Oh my god. I just realized, if I ever decided to commit suicide, this is how I'd do it:
In a car, speeding off a fucken cliff.
Like a roller coaster but deadlier. Falling, getting that horrible wonderful feeling in my stomach as I hang in the air, having maybe just enough time to swallow my fear before -
I'm not saying I want to die. But if I did, that would totally be my way to go.
Awesome.
Olivia
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
BLAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH.
Things have been wonky. Wrote posts but didn't post them. Internet sucks balls. Will post.
Monday, June 21, 2010
NOT MY FAULT I was busy writing dumb poems to Twitter on my phone.
Internet went down last night, bluh bluh bluhhhhh. So this is going to just sit here pretending to be last night's post.
Olivia
Olivia
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Evelyn Evelyn concert.
Mang this has been such a great weekend. Hope tomorrow is good too.
Evelyn Evelyn concert tonight. Christine and I drove to Waltham where her mom is staying, and had an (extremely) early dinner. Then she took us to Riverside Station, from which we took the green line into Boston. Got off; Google Maps directions to the House of Blues told us to go west. So we started walking where I thought west was, but I dunno, the streets are labeled weird or I was looking the wrong way, because I thought we weren't on the right intersection, so we turned back the other way. But halfway down the block, Christine realized that we were now walking away from the sun, so we had been going west in the first place. So we turned around, and right when we started walking back we passed..Amanda Fucking Palmer.
Just..walking down the sidewalk. On her phone. Probably tweeting or something. Then I kind of made a fool of myself by stopping and kind of staring for a second and then kind of shouting 'OH HI'. Then Christine basically did the same thing. She was nice about it, she waved and was friendly. Then we all kept walking, but I was confused because I thought maybe we were going the wrong way after all, so I said loudly, kind of to Christine and kind of to AFP's back, 'Wait, so is it that way?' (gods I'm so dumb) but she told we were going the right way, and how to get there.
Christine basically had a heart attack.
Anyways. Got to the venue. Our seats were..way up on the third floor balcony. (Sadface.) It was way different from the concert in..October or November or something, in Brooklyn. That venue was a lot smaller (at least from where I was standing, fucken three feet from the stage). House of Blues has chairs everywhere..it just felt a bit weird, sitting down, not to mention so far up.
Doors were at six, stuff started around seven. While waiting, Christine and I ridiculed several of the venue's filler-music choices, and made a game of trying to guess whether the people filing in were there for Amanda Palmer or Jason Webley. Sometimes it was pretty easy, sometimes it was..really hard. I wonder what I look more like. We decided that we don't feel like we look enough like Amanda Palmer and Jason Webley fans.. Lots of people were wearing some kind of outfit mimicking AFP's Dresden Dolls getup or Jason's..uh..baggy long-haired hatted thing? Hipsters we sorted almost automatically to Amanda, more folk-looking-people to Jason. One guy was old and long-white-haired and dressed all in white, it was kind of awesome; we named him Dumbledore. Sitting in the row ahead of us was a guy dressed like a sailor..
Anyways. Sxip Shirey first. Geeky-awesome strangely-rave-worthy music, using all sorts of found-object and improvised combination instruments, including the Sxipenspiel:
I'd only heard Sxip once before, briefly onstage with AFP during her tour in the fall with Nervous Cabaret. He does this weird cool on-stage sound-mixing stuff with bells and whistles and kazoos and..lots of crazy stuff. It's kind of fantastic. Plus he did this piece imitating New York; in my opinion, making the city is a very good thing for a sound-maker-person to do. (That sentence sounds silly.)
Then Evelyn Evelyn. Amanda and Jason are..just great. It's difficult to describe the act. Jason is the twin always wiping things down with that red cloth, and Amanda is the one who keeps pursuing Twix bars. It's funny, and a little bit disturbing too. They're really into the act, and pretty damn good at it too. They're intense and timid at the same time, and very good at being nervous. For the encore they shot Sxip, who was being obnoxious, and then took five minutes to get their ukulele ready for playing.
After a change-out-of-the-giant-dress-and-makeup break, Jason Webley. This man is amazing. Sad to say, I'd only heard a few of his songs before tonight. As with Amanda Palmer, I discovered him through Neil Gaiman's blog. (I feel like all the famous people I really really like are all connected..) I think it was when Mr Neil posted the video for 'Eleven Saints'. My favorite of his songs was 'Icarus' (probably because of subject matter more than anything else), and maybe still is. I dunno; I bought one of his CDs afterwards and I'm really liking all of these. Anyways. He's funny. His stage personality is almost the opposite of Amanda's: While she's loud and rambunctious and 'FUCK YES', he's more quiet and apologetic and 'yes please'. And he has this mini stage he stands on, and makes his own percussion with his feet while he plays his accordion or guitar.
Then Amanda FUCKING Palmer, who basically had the same amount of stage time as the twins. (I'm not complaining.) I realized that I like her covers of Radiohead rather more than the original Radiohead songs, so this new album of covers should be good. I dunno what else to say..I've already talked about AFP a bit too much on this blog, there's nothing more right now. (The encore was a drinking song. That was fun. It involved everyone in the place pointing in the air and spinning around twelve times until drunk.)
Afterwards Christine and I stood in the sign-line. I've already gotten all my AFP stuff signed (lol such a dork arggghhh) but I bought a Jason Webley CD (and now have listened to it two and a half times) and they were giving out packs of EE playing cards to people who got stuff. Anyways. When I meet famous-people-I-really-like, I make them things. Andrew Hussie (of MSPA) got a clay Maplehoof. This time I made a couple of teeny Elephant Elephants, the two-headed elephant friend of the twins'. They liked 'em, yay! (Pictures later.)
So uh..that makes my count of non-classical-music concerts up to two. One a straight-up Amanda Palmer concert, one an Evelyn Evelyn. God I'm such a dork. I guess I just don't have enough money to see anyone I don't really really love. This..this was worth it.
Then when I got home I drew a sunflower. Because I haven't been drawing enough lately and I need practice. -wow so random-
Christine's leaving tomorrow morning. Bad thing: Christine will be gone. Good thing: I will be able to walk across my room without having to step around a big ol' futon mattress.
Good night.
Olivia
Evelyn Evelyn concert tonight. Christine and I drove to Waltham where her mom is staying, and had an (extremely) early dinner. Then she took us to Riverside Station, from which we took the green line into Boston. Got off; Google Maps directions to the House of Blues told us to go west. So we started walking where I thought west was, but I dunno, the streets are labeled weird or I was looking the wrong way, because I thought we weren't on the right intersection, so we turned back the other way. But halfway down the block, Christine realized that we were now walking away from the sun, so we had been going west in the first place. So we turned around, and right when we started walking back we passed..Amanda Fucking Palmer.
Just..walking down the sidewalk. On her phone. Probably tweeting or something. Then I kind of made a fool of myself by stopping and kind of staring for a second and then kind of shouting 'OH HI'. Then Christine basically did the same thing. She was nice about it, she waved and was friendly. Then we all kept walking, but I was confused because I thought maybe we were going the wrong way after all, so I said loudly, kind of to Christine and kind of to AFP's back, 'Wait, so is it that way?' (gods I'm so dumb) but she told we were going the right way, and how to get there.
Christine basically had a heart attack.
Anyways. Got to the venue. Our seats were..way up on the third floor balcony. (Sadface.) It was way different from the concert in..October or November or something, in Brooklyn. That venue was a lot smaller (at least from where I was standing, fucken three feet from the stage). House of Blues has chairs everywhere..it just felt a bit weird, sitting down, not to mention so far up.
Doors were at six, stuff started around seven. While waiting, Christine and I ridiculed several of the venue's filler-music choices, and made a game of trying to guess whether the people filing in were there for Amanda Palmer or Jason Webley. Sometimes it was pretty easy, sometimes it was..really hard. I wonder what I look more like. We decided that we don't feel like we look enough like Amanda Palmer and Jason Webley fans.. Lots of people were wearing some kind of outfit mimicking AFP's Dresden Dolls getup or Jason's..uh..baggy long-haired hatted thing? Hipsters we sorted almost automatically to Amanda, more folk-looking-people to Jason. One guy was old and long-white-haired and dressed all in white, it was kind of awesome; we named him Dumbledore. Sitting in the row ahead of us was a guy dressed like a sailor..
Anyways. Sxip Shirey first. Geeky-awesome strangely-rave-worthy music, using all sorts of found-object and improvised combination instruments, including the Sxipenspiel:
I'd only heard Sxip once before, briefly onstage with AFP during her tour in the fall with Nervous Cabaret. He does this weird cool on-stage sound-mixing stuff with bells and whistles and kazoos and..lots of crazy stuff. It's kind of fantastic. Plus he did this piece imitating New York; in my opinion, making the city is a very good thing for a sound-maker-person to do. (That sentence sounds silly.)
Then Evelyn Evelyn. Amanda and Jason are..just great. It's difficult to describe the act. Jason is the twin always wiping things down with that red cloth, and Amanda is the one who keeps pursuing Twix bars. It's funny, and a little bit disturbing too. They're really into the act, and pretty damn good at it too. They're intense and timid at the same time, and very good at being nervous. For the encore they shot Sxip, who was being obnoxious, and then took five minutes to get their ukulele ready for playing.
After a change-out-of-the-giant-dress-and-makeup break, Jason Webley. This man is amazing. Sad to say, I'd only heard a few of his songs before tonight. As with Amanda Palmer, I discovered him through Neil Gaiman's blog. (I feel like all the famous people I really really like are all connected..) I think it was when Mr Neil posted the video for 'Eleven Saints'. My favorite of his songs was 'Icarus' (probably because of subject matter more than anything else), and maybe still is. I dunno; I bought one of his CDs afterwards and I'm really liking all of these. Anyways. He's funny. His stage personality is almost the opposite of Amanda's: While she's loud and rambunctious and 'FUCK YES', he's more quiet and apologetic and 'yes please'. And he has this mini stage he stands on, and makes his own percussion with his feet while he plays his accordion or guitar.
Then Amanda FUCKING Palmer, who basically had the same amount of stage time as the twins. (I'm not complaining.) I realized that I like her covers of Radiohead rather more than the original Radiohead songs, so this new album of covers should be good. I dunno what else to say..I've already talked about AFP a bit too much on this blog, there's nothing more right now. (The encore was a drinking song. That was fun. It involved everyone in the place pointing in the air and spinning around twelve times until drunk.)
