say to you if you just broke up with your significant other or your friend just died from cancer or you just lost the second kitten in a row to a mysterious disease. (These have all happened recently to my friends and I have not been able to do anything.) I feel kind of useless. I feel like a shitty friend. All I can say is Sorry that sucks and hope it makes up for my lack of..advice..moral support..I don't even know. What am I supposed to say?
This goes for physical closeness as well. If you are not one of a very small group of people in my life, if you hug me I will probably kind of tense up and move my arms awkwardly around you. And anyone at all putting their arm around my shoulder or on my seat back just makes me ridiculously uncomfortable, to a point where I either ask them to remove it or just do it myself.
Iam have such a problem. Seriously, what is this. It is kind of stupid. I feel like I just don't have anything to offer so why do people care about me..
Sorry if I suck.
But otherwise, today was a good day.
Olivia
This goes for physical closeness as well. If you are not one of a very small group of people in my life, if you hug me I will probably kind of tense up and move my arms awkwardly around you. And anyone at all putting their arm around my shoulder or on my seat back just makes me ridiculously uncomfortable, to a point where I either ask them to remove it or just do it myself.
I
Sorry if I suck.
But otherwise, today was a good day.
Olivia
Monday, July 19, 2010
Bluhhhhhhhh.
Well today certainly was not the best day of my life.
Also I beat the Elite Four but I am having a hard time with the champion. 8I
Olivia
Also I beat the Elite Four but I am having a hard time with the champion. 8I
Olivia
Sunday, July 18, 2010
SUPER PRODUCTIVE (kind of).
In the last twelve hours I have animated a three-second baseball-bat-swing, beaten six gym leaders, acquired the remaining two starters of this generation of Pokemon (Alex bought a DS and HeartGold today, and traded them over to me, and others for himself, with a whopping five restarts), and placed Team Rocket's collective ass into their collective trembling hands.
I may not have finished The Last Airbender, but I consider today a productive success.
Olivia
PS. Okay, so as part of a stopping-Team-Rocket thing, you have to put on one of their uniforms and pretend you're one of them. So right now I'm just running around Goldenrod City, procrastinating on my saving-the-world duties, feeling like a total badass. I am such a goofball.
PPS. Rivalboy sounding like a huge dork. AM I LOSING TO YOU BECAUSE I DO NOT LOVE MY POKEYMANS. ;A;
I kind of wish there could be a rivalgirl. Not like the counterpart-stalker-person you have in some of the games, who battles you for fuuuun, and is a girl if you are a guy. No, I wish there would be a rivalgirl like the rivalboy in HeartGold / SoulSilver, like a hugely bitchy chick who thinks she can conquer the world. Kicking her ass would be so fucking satisfying.
Also, something amusing. How can these people still be sneering at me and thinking I am a helpless little girl when I have a hugeass Gyrados following me everywhere I go? Or a walking lava monster? Or a flowery fucken dinosaur? If I saw a ten-year-old with Pokemon that could crush me..I would stay out of her way.
I may not have finished The Last Airbender, but I consider today a productive success.
Olivia
PS. Okay, so as part of a stopping-Team-Rocket thing, you have to put on one of their uniforms and pretend you're one of them. So right now I'm just running around Goldenrod City, procrastinating on my saving-the-world duties, feeling like a total badass. I am such a goofball.
PPS. Rivalboy sounding like a huge dork. AM I LOSING TO YOU BECAUSE I DO NOT LOVE MY POKEYMANS. ;A;
I kind of wish there could be a rivalgirl. Not like the counterpart-stalker-person you have in some of the games, who battles you for fuuuun, and is a girl if you are a guy. No, I wish there would be a rivalgirl like the rivalboy in HeartGold / SoulSilver, like a hugely bitchy chick who thinks she can conquer the world. Kicking her ass would be so fucking satisfying.
Also, something amusing. How can these people still be sneering at me and thinking I am a helpless little girl when I have a hugeass Gyrados following me everywhere I go? Or a walking lava monster? Or a flowery fucken dinosaur? If I saw a ten-year-old with Pokemon that could crush me..I would stay out of her way.
On my Pokemon mentality.
This morning, I promised myself that I would finish The Last Airbender today. That did not happen; maybe tomorrow.
This afternoon, I promised myself that I would keep working on the drawing I started a couple of days ago. Eh, maybe tomorrow.
At nine thirty this evening, I promised myself I would go to bed before midnight. That did not happen; hopefully it will at least some time in the near future, if not tomorrow.
But I did play a whole lot of Pokemon.
...
The way I normally play Pokemon is that I generally try to get six (mostly random) Pokemon in my team up to at least level ten in the starting area, before I move on. That means a whole lot of grinding. In SoulSilver, I did not bother with that. Chose Chikorita as a starter, as I almost always - with the exception of the Mudkip generation - start with grass type; I named him Qwerty. (Usually I name my Pokemon the first word that comes to mind; it makes for some very silly nicknames.) Caught a Pidgey, named her Burlap. The other random Pokemon in my early party did not matter at all, as I barely ever end up keeping any of my non-starter starting-party Pokemon. Actually, I'm not sure I ever have. Anyways. Qwerty and Burlap are the only ones I used up past the first gym, Faulkner the flying-type-guy.
Then I was talking to a friend, who was pre-planning her Diamond team. I have never pre-planned before; I just kind of go with what I get. As I've said before, I sometimes get very emotionally attached to characters in video games..anyways. I started thinking about my Pokemon style. Because everyone has their own techniques, I guess, especially in a game like this. But I think mine is kind of silly.
For one thing, I am not at all defensive. At all. At all. It's like how in WoW, I would not be able to be a healer. I do not have a healer's mentality. As soon as I realize I need heals, I have jumped on my tenth mob in a row and I'm down to a quarter health but oh well, I can just kill it quickly and then heal, right? but oops, I seem to have aggro'd three more better click the rejuve button oops I'm dead. It doesn't get quite that bad in Pokemon, especially since..I remember to heal when I need it. xD But no, I mean I don't use any of those dumb boosting moves, and I get rid of them as soon as possible. It really pisses me off when an opponent uses something like Tail Whip or Growl; sure, it affects my offense or defense, but I DO NOT CARE JUST HIT ME SO WE CAN GET THIS OVER WITH. Growl is annoying because if they have enough time to keep doing it for a while, it takes more and more hits to take them down, and they get in more and more Growls, and it's just a horrible cycle. The only things I can really commend are accuracy-depleting moves, because those are bitchessssssss to deal with. But I am all about the offensive. Hit as hard as you can and eventually you will win.
