Oh fun, drawing homework late at night again.
...
I made sound for my video. I just put it together this afternoon from stuff I found in the stock library. Ta-da.
...
That's it for tonight. Gotta finish my homework.
(Fun fact: It is one thirty. At nine I was tired. Now I am alarmingly awake. I don't understand.)
Olivia
PS. Tom and I finished shooting the movie for narrative workshop this evening. We're going to edit it together tomorrow after drawing. Then maybe I'll put it up here.
PPS. Working title for my drawing assignment is 'Project Birdlivia?!'; I wonder if you can guess what I am doing.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Comics and other geeky stuff; QC is making me crazy; train of thought; other bits.
Okay, it might just be me, but I think that [spoilers lol for X-Men: The Last Stand, although the movie's been out for years so if you haven't seen it you probably won't care about spoilers] when Magneto loses his powers near the end of the third X-Men movie, it's one of the most tragic things ever. It's just so sad.. Of course, the bit at the end when the chess piece moves makes me happy.
I wish I had read the comics. (I mean, I guess I still can.) I wish I had been into comics in general at a younger age. Comics and graphic novels are awesome. I can thank Neil Gaiman for finally getting me into them; The Sandman was the first I read.
I think even when I was younger, I wished I was the kind of person who read comics. But I wasn't. I wasn't the kind of person who did anything.. I wanted to learn how to play Dungeons and Dragons, and I wanted to play MMORPGs, and I wanted to do all sorts of geeky things that I was too shy to actually do. Or something like that.
It's getting better, though.
...
Speaking of comics, anyone read Questionable Content? This recent storyline is driving me insane. (Here comes a paragraph or so of babble that sounds shockingly like a soap opera, but makes sense if you actually read QC. And you should. Because it's awesome.)
Okay, so it was seriously very obvious that Marigold had a thing for Angus for a while now. Of course, since she's such a geeky adorable recluse, nobody noticed until Friday's comic (or I guess Thursday's; and with that you're basically caught up even if you don't read QC). Then I was in agony all weekend, because I care too much about cartoon characters..
See, I know Faye has problems with admitting that she likes Angus back, because of her weird intimacy issues that have thankfully been getting better, and on the one hand I wanted her to get with him because she needs a healthy relationship, which is definitely not what she was getting in her random hookups with Sven (although admittedly I kind of liked that, because Sven was getting better at not being a tool until he fucked up). Also Angus is really sweet and obviously smitten with her. I think Faye needs him, and just can't admit it to herself. But at the same time, I feel so bad for Marigold. She needs a healthy relationship too, given that she's never had one ever, and has hella self-image problems. And Angus is so fucking nice to her. He's really careful about her feelings, because he knows she has hella self-image problems and doesn't want them to get worse. Now that he basically rejected her, I'm afraid she might just be broken forever or something.
This whole thing is just driving me up the wall. (I suppose that would mean Good on Jeph; he is a good enough writer-of-drama to make me go crazy.)
Also, it feels a little too close to home, except I can't get drunk.
Okay wow. It's a good thing I'm not one of those people who watches overdramatic television shows. Every blog entry would sound like that.
...
Speaking of television, I haven't watched TV in so long. Besides going home and sitting in front of the Food Network for hours.. IT'S HYPNOTIC. All these cooking shows. Crazy. I love them.
Speaking of cooking, my brother is getting into it more and more. He bakes, too. And he's actually really good.
Speaking of my brother, I am so proud of that kid for so many reasons. He's like the person I would be if I had listened to my genes and my upbringing instead of my head, except his heart is really in it. He's ambitious and intelligent and all into that math-y-science-y stuff, and unlike me, totally went in our family's direction. Also he has lots of friends. Also he's just awesome and I love him.
Speaking of people I love, ARRGGHHHH.
Okay, I'm stopping this out-of-control train of random thoughts before it crashes.
...
BOOM.
...
Oh, weather. Settle the fuck down. First it's cold, which makes me happy. Then it's hot, which makes me kind of sad. Then it's middling. (I just like that word.) Then it's raining warm, which is gross. Then it's raining cold, which is cool but kind of painful.
...
I had to make a stop-motion for today's digital video class, so I did that yesterday. It was fun. I'm going to insert some sound, then maybe upload it here.