Afterwards Christine and I stood in the sign-line. I've already gotten all my AFP stuff signed (lol such a dork arggghhh) but I bought a Jason Webley CD (and now have listened to it two and a half times) and they were giving out packs of EE playing cards to people who got stuff. Anyways. When I meet famous-people-I-really-like, I make them things. Andrew Hussie (of MSPA) got a clay Maplehoof. This time I made a couple of teeny Elephant Elephants, the two-headed elephant friend of the twins'. They liked 'em, yay! (Pictures later.)
So uh..that makes my count of non-classical-music concerts up to two. One a straight-up Amanda Palmer concert, one an Evelyn Evelyn. God I'm such a dork. I guess I just don't have enough money to see anyone I don't really really love. This..this was worth it.
Then when I got home I drew a sunflower. Because I haven't been drawing enough lately and I need practice. -wow so random-
Christine's leaving tomorrow morning. Bad thing: Christine will be gone. Good thing: I will be able to walk across my room without having to step around a big ol' futon mattress.
Good night.
Olivia
Friday, June 18, 2010
TOY STORY 3 and also stuff about Harry Potter.
Toy Story 3, guys. Go see it. It was amazing. I..can't really describe it to you. I'll have to watch it again first.
...
In other news. A couple of weeks ago I decided to reread the Harry Potter series. I was bored. And I used to be a ridiculously huge Harry Potter fan; I'd been into Grimms' and mythology before I started reading the first book, but it was basically my gateway into mainstream fantasy. I probably would have found Neil Gaiman eventually, but reading Harry Potter first certainly helped it along. (I think Fragile Things was my first of Neil Gaiman's books, followed by American Gods.) Anyone who has seen my copies of the series can attest to the fact that I used to be really into Harry Potter. Nearly every one of the seven books has been read so many times that they are falling apart. Literally. The second, third, fourth, and sixth all have at least one chunk of pages that has already come loose, and that has to constantly be shoved back in; the first and fifth are reaching that point. I went to two of the midnight release things, for the fourth and the sixth. I was away at camp when the seventh came out, so I bought a copy from the campus bookstore (and read straight through the day until I finished it with my contraband flashlight at three in the morning), and my brother bought his own at home.
Anyways, back to the point. I've been rereading them. And..I can't find the last.
I have searched everywhere in the house. (Well, obviously not everywhere, because I haven't found either copy yet. But I've looked extensively through each room.) I've scoured most rooms at least twice. Last night around one in the morning I finished Half-Blood Prince, and I decided to go looking again. Instead, all I found was the hardback copy of Eclipse that Christine had given me for use in random book art (because she got it as a gift or something and, for obvious reasons, didn't want it) that I thought I had lost out of spite for Stephenie Meyer. WHYYYYYYY.
I keep dreaming up new places where, I reason, it must be hiding, seeing as I've checked everywhere else. Places like the shelves in the laundry room, or the cupboard where we keep the phone books and old address journals, or under the bed in the guest room. I've uncovered many old books that I haven't seen in years, most in big plastic bins in the attic or the sunroom, but there are two that I can't find no matter where I go, both titled Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Fuck you, Harry Potter. Your name isn't Waldo, is it? I DIDN'T THINK SO.
It wouldn't be so distressing, but I had already told myself that I was going to read through them all, and I am SO CLOSE.
This is so lame. If I do not find it soon I will be forced to resort to the alternate ending.
Olivia
PS. Two hours after writing this post, I was lying on my bed, reading Bone rather dejectedly (although I really enjoy Bone), when I had another brainwave. C..could it be? After all, the last thought, ten minutes prior, had been that perhaps it was in one of the boxes under my bed.. And after all, though I had searched those to no avail, they had once been in another part of the room, before I had rearranged my furniture.. And hadn't there been boxes next to my bed as well, before I cleaned my room last time?..
These boxes were in my closet. Last night I'd thought to look there, but Christine was asleep on the futon mattress blocking the door, so I went looking elsewhere, and didn't remember until just now. So, three big heavy horrible boxes, squeezed off to the side and stuck between the wall and the leaning weight of way too many sketchpads, bristol pads, drawing boards, canvases, and my portfolio. First box, no-go. Second, had to dig through piles of books in a very uncomfortable position, halfway in the box and halfway outside of the closet, with one foot planted firmly on the floor and the other not-so-firmly on the mattress; then there was also the task of dragging it out, and then the stacks of papers and things leaned over the bottom box so I had to struggle underneath them to open it. Upon opening it, the smell of peppermint hit me; there was, for some reason, a forgotten bag of Lifesavers at the top of the box. Dig dig dig through old random things, then..
Good lord, finally. -headdesk-
...
In other news. A couple of weeks ago I decided to reread the Harry Potter series. I was bored. And I used to be a ridiculously huge Harry Potter fan; I'd been into Grimms' and mythology before I started reading the first book, but it was basically my gateway into mainstream fantasy. I probably would have found Neil Gaiman eventually, but reading Harry Potter first certainly helped it along. (I think Fragile Things was my first of Neil Gaiman's books, followed by American Gods.) Anyone who has seen my copies of the series can attest to the fact that I used to be really into Harry Potter. Nearly every one of the seven books has been read so many times that they are falling apart. Literally. The second, third, fourth, and sixth all have at least one chunk of pages that has already come loose, and that has to constantly be shoved back in; the first and fifth are reaching that point. I went to two of the midnight release things, for the fourth and the sixth. I was away at camp when the seventh came out, so I bought a copy from the campus bookstore (and read straight through the day until I finished it with my contraband flashlight at three in the morning), and my brother bought his own at home.
Anyways, back to the point. I've been rereading them. And..I can't find the last.
I have searched everywhere in the house. (Well, obviously not everywhere, because I haven't found either copy yet. But I've looked extensively through each room.) I've scoured most rooms at least twice. Last night around one in the morning I finished Half-Blood Prince, and I decided to go looking again. Instead, all I found was the hardback copy of Eclipse that Christine had given me for use in random book art (because she got it as a gift or something and, for obvious reasons, didn't want it) that I thought I had lost out of spite for Stephenie Meyer. WHYYYYYYY.
I keep dreaming up new places where, I reason, it must be hiding, seeing as I've checked everywhere else. Places like the shelves in the laundry room, or the cupboard where we keep the phone books and old address journals, or under the bed in the guest room. I've uncovered many old books that I haven't seen in years, most in big plastic bins in the attic or the sunroom, but there are two that I can't find no matter where I go, both titled Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Fuck you, Harry Potter. Your name isn't Waldo, is it? I DIDN'T THINK SO.
It wouldn't be so distressing, but I had already told myself that I was going to read through them all, and I am SO CLOSE.
This is so lame. If I do not find it soon I will be forced to resort to the alternate ending.
Olivia
PS. Two hours after writing this post, I was lying on my bed, reading Bone rather dejectedly (although I really enjoy Bone), when I had another brainwave. C..could it be? After all, the last thought, ten minutes prior, had been that perhaps it was in one of the boxes under my bed.. And after all, though I had searched those to no avail, they had once been in another part of the room, before I had rearranged my furniture.. And hadn't there been boxes next to my bed as well, before I cleaned my room last time?..
These boxes were in my closet. Last night I'd thought to look there, but Christine was asleep on the futon mattress blocking the door, so I went looking elsewhere, and didn't remember until just now. So, three big heavy horrible boxes, squeezed off to the side and stuck between the wall and the leaning weight of way too many sketchpads, bristol pads, drawing boards, canvases, and my portfolio. First box, no-go. Second, had to dig through piles of books in a very uncomfortable position, halfway in the box and halfway outside of the closet, with one foot planted firmly on the floor and the other not-so-firmly on the mattress; then there was also the task of dragging it out, and then the stacks of papers and things leaned over the bottom box so I had to struggle underneath them to open it. Upon opening it, the smell of peppermint hit me; there was, for some reason, a forgotten bag of Lifesavers at the top of the box. Dig dig dig through old random things, then..
Good lord, finally. -headdesk-
OR TECHNICALLY TODAY. IT'S TODAY, GUYS. WISH I HAD GONE AT MIDNIGHT.
Yeah you're not going to get anything out of me except TOYYYYYYY STORYYYYYYYYYYYYY until tomorrow, when I actually see it.
Olivia
Olivia
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
No not really.
Nothing tonight, for real though. I am really tired all of a sudden for some reason. Good night.
Olivia
PS. ARGH TS3 IN TWO DAYS.
Olivia
PS. ARGH TS3 IN TWO DAYS.
Thought I had nothing to talk about, then rambled about movies for an hour.
Nothing tonight. Here, watch videos instead.
I love that remix. And I just can't stop myself from watching every Toy Story 3 trailer or clip or teaser or whatever that I can find. You have no idea how psyched I am for this. (Hint: Very psyched.)
I'm excited for this movie. It seems that almost all the movies I get excited over are kids' movies, or at least movies that kids can reasonably watch. Movies PG and below.
The only non-kids' movie I am looking forward to at the moment is Scott Pilgrim Vs the World, which looks great. (Last ones were 9 - I think we all know how much that one let me down - and Avatar - fucking beautiful as long as you weren't looking for a rich story full of non-visual depth, and the 3D kind of sucked for the first half-hour.) I love the comic-book effects. And Michael Cera has the market cornered on awkward-guy-with-hot-girl.
Hm, that makes me think about the movies I've been excited for this past year. Hm. (I'm going all of 2009, and up to now 2010.)
Up - Obviously; do you know me yet, or what?
Coraline - Neil Gaiman fan, Henry Selick fan, stop-motion fanatic. Another duh.
Watchmen - The graphic novel is awesome. The movie, less so. But the effects were pretty. The lighting was so dramatic throughout the entire fucking thing. Kind of cool. My favorite part was probably the opening credits, though, when it was like slow-motion photos from the past.
Where the Wild Things Are - AHHHHHHHH such a good movie. Loved it. Loved it so much. It was like childhood..as a movie. Saw it at midnight with Danny and Jen and Sarah and Ross, back when I actually hung out with them. It was funny; the entire theater was filled with college kids.
The Princess and the Frog - It was pretty and nice, but not Disney-Renaissance-quality in my opinion. The pacing was off, I think.