As for the types of Pokemon I choose for my endgame party..well. I'm a bit mental about it. I guess I am drawn to the four classical elements, or as close as I can get to them, with a bit of Pokemodifications. I must have grass, water, fire, and flying in my party at all times; this is for type matching as well as for the HMs necessary to mobilize. I also see them as the best types, although of course this is not necessarily true. I was recently looking at type matchups, and I realized that steel type is ridiculously resilient against almost all types. Yet I am still not exactly inclined to find a steel type for my party. I resent ground / rock; my starter type is always super effective against them, so I have never seen them as a good type. Fighting and normal fly under my radar. So does ghost, although it shouldn't; some things don't affect it at all, which is good. And I hate bug types, not because I dislike bugs but because I always imagine them being burned or flooded or frozen by attacks, and that is no use to me. I rather enjoy dragon types, although they come around near the same time as the ice gym, in which it is silly to have dragon types.
I don't actually plan which Pokemon will make it into my endgame party. Never the beginning ones; I project upon them an aura of weakness which I suppose is a bit silly, but maybe it makes sense. But I think I've only evolved a Pidgey to a Pidgeotto once, and never to a full-grown Pidgeot. Usually my party is comprised of Pokemon I pick up somewhere mid-way. Never legendaries, or almost never. Occasionally I use them against the Elite Four, but not often. I feel like, since they are introduced near the end and already at high level, you have no real opportunity to care about them at all..
Right now I am doing barely-planning,-really. I caught a level ten Magikarp, and am raising it to Gyrados. Ten levels. Ten long, horrible, painful levels of switching around. But it'll be good when it happens, because it's water and flying type; so I don't have to carry them around separately. (I always thought it was funny that Gyrados is flying, not dragon.) And I hope to get a Vulpix in the nearish future, to be my fire. But that's it. Not much thought at all into it.
...
Not sure why I wrote this.
Olivia
This afternoon, I promised myself that I would keep working on the drawing I started a couple of days ago. Eh, maybe tomorrow.
At nine thirty this evening, I promised myself I would go to bed before midnight. That did not happen; hopefully it will at least some time in the near future, if not tomorrow.
But I did play a whole lot of Pokemon.
...
The way I normally play Pokemon is that I generally try to get six (mostly random) Pokemon in my team up to at least level ten in the starting area, before I move on. That means a whole lot of grinding. In SoulSilver, I did not bother with that. Chose Chikorita as a starter, as I almost always - with the exception of the Mudkip generation - start with grass type; I named him Qwerty. (Usually I name my Pokemon the first word that comes to mind; it makes for some very silly nicknames.) Caught a Pidgey, named her Burlap. The other random Pokemon in my early party did not matter at all, as I barely ever end up keeping any of my non-starter starting-party Pokemon. Actually, I'm not sure I ever have. Anyways. Qwerty and Burlap are the only ones I used up past the first gym, Faulkner the flying-type-guy.
Then I was talking to a friend, who was pre-planning her Diamond team. I have never pre-planned before; I just kind of go with what I get. As I've said before, I sometimes get very emotionally attached to characters in video games..anyways. I started thinking about my Pokemon style. Because everyone has their own techniques, I guess, especially in a game like this. But I think mine is kind of silly.
For one thing, I am not at all defensive. At all. At all. It's like how in WoW, I would not be able to be a healer. I do not have a healer's mentality. As soon as I realize I need heals, I have jumped on my tenth mob in a row and I'm down to a quarter health but oh well, I can just kill it quickly and then heal, right? but oops, I seem to have aggro'd three more better click the rejuve button oops I'm dead. It doesn't get quite that bad in Pokemon, especially since..I remember to heal when I need it. xD But no, I mean I don't use any of those dumb boosting moves, and I get rid of them as soon as possible. It really pisses me off when an opponent uses something like Tail Whip or Growl; sure, it affects my offense or defense, but I DO NOT CARE JUST HIT ME SO WE CAN GET THIS OVER WITH. Growl is annoying because if they have enough time to keep doing it for a while, it takes more and more hits to take them down, and they get in more and more Growls, and it's just a horrible cycle. The only things I can really commend are accuracy-depleting moves, because those are bitchessssssss to deal with. But I am all about the offensive. Hit as hard as you can and eventually you will win.
As for the types of Pokemon I choose for my endgame party..well. I'm a bit mental about it. I guess I am drawn to the four classical elements, or as close as I can get to them, with a bit of Pokemodifications. I must have grass, water, fire, and flying in my party at all times; this is for type matching as well as for the HMs necessary to mobilize. I also see them as the best types, although of course this is not necessarily true. I was recently looking at type matchups, and I realized that steel type is ridiculously resilient against almost all types. Yet I am still not exactly inclined to find a steel type for my party. I resent ground / rock; my starter type is always super effective against them, so I have never seen them as a good type. Fighting and normal fly under my radar. So does ghost, although it shouldn't; some things don't affect it at all, which is good. And I hate bug types, not because I dislike bugs but because I always imagine them being burned or flooded or frozen by attacks, and that is no use to me. I rather enjoy dragon types, although they come around near the same time as the ice gym, in which it is silly to have dragon types.
I don't actually plan which Pokemon will make it into my endgame party. Never the beginning ones; I project upon them an aura of weakness which I suppose is a bit silly, but maybe it makes sense. But I think I've only evolved a Pidgey to a Pidgeotto once, and never to a full-grown Pidgeot. Usually my party is comprised of Pokemon I pick up somewhere mid-way. Never legendaries, or almost never. Occasionally I use them against the Elite Four, but not often. I feel like, since they are introduced near the end and already at high level, you have no real opportunity to care about them at all..
Right now I am doing barely-planning,-really. I caught a level ten Magikarp, and am raising it to Gyrados. Ten levels. Ten long, horrible, painful levels of switching around. But it'll be good when it happens, because it's water and flying type; so I don't have to carry them around separately. (I always thought it was funny that Gyrados is flying, not dragon.) And I hope to get a Vulpix in the nearish future, to be my fire. But that's it. Not much thought at all into it.
...
Not sure why I wrote this.
Olivia
Saturday, July 17, 2010
More dream stuff.
YOU SEE? I tried it last night. But instead I ended up dreaming about my old roommates. Which is basically the opposite of what I wanted. Because I wanted someone whose company I actually enjoy..
Oh well.
Oh well.
Dream stuff.
I used to believe that bullshit about how if you think about someone right before you fall asleep, you will dream about them. I used to try it all the time.
It never worked.
I dream about really strange things. But never the things I want. As I believe I have said before, I have never had a flying dream. And I don't meet people in my sleep. I used to want to.
Olivia
It never worked.
I dream about really strange things. But never the things I want. As I believe I have said before, I have never had a flying dream. And I don't meet people in my sleep. I used to want to.