...
According to Brooke, most people who signed up to live at Ludlow are safe for housing next year. Hopefully that includes me. Or else I'll be upset.
...
I'm registering for next year's courses tomorrow. I'm excited to have computer animation both semesters, although unfortunately it's only three-hour classes. In fact, next year I don't have any classes that aren't three hours long. Which is more convenient. But five-hour-long animation last semester was fun. And I'm still rather disappointed that Eric doesn't teach a sophomore animation class, because Eric is fucking awesome.
...
Oh hey, it's Passover, right? If you're Jewish, happy anniversary of all that depressing God-killing-children.
(Don't take me seriously, though. I'm like this for a lot of religious holidays. It's easier. Happy Passover, anyways.)
...
Speaking of holidays, I can't wait until Easter. Sole reason: I love those plastic eggs that hold stuff. They're even better if they don't already have stuff in them, because then I can play with them. Because I am really weird, and there are just some things that I really like. Like hollow plastic Easter eggs that make that satisfying popping sound and sometimes have candy inside..
...
Mm. I think that's it for tonight. Sleep time.
Olivia
I wish I had read the comics. (I mean, I guess I still can.) I wish I had been into comics in general at a younger age. Comics and graphic novels are awesome. I can thank Neil Gaiman for finally getting me into them; The Sandman was the first I read.
I think even when I was younger, I wished I was the kind of person who read comics. But I wasn't. I wasn't the kind of person who did anything.. I wanted to learn how to play Dungeons and Dragons, and I wanted to play MMORPGs, and I wanted to do all sorts of geeky things that I was too shy to actually do. Or something like that.
It's getting better, though.
...
Speaking of comics, anyone read Questionable Content? This recent storyline is driving me insane. (Here comes a paragraph or so of babble that sounds shockingly like a soap opera, but makes sense if you actually read QC. And you should. Because it's awesome.)
Okay, so it was seriously very obvious that Marigold had a thing for Angus for a while now. Of course, since she's such a geeky adorable recluse, nobody noticed until Friday's comic (or I guess Thursday's; and with that you're basically caught up even if you don't read QC). Then I was in agony all weekend, because I care too much about cartoon characters..
See, I know Faye has problems with admitting that she likes Angus back, because of her weird intimacy issues that have thankfully been getting better, and on the one hand I wanted her to get with him because she needs a healthy relationship, which is definitely not what she was getting in her random hookups with Sven (although admittedly I kind of liked that, because Sven was getting better at not being a tool until he fucked up). Also Angus is really sweet and obviously smitten with her. I think Faye needs him, and just can't admit it to herself. But at the same time, I feel so bad for Marigold. She needs a healthy relationship too, given that she's never had one ever, and has hella self-image problems. And Angus is so fucking nice to her. He's really careful about her feelings, because he knows she has hella self-image problems and doesn't want them to get worse. Now that he basically rejected her, I'm afraid she might just be broken forever or something.
This whole thing is just driving me up the wall. (I suppose that would mean Good on Jeph; he is a good enough writer-of-drama to make me go crazy.)
Also, it feels a little too close to home, except I can't get drunk.
Okay wow. It's a good thing I'm not one of those people who watches overdramatic television shows. Every blog entry would sound like that.
...
Speaking of television, I haven't watched TV in so long. Besides going home and sitting in front of the Food Network for hours.. IT'S HYPNOTIC. All these cooking shows. Crazy. I love them.
Speaking of cooking, my brother is getting into it more and more. He bakes, too. And he's actually really good.
Speaking of my brother, I am so proud of that kid for so many reasons. He's like the person I would be if I had listened to my genes and my upbringing instead of my head, except his heart is really in it. He's ambitious and intelligent and all into that math-y-science-y stuff, and unlike me, totally went in our family's direction. Also he has lots of friends. Also he's just awesome and I love him.
Speaking of people I love, ARRGGHHHH.
Okay, I'm stopping this out-of-control train of random thoughts before it crashes.
...
BOOM.
...
Oh, weather. Settle the fuck down. First it's cold, which makes me happy. Then it's hot, which makes me kind of sad. Then it's middling. (I just like that word.) Then it's raining warm, which is gross. Then it's raining cold, which is cool but kind of painful.