9 - WHAT A FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT. My classmates and I were all riled up for that movie. The trailers presented a good premise and made the visuals look good. We were..let down. It was the first time I've ever considered walking out of a movie theater, but I'd spent twelve-fifty on the ticket (ugh, the city), so I didn't want to waste the money.
Avatar - Saw this both in 2D and 3D. Glad I saw 2D first, because I spent the first half-hour in 3D holding my stomach, occasionally looking away from the screen, trying not to puke. It made me extremely motion sick. Even after that passed, I still think the 3D wasn't very impressive. But there's one thing to say about Avatar: It was gorgeous.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: Okay, so Harry Potter has moved into the realm of past-loves, I think. I used to be fucking obsessed with it. Now I quietly enjoy it. I am in the middle of re-reading the books because I was bored and though it would be fun. Christine and I watched A Very Potter Musical (watch it, it's amazing) for like the third time together today, and have been screaming quotes to each other in the empty house. (We also read My Immortal, theworst greatest fanfic ever in loud voices, spelling errors included, to the confused amusement of my brother.) But I'm not the huge fan I used to be. I will still see the last movies, of course. But I won't be flipping out about it. (We reserve that for animated movies now. Lol..I'm devolving..)
Waking Sleeping Beauty - An SVA screening; Peter Schneider and Don Hahn were there WHOOOOO if you don't know who they are you are obviously not an animation geek. It's documentary on the Disney Renaissance. Tom and I skipped art history to see it; so worth it.
Movies I wasn't initially pumped for but saw anyways.
Monsters vs Aliens - I was not excited for this, because DreamWorks had yet to impress me, but I saw it anyways. In my opinion, a huge obnoxious DreamWorks movie like the rest.
How to Train Your Dragon - Though I was at first teaser just expecting another cute-but-annoying DreamWorks movie, I started getting kind of worked up about it when people started seeing it and saying it was awesome and the best movie of theirs ever. I saw it; I loved it. Definitely their best so far.
Shrek 4 - Well okay, I haven't seen this yet. But I will. I'm not running to the theater, though, because in my opinion Shrek should have ended a long time ago. The first one was good. But apparently the fourth is better than the third, so that's something. (I really shouldn't have such a low standard for DreamWorks; they're one of the companies I really want to animate for, after all..)
District 9 - Wasn't excited about it, because I didn't really know anything about it, but I got it from the school film library and watched it. SO GLAD I DID. It's a great movie. Such a better alien plot than Avatar. Even though..it's totally a different thing.
Sherlock Holmes - Saw it with Danielles. I loved the music in it. The movie itself was pretty good too.
17 Again - DON'T LAUGH AT ME I watched it on the plane to Europe last summer, there was nothing else to do. It was..I don't really remember much from it. Zac Efron does that weird thing where his eyes get all wide..I dunno. He probably does that in all his movies. It's like Jackface in Lost.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine - Not bad. I rather like the X-Men movies, but I'm not obsessed with them. I wish I had read the comics, though.
The Hangover - Everyone kept going on and on about how great it was, so finally I borrowed the DVD from Tom. It was a really crappy DVD, taken in the theaters on a bad camera with bad sound, and I think he said he bought it on a street corner for a dollar or something like that, but it was still hilarious.
Julie and Julia - Saw it with my parents. (Yeah I watch movies with my parents, don't laugh. Shut up.) It was cute.
Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs - Eh, what can I say. I already gave a kind-0f-review of it on this blog. It's..Sony. Sony is vying for more-obnoxious-than-DreamWorks, and hey, with HTTYD, and hopefully staying on this track, Sony will get their wish, I guess.
Surrogates - I heard it wasn't that great, so I watched it from the film library. I dunno, I thought the premise was cool, and I rather liked it actually. But it wasn't like WOW BLEW ME AWAY kind of movie.
The Invention of Lying - School screening. Hey, free movie with the producers talking about it afterwards? Oh let's totally go! It was a cute movie. Pretty funny concept.
Zombieland - Okay this was a great movie, I have to say. I didn't see it while everyone was getting hyper about it, but later. Don't remember who I saw it with.
Shutter Island - I thought this was pretty good. SPOILER: It had a Sixth Sense ending, basically, but I really liked his last line, something like: "Would you rather live as a monster, or die as a man?" as they took him off to be lobotomized.
Movies I still haven't seen.
Star Trek - Don't kill me, guys. I want to see it. I just haven't yet. I've never seen Star Trek anything; gimme some time to get to it.
The Hurt Locker - I don't know what it is, I still haven't seen Slumdog Millionaire either. (Although I have that one on my external hard drive, I just haven't gotten around to it yet.) For some reason I don't watch many of the Best-Picture-winning movies before they win. Or..after, apparently.
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs - I'm still not sure what I think of Blue Sky Studios. But anyways, I have that one on my hard drive too, just haven't watched it yet.
Brüno - Not a surprise; I didn't watch Borat until last..October or November or something.
Ponyo - I like Miyazaki and Studio Ghibli, but I just haven't seen it yet. Looked kind of weird, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of upset that mini-Cyrus and mini-Jonas are the main character voices. Guh. But I'll see it. Just not now. I heard it was good, if a bit weird. (All Miyazaki movies. Duh.)
Inglourious Basterds - Hearing mixed things about it. Used to keep hearing OH LOL IT'S GREAT, but then later more of Oh it's okay yeah sure.
Paranormal Activity - Everyone was talking about it for a while. I might see it, might not. I'm not big on horror films.
2012 - Heard it sucked.
Fantastic Mr Fox - Kind of want to see it, but kind of putting it off. I mean, one reason why I loved Coraline was the beautiful smooth stop-motion. Mr Fox is deliberately choppy, and I don't know yet if I like that.
Planet 51 - I know I should see this because I'm going into the industry, but..it looked kind of dumb.
Up in the Air - I heard it was really good, and it won Oscars. I just haven't seen it.
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus - I want to see this.
Alice in Wonderland - I had mixed feelings about seeing this; Tim Burton is only good half the time. When Jen (from home) visited during her spring break, we were going to go see it, but we ended up seeing Shutter Island instead. I've heard extremely mixed things about Alice.
Splice - Okay so it may just be that I've been seeing ads everywhere, but I kind of want to see this.
Movies coming out soon that I want to see.
TOY STORY 3 - I really don't need to say anything more.
The Last Airbender - Okay, so I loved the show. One thing that really makes me angry at Avatar the movie is that I can't talk about the show anymore without people thinking I'm talking about the movie. Anyways. Not many Asian people are in the cast, which is..weird.
Despicable Me - Looks like it should be amusing. And it's my field.
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World - Already talked about this up there.
MegaMind - The next DreamWorks movie.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I - I think it's kind of funny that they're doing it in two parts. It's not even the longest book. Oh well.
Okay I'm onfour three minutes left of battery power on my laptop and the only charger in the house is in another room with a sleeping person in it, so I'm going to wrap this post up.
OH ALSO I'M REALLY SAD I MISSED TOY STORY AND TOY STORY 2 WHILE THEY WERE 3D IN THEATERS. To date, I have not seen a Pixar movie in 3D, and I really want to. I saw Up twice (or was it thrice?) in theaters, and both (all?) times, they weren't showing it in 3D. MOVIETICKETS.COM EVEN SAID IT WOULD BE IN 3D. MOVIETICKETS.COM IS OBVIOUSLY A FUCKING LIAR. I plan to see Toy Story 3 on Friday with Christine and maybe also dude AND IF IT'S NOT IN 3D THEN I WILL STRANGLE EITHER THE THEATER OR MOVIETICKETS.COM.
I thought I was going to write a 'I don't have anything to say so watch some Youtube videos' post, and ended up listing movies for over an hour. Sheesh. Good night.
Olivia
I love that remix. And I just can't stop myself from watching every Toy Story 3 trailer or clip or teaser or whatever that I can find. You have no idea how psyched I am for this. (Hint: Very psyched.)
I'm excited for this movie. It seems that almost all the movies I get excited over are kids' movies, or at least movies that kids can reasonably watch. Movies PG and below.
The only non-kids' movie I am looking forward to at the moment is Scott Pilgrim Vs the World, which looks great. (Last ones were 9 - I think we all know how much that one let me down - and Avatar - fucking beautiful as long as you weren't looking for a rich story full of non-visual depth, and the 3D kind of sucked for the first half-hour.) I love the comic-book effects. And Michael Cera has the market cornered on awkward-guy-with-hot-girl.
Hm, that makes me think about the movies I've been excited for this past year. Hm. (I'm going all of 2009, and up to now 2010.)
Up - Obviously; do you know me yet, or what?
Coraline - Neil Gaiman fan, Henry Selick fan, stop-motion fanatic. Another duh.
Watchmen - The graphic novel is awesome. The movie, less so. But the effects were pretty. The lighting was so dramatic throughout the entire fucking thing. Kind of cool. My favorite part was probably the opening credits, though, when it was like slow-motion photos from the past.
Where the Wild Things Are - AHHHHHHHH such a good movie. Loved it. Loved it so much. It was like childhood..as a movie. Saw it at midnight with Danny and Jen and Sarah and Ross, back when I actually hung out with them. It was funny; the entire theater was filled with college kids.
The Princess and the Frog - It was pretty and nice, but not Disney-Renaissance-quality in my opinion. The pacing was off, I think.
9 - WHAT A FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT. My classmates and I were all riled up for that movie. The trailers presented a good premise and made the visuals look good. We were..let down. It was the first time I've ever considered walking out of a movie theater, but I'd spent twelve-fifty on the ticket (ugh, the city), so I didn't want to waste the money.
Avatar - Saw this both in 2D and 3D. Glad I saw 2D first, because I spent the first half-hour in 3D holding my stomach, occasionally looking away from the screen, trying not to puke. It made me extremely motion sick. Even after that passed, I still think the 3D wasn't very impressive. But there's one thing to say about Avatar: It was gorgeous.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: Okay, so Harry Potter has moved into the realm of past-loves, I think. I used to be fucking obsessed with it. Now I quietly enjoy it. I am in the middle of re-reading the books because I was bored and though it would be fun. Christine and I watched A Very Potter Musical (watch it, it's amazing) for like the third time together today, and have been screaming quotes to each other in the empty house. (We also read My Immortal, the
Waking Sleeping Beauty - An SVA screening; Peter Schneider and Don Hahn were there WHOOOOO if you don't know who they are you are obviously not an animation geek. It's documentary on the Disney Renaissance. Tom and I skipped art history to see it; so worth it.