Olivia
Lol dating sites.
I didn't know this could happen. I am sorely tempted to try it for myself, to see if I can get a no-match as well. It is a secret desire of mine to make a zillion ridiculous fake profiles on dating sites and troll the fuck out of them. Or, you know, just one. OKAY, WHO WANTS TO BE THE FACE.
Olivia
Olivia
Friday, July 16, 2010
Nothinggggg.
Well, today I mostly spent sleeping and drawing disgruntled blobby-things and half-naked ladies with vulture skulls for heads.
AND I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO SLEEP NOW. YAAAAAY. SLEEP IS GOOD.
Man I am so tired. Good night.
Olivia
PS.
AND I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO SLEEP NOW. YAAAAAY. SLEEP IS GOOD.
Man I am so tired. Good night.
Olivia
PS.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
IT'S JUST SO SAAAADDDD.
Lol I'm so good at this. Ugh, tomorrow I have to be up before seven because people are coming to deliver furniture 'between seven and eleven'. I hate this window thing. I mean, I understand that they can't know exactly when they'll be here, but.. Okay, mainly I'm just upset about the getting-up-before-seven thing.
...
Discovered this:
I love this lady.
...
BEDDDDD.
Olivia
PS. I think tomorrow I will start playing Pokemon again.
...
Discovered this:
I love this lady.
...
BEDDDDD.
Olivia
PS. I think tomorrow I will start playing Pokemon again.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
SO BASICALLY I SUCK.
Ooh, way to go Olivia, way to totally stick to your one o'clock proposed bedtime.
New resolution: Write blog posts some time during the day so there's actually content besides ARGH I NEED TO GO TO BED LIKE NOW. Because there were things I was going to write about, like work and movies and stuff, but right now I can't because it's almost three and I have to present stuff to boss-people tomorrow, so I actually have to go in tomorrow. Bluuuuuuhhhhhh.
Olivia
New resolution: Write blog posts some time during the day so there's actually content besides ARGH I NEED TO GO TO BED LIKE NOW. Because there were things I was going to write about, like work and movies and stuff, but right now I can't because it's almost three and I have to present stuff to boss-people tomorrow, so I actually have to go in tomorrow. Bluuuuuuhhhhhh.
Olivia
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
SO DUMB. DUMB DUMB DUMB.
Oh my god you guys I am so stupid. Why do I never sleep. Why. Why why.
Tomorrow I will tell you about Despicable Me and Firefox being a total douchebag on two computers and what I have been up to and maybe I will even deign to finish The Last Airbender..
Good night. (Yeah right.)
Olivia
PS. If you bet on me last night you totally lost. Although I went to bed at two thirty, so..getting better?
Tomorrow I will tell you about Despicable Me and Firefox being a total douchebag on two computers and what I have been up to and maybe I will even deign to finish The Last Airbender..
Good night. (Yeah right.)
Olivia
PS. If you bet on me last night you totally lost. Although I went to bed at two thirty, so..getting better?
Monday, July 12, 2010
TRYING THIS AGAIN.
Argh okay tonight I'm sleeping early for real. Like right now. (Or half an hour from now at the latest.)
Dude if I were betting on myself, I..wouldn't. -headdesk-
Good night I hope.
Olivia
Dude if I were betting on myself, I..wouldn't. -headdesk-
Good night I hope.
Olivia
Sunday, July 11, 2010
On naked dudes.
Even after that drawing class, I still feel more awkward looking up nude male reference than nude female reference. This may be a society thing or it may be that I am still not comfortable in my own sexuality. Or just with anything sexual in general.. Basically the only thing I can do is make 'that's what she said' jokes. Perhaps the naked-people thing is just because I am more used to nude women than nude men, because..well, I'm a girl. But it was fine when I was in class. Maybe it is the difference between being told to draw a naked man and going to look for one on the internet.. It feels kind of inappropriate..
I cannot even really talk about sex-related-things unless it is with a DURR HURR attitude. When other girls talk about the physical attractiveness (well, 'hotness', 'cuteness', 'sexiness') of guys, I kind of just sit there and pretend I cannot hear what they are saying. Sexy makes me uncomfortable.
So basically what is happening is that I'm looking for reference for a drawing I'm doing, and I'm finding a bunch of guys with really beautiful forms and lines, and then I kind of get distracted. 'Oh. A penis. I don't know what to think about this.' I don't know what's wrong with me. In class I either draw it and move on or skip over it in favor of other body parts, and leave a kind of vague block-in where it should be. (I also do this for the face if I don't get to it in time, so it's not even like it's getting special treatment..)
Alright this discussion is making me feel awkward. Also it's three thirty and I'm tired. So, good night.
Olivia
PS. No, I didn't go to sleep when I said I would. I was planning on it..but then I started drawing a picture. Which is why I am writing this.)
I cannot even really talk about sex-related-things unless it is with a DURR HURR attitude. When other girls talk about the physical attractiveness (well, 'hotness', 'cuteness', 'sexiness') of guys, I kind of just sit there and pretend I cannot hear what they are saying. Sexy makes me uncomfortable.
So basically what is happening is that I'm looking for reference for a drawing I'm doing, and I'm finding a bunch of guys with really beautiful forms and lines, and then I kind of get distracted. 'Oh. A penis. I don't know what to think about this.' I don't know what's wrong with me. In class I either draw it and move on or skip over it in favor of other body parts, and leave a kind of vague block-in where it should be. (I also do this for the face if I don't get to it in time, so it's not even like it's getting special treatment..)
Alright this discussion is making me feel awkward. Also it's three thirty and I'm tired. So, good night.
Olivia
PS. No, I didn't go to sleep when I said I would. I was planning on it..but then I started drawing a picture. Which is why I am writing this.)
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Sleep is good.
I've been so tired recently. It's like, I wake up and a couple of hours later I'm ready for a nap. Probably my fucked-up sleep schedule; in the last three weeks I've gone to bed before three in the morning a total of one time.
I should fix this. Resolution: Sleep at midnight tonight.
Probability of meeting this goal: 20%.
This is a much higher probability than most days.
Olivia
I should fix this. Resolution: Sleep at midnight tonight.
Probability of meeting this goal: 20%.
This is a much higher probability than most days.
Olivia
Olivia's Moviewatch.
Movie commentaries will be posted here from now on.
It took me six hours to watch Twilight.
I started watching The Last Airbender at nine. It is now four thirty. I mean sure I've been pausing a lot to write about it, and I've been doing some stuff on the side, and I took a three-hour break after the first fifteen minutes to watch Food Network with Max and Alex and cook some bacon for the first time (long story). But still. This is just ridiculous. I'm only thirty-five minutes in.