...
I had to make a stop-motion for today's digital video class, so I did that yesterday. It was fun. I'm going to insert some sound, then maybe upload it here.
...
According to Brooke, most people who signed up to live at Ludlow are safe for housing next year. Hopefully that includes me. Or else I'll be upset.
...
I'm registering for next year's courses tomorrow. I'm excited to have computer animation both semesters, although unfortunately it's only three-hour classes. In fact, next year I don't have any classes that aren't three hours long. Which is more convenient. But five-hour-long animation last semester was fun. And I'm still rather disappointed that Eric doesn't teach a sophomore animation class, because Eric is fucking awesome.
...
Oh hey, it's Passover, right? If you're Jewish, happy anniversary of all that depressing God-killing-children.
(Don't take me seriously, though. I'm like this for a lot of religious holidays. It's easier. Happy Passover, anyways.)
...
Speaking of holidays, I can't wait until Easter. Sole reason: I love those plastic eggs that hold stuff. They're even better if they don't already have stuff in them, because then I can play with them. Because I am really weird, and there are just some things that I really like. Like hollow plastic Easter eggs that make that satisfying popping sound and sometimes have candy inside..
...
Mm. I think that's it for tonight. Sleep time.
Olivia
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Other things to read besides my mopiness.
Christine wants people to read her writing. You should. It's really good. This one's called Reluctantly Female, Reluctantly Yours. I posted a piece of it months ago; it's about why it kind of sucks being a girl. She has more poems in her deviantArt gallery. Her stuff is awesome. And angry. And when the short story about Russian roulette is finished, she's letting me post that.
She wrote a short play about Icarus (kind of) a few months ago, and it's being performed some time in April. I want to go down to Baltimore to see it.
Also I just miss her.
...
That's it. I'm tired. Good night.
Olivia
She wrote a short play about Icarus (kind of) a few months ago, and it's being performed some time in April. I want to go down to Baltimore to see it.
Also I just miss her.
...
That's it. I'm tired. Good night.
Olivia
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Ew. TMI, probably.
Sorry. I wrote some of this earlier, but I'm posting it Sunday morning; my family visited this weekend, and I ended up in New Jersey overnight.
...
Look what I found. Totally out of context. I love MSPA.
...
I believe that I am allergic to cilantro, which sucks, because it tastes pretty good. It makes me want to vomit. Which is not so good.
I have day-mares of throwing up maggots. It's totally irrational (I hope).
(I'm not sure why I just told the world.)
...
How to Train Your Dragon, the new movie out from Dreamworks, is apparently really really good. I guess I'll have to see it. I've been hoping Dreamworks would start making good movies again. (Of course, they're following it up with Shrek 4, so I might be speaking too soon.)
...
Hm. I don't think I have anything else to say. That's it.
Olivia
PS. This just for me; where I left off.
...
Look what I found. Totally out of context. I love MSPA.
...
I believe that I am allergic to cilantro, which sucks, because it tastes pretty good. It makes me want to vomit. Which is not so good.
I have day-mares of throwing up maggots. It's totally irrational (I hope).
(I'm not sure why I just told the world.)
...
How to Train Your Dragon, the new movie out from Dreamworks, is apparently really really good. I guess I'll have to see it. I've been hoping Dreamworks would start making good movies again. (Of course, they're following it up with Shrek 4, so I might be speaking too soon.)
...
Hm. I don't think I have anything else to say. That's it.
Olivia
PS. This just for me; where I left off.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Timecode compulsions, and movies.
Amendment: I am going to watch all the Disney animated features in chronological order. So for now I'll be skipping Make Mine Music, Fun and Fancy Free, and Melody Time.
...
The reason I should watch movies in full screen? If I don't, my eyes will keep flitting back and forth between the timecodes and ADDING THEM. CONSTANTLY. And there is a hierarchy of numbers in my brain. A whole convoluted boggle of evens and odds and luckies and unluckies. Happens with me and the clock all the time; it's probably the subconscious reason why I stick to analog watches. Just now, I noticed that Gchat had the 'Sent at 12:46 AM on Saturday' thing in my chat with dude, and it was 12:54, so I wanted to take that opportunity to fix it, but then into 12:55 he responded with 'what?' and I had to keep babbling for a minute about obsessive-compulsion and don't-worry-it's-just-something-I-have-to-do, until it became 12:56 and I could stop. 12:56 isn't a super-awesome, but it's better than 12:55. (I don't like fourteen, but I like it more than thirteen.)