Movies I wasn't initially pumped for but saw anyways.
Monsters vs Aliens - I was not excited for this, because DreamWorks had yet to impress me, but I saw it anyways. In my opinion, a huge obnoxious DreamWorks movie like the rest.
How to Train Your Dragon - Though I was at first teaser just expecting another cute-but-annoying DreamWorks movie, I started getting kind of worked up about it when people started seeing it and saying it was awesome and the best movie of theirs ever. I saw it; I loved it. Definitely their best so far.
Shrek 4 - Well okay, I haven't seen this yet. But I will. I'm not running to the theater, though, because in my opinion Shrek should have ended a long time ago. The first one was good. But apparently the fourth is better than the third, so that's something. (I really shouldn't have such a low standard for DreamWorks; they're one of the companies I really want to animate for, after all..)
District 9 - Wasn't excited about it, because I didn't really know anything about it, but I got it from the school film library and watched it. SO GLAD I DID. It's a great movie. Such a better alien plot than Avatar. Even though..it's totally a different thing.
Sherlock Holmes - Saw it with Danielles. I loved the music in it. The movie itself was pretty good too.
17 Again - DON'T LAUGH AT ME I watched it on the plane to Europe last summer, there was nothing else to do. It was..I don't really remember much from it. Zac Efron does that weird thing where his eyes get all wide..I dunno. He probably does that in all his movies. It's like Jackface in Lost.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine - Not bad. I rather like the X-Men movies, but I'm not obsessed with them. I wish I had read the comics, though.
The Hangover - Everyone kept going on and on about how great it was, so finally I borrowed the DVD from Tom. It was a really crappy DVD, taken in the theaters on a bad camera with bad sound, and I think he said he bought it on a street corner for a dollar or something like that, but it was still hilarious.
Julie and Julia - Saw it with my parents. (Yeah I watch movies with my parents, don't laugh. Shut up.) It was cute.
Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs - Eh, what can I say. I already gave a kind-0f-review of it on this blog. It's..Sony. Sony is vying for more-obnoxious-than-DreamWorks, and hey, with HTTYD, and hopefully staying on this track, Sony will get their wish, I guess.
Surrogates - I heard it wasn't that great, so I watched it from the film library. I dunno, I thought the premise was cool, and I rather liked it actually. But it wasn't like WOW BLEW ME AWAY kind of movie.
The Invention of Lying - School screening. Hey, free movie with the producers talking about it afterwards? Oh let's totally go! It was a cute movie. Pretty funny concept.
Zombieland - Okay this was a great movie, I have to say. I didn't see it while everyone was getting hyper about it, but later. Don't remember who I saw it with.
Shutter Island - I thought this was pretty good. SPOILER: It had a Sixth Sense ending, basically, but I really liked his last line, something like: "Would you rather live as a monster, or die as a man?" as they took him off to be lobotomized.
Movies I still haven't seen.
Star Trek - Don't kill me, guys. I want to see it. I just haven't yet. I've never seen Star Trek anything; gimme some time to get to it.
The Hurt Locker - I don't know what it is, I still haven't seen Slumdog Millionaire either. (Although I have that one on my external hard drive, I just haven't gotten around to it yet.) For some reason I don't watch many of the Best-Picture-winning movies before they win. Or..after, apparently.
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs - I'm still not sure what I think of Blue Sky Studios. But anyways, I have that one on my hard drive too, just haven't watched it yet.
Brüno - Not a surprise; I didn't watch Borat until last..October or November or something.
Ponyo - I like Miyazaki and Studio Ghibli, but I just haven't seen it yet. Looked kind of weird, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of upset that mini-Cyrus and mini-Jonas are the main character voices. Guh. But I'll see it. Just not now. I heard it was good, if a bit weird. (All Miyazaki movies. Duh.)
Inglourious Basterds - Hearing mixed things about it. Used to keep hearing OH LOL IT'S GREAT, but then later more of Oh it's okay yeah sure.
Paranormal Activity - Everyone was talking about it for a while. I might see it, might not. I'm not big on horror films.
2012 - Heard it sucked.
Fantastic Mr Fox - Kind of want to see it, but kind of putting it off. I mean, one reason why I loved Coraline was the beautiful smooth stop-motion. Mr Fox is deliberately choppy, and I don't know yet if I like that.
Planet 51 - I know I should see this because I'm going into the industry, but..it looked kind of dumb.
Up in the Air - I heard it was really good, and it won Oscars. I just haven't seen it.
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus - I want to see this.
Alice in Wonderland - I had mixed feelings about seeing this; Tim Burton is only good half the time. When Jen (from home) visited during her spring break, we were going to go see it, but we ended up seeing Shutter Island instead. I've heard extremely mixed things about Alice.
Splice - Okay so it may just be that I've been seeing ads everywhere, but I kind of want to see this.
Movies coming out soon that I want to see.
TOY STORY 3 - I really don't need to say anything more.
The Last Airbender - Okay, so I loved the show. One thing that really makes me angry at Avatar the movie is that I can't talk about the show anymore without people thinking I'm talking about the movie. Anyways. Not many Asian people are in the cast, which is..weird.
Despicable Me - Looks like it should be amusing. And it's my field.
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World - Already talked about this up there.
MegaMind - The next DreamWorks movie.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I - I think it's kind of funny that they're doing it in two parts. It's not even the longest book. Oh well.
Okay I'm on
OH ALSO I'M REALLY SAD I MISSED TOY STORY AND TOY STORY 2 WHILE THEY WERE 3D IN THEATERS. To date, I have not seen a Pixar movie in 3D, and I really want to. I saw Up twice (or was it thrice?) in theaters, and both (all?) times, they weren't showing it in 3D. MOVIETICKETS.COM EVEN SAID IT WOULD BE IN 3D. MOVIETICKETS.COM IS OBVIOUSLY A FUCKING LIAR. I plan to see Toy Story 3 on Friday with Christine and maybe also dude AND IF IT'S NOT IN 3D THEN I WILL STRANGLE EITHER THE THEATER OR MOVIETICKETS.COM.
I thought I was going to write a 'I don't have anything to say so watch some Youtube videos' post, and ended up listing movies for over an hour. Sheesh. Good night.
Olivia
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Things about high school art.
Okay so Christine's here and I don't really have anything to say other than that.
Oh wait, today I visited Ms Dunning and the rest of my old art teachers. They are making a big deal over me right now because of the whole national Gold Medal thing..they want to use this to appeal to the school board not to cut the art department even more. Apparently Mr Parker was actually laid off last year, and has been on all this year as a permanent sub. Big cut in salary. It's really lame; Mr Parker had only been working there for three years, so he was the obvious choice to cut. He's awesome: old and ornery and sarcastic; he went to Andover High with Mr Batchelder, the head of the art department, and then I think they also went to AIB or something together. He's been making a living as an illustrator since then, and is a really great teacher. I had him for Ceramics during sophomore year, Drawing during junior year, and Illustration during senior year. Anyways. Mr Batchelder's trying to convince the board not to cut the program even more; one of our teachers is leaving for..I don't know if she's coming back after a year, but anyways she just had a baby. So they're going to be like 'Oh hey look we got a national winner, you should let us keep doing what we're doing and cut the sports instead' except this town will never cut sports, what am I talking about.
Anyways. Good night.
Olivia
Sunday, June 13, 2010
OH BOYO.
HEY GUYS.
CHRISTINE'S COMING TOMORROW.
WHOOOOOOOO.
Also I completely knocked myself out cleaning today. My parents go on fucken cleaning rampages, and my brother and I get swept into the storm. Rearranged the furniture in my room too. Hopefully I do not attempt to get out of bed on the wrong side tomorrow morning, because the wall is strong and unmoving and will no doubt hurt me.
Also I just discovered Sad Keanu. This..is great.
Also HOMESTUCK VOLUME 5 WHOOOOO. So awesome. Seventy-one songs. Shit man.
Also good night.
Olivia
CHRISTINE'S COMING TOMORROW.
WHOOOOOOOO.
Also I completely knocked myself out cleaning today. My parents go on fucken cleaning rampages, and my brother and I get swept into the storm. Rearranged the furniture in my room too. Hopefully I do not attempt to get out of bed on the wrong side tomorrow morning, because the wall is strong and unmoving and will no doubt hurt me.
Also I just discovered Sad Keanu. This..is great.
Also HOMESTUCK VOLUME 5 WHOOOOO. So awesome. Seventy-one songs. Shit man.
Also good night.
Olivia
Phoenix, follow-up.
Oops, forgot to post this last night. This was yesterday's post, cross-posted to the Lovianart blog.
...
Well, it's done.
...
Copy-pasted from the deviantART description, because I don't feel like rewriting it:
"So after a rather stressful series of events across this week, discussed in the above blog posts, here is the finished product. This ended up being a commissioned piece for an art auction as part of a charity event for..some group of people who are uh..something to do with American-Chinese doctors? Um..establishing connections between the countries..something-something. I'm not exactly clear on it. I should probably figure it out.
"I finished and mounted it this morning - it's in a black shadowbox - and we went to deliver it in the afternoon. They ended up giving it a starting bid that I think is..absurdly high, but what can you do. I'm not good at selling my own art, so whatever. They're doctors. They have money.
"Anyways, the first version of this was a mask. Same colors and form, slightly different shape. I'll probably take better photos of that and post it too. Part of a new project I'm working on, which involves..making a bunch of cool-looking masks. Simple, right?
"People are trying to prod me into making a few more of these and selling them. Should I?"
...
Guh. So I got four hours of sleep last night, because I stayed up painting until two thirty; while working on the gold rachises (I had to look up the plural of that word), I realized that I was falling asleep and that I was starting to screw them up pretty badly, so I decided to go to bed. Told my mom, who had fallen asleep on the couch watching me work, to wake me up early so I could finish it, so she took that as an invitation to shake me awake at six thirty this morning. -headdesk-
After we mounted and everything, it was twelve, and I wanted nothing more than to stumble back home to bed. But we had to deliver the thing. So my mom and I drove into Boston to the Holiday Inn where the function was to take place. Got there around one forty-five, and it turned out June-the-organizer - my mom taught a business class of which June was a student, so that's how they know each other - wasn't going to be there until two. (It was kind of funny; the area was on the top floor, and the regular elevators weren't going there yet because it hadn't started, or something, so we ended up having to take the service elevator. It's a magical back-of-the-hotel conveyance with dirty floors and broken mirrors, where cleaning staff throw trash while making their rounds.) Shitloads of traffic, the arrival of several volunteers and committee members, and about forty-five minutes later, she showed up. Blah blah figuring out where to put it when Michelle-the-floor-manager arrived ten minutes after June; many Chinese doctors telling me that I am extremely talented while I kind of just stood there embarrassed; the organizers and my mom setting the starting bid way too high dear lord, but June says people will definitely buy it so whatever, maybe Chinese doctors like spending money; wandering around checking out the setup for the conference; helping the student-volunteers-from-prestigious-schools-in-the-area with things like gift bags for VIP guests, one of them took a class on 3D modeling so I talked to him about that for a while, that was cool.