Ah well. Tomorrow is another day.
Olivia
It took me six hours to watch Twilight.
I started watching The Last Airbender at nine. It is now four thirty. I mean sure I've been pausing a lot to write about it, and I've been doing some stuff on the side, and I took a three-hour break after the first fifteen minutes to watch Food Network with Max and Alex and cook some bacon for the first time (long story). But still. This is just ridiculous. I'm only thirty-five minutes in.
Ah well. Tomorrow is another day.
Olivia
Thursday, July 8, 2010
The end of the last shreds of innocence. (Twilight commentary.)
OKAY YOU GUYS I'VE DONE IT. I've broken down. I'm going to watch Twilight. Expect a play-by-play.
...
Entire movie: -is in shades of blue and grey-
Olivia: -wonders if New Moon is entirely in shades of..werewolf colors-
"Your hair is shorter." "I cut it." "Oh. Guess it grew out again." LOL.
Aw, she has a pet cactus. So cute.
"Saleslady picked out the uh, bed stuff. You like purple, right?" "Purple's cool.." Man they're so awkward.
HI I'M JACOB. I HAVE LONG FLOWING LOCKS, MAN IS MY HAIR PRETTY OR WHAT. Oh don't mind our dads, they flirt all the time.
YAY A TRUCK oops I hit you in the crotch with the door SILLY CLUMSY OL ME TEE HEE.
Jacob: -hops in truck- -chats with Bella- -surreptitiously looks at chest-
Sticking-out-like-a-sore-thumb-truck: -grumbles-
Rest-of-school: Hurr hurr nice caaaar.
Hi I'm an Asian kid whose name you're probably gonna forget. I already know your name, because I'm a total creeper. Wanna go out? -creepy grin-
HI I'M MIKE AND I KNOW YOUR NAME TOO. You hit me on the back of the head with a volleyball but it's okay because you're pretty. -goofy smile-
HEYYYYY GUYS hi I'm Jessica stay away from this guy, I may be smiling but my eyes say they will EAT YOU.
Hey yeah I'm Bella mumble mumble.
LOL YOU'RE SO FUNNY AND WE LOVE YOU.
Lunch table:
White fanboy: Bella loves me. 8D
Asian fanboy: NO ACTUALLY SHE LOVED ME FIRST.
Black fanboy: WELL I'M GONNA JUST SNEAK IN AND RANDOMLY KISS HER ON THE CHEEK WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT.
That insecure chick: Oh hahah yeah..
Glasses-and-camera girl: I LIKE YOU BE MY FRIEND.
Bella: Mumble mumble.
Everyone: LOL YOU'RE SO FUNNY AND WE LOVE YOU.
Cullens: -slow motion strut into cafeteria-
Background music: -sexytime-
Girls: -rumor rumor rumor lols-
The girl who plays Alice is kind of adorable.
Edward: -walks in-
Bella: -stoner face-
Edward: -stares at Bella-
Bella: -stoner face-
OH GOD. Bella walked into class and the fan swept her hair back as Western-standoff music played, and Edward, staring intently at her, basically got a full-body boner. Not even kidding. His entire body got really stiff. This movie is SOOOO AWKWAAAAARD.
Bella: -sits down next to Edward-
Edward: Oh god what is that stench.
Bella: *INSECURITIES ACTIVATE*
BAHAHAHAH I love the face he makes at her.
O-oh god. An old man is in love with her too. (I mean, besides Edward. Who is older.)
Cullens-sans-Edward driving into parking lot: -look totally douchey-
Bella-Fan-Club: -hang out in stoner van-
Bella: -reads book in parking lot instead of being at all social even though they all love her and want her babies-
Cullens-sans-Edward entering school: -stare at Bella-
Cullens-sans-Edward in cafeteria: -stare at Bella-
Edward: -not stare at Bella WHY ISN'T HE HERE TO GIVE ME THE STINKEYE I MISS HIM WHERE DID HE GO-
Oh look! Something that actually looks dramatic and plot-y. Even though it isn't explained at all, this is like an hour and a half earlier than it would have showed up in the book.
Boisterous fanboys: WE LOVE YOU BELLA.
Bella: Uh. -stoner face-
Edward: -is finally in class, yay!-
Edward: -is smiling and not covering nose?-
Edward: -is evidently having a bipolar moment-
Edward: I am socially awkward and my eyes are always too wide!
Bella: -giggle-
Bella: "I don't really like the rain. Any cold..wet..thing, I don't really.."
Olivia: -SNORT-
Edwards eyes: -are intense-
Bella: -swooning face-
Edward: -is suddenly extremly interested in Bella's life-
Bella: -is not creeped out at all even though she was by the harmless normal teenage flirtations of her fanboys-
Bella: -IS CARRYING THE GOLDEN ONION, LOL-
Bella: Hey your eyes changed color. I've only seen you once before this, but I know, because I'm obsessed with you.
Edward: It's..uh..the fluorescence.
Olivia: THAT WAS A REALLY LAME EXCUSE EDWARD.
Cullens-including-Edward in the parking lot: -stare at Bella-
Black fanboy's van: -screeches towards Bella intent on killing her OH IF ONLY IT HAD, AT LEAST THE PROPS KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING-
Edward: -FWOOSH- -RESCUE- -SCARY WIDE EYES-
Bella: -stoner face-
Everyone in parking lot: -SWARM ANXIOUSLY-
Black fanboy who has a cut on his face while Bella remains unscathed: I AM SO SORRY. ;A;
Charlie: I AM ANGRY AT YOU, FANBOY.
Black fanboy: I AM SO SORRY. ;A;
Charlie: You could have been killed, Bella!
Bella: That's because I'm a dumb bitch and instead of running or dodging, spread out in front of the car like I was trying to fucken protect it or something.
Doctor Cullen: -IS LIKE THE FUCKING YOUNGEST DOCTOR IN THE WORLD AND KIND OF SCARY-
Doctor Cullen: -PROBABLY PLAYED AN EXTRA AT FORKS HIGH SCHOOL THAT'S HOW YOUNG HE IS, SERIOUSLY-
Doctor Cullen: -NO BUT REALLY, AT FIRST I THOUGHT HE WAS JASPER OR SOMEONE IN A LAB COAT-
Bella: -confused assertions-
Edward: Lol you silly bitch, I was there the whole time. Shut your face.
Bella: -in bed, hears something at window-
Edward: LOL I AM TOTALLY OUT HERE CREEPING ON YOOOOOU.
White fanboy: Wanna go to the dance with me? -hopeful grin-
Bella: -stoner face- Uh no I'm gonna try to put you down gently but I know your heart is breaking uh sorry about that. Go ask airhead fangirl, she wants you.