I have little obsessive tendencies that usually relate to numbers and patterns. And that's why I should watch movies in full screen.
...
I finished Problem Sleuth last night; this morning I moved on to Homestuck. We shot the second third of our stop-motion this afternoon. Then I borrowed Rachel Getting Married and The Hangover from Tom, so I watched those tonight instead of Song of the South, which is the next Disney movie on the list. Both good movies for completely different reasons. (Also, I just realized, they both end in a wedding.)
Now I'm tired. My family is coming down for the weekend, for no reason. My mom just told me a couple days ago that they were thinking of visiting. So I'll be seeing them tomorrow.
I need to get started on my painting for art history.
Good night.
Olivia
PS. Reference for me, because last time I tried loading my game it didn't work, because my computer's a bit of a dick. (I love the Wayward Vagabond.)
PPS. I love the WV so much. So much.
PPPS. SO INTENSE. (Yeah, I'm still just leaving these so I know where-ish I left off.)
...
The reason I should watch movies in full screen? If I don't, my eyes will keep flitting back and forth between the timecodes and ADDING THEM. CONSTANTLY. And there is a hierarchy of numbers in my brain. A whole convoluted boggle of evens and odds and luckies and unluckies. Happens with me and the clock all the time; it's probably the subconscious reason why I stick to analog watches. Just now, I noticed that Gchat had the 'Sent at 12:46 AM on Saturday' thing in my chat with dude, and it was 12:54, so I wanted to take that opportunity to fix it, but then into 12:55 he responded with 'what?' and I had to keep babbling for a minute about obsessive-compulsion and don't-worry-it's-just-something-I-have-to-do, until it became 12:56 and I could stop. 12:56 isn't a super-awesome, but it's better than 12:55. (I don't like fourteen, but I like it more than thirteen.)
I have little obsessive tendencies that usually relate to numbers and patterns. And that's why I should watch movies in full screen.
...
I finished Problem Sleuth last night; this morning I moved on to Homestuck. We shot the second third of our stop-motion this afternoon. Then I borrowed Rachel Getting Married and The Hangover from Tom, so I watched those tonight instead of Song of the South, which is the next Disney movie on the list. Both good movies for completely different reasons. (Also, I just realized, they both end in a wedding.)
Now I'm tired. My family is coming down for the weekend, for no reason. My mom just told me a couple days ago that they were thinking of visiting. So I'll be seeing them tomorrow.
I need to get started on my painting for art history.
Good night.
Olivia
PS. Reference for me, because last time I tried loading my game it didn't work, because my computer's a bit of a dick. (I love the Wayward Vagabond.)
PPS. I love the WV so much. So much.
PPPS. SO INTENSE. (Yeah, I'm still just leaving these so I know where-ish I left off.)
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Problem Sleuth, and other webcomics; Bambi and Dumbo and some Disney movies that I skip for one reason or another; Chinese immigrant comedy.
CANDY CORN VAMPIRE. TOOTSIE ROLL FRANKENSTEIN. GUMMY WORM ZOMBIE.
The problem with MS Paint Adventures is that you can't really share pages, like with other webcomics. Because everything is so fucking out of context unless you've read the whole thing. (Also possibly if you have read the whole thing.) I mean, seriously. Problem Sleuth started out with Problem Sleuth stuck in his office and trying to find a way out. Now there's candy magic and brothels and dimensional warps and a final boss battle that's lasted forever, and I'm only on part seventeen of twenty-two, or something. Oy.
But I love it. It's so absurd. I need to go back and catch up with Homestuck after I finish PS. Homestuck is..fucking amazing. But I'll probably have to read the whole thing again, because I only vaguely remember what was happening.
Then I'm going to go back and catch up with Sluggy Freelance, because I want to know what has happened since September. Unfortunately, I'll probably have to read Sluggy from the beginning, too. That will take me a month.
