The thing about good dreams.

I hate having good dreams. Because most of the time my dreams are just really weird and messed up and I can deal with that and sometimes they're amusing, but occasionally my subconscious gives me something I actually really want to happen, and then I wake up and it's like LOL NO.

And those are always the ones I remember the clearest.

This dream has been haunting me all day, and it's a really really good dream. Like, genuinely happy. Whenever I'm not doing something it ends up taking up brain-space again and I want it to stop. It makes me happy and then I realize that really all I'm doing is lying to myself, and that makes me unhappy again. I'm so ridiculous.

I'd really rather not have good dreams, honestly. I'd really rather just have strange and meaningless ones. They are less of a let-down, because at least when I wake up I can just laugh at myself, instead of wanting to punch myself.

Dreams probably bother me more than they should. But I just wish I wouldn't torment myself with this-could-be-your-life. It's bad enough when I do it consciously, imagining what would happen if I were different or if I had or hadn't done certain things; when I play it out while I'm asleep, it just kind of makes it worse.

...

I love getting mail. There's something that's just nice about getting an envelope without a window or a printed-out label on the front. This week I have gotten lots of mail. One of my internet-buddy-people sent me a letter (actually, she wrote it about a year ago, and just found it while cleaning her room, and then her mom saw it already addressed and stamped and everything so she mailed it out), and Eric sent me his mini-comic (which is awesome), and another internet-buddy-person is going to send me a postcard from her vacation, and another internet-buddy-person is going to send me strange flavors of lip balm (long story), and I am writing letters.

...

On another note, I realize that during this past week I've developed the bad habit of writing a few paragraphs of a blog entry and then not posting it. So um..I'll do that.

Olivia