Edward: -giggles in the background-
Teacher: By saying 'Yo', I am completely down wit' the teenaged folks.
Edward: -giggles-
Airhead fangirl: Bella guess what! White fanboy asked me to prom! I can't believe it, I thought he was going to ask you! MAN I AM SO EXCITED. THIS DOES WONDERS FOR MY FEMININE INSECURITIES.
Bella: Lol yeah whatever mumble mumble.
Asian fanboy: Lol I'm immature.
Edward: We shouldn't be friends.
Bella: BUT EVERYONE ELSE LOVES ME. YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST LET THE VAN CRUSH ME.
Edward: Yeah but then I would have gone crazy and lapped up all your blood from the pavement. And then we would have to moooove.
Alice: Hi! I am cute and friendly!
Edward: Yeah but Bella can't hang out with you because I shouldn't be friends with her.
Jasper: I have a bad wig and don't say anything and make weird faces even when I'm playing an Inuit-based warrior-boy.
(Mini-rant: I am still not sure whether or not to see The Last Airbender because it's gotten ridiculously horrible reviews and everyone hates it. And I glazed over the race-casting thing, but only because MNight said he cast according to acting ability. Apparently they can't act. And apparently they make a lot of weird name-pronunciation changes, which is dumb. You can do that for a book, but don't do it for a television show! Especially when your reasoning is that it will make it sound more authentic. Sure, make every other decision the stupidest thing ever, but decide that you're going to pronounce Aang 'Ahng' and Sokka 'So-kah' and Iroh 'Eeroh' and avatar 'ahvahtar'. Because obviously that's going to make everyone ignore your other horrible pieces.)
Black fanboy: I have a large and obvious bandage on my forehead from the cut that the accident gave me. But that's okay because at least Bella wasn't hurt!
Edward: -lame comment-
Bella: -drops apple in clumsiness and crush..iness?-
Edward: -kick-catches apple-
Olivia: OHO I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE that was really dumb but I'm impressed that Robert Pattinson could do that, I wonder how many takes they did.
Bella in the frame I paused to come write that: -stoner face-
Edward: I AM REALLY BIPOLAR YOU GUYS.
Bella: I am confused and wary.
Edward: -winning smile-
Bella: Stop PMSing.
Edward: "Let's say if you were smart, you'd stay away from me."
Bella: "Okay, let's say for argument's sake that I'm not smart."
Olivia: NOMARY SUE STEPHENIE MEYER BELLA WE CANNOT SAY THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT AND CLEVER AND INTELLIGENT AND AMAZING.
Edward: "What if I'm not the hero, what if I'm..the bad guy?"
Bella: You're not. You're lovable and hot and I want you so bad. We are at the salad bar but I want you to do me right here. My stoner face says it all.
Olivia: -kicks-
Cute nerdy fangirl: Asian fanboy keeps not asking me to prom.
Bella: Whoops that's my fault. So I'm going to say some empty words that Christina Aguilera or someone has in her lyrics.
Cute nerdy fangirl: That means so much to me!
Indian dudes: HEY BELLA we can join your fan club too ALSO WE HAVE BETTER HAIR THAN THE GUYS AND THE GIRLS.
Jacob: Hiiiii.
Indian dudes: "The Cullens don't come here." -tense silence-
Bella and Jacob: -licorice-
Bella: What do they mean?
Jacob: I'm not supposed to tell but I LOVE YOU so I'm going to reveal my people's secrets YAY LET'S BE FRIENDS.
Jacob: -intense local legend-
Asian fanboy, in the background: -is totally immature-
More tiny plot insertion: -is really short-
But at least she's hot.
THESE ARE REAL VAMPIRES. Unfortunately I believe they also sparkle.
Bella: -goes on Google, but apparently is incapable of finding free online information, instead needing to go to an actual bookstore to find a book of legends, INSTEAD OF JUST READING ON THE INTERNET, but I guess we need her to go to that city or whatever for plot, because that's where she almost gets raped but then Edward SAVES HER, he's her knight in cold glittering marblearmor skin-
Cute nerdy fangirl: Yay Bella's advice worked, Asian fanboy is settling for me!
Airhead fangirl: Yay dress shopping!
Bella: I'll come with you?
Fangirls: OF COURSE YOU ARE weneedyou.
Wow I'm only one third of the way through this movie..
Bella: I like bookstores more than dress shopping, I am a SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE.
Olivia: ..Does this mean I can't like bookstores more than dress shopping anymore? I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE HERRRRR. ;A;
Oh my god this is so awkward. RAPE SCENE god she's going to be gangbanged. That's what you get for walking down a dark alley, Bella. THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T GO TO BOOKSTORES. (Did that guy just ask her if she likes beer pong? SUDDENLY THIS MOVIE IS TOTALLY WORTH IT.)
Edward: -RESCUUUUUUE-
Bella: -slightly more intense stoner face-
Bella: You should put your seat belt on.
Edward: -hysterical giggle- YOU SHOULD PUT YOUR SEAT BELT ON.
Fangirls: BITCH WHERE WERE YOU we were hungry.
Edward: -charismatic glimmer-
Fangirls: ..-giggle-
Fangirls: Okay, so wanna go?
Edward: I will feed her dinner.
Fangirls: THAT'S SO SWEET. -giggle-
Bella: Yeah..I should eat..
Fangirls: -giggle-
Waitress: -flirts with Edward-
Edward: -stoneface-
Bella: BITCH PLEASE.
Bella: Give me some answers.
Edward: -smartassery-
Bella: Okay I love you but SHUT UP.
Edward: I can read every mind here but yours.
Olivia: THAT'S BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING THERE.
Bella: "Is there something wrong with me?"
Olivia: YES.
Bella and Edward's hands: -finally touch-
Background music: -eeeeeerrriiiiiieeeeee-
Bella: Yourdick hand is so cold..
Bella: Hey dad. I'm going to actually show some affection for you for the first time in this movie.
Charlie: -'s friend justgot mauled by vampires got attacked by wild animals-
Bella: -opens book, sees diagram with caption containing the words 'Cold One', GOES TO GOOGLE, WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST DO THAT FIRST, BELLA, YOU STUPID GIRL; THIS IS WHY HE CAN'T READ YOUR MIND-
Bella: -finally has a revelation-
Bella: -also has awet dream about Edward dressed as Count Dracula drinking her blood-
Bella: -slow motion stare at Edward-
Edward: -slow motion stare at Bella-
Bella: -slow motion walk past Edward-
Edward: -knowing look-
Olivia: -is still not even halfway through the movie-
Edward: -follows Bella into the woods-
Edward: -is so creepy-
Bad high school mural in the background: -is bad-
Music: -is intense-
Camera angle: -is intense-
Oh here's the dramatic scene. Where Bella lists all of his vampire traits and Edward is like ..Yeah. Yeah I am. I AM ALSO DANGEROUS.