Then we left, around four, before the event actually started.
Then we went home and I slept until dinner at seven thirty.
Today was kind of an adventure. I still think it was priced too high.
...
Well, it's done.
...
Copy-pasted from the deviantART description, because I don't feel like rewriting it:
"So after a rather stressful series of events across this week, discussed in the above blog posts, here is the finished product. This ended up being a commissioned piece for an art auction as part of a charity event for..some group of people who are uh..something to do with American-Chinese doctors? Um..establishing connections between the countries..something-something. I'm not exactly clear on it. I should probably figure it out.
"I finished and mounted it this morning - it's in a black shadowbox - and we went to deliver it in the afternoon. They ended up giving it a starting bid that I think is..absurdly high, but what can you do. I'm not good at selling my own art, so whatever. They're doctors. They have money.
"Anyways, the first version of this was a mask. Same colors and form, slightly different shape. I'll probably take better photos of that and post it too. Part of a new project I'm working on, which involves..making a bunch of cool-looking masks. Simple, right?
"People are trying to prod me into making a few more of these and selling them. Should I?"
...
Guh. So I got four hours of sleep last night, because I stayed up painting until two thirty; while working on the gold rachises (I had to look up the plural of that word), I realized that I was falling asleep and that I was starting to screw them up pretty badly, so I decided to go to bed. Told my mom, who had fallen asleep on the couch watching me work, to wake me up early so I could finish it, so she took that as an invitation to shake me awake at six thirty this morning. -headdesk-
After we mounted and everything, it was twelve, and I wanted nothing more than to stumble back home to bed. But we had to deliver the thing. So my mom and I drove into Boston to the Holiday Inn where the function was to take place. Got there around one forty-five, and it turned out June-the-organizer - my mom taught a business class of which June was a student, so that's how they know each other - wasn't going to be there until two. (It was kind of funny; the area was on the top floor, and the regular elevators weren't going there yet because it hadn't started, or something, so we ended up having to take the service elevator. It's a magical back-of-the-hotel conveyance with dirty floors and broken mirrors, where cleaning staff throw trash while making their rounds.) Shitloads of traffic, the arrival of several volunteers and committee members, and about forty-five minutes later, she showed up. Blah blah figuring out where to put it when Michelle-the-floor-manager arrived ten minutes after June; many Chinese doctors telling me that I am extremely talented while I kind of just stood there embarrassed; the organizers and my mom setting the starting bid way too high dear lord, but June says people will definitely buy it so whatever, maybe Chinese doctors like spending money; wandering around checking out the setup for the conference; helping the student-volunteers-from-prestigious-schools-in-the-area with things like gift bags for VIP guests, one of them took a class on 3D modeling so I talked to him about that for a while, that was cool.
Then we left, around four, before the event actually started.
Then we went home and I slept until dinner at seven thirty.
Today was kind of an adventure. I still think it was priced too high.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Phoenix take two.
Cross-posted to the artblog.
...
Okay so.
I am in the process of remaking the phoenix.
This is why.
- My mom keeps pushing me to get my work out. Sell it, get it seen by other people than the ones living in my house, et cetera. To grow as an artist, and build my stupid self-esteem, and such.
- Couple of days ago she was telling me that I ought to sell the phoenix to one of the doctor-people she knows through work. Said it would fit as a decoration in a clinic or office or hospital or something. This idea made me slightly uncomfortable and extremely self-conscious, but the only coherent answer I could give was '..That would be weird. Then lots of people would see it.'
- Last night at dinner my mom offered to buy it from me. I asked what she would do with it, because she kept talking earlier about letting her sell it for me since I'm apparently so afraid to do it myself. (I could sell it myself. On the internet. I could totally do it over the internet. Not in person. That would make me feel awkward.) So I said, 'Sure, buy it from me,' and we worked it out.
- Then she says, 'We're going to have to mount it.' Okay. No problem. Will take some effort, because I was dumb and didn't take display into consideration while making it, but we'd been discussing it with my dad earlier and he said we would figure it out. (Parents are many things, including engineers. Dad's a physicist. We've got this down.)
- Then she says, 'I'm donating it to an auction for charity.'
- Then my brain says
-
-
-
- Then I kind of sputter for a bit.
- This amuses my family, because they know that I'm this way about my art.
- My parents and I stare at the mask for a while, trying to figure out a good way to mount it. You see, I did not take mechanical structure into account while building it, because I'm stupid and don't think ahead, so we have a difficult task ahead.
- We go out to see what we can find.
- First to Michael's. They have display cases; unfortunately, we cannot find anything that will hold the bird's eighteen-inch wingspan. They have shadow boxes; unfortunately, they are all very shallow, and the bird is five inches in depth.
- Then to A C Moore's. Not really expecting anything better, because in past experience Michael's has more stuff anyways, but we try just in case. They have even less options.
- Next to Home Depot. (These stores are all very close to each other.) I have been insisting the whole time that maybe we can just build a box to hold it, to which my dad replies that we will not have adequate time to build a box nice enough for it. (The auction is on Saturday.) We do not find anything that will help. My box idea won't work, because the miter saw in our basement only holds a two-inch board while ours would be a six-inch, and the band saw on which you can have them cut board for you at Home Depot does not do miter cuts.
- I have an idea: What if we take the glass out of a shadow box? The other two dimensions will hold fine. We go back to Michael's, and buy the largest one.
- Back home. We sit staring at the mask again. My dad decides that the best and probably only stable way to go about this is for me to make a cushion shaped as a face, as part of the display, and that we can glue the mask to the cushion and, since the cushion would be built with structure in mind, it will be easier to fasten it to the back of the box. I think this is a good idea; I say that I will go get materials and make it the next day.
- It is today now. My mom calls me from work, and I wake up. She tells me that she and dad have been talking about it some more, and they think that it will be much easier for me to just make a new phoenix.
-
-
-
- Okay, so maybe it would be easier in terms of design. This new one would be built over a sturdy armature, which will make it easy to mount it on the board in the box. Now, also, I won't have to attempt something totally new with the cushion, which might not even work.
- Still, though.
- Making it again?
- I sigh and tell myself that it will probably be easier the second time around, now that I already have the design down, as well as the techniques, and hey, the armature should make it easier, right?
- No.
- I soon remember why I hate building on wire armatures. I mean, even if you forget the fact that I couldn't make it sturdy enough, so my parents came home for lunch so my dad could help me with it. -headdesk- No, the real reason why wire armatures are frustrating is when the wire isn't where you want it to be, and it comes poking out of the clay. Then the clay starts sliding off it when you want it to be going back on. Then you can't get the wire into the right position without tearing off all the clay in that area, and then once you've adjusted it, the wire is wrong right next to where you just fixed.
- So it took about an hour longer to make this phoenix.
- And it's just a phoenix, now; we decided that since this is purely decoration anyways, and we don't necessarily need my mask concept - I just wanted to be able to make a phoenix into a mask, after all; it was a personal project - this one's just a phoenix. No eyeholes. So this is a good thing and a bad thing. I had to adjust the design a bit. Then it started looking unbalanced. Got all frustrated. And even though making the feathers is fairly easy, it's tedious.
- One good thing that came of this: I've been taking WIP pictures at every step (although I forgot that I was planning to until after I had covered the armature a teeny bit, so there's no photo of just the wire). This is a good reference for myself, and also I might put them together and put them..somewhere. Artblog, maybe.
So anyways. Phoenix take two just came out of the oven. I'm right now waiting for it to cool down, and then I'll put down the base red. Hopefully the paint job will go faster than the last one did, at least.
Olivia
PS. The blood-sweat-and-tears rating for this project is nearing a four. Just because it is so frustrating to have to redo everything, and for a while I thought it was going to be fine, only to be vastly disappointed in my skills in dealing with armature.
...
Okay so.
I am in the process of remaking the phoenix.
This is why.
- My mom keeps pushing me to get my work out. Sell it, get it seen by other people than the ones living in my house, et cetera. To grow as an artist, and build my stupid self-esteem, and such.
- Couple of days ago she was telling me that I ought to sell the phoenix to one of the doctor-people she knows through work. Said it would fit as a decoration in a clinic or office or hospital or something. This idea made me slightly uncomfortable and extremely self-conscious, but the only coherent answer I could give was '..That would be weird. Then lots of people would see it.'
- Last night at dinner my mom offered to buy it from me. I asked what she would do with it, because she kept talking earlier about letting her sell it for me since I'm apparently so afraid to do it myself. (I could sell it myself. On the internet. I could totally do it over the internet. Not in person. That would make me feel awkward.) So I said, 'Sure, buy it from me,' and we worked it out.
- Then she says, 'We're going to have to mount it.' Okay. No problem. Will take some effort, because I was dumb and didn't take display into consideration while making it, but we'd been discussing it with my dad earlier and he said we would figure it out. (Parents are many things, including engineers. Dad's a physicist. We've got this down.)
- Then she says, 'I'm donating it to an auction for charity.'
- Then my brain says
-
-
-
- Then I kind of sputter for a bit.
- This amuses my family, because they know that I'm this way about my art.
- My parents and I stare at the mask for a while, trying to figure out a good way to mount it. You see, I did not take mechanical structure into account while building it, because I'm stupid and don't think ahead, so we have a difficult task ahead.
- We go out to see what we can find.
- First to Michael's. They have display cases; unfortunately, we cannot find anything that will hold the bird's eighteen-inch wingspan. They have shadow boxes; unfortunately, they are all very shallow, and the bird is five inches in depth.
- Then to A C Moore's. Not really expecting anything better, because in past experience Michael's has more stuff anyways, but we try just in case. They have even less options.