Oh, weird convoluted webcomics. You just can't give me a break, can you?
...
Speaking of webcomics, I've also been reading randoms of XKCD. I love this. Don Quixote is my hero.
This happened to me the only time I ever went on TV Tropes. That thing is deadly. Happens sometimes on Wikipedia, too. Just yesterday we were browsing the weirdest pages on Simple Wikipedia.
...
Okay. Reached a second condescending recap. Time to watch Bambi.
Heh. All the baby quail are like the tail-bits of that..game..where you eat things..and your tail grows..what's it called?
I like how all the kid-animals call Bambi 'young prince' even though they're basically the same age. It's like calling my peers youngsters. (I do call Christine 'baby girl' occasionally, but that's because she iiiiissss a baby.)
Love all the cute little baby voices. Like how everything Thumper says feels like it's rolling in his mouth, and Bambi pronounces 'mother' as 'mahther'.
I quite like the way the deer are animated in this movie. Those gangly graceful legs are beautiful.
Like I said earlier with Snow White, music is approached so differently in these earlier movies than in the later ones. The film is a symphony; almost the entire thing could be played sans dialogue, and still tell a story. It's one thing I really love about Fantasia and Fantasia 2000, although those are instead comprised of short stories. The difference is that for Fantasia, the music came before the animation.
Wow dude, way to acknowledge your son. Glance. Ear twitch. Half-smile. Walk away.
Gah. I love baby-Thumper. So adorable.
OH SHIT you did not just shoot Bambi's mahther.
Whoa. That was a really abrupt transition. Sad sad Bambi's mom is dead sad sad LA LA LA SPRING LA LA. Way to be sensitive.
Heh. Poor ornery owl just wants to sleep in the middle of the day. All his neighbors are making a horrible shitty racket. (It's like me..)
Whoa. Bambi went through puberty faaaast. Voice change much? Oh dear. Thumper isn't cute anymore.
"Nearly everybody gets twitterpated in the springtime." Hee. The owl is making falling in love sound like a horrible deadly disease or something.
Oh no, we lost Flower to the TWITTERPATION. The HORROR.
Oh no, there's Thumper gone too. WHAT ARE WE TO DO. (Whooooa, sexy rabbit.)
Okay enough of this silliness let's just strut off and not notice girls OH SHIT A GIRL RUUUUN oh never mind let's just frolic instead.
BATTLE FOR THE GIRL BATTLE FOR THE GIRL battle battle battle WIN BATTLE whooooo Bambi won that means he's awesome.
It is MAN. D:
(Sometimes my commentaries are semi-serious. Sometimes they are very very silly..)
Oh no, Faline! And ugly-sounding crow-caws. (I think it's funny that the squirrel and chipmunk are always together.) He's coming! D:
Noooo! Not the nervous quail! Run for your liiiiiiiiife! (This is getting me all riled up.)
OH SHIT that's a lot of angry-looking dogs. RUN, FALINE, RUN. Now you are on a rock. Yeah Bambi, you headbutt those dogs! (I thought deer got nervous when they were being hunted. Apparently the noble ones get all chivalrous. And make landslides on piles of dogs.)
OH SHIT HE GOT SHOT. Stumble for your life, Bambi!
Uh. I don't know how exactly that forest fire got started.
Bambi's father is very commanding. "Get up! Get up, Bambi! Get up! You must get up! Get up! GET UP!" He is a bit of a broken record.
On the bright side, Bambi's wound seems to have quite quickly, on the run from the fire.
Poor owl keeps getting woken up. (Lol. The baby skunk was named after Bambi. That might get confusing.)
Sheesh. No privacy after giving birth. Jeez.
I guess it's a family tradition, the father standing and watching proudly from afar instead of actually going to interact with his kids.
Okay. I'm done. Pretty movie. I didn't cry when mahther died, though; apparently that means I'm heartless. Oops?
...
I think baby-Thumper starts a list for most adorable characters. (Does Gepetto count, because he's such an adorable old man? Probably not. Oh well.) Should 'most lovable' and 'most adorable' be consolidated? I'm not sure.
Bambi probably wins automatically for 'most environmentally friendly', but we'll see.
...
Chinese comedian lol! (At least it's not a Japanese comedian. (You probably won't get that unless you're Chinese.))