Camera movement: -is dramatic-
Bella: I know what you are.
Edward: SAY IT, BITCH.
Cheesy fast-motion run through the forest: -is cheesy-
Edward in the sunlight: -barely looks any different- -might look a bit like his skin is bubbling; did he take Polyjuice Potion recently?-
Cheesy *glitter!* sound effects: -are basically the only things that make him seem like he's sparkling-
Bella: I JUST CREAMED MY PANTS.
Edward: -resentful face-
Edward: Bella no seriously I'm really dangerous.
Bella: -orgasm face for basically the entire scene-
Edward: I AM A KILLER.
Bella: I DON'T CARE I LOVE YOU MAKE BABIES INSIDE OF MEEEE.
Edward: I WANT TO EAT YOU.
Bella: STILL LOVE YOU.
Edward: -is just running around to show off, you douchebag-
Edward: "Your scent..it's like a drug to me. You're like my own personal brand of heroin."
Bella: I am feeling so strange in my pants right now.
Bella: Now I'm afraid.
Edward: Good, you should be.
Bella: NO WAIT I'm not afraid of you, I'm afraid of losing you!
Olivia: -headdesk-
Edward: "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."
Olivia: -HEADDESK FOREVER-
...
Alright, here's where we end for tonight. I can only take so much of this. I ended up stopping fifteen minutes in to watch Food Network for an hour and a half, because Iron Chef and Ace of Cakes are healing for my brain.
Okay this wasn't like my usual movie-watching-commentaries, where sometimes I actually say semi-thoughtful things maybe. No. Today was just a whole lot of: -watch thirty seconds- -lol- -pause movie- -scamper over to blog- -make fun of it-
More tomorrow.
(I think I almost like this better than the book, though. The book is fucken terrifying. The movie is just a load of pfffffffttttttt.)
...
And, to round off the evening:
You're welcome.
Olivia
PS. Lol..
...
Entire movie: -is in shades of blue and grey-
Olivia: -wonders if New Moon is entirely in shades of..werewolf colors-
"Your hair is shorter." "I cut it." "Oh. Guess it grew out again." LOL.
Aw, she has a pet cactus. So cute.
"Saleslady picked out the uh, bed stuff. You like purple, right?" "Purple's cool.." Man they're so awkward.
HI I'M JACOB. I HAVE LONG FLOWING LOCKS, MAN IS MY HAIR PRETTY OR WHAT. Oh don't mind our dads, they flirt all the time.
YAY A TRUCK oops I hit you in the crotch with the door SILLY CLUMSY OL ME TEE HEE.
Jacob: -hops in truck- -chats with Bella- -surreptitiously looks at chest-
Sticking-out-like-a-sore-thumb-truck: -grumbles-
Rest-of-school: Hurr hurr nice caaaar.
Hi I'm an Asian kid whose name you're probably gonna forget. I already know your name, because I'm a total creeper. Wanna go out? -creepy grin-
HI I'M MIKE AND I KNOW YOUR NAME TOO. You hit me on the back of the head with a volleyball but it's okay because you're pretty. -goofy smile-
HEYYYYY GUYS hi I'm Jessica stay away from this guy, I may be smiling but my eyes say they will EAT YOU.
Hey yeah I'm Bella mumble mumble.
LOL YOU'RE SO FUNNY AND WE LOVE YOU.
Lunch table:
White fanboy: Bella loves me. 8D
Asian fanboy: NO ACTUALLY SHE LOVED ME FIRST.
Black fanboy: WELL I'M GONNA JUST SNEAK IN AND RANDOMLY KISS HER ON THE CHEEK WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT.
That insecure chick: Oh hahah yeah..
Glasses-and-camera girl: I LIKE YOU BE MY FRIEND.
Bella: Mumble mumble.
Everyone: LOL YOU'RE SO FUNNY AND WE LOVE YOU.
Cullens: -slow motion strut into cafeteria-
Background music: -sexytime-
Girls: -rumor rumor rumor lols-
The girl who plays Alice is kind of adorable.
Edward: -walks in-
Bella: -stoner face-
Edward: -stares at Bella-
Bella: -stoner face-
OH GOD. Bella walked into class and the fan swept her hair back as Western-standoff music played, and Edward, staring intently at her, basically got a full-body boner. Not even kidding. His entire body got really stiff. This movie is SOOOO AWKWAAAAARD.
Bella: -sits down next to Edward-
Edward: Oh god what is that stench.
Bella: *INSECURITIES ACTIVATE*
BAHAHAHAH I love the face he makes at her.
O-oh god. An old man is in love with her too. (I mean, besides Edward. Who is older.)
Cullens-sans-Edward driving into parking lot: -look totally douchey-
Bella-Fan-Club: -hang out in stoner van-
Bella: -reads book in parking lot instead of being at all social even though they all love her and want her babies-
Cullens-sans-Edward entering school: -stare at Bella-
Cullens-sans-Edward in cafeteria: -stare at Bella-
Edward: -not stare at Bella WHY ISN'T HE HERE TO GIVE ME THE STINKEYE I MISS HIM WHERE DID HE GO-
Oh look! Something that actually looks dramatic and plot-y. Even though it isn't explained at all, this is like an hour and a half earlier than it would have showed up in the book.
Boisterous fanboys: WE LOVE YOU BELLA.
Bella: Uh. -stoner face-
Edward: -is finally in class, yay!-
Edward: -is smiling and not covering nose?-
Edward: -is evidently having a bipolar moment-
Edward: I am socially awkward and my eyes are always too wide!
Bella: -giggle-
Bella: "I don't really like the rain. Any cold..wet..thing, I don't really.."
Olivia: -SNORT-
Edwards eyes: -are intense-
Bella: -swooning face-
Edward: -is suddenly extremly interested in Bella's life-
Bella: -is not creeped out at all even though she was by the harmless normal teenage flirtations of her fanboys-
Bella: -IS CARRYING THE GOLDEN ONION, LOL-
Bella: Hey your eyes changed color. I've only seen you once before this, but I know, because I'm obsessed with you.
Edward: It's..uh..the fluorescence.
Olivia: THAT WAS A REALLY LAME EXCUSE EDWARD.