- Next to Home Depot. (These stores are all very close to each other.) I have been insisting the whole time that maybe we can just build a box to hold it, to which my dad replies that we will not have adequate time to build a box nice enough for it. (The auction is on Saturday.) We do not find anything that will help. My box idea won't work, because the miter saw in our basement only holds a two-inch board while ours would be a six-inch, and the band saw on which you can have them cut board for you at Home Depot does not do miter cuts.
- I have an idea: What if we take the glass out of a shadow box? The other two dimensions will hold fine. We go back to Michael's, and buy the largest one.
- Back home. We sit staring at the mask again. My dad decides that the best and probably only stable way to go about this is for me to make a cushion shaped as a face, as part of the display, and that we can glue the mask to the cushion and, since the cushion would be built with structure in mind, it will be easier to fasten it to the back of the box. I think this is a good idea; I say that I will go get materials and make it the next day.
- It is today now. My mom calls me from work, and I wake up. She tells me that she and dad have been talking about it some more, and they think that it will be much easier for me to just make a new phoenix.
-
-
-
- Okay, so maybe it would be easier in terms of design. This new one would be built over a sturdy armature, which will make it easy to mount it on the board in the box. Now, also, I won't have to attempt something totally new with the cushion, which might not even work.
- Still, though.
- Making it again?
- I sigh and tell myself that it will probably be easier the second time around, now that I already have the design down, as well as the techniques, and hey, the armature should make it easier, right?
- No.
- I soon remember why I hate building on wire armatures. I mean, even if you forget the fact that I couldn't make it sturdy enough, so my parents came home for lunch so my dad could help me with it. -headdesk- No, the real reason why wire armatures are frustrating is when the wire isn't where you want it to be, and it comes poking out of the clay. Then the clay starts sliding off it when you want it to be going back on. Then you can't get the wire into the right position without tearing off all the clay in that area, and then once you've adjusted it, the wire is wrong right next to where you just fixed.
- So it took about an hour longer to make this phoenix.
- And it's just a phoenix, now; we decided that since this is purely decoration anyways, and we don't necessarily need my mask concept - I just wanted to be able to make a phoenix into a mask, after all; it was a personal project - this one's just a phoenix. No eyeholes. So this is a good thing and a bad thing. I had to adjust the design a bit. Then it started looking unbalanced. Got all frustrated. And even though making the feathers is fairly easy, it's tedious.
- One good thing that came of this: I've been taking WIP pictures at every step (although I forgot that I was planning to until after I had covered the armature a teeny bit, so there's no photo of just the wire). This is a good reference for myself, and also I might put them together and put them..somewhere. Artblog, maybe.
So anyways. Phoenix take two just came out of the oven. I'm right now waiting for it to cool down, and then I'll put down the base red. Hopefully the paint job will go faster than the last one did, at least.
Olivia
PS. The blood-sweat-and-tears rating for this project is nearing a four. Just because it is so frustrating to have to redo everything, and for a while I thought it was going to be fine, only to be vastly disappointed in my skills in dealing with armature.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Man why didn't I pay attention to mechanical structure while I was making it, seriously.
GOG DAMN I can't get 'Alejandro' out of my head. Lady Gaga is too fucking catchy. Like an STD. For your ears.
...
My parents and I are trying to figure out a good way to mount / display the phoenix. Think we've found a way. I guess tomorrow we'll find out if it works.
Good night.
Olivia
...
My parents and I are trying to figure out a good way to mount / display the phoenix. Think we've found a way. I guess tomorrow we'll find out if it works.
Good night.
Olivia
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Oh, children.
Alex (one of the girls I babysit): Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: No.
Alex: Why don't you have a boyfriend?
Me: I dunno, I just don't.
Alex: I have a boyfriend, kind of.
Me: You do?
Alex: Well, I like, I mean I love him.
Me: Does he love you back?
Alex: No.
Me: Does he know you love him?
Alex: No. -giggle-
Me: Well, I think you're probably too young to have a boyfriend anyways.
Alex: Are you too young to have a boyfriend?
Me: No, not necessarily?
Alex: Do you have one?
Me: No.
Alex: Why not?
Me: ...
Whoo babysitting is fun. Also I got nearly strangled several times today.
Olivia
Me: No.
Alex: Why don't you have a boyfriend?
Me: I dunno, I just don't.
Alex: I have a boyfriend, kind of.
Me: You do?
Alex: Well, I like, I mean I love him.
Me: Does he love you back?
Alex: No.
Me: Does he know you love him?
Alex: No. -giggle-
Me: Well, I think you're probably too young to have a boyfriend anyways.
Alex: Are you too young to have a boyfriend?
Me: No, not necessarily?
Alex: Do you have one?
Me: No.
Alex: Why not?
Me: ...
Whoo babysitting is fun. Also I got nearly strangled several times today.
Olivia
Monday, June 7, 2010
Phoenix mask, and new art blog.
Started a new art blog, here. Unfortunately I'll have to hold my dirty tongue over there, because it will be accessible from my website when I get off my lazy bum and code it in, and that means everyone, including parents and future employers, will be able to find it.
The following is cross-posted there.
Olivia
...
This marks the beginning of a big mask kick I'm on right now. A few days ago, I decided that I really, really like masks and I want to make a bunch of them. So here we are.
Nearly done; gotta varnish it, then add the ribbon. When it's completely finished, I'll take nicer photos. (I occasionally took WIP photos with my cell phone throughout the process to show other people, and they all thought it was pink. Damn those terrible-quality cameras.)
Why did I decide to make a phoenix mask? Easy answer: Phoenixes are awesome. Fire..birds. And since they're (presumably) not real, appearance is up for interpretation. I'm a pretty muted-colors kind of person when it comes to things like clothes, so art is my big way to express myself and go all-out; painting bright red-and-gold birds is fantastic.
I have a list of mask ideas I hope to implement. Phoenix was at the top. I knew right away that I wanted the bird to be the mask, rather than decorating a more conventional mask like a phoenix, or making a beaked mask with feathers, or something. Took me quite a while to figure out the actual design, though; twelve horrible, failed concept sketches, in fact, before I landed on the winner. Usually I'm more of an impulse sculptor (with the exception of everything I did in my fall semester sculpture class, because planning was part of the assignments), so this was an interesting process. I followed the sketch almost exactly, which I think is kind of cool, because, again, I usually don't draw out my ideas more than a quick blobby doodle.
Initially, I'd planned to do a bunch of carved details on it, feathers and stuff, but I realized as I started making it that that might prove annoying, and make the mask look too busy. I created a totally-cheating way to easily sculpt the feathers, so that cut down the exasperation and frustration I'd been expecting from them.
Unfortunately, I'm kind of stupid when it comes to considering mechanical structure. As in, I didn't think about it much until late in the creation process. I inserted a paper clip where the right wing meets the body, and another where the neck rests against the left wing, but nothing else. Halfway through painting..it broke. About half a centimeter after the paper clip in the right wing ends. I..almost cried. Especially after my never-has-failed-me-before craft glue only half-held it on (it was still wobbly). Then I tried Gorilla Glue, and that didn't even work entirely. So I filled it up with more craft glue, patched it with raw clay, laid on a coat of varnish over the area, and painted it over. It has worked rather nicely, and it should be even better after I put down the finish, but as should be obvious, this is an item meant only for display. (Though it's a mask, I didn't build it with wearability in mind. I made it as a decoration; perhaps I will also make a version that's more practical for actually wearing.) Thankfully, disasters are also learning experiences, and though I was ready to break down along with the wing, I've figured things out that will prove useful in the future. (One good thing about drawing the design beforehand: ease of structural planning.)
The painting, however, was do-as-I-go. It was quite fun, really. I put down a couple of layers of red over everything first, and went from there. It's easy to pick the colors for a phoenix; it's just fire. I also added some purple because I thought there ought to be some dark in it. For the rachis of the feathers (that middle part, thank you Wikipedia), I debated with myself between a whole spectrum of colors, from black to white to red to yellow to purple, until I finally settled on gold. I'd been thinking about it the whole time I was painting; that was the last element that I painted, so I had a lot of time to choose.
As for finish, I have three varieties: matte, gloss, and pearl. I'm almost definitely settled on matte; pearl is a definite no-go, because it would mute the colors way too much, and for some reason I can't explain to myself, I think gloss would be inappropriate for this. It just..wouldn't look right.
I'm trying to decided what color of ribbon I will use for it. I have black and white; I was considering getting some red, but decided against it. Maybe I should track down some gold ribbon?
...
Materials: Super Sculpey polymer clay, Delta Ceramcoat acrylic paint, (eventually) Delta Ceramcoat matte varnish, ribbon.
Number of preparation sketches: 13.
Raw clay to ready-to-bake: 4 hours.
Painting and post-work: 10 hours.
Days spent: 2.
Blood-sweat-and-tears rating: 3 out of 5.
Satisfation rating: 8 out of 10.
The following is cross-posted there.
Olivia
...
This marks the beginning of a big mask kick I'm on right now. A few days ago, I decided that I really, really like masks and I want to make a bunch of them. So here we are.
Nearly done; gotta varnish it, then add the ribbon. When it's completely finished, I'll take nicer photos. (I occasionally took WIP photos with my cell phone throughout the process to show other people, and they all thought it was pink. Damn those terrible-quality cameras.)
Why did I decide to make a phoenix mask? Easy answer: Phoenixes are awesome. Fire..birds. And since they're (presumably) not real, appearance is up for interpretation. I'm a pretty muted-colors kind of person when it comes to things like clothes, so art is my big way to express myself and go all-out; painting bright red-and-gold birds is fantastic.
I have a list of mask ideas I hope to implement. Phoenix was at the top. I knew right away that I wanted the bird to be the mask, rather than decorating a more conventional mask like a phoenix, or making a beaked mask with feathers, or something. Took me quite a while to figure out the actual design, though; twelve horrible, failed concept sketches, in fact, before I landed on the winner. Usually I'm more of an impulse sculptor (with the exception of everything I did in my fall semester sculpture class, because planning was part of the assignments), so this was an interesting process. I followed the sketch almost exactly, which I think is kind of cool, because, again, I usually don't draw out my ideas more than a quick blobby doodle.
Initially, I'd planned to do a bunch of carved details on it, feathers and stuff, but I realized as I started making it that that might prove annoying, and make the mask look too busy. I created a totally-cheating way to easily sculpt the feathers, so that cut down the exasperation and frustration I'd been expecting from them.