Cullens-including-Edward in the parking lot: -stare at Bella-
Black fanboy's van: -screeches towards Bella intent on killing her OH IF ONLY IT HAD, AT LEAST THE PROPS KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING-
Edward: -FWOOSH- -RESCUE- -SCARY WIDE EYES-
Bella: -stoner face-
Everyone in parking lot: -SWARM ANXIOUSLY-
Black fanboy who has a cut on his face while Bella remains unscathed: I AM SO SORRY. ;A;
Charlie: I AM ANGRY AT YOU, FANBOY.
Black fanboy: I AM SO SORRY. ;A;
Charlie: You could have been killed, Bella!
Bella: That's because I'm a dumb bitch and instead of running or dodging, spread out in front of the car like I was trying to fucken protect it or something.
Doctor Cullen: -IS LIKE THE FUCKING YOUNGEST DOCTOR IN THE WORLD AND KIND OF SCARY-
Doctor Cullen: -PROBABLY PLAYED AN EXTRA AT FORKS HIGH SCHOOL THAT'S HOW YOUNG HE IS, SERIOUSLY-
Doctor Cullen: -NO BUT REALLY, AT FIRST I THOUGHT HE WAS JASPER OR SOMEONE IN A LAB COAT-
Bella: -confused assertions-
Edward: Lol you silly bitch, I was there the whole time. Shut your face.
Bella: -in bed, hears something at window-
Edward: LOL I AM TOTALLY OUT HERE CREEPING ON YOOOOOU.
White fanboy: Wanna go to the dance with me? -hopeful grin-
Bella: -stoner face- Uh no I'm gonna try to put you down gently but I know your heart is breaking uh sorry about that. Go ask airhead fangirl, she wants you.
Edward: -giggles in the background-
Teacher: By saying 'Yo', I am completely down wit' the teenaged folks.
Edward: -giggles-
Airhead fangirl: Bella guess what! White fanboy asked me to prom! I can't believe it, I thought he was going to ask you! MAN I AM SO EXCITED. THIS DOES WONDERS FOR MY FEMININE INSECURITIES.
Bella: Lol yeah whatever mumble mumble.
Asian fanboy: Lol I'm immature.
Edward: We shouldn't be friends.
Bella: BUT EVERYONE ELSE LOVES ME. YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST LET THE VAN CRUSH ME.
Edward: Yeah but then I would have gone crazy and lapped up all your blood from the pavement. And then we would have to moooove.
Alice: Hi! I am cute and friendly!
Edward: Yeah but Bella can't hang out with you because I shouldn't be friends with her.
Jasper: I have a bad wig and don't say anything and make weird faces even when I'm playing an Inuit-based warrior-boy.
(Mini-rant: I am still not sure whether or not to see The Last Airbender because it's gotten ridiculously horrible reviews and everyone hates it. And I glazed over the race-casting thing, but only because MNight said he cast according to acting ability. Apparently they can't act. And apparently they make a lot of weird name-pronunciation changes, which is dumb. You can do that for a book, but don't do it for a television show! Especially when your reasoning is that it will make it sound more authentic. Sure, make every other decision the stupidest thing ever, but decide that you're going to pronounce Aang 'Ahng' and Sokka 'So-kah' and Iroh 'Eeroh' and avatar 'ahvahtar'. Because obviously that's going to make everyone ignore your other horrible pieces.)
Black fanboy: I have a large and obvious bandage on my forehead from the cut that the accident gave me. But that's okay because at least Bella wasn't hurt!
Edward: -lame comment-
Bella: -drops apple in clumsiness and crush..iness?-
Edward: -kick-catches apple-
Olivia: OHO I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE that was really dumb but I'm impressed that Robert Pattinson could do that, I wonder how many takes they did.
Bella in the frame I paused to come write that: -stoner face-
Edward: I AM REALLY BIPOLAR YOU GUYS.
Bella: I am confused and wary.
Edward: -winning smile-
Bella: Stop PMSing.
Edward: "Let's say if you were smart, you'd stay away from me."
Bella: "Okay, let's say for argument's sake that I'm not smart."
Olivia: NO
Edward: "What if I'm not the hero, what if I'm..the bad guy?"
Bella: You're not. You're lovable and hot and I want you so bad. We are at the salad bar but I want you to do me right here. My stoner face says it all.
Olivia: -kicks-
Cute nerdy fangirl: Asian fanboy keeps not asking me to prom.
Bella: Whoops that's my fault. So I'm going to say some empty words that Christina Aguilera or someone has in her lyrics.
Cute nerdy fangirl: That means so much to me!
Indian dudes: HEY BELLA we can join your fan club too ALSO WE HAVE BETTER HAIR THAN THE GUYS AND THE GIRLS.
Jacob: Hiiiii.
Indian dudes: "The Cullens don't come here." -tense silence-
Bella and Jacob: -licorice-
Bella: What do they mean?
Jacob: I'm not supposed to tell but I LOVE YOU so I'm going to reveal my people's secrets YAY LET'S BE FRIENDS.
Jacob: -intense local legend-
Asian fanboy, in the background: -is totally immature-
More tiny plot insertion: -is really short-
But at least she's hot.
THESE ARE REAL VAMPIRES. Unfortunately I believe they also sparkle.
Bella: -goes on Google, but apparently is incapable of finding free online information, instead needing to go to an actual bookstore to find a book of legends, INSTEAD OF JUST READING ON THE INTERNET, but I guess we need her to go to that city or whatever for plot, because that's where she almost gets raped but then Edward SAVES HER, he's her knight in cold glittering marble
Cute nerdy fangirl: Yay Bella's advice worked, Asian fanboy is settling for me!
Airhead fangirl: Yay dress shopping!
Bella: I'll come with you?
Fangirls: OF COURSE YOU ARE weneedyou.
Wow I'm only one third of the way through this movie..
Bella: I like bookstores more than dress shopping, I am a SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE.
Olivia: ..Does this mean I can't like bookstores more than dress shopping anymore? I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE HERRRRR. ;A;
Oh my god this is so awkward. RAPE SCENE god she's going to be gangbanged. That's what you get for walking down a dark alley, Bella. THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T GO TO BOOKSTORES. (Did that guy just ask her if she likes beer pong? SUDDENLY THIS MOVIE IS TOTALLY WORTH IT.)
Edward: -RESCUUUUUUE-
Bella: -slightly more intense stoner face-
Bella: You should put your seat belt on.
Edward: -hysterical giggle- YOU SHOULD PUT YOUR SEAT BELT ON.
Fangirls: BITCH WHERE WERE YOU we were hungry.
Edward: -charismatic glimmer-
Fangirls: ..-giggle-
Fangirls: Okay, so wanna go?
Edward: I will feed her dinner.
Fangirls: THAT'S SO SWEET. -giggle-
Bella: Yeah..I should eat..