Unfortunately, I'm kind of stupid when it comes to considering mechanical structure. As in, I didn't think about it much until late in the creation process. I inserted a paper clip where the right wing meets the body, and another where the neck rests against the left wing, but nothing else. Halfway through painting..it broke. About half a centimeter after the paper clip in the right wing ends. I..almost cried. Especially after my never-has-failed-me-before craft glue only half-held it on (it was still wobbly). Then I tried Gorilla Glue, and that didn't even work entirely. So I filled it up with more craft glue, patched it with raw clay, laid on a coat of varnish over the area, and painted it over. It has worked rather nicely, and it should be even better after I put down the finish, but as should be obvious, this is an item meant only for display. (Though it's a mask, I didn't build it with wearability in mind. I made it as a decoration; perhaps I will also make a version that's more practical for actually wearing.) Thankfully, disasters are also learning experiences, and though I was ready to break down along with the wing, I've figured things out that will prove useful in the future. (One good thing about drawing the design beforehand: ease of structural planning.)
The painting, however, was do-as-I-go. It was quite fun, really. I put down a couple of layers of red over everything first, and went from there. It's easy to pick the colors for a phoenix; it's just fire. I also added some purple because I thought there ought to be some dark in it. For the rachis of the feathers (that middle part, thank you Wikipedia), I debated with myself between a whole spectrum of colors, from black to white to red to yellow to purple, until I finally settled on gold. I'd been thinking about it the whole time I was painting; that was the last element that I painted, so I had a lot of time to choose.
As for finish, I have three varieties: matte, gloss, and pearl. I'm almost definitely settled on matte; pearl is a definite no-go, because it would mute the colors way too much, and for some reason I can't explain to myself, I think gloss would be inappropriate for this. It just..wouldn't look right.
I'm trying to decided what color of ribbon I will use for it. I have black and white; I was considering getting some red, but decided against it. Maybe I should track down some gold ribbon?
...
Materials: Super Sculpey polymer clay, Delta Ceramcoat acrylic paint, (eventually) Delta Ceramcoat matte varnish, ribbon.
Number of preparation sketches: 13.
Raw clay to ready-to-bake: 4 hours.
Painting and post-work: 10 hours.
Days spent: 2.
Blood-sweat-and-tears rating: 3 out of 5.
Satisfation rating: 8 out of 10.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
B-but..
Okay, I think I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep or something. Then tomorrow I'll locate some Gorilla Glue.
It was going so well..
Olivia
It was going so well..
Olivia
Friday, June 4, 2010
Face.
Argh my face looks gross all the time today. Does anyone want it because I will peel it off and give it to you and just walk around with my hands in front of my face for the rest of my life.
It's kind of funny, really, because tonight I have started making more masks. Because they are really fun to make. I don't know why, I just kind of love them. The one I'm doing right now is a phoenix. You'll see.
IT WILL BE AWESOME.
Good night.
Olivia
It's kind of funny, really, because tonight I have started making more masks. Because they are really fun to make. I don't know why, I just kind of love them. The one I'm doing right now is a phoenix. You'll see.
IT WILL BE AWESOME.
Good night.
Olivia
Bluh bluh bad decisions.
So uh.
I made a mask about a week ago. Didn't get around to painting it until tonight; it's really hot in my bedroom and I couldn't fall asleep so I stayed up and painted. The paint job was pretty damn awesome, in my opinion. Then I made the ridiculously stupid decision to finish it with pearl varnish instead of regular gloss or matte, because that's what I did for my peacock mask.
-headdesk forever-
It was very dumb. Because the mask's base color is a bright red, and when I put down the first stroke of glaze I knew it was a mistake; it completely muted the colors. The peacock mask was white, so pearl glaze had complemented it. I screwed myself over, putting it on red. I finished the coat anyways, hoping that maybe as it dried it would become more transparent. It did, but only a little.
I was so disappointed that I started again. I redid the entire paint job over the varnish. I started this at maybe one o'clock in the morning. It's now four thirty.
I should probably go to sleep.
At least it looks good the second time around. Will put down clear gloss when I wake up.
Olivia
PS. Thumbs up for loving doing this so much that I redo the fucking thing instead of going to bed at a reasonable hour. Art is awesome.
I made a mask about a week ago. Didn't get around to painting it until tonight; it's really hot in my bedroom and I couldn't fall asleep so I stayed up and painted. The paint job was pretty damn awesome, in my opinion. Then I made the ridiculously stupid decision to finish it with pearl varnish instead of regular gloss or matte, because that's what I did for my peacock mask.
-headdesk forever-
It was very dumb. Because the mask's base color is a bright red, and when I put down the first stroke of glaze I knew it was a mistake; it completely muted the colors. The peacock mask was white, so pearl glaze had complemented it. I screwed myself over, putting it on red. I finished the coat anyways, hoping that maybe as it dried it would become more transparent. It did, but only a little.
I was so disappointed that I started again. I redid the entire paint job over the varnish. I started this at maybe one o'clock in the morning. It's now four thirty.
I should probably go to sleep.
At least it looks good the second time around. Will put down clear gloss when I wake up.
Olivia
PS. Thumbs up for loving doing this so much that I redo the fucking thing instead of going to bed at a reasonable hour. Art is awesome.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
On kids.
Kids have a strange, immodest kind of honesty. Today, while I was babysitting, Sam asked me whether or not I was a mom, and when I asked him why he thought that, he replied "Because you have things", an answer which puzzled me until he whispered 'boobies' and giggled like he was saying something bad. ("My mom has things too. -giggle-" I mean really, what is the proper response in this conversation?) Alex seems fascinated by dry skin. She keeps touching my elbow and saying "Look, I have dry skin too, on my face". Like dry skin is the most interesting thing in the world. And she was so proud of her injured foot, and kept taking her sock off to show us the bandage. Florence is the oldest, at nine years, and considers herself miles more mature. She is bossy, like any older sister will be, and when she has to explain something she finds obvious to her siblings, or when they won't listen to her, she looks at me with an exasperated, world-weary expression as if to say, 'Oh, what children they are'.
Kids are interesting creatures.
Olivia
Kids are interesting creatures.
Olivia
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
On appearances and first impressions.
A few things that piss me off:
- When people say "[insert certain kind of non-average person here] are beautiful".
- When they say looks don't matter.
- "Beauty comes from within."
This is almost always lies.
I mean really. Of all the bullshit that sensitive people will swallow, this is the most fantastic. Frankly, I am just kind of tired of it.
Appearances are first impressions. Sure, maybe eventually you can 'see past all that', but when you meet someone, unless you're blind or you found them on some photo-less chat forum, what you see is really goddamned important. However fake someone's smile may be, however long they take getting presentable in the mornings, however much fucking makeup they wear, it doesn't matter; if they look more engaging, they automatically are more engaging.
And people are attracted to certain types of people. Certain shapes.
I don't think soft and blobby is a very popular type, to be honest.
Just in case you were wondering, I'm not above all this. I do have a type of person I'm attracted to: Good-looking geek. Preferably taller than me. Can't be very thin; normal (uh, width?) is good. Nice smile. Nice laugh. Basically, someone I can hug. Hugs are good. Hugs are something I need more of in my life. (I am kind of hug-deprived. That's why I always cling to my cat.)
It's not just romantic or sexual attraction, though. Most pretty people have pretty friends. The world flocks to the pretty people. If you're not pretty, you'd better have a damned good reason for being paid any attention. Ever notice that the big, beautiful, well-dressed stars are always the ones sitting in front at awards ceremonies? The majority of the population will not recognize the faces of people like John Lasseter and Pete Docter, both who attended the Globes and the Oscars this year for the really fucking good movie Up. (Second animated feature to ever be nominated for Best Picture, after Beauty and the Beast, but obviously not important enough to merit seats near the cameras. They can have those seats at the Annies, because only industry geeks are paying attention anyways.) Unattractive people either cannot be stars, can only be stars for their unattractiveness, or are made attractive as soon as they start inching their way towards stardom. (When I am a fucken director at fucken Pixar I will still be seated in the back. My speeches will be cut short. People will forget my name and my face.)
And I judge people by the way they look. Oh, totally. It's easy to walk down the streets - especially in Manhattan, where there's all sorts of different people swarming, mingling, mixing on the sidewalks - and identify personalities based on size, shape, facial expression, clothing. I even did a project on it, in drawing last semester. To most people who see me through passing glance alone, I probably come off as bored or dumb or lazy or tired or soulless or goal-less or dull. This is because most of the time I can be seen plodding down the sidewalk, cumbersome bag slung over my shoulder, headphones on, hands in sweatshirt pockets, expressionless. Oh yeah, and I'm soft and blobby. We cannot forget that even if I looked completely confident and held my head high and looked the world in the eyes and..dressed nicely, there would still be people who would scorn me, whether to my face or behind their hands, purely because I am a fatass and they do not like fatasses.
Really, I think most of the world is good-looking. I'd say at least seventy percent. Or maybe sixty. Not movie-star-good-looking, mind you, but that's probably a good thing; movie stars are kind of untouchable. But there are so many people I know, classmates and roommates and teachers and random people I pass on the sidewalk, who just look kind of great, even with their double chins and birthmarks and fat arms and buck teeth. Unfortunately, it is these qualities that are noticed first.
To have a perfect first impression, you must look perfect.
No matter how beautiful your soul is.
Olivia
PS. The reason why I started thinking about this:
I rather like Mika. I think his music is catchy. I recently rediscovered him; turns out he sang at least five songs that I liked a few years ago, but never attached to an artist. Just randomly heard them at different times in different places, and they stuck in my head. But when I heard this song on a Pandora station a week ago, I kind of got upset. Because of course some big chicks are gorgeous. But - and this applies for any kind of person, whether he or she be blonde or big or black or whatever the fuck you want to categorize - not all of them are. This is almost as bad as the notion that all skinny girls are beautiful, because we all know that's not true. Maybe this is even worse, because though it may raise some people up, it may send others deeper down into their holes. People who cannot accept, under any present circumstances, that they may be beautiful.
False confidence, crippling modesty, or harsh honesty? I still pose this question. I still don't know the answer.
- When people say "[insert certain kind of non-average person here] are beautiful".
- When they say looks don't matter.
- "Beauty comes from within."
This is almost always lies.
I mean really. Of all the bullshit that sensitive people will swallow, this is the most fantastic. Frankly, I am just kind of tired of it.