Fangirls: -giggle-
Waitress: -flirts with Edward-
Edward: -stoneface-
Bella: BITCH PLEASE.
Bella: Give me some answers.
Edward: -smartassery-
Bella: Okay I love you but SHUT UP.
Edward: I can read every mind here but yours.
Olivia: THAT'S BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING THERE.
Bella: "Is there something wrong with me?"
Olivia: YES.
Bella and Edward's hands: -finally touch-
Background music: -eeeeeerrriiiiiieeeeee-
Bella: Your
Bella: Hey dad. I'm going to actually show some affection for you for the first time in this movie.
Charlie: -'s friend just
Bella: -opens book, sees diagram with caption containing the words 'Cold One', GOES TO GOOGLE, WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST DO THAT FIRST, BELLA, YOU STUPID GIRL; THIS IS WHY HE CAN'T READ YOUR MIND-
Bella: -finally has a revelation-
Bella: -also has a
Bella: -slow motion stare at Edward-
Edward: -slow motion stare at Bella-
Bella: -slow motion walk past Edward-
Edward: -knowing look-
Olivia: -is still not even halfway through the movie-
Edward: -follows Bella into the woods-
Edward: -is so creepy-
Bad high school mural in the background: -is bad-
Music: -is intense-
Camera angle: -is intense-
Oh here's the dramatic scene. Where Bella lists all of his vampire traits and Edward is like ..Yeah. Yeah I am. I AM ALSO DANGEROUS.
Camera movement: -is dramatic-
Bella: I know what you are.
Edward: SAY IT, BITCH.
Cheesy fast-motion run through the forest: -is cheesy-
Edward in the sunlight: -barely looks any different- -might look a bit like his skin is bubbling; did he take Polyjuice Potion recently?-
Cheesy *glitter!* sound effects: -are basically the only things that make him seem like he's sparkling-
Bella: I JUST CREAMED MY PANTS.
Edward: -resentful face-
Edward: Bella no seriously I'm really dangerous.
Bella: -orgasm face for basically the entire scene-
Edward: I AM A KILLER.
Bella: I DON'T CARE I LOVE YOU MAKE BABIES INSIDE OF MEEEE.
Edward: I WANT TO EAT YOU.
Bella: STILL LOVE YOU.
Edward: -is just running around to show off, you douchebag-
Edward: "Your scent..it's like a drug to me. You're like my own personal brand of heroin."
Bella: I am feeling so strange in my pants right now.
Bella: Now I'm afraid.
Edward: Good, you should be.
Bella: NO WAIT I'm not afraid of you, I'm afraid of losing you!
Olivia: -headdesk-
Edward: "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."
Olivia: -HEADDESK FOREVER-
...
Alright, here's where we end for tonight. I can only take so much of this. I ended up stopping fifteen minutes in to watch Food Network for an hour and a half, because Iron Chef and Ace of Cakes are healing for my brain.
Okay this wasn't like my usual movie-watching-commentaries, where sometimes I actually say semi-thoughtful things maybe. No. Today was just a whole lot of: -watch thirty seconds- -lol- -pause movie- -scamper over to blog- -make fun of it-
More tomorrow.
(I think I almost like this better than the book, though. The book is fucken terrifying. The movie is just a load of pfffffffttttttt.)
...
And, to round off the evening:
You're welcome.
Olivia
PS. Lol..
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Lol Ai poop.
So basically I spent my entire evening on the roleplay group's OOC chat doodling silly pictures in Illustrator. (Someone was drawing a bunch of characters in sexyform, and I rather enjoyed this.)
Olivia
Olivia
Man I need to sleep more.
You know the funny part is that I keep telling myself that tonight will be different. That tonight I will actually be in bed, with lights off and computer away, before midnight. It is such a good plan. I will actually have a real sleep tonight.
Then I stay up until sunrise and say Oops and slip under the covers before my mother wakes up and sees my bedroom light on and tells me off for still not having slept when I know that I need to be at work in four hours.
For example it is three in the morning and I thought I would be sleeping by ten. From ten to now: Doodling. Interneting. Playing with Ustream but not actually streaming anything. Sandwiching. Having an almost-all-caps discussion with a friend about Lost. Just generally being very silly in our roleplaying group's OOC chatroom on deviantArt. Trying to sleep but instead being silly again.
...
But before I sleep, DUUUUUUDE.
I really enjoy the music in Lost. I want to be able to play this. Maaaaan, now I have to practice.
Olivia
PS.
Ankherite: DID YOU NOTICE THAT LIKE ALL OF S6 RICHARD WAS TOTALLY BATSHIT Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite:
Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite:
Ankherite: Ankherite:
Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite: Ankherite: Olovia: FFFFFFFFFFFFFF. Ankherite: Ankherite:
Ankherite: Ankherite:
Then I stay up until sunrise and say Oops and slip under the covers before my mother wakes up and sees my bedroom light on and tells me off for still not having slept when I know that I need to be at work in four hours.
For example it is three in the morning and I thought I would be sleeping by ten. From ten to now: Doodling. Interneting. Playing with Ustream but not actually streaming anything. Sandwiching. Having an almost-all-caps discussion with a friend about Lost. Just generally being very silly in our roleplaying group's OOC chatroom on deviantArt. Trying to sleep but instead being silly again.
...
But before I sleep, DUUUUUUDE.
I really enjoy the music in Lost. I want to be able to play this. Maaaaan, now I have to practice.
Olivia
PS.
* Olovia dies.
** qmaster97 has joined
* Oloviakicks the new kid with WILD ABANDON.
* iduntKICKS HARDER THAN OLIVIA
* OloviaSTARTS KICKING MEEP INSTEAD.
* iduntthen kicks olivia for good form
* Ankheritekicks self
* iduntKICKS SPECK JUST TO NOT LEAVE ANYBODY OUT
* Ankheritebeat meep
* iduntkicks the new kid instead 'cos you guys are fast jerks
* OloviaFLAILS ABOUT AIMLESSLY.
* OloviaATTEMPTS TO KICK THE HARDCORE FURRY HENTAI OUT OF MEEP.
* iduntIF ONLY YOU WERE HEARTY I WOULD TICKLE YOUR FEET UNTIL YOU CONFORMED
** qmaster97 has left [connection closed]
* iduntsighs dramatically
* Oloviakicks Speck again.
PPS. Man okay it's an hour later and I'm now hangin on Youtube instead of sleeping. Promise this is the last. It's amazing.
PPPS. Okay I totally lied it's five now and I'm still awake watching Jimmy Kimmel Lost videos on Youtube. -shame-
PPPS. Okay I totally lied it's five now and I'm still awake watching Jimmy Kimmel Lost videos on Youtube. -shame-
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