Appearances are first impressions. Sure, maybe eventually you can 'see past all that', but when you meet someone, unless you're blind or you found them on some photo-less chat forum, what you see is really goddamned important. However fake someone's smile may be, however long they take getting presentable in the mornings, however much fucking makeup they wear, it doesn't matter; if they look more engaging, they automatically are more engaging.
And people are attracted to certain types of people. Certain shapes.
I don't think soft and blobby is a very popular type, to be honest.
Just in case you were wondering, I'm not above all this. I do have a type of person I'm attracted to: Good-looking geek. Preferably taller than me. Can't be very thin; normal (uh, width?) is good. Nice smile. Nice laugh. Basically, someone I can hug. Hugs are good. Hugs are something I need more of in my life. (I am kind of hug-deprived. That's why I always cling to my cat.)
It's not just romantic or sexual attraction, though. Most pretty people have pretty friends. The world flocks to the pretty people. If you're not pretty, you'd better have a damned good reason for being paid any attention. Ever notice that the big, beautiful, well-dressed stars are always the ones sitting in front at awards ceremonies? The majority of the population will not recognize the faces of people like John Lasseter and Pete Docter, both who attended the Globes and the Oscars this year for the really fucking good movie Up. (Second animated feature to ever be nominated for Best Picture, after Beauty and the Beast, but obviously not important enough to merit seats near the cameras. They can have those seats at the Annies, because only industry geeks are paying attention anyways.) Unattractive people either cannot be stars, can only be stars for their unattractiveness, or are made attractive as soon as they start inching their way towards stardom. (When I am a fucken director at fucken Pixar I will still be seated in the back. My speeches will be cut short. People will forget my name and my face.)
And I judge people by the way they look. Oh, totally. It's easy to walk down the streets - especially in Manhattan, where there's all sorts of different people swarming, mingling, mixing on the sidewalks - and identify personalities based on size, shape, facial expression, clothing. I even did a project on it, in drawing last semester. To most people who see me through passing glance alone, I probably come off as bored or dumb or lazy or tired or soulless or goal-less or dull. This is because most of the time I can be seen plodding down the sidewalk, cumbersome bag slung over my shoulder, headphones on, hands in sweatshirt pockets, expressionless. Oh yeah, and I'm soft and blobby. We cannot forget that even if I looked completely confident and held my head high and looked the world in the eyes and..dressed nicely, there would still be people who would scorn me, whether to my face or behind their hands, purely because I am a fatass and they do not like fatasses.
Really, I think most of the world is good-looking. I'd say at least seventy percent. Or maybe sixty. Not movie-star-good-looking, mind you, but that's probably a good thing; movie stars are kind of untouchable. But there are so many people I know, classmates and roommates and teachers and random people I pass on the sidewalk, who just look kind of great, even with their double chins and birthmarks and fat arms and buck teeth. Unfortunately, it is these qualities that are noticed first.
To have a perfect first impression, you must look perfect.
No matter how beautiful your soul is.
Olivia
PS. The reason why I started thinking about this:
I rather like Mika. I think his music is catchy. I recently rediscovered him; turns out he sang at least five songs that I liked a few years ago, but never attached to an artist. Just randomly heard them at different times in different places, and they stuck in my head. But when I heard this song on a Pandora station a week ago, I kind of got upset. Because of course some big chicks are gorgeous. But - and this applies for any kind of person, whether he or she be blonde or big or black or whatever the fuck you want to categorize - not all of them are. This is almost as bad as the notion that all skinny girls are beautiful, because we all know that's not true. Maybe this is even worse, because though it may raise some people up, it may send others deeper down into their holes. People who cannot accept, under any present circumstances, that they may be beautiful.
False confidence, crippling modesty, or harsh honesty? I still pose this question. I still don't know the answer.
On toys and imagination and stories.
When I was little, I made up stories with my toys. Well, of course I did; everyone has at some point, I hope. Mine were mini-dramas, though; most of them were tragic. (Except for the ones I loved the most; they couldn't be put through anything too harrowing, because I loved them.)
The Barbies were subject to the most shit, though. Seriously, I don't know how these ideas popped into my little head, but they did. (My nightmares were crazy too. I had a wild imagination, so as a kid I was pretty fucked up, at least when I was playing alone.) Most of them would end life stripped of everything they ever had (including their pretty outfits), betrayed by imaginary, evil-hearted friends who stood by and watched their respective demises. Sometimes they would be thrown into the Coliseum or some shit, and were devoured by my waiting stuffed animals. One was torn to pieces by sea monsters. (Not literally, of course. Though I discovered early on that Barbies' heads could be easily popped off, that was the extent of my vandalism. For some reason, I have never been able to mutilate an object not meant to be destroyed. It fucks with my conscience. I don't know why. I would never make a good fine artist.) I read a lot of Greek mythology and Grimms' back in those days, and I had lots of fuel for these stories, which, though ending brutally, were fun as hell for me.
However, there was one who was never a part of these games. I think she was a gift from one of my parents' colleagues, or something. She was a collectors' edition Wedding Day Barbie, and I wasn't allowed to take her out of the box. Most of the time she hung out on the shelf, just standing there politely. To tell the truth, I was kind of fascinated by her. She wasn't an average Barbie, big eyes and bright smile. I just Googled her; turns out she's a collector's replica of the 1960s wedding Barbie. And she looked it, though I didn't know how at the time. Her eyes were slightly downcast, classic features, painted lips. But in my opinion, she didn't need me to write her a tragedy; she was already living one.
To me, she didn't look happy. She seemed apprehensive, or even regretful. Perhaps she was rethinking her decision to wed, forever frozen only a few minutes away. (Who was she marrying, anyways? Ken seemed boring and flat; I never owned a Ken.) Maybe she hadn't wanted to get married at all, so why was she doing it? Why was she in the dress, ready to walk down the aisle? She wasn't even wearing an engagement ring. She felt trapped; trapped in her thoughts, trapped in her box, trapped in her sad little life. She was the most beautiful - and the most isolated - of the Barbies I owned, the rest of whom, at the end of the day, always found themselves shoved together into a big plastic bucket. And though she was treated with the respect she could get from a small child, and carefully preserved and dutifully admired, she was the least happy.
This all in my head, at least ten years ago.
I still know where she is. I dug her out, just now, and she still looks sad, though it might now be my imagination and my memory. She's still in her box, though a few times over the years I'd take her out, rebelling, just because I felt I no longer had to listen to that rule. I'd replace her quickly, though; it seemed like sacrilege against the norms of my childhood, to keep her out in the air. I think the rest of my Barbies were given away.
I stopped playing with Barbies a long, long time ago, ashamed that they, through association, had made me into more of a girl than I'd decided I wanted to be. But I still have her.
...
I wonder why I started thinking about this. Probably because I started babysitting for my brother's violin teacher today. Her three kids are adorable, and this afternoon we played with their vast collection of Playmobil figures. (Gawd, I want some so bad now. Like, you have no idea. I would fucking buy some of those stupid toys.) I was a princess. Secretly I'd wanted to be some badass chick with one of those gladiator helmets, but the girls chose my persona for me.
TL;DR: Toys are fun.
Good night.
Olivia
PS. Oh my god are they racist or what. xD
The Barbies were subject to the most shit, though. Seriously, I don't know how these ideas popped into my little head, but they did. (My nightmares were crazy too. I had a wild imagination, so as a kid I was pretty fucked up, at least when I was playing alone.) Most of them would end life stripped of everything they ever had (including their pretty outfits), betrayed by imaginary, evil-hearted friends who stood by and watched their respective demises. Sometimes they would be thrown into the Coliseum or some shit, and were devoured by my waiting stuffed animals. One was torn to pieces by sea monsters. (Not literally, of course. Though I discovered early on that Barbies' heads could be easily popped off, that was the extent of my vandalism. For some reason, I have never been able to mutilate an object not meant to be destroyed. It fucks with my conscience. I don't know why. I would never make a good fine artist.) I read a lot of Greek mythology and Grimms' back in those days, and I had lots of fuel for these stories, which, though ending brutally, were fun as hell for me.
However, there was one who was never a part of these games. I think she was a gift from one of my parents' colleagues, or something. She was a collectors' edition Wedding Day Barbie, and I wasn't allowed to take her out of the box. Most of the time she hung out on the shelf, just standing there politely. To tell the truth, I was kind of fascinated by her. She wasn't an average Barbie, big eyes and bright smile. I just Googled her; turns out she's a collector's replica of the 1960s wedding Barbie. And she looked it, though I didn't know how at the time. Her eyes were slightly downcast, classic features, painted lips. But in my opinion, she didn't need me to write her a tragedy; she was already living one.
To me, she didn't look happy. She seemed apprehensive, or even regretful. Perhaps she was rethinking her decision to wed, forever frozen only a few minutes away. (Who was she marrying, anyways? Ken seemed boring and flat; I never owned a Ken.) Maybe she hadn't wanted to get married at all, so why was she doing it? Why was she in the dress, ready to walk down the aisle? She wasn't even wearing an engagement ring. She felt trapped; trapped in her thoughts, trapped in her box, trapped in her sad little life. She was the most beautiful - and the most isolated - of the Barbies I owned, the rest of whom, at the end of the day, always found themselves shoved together into a big plastic bucket. And though she was treated with the respect she could get from a small child, and carefully preserved and dutifully admired, she was the least happy.
This all in my head, at least ten years ago.
I still know where she is. I dug her out, just now, and she still looks sad, though it might now be my imagination and my memory. She's still in her box, though a few times over the years I'd take her out, rebelling, just because I felt I no longer had to listen to that rule. I'd replace her quickly, though; it seemed like sacrilege against the norms of my childhood, to keep her out in the air. I think the rest of my Barbies were given away.
I stopped playing with Barbies a long, long time ago, ashamed that they, through association, had made me into more of a girl than I'd decided I wanted to be. But I still have her.
...
I wonder why I started thinking about this. Probably because I started babysitting for my brother's violin teacher today. Her three kids are adorable, and this afternoon we played with their vast collection of Playmobil figures. (Gawd, I want some so bad now. Like, you have no idea. I would fucking buy some of those stupid toys.) I was a princess. Secretly I'd wanted to be some badass chick with one of those gladiator helmets, but the girls chose my persona for me.
TL;DR: Toys are fun.
Good night.
Olivia
PS. Oh my god are they racist or what. xD
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