...
Hmm. It seems I didn't write about Dumbo when I watched it recently? That's weird. I suppose I shall watch it and commentate.
Heh. The stork song. There's this line: "Don't try to get away / He'll find you in the end." Unplanned pregnancy, much? But this segment is pretty cute. I like how the giraffe needs an extra parachute for its neck.
Is Casey Jr a character in old Disney shorts? He's the train in Dumbo, and there's also a bit about him in The Reluctant Dragon. His voice is rather grating.
Heh. I love Dumbo's stork. He's a bit of a silly chap. (I don't know what made me say 'chap'. It's probably these old movies..) His rendition of 'Happy Birthday' is fantastic.
Elephant bitches so mean about the ears. I think it's cute.. It's funny, these elephant bitches. They've perfectly captured real-life bitches, in elephant form. All stuck-up and self-righteous; putting on kind faces and energetic goings-on until they turn out to be bitches.
I love the putting-up-the-tents sequence. I rather like that the humans are faceless featureless blobby creatures. It's a good song, too. (These are some very well-trained elephants.)
Awwr. Poor Dumbo is a freak. I actually find this part, when his mother is locked up, to be sadder than Bambi's mahther dying. It feels more tragic, maybe because the rest of the movie is about the severed connection.
Ugh. Elephant bitches. How can you be so mean to a baby? (Or, you know, anyone..)
I like this mouse.
They use the word 'climax' a bit too much in this part. I can't help myself.
These are seriously the greatest elephants in the world. How the fuck do they do that. Fucking elephant pyramid. What. (All the elephants are old biddies. How did Mrs Jumbo get pregnant?)
Unfortunately, when the greatest elephants in the world fuck up, it is the greatest fuck-up in the world.
Old Biddy Elephant Leader is such a bitchy biddy.
Oh them clowns. It's probably animal cruelty, but their act is pretty damn great..
This bit with the reunion between Dumbo and his mom is so sweet. Good song. (Is this a circus or a zoo?)
"Oh, come on, elephants don't got no feelings." "Yeah, they's made of rubber!"
Hee. I love when Dumbo and the mouse get drunk. ("What kind of water is this anyhow?") The pink elephants on parade sequence reminds me of the heffalumps and woozles dream sequence in The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. It's probably the inspiration. (In fact, the first time I watched Dumbo, I had to go watch Winnie the Pooh as well, to compare them.) (On that note, I also love the heffalumps and woozles.)
Whoa. Blackbirds speaking in very obvious voices. Well that's not racist a'tall. (I like the blackbirds-making-fun-of-the-ridiculous-notion-of-a-flying-elephant song.)
Aww. Happy reunion. Okay, the end.
...
I wonder whether or not to start a 'most gloomy predicament'. All movies must have gloomy predicaments; otherwise, there's nothing to solve by the end. But I guess some are probably More Fucking Depressing than others. It's probably too hard to decide, though.
...
Saludos Amigos. Uh. Definitely never seen this one. I wonder what it is. (According to Wikipedia, it's four shorts of Disney characters roaming around in Latin America.)
Oh. Joy. The narrator is speaking Spanish. Yay I can't understand it at all. (Well, okay, I can infer some of it. But not a lot.) The beginning stuff is live action. Looks like a documentary or something. Can I skip to the animated bits, so at least I'll have that? Eh, I won't. I'll just wait.
LLAMAS. It suddenly got better. He's speaking in a dramatic voice about llamas.
Heh. Lago Titicaca. (Donald Duck speaking Spanish is so weird. I mean, I thought I couldn't understand him before.)
Okay. You know what? I'm going to skip this. I don't know what they're saying and I don't have subtitles or a translator. Maybe I'll get back to it when I have more patience than I do tonight.
Au revoir, amigos! Or something like that.
...
Uh. After skimming the article about Victory Through Air Power on Wikipedia, I've decided to skip that one tonight as well.
...
And, uh. The Three Caballeros is also in Spanish. Bye, Spanish.
...
Actually, never mind. I've watched enough tonight. Time to play infuriatingly fun Flash games and then maybe attempt to get through another chapter of Problem Sleuth. Anyways. That's it for tonight. (I always feel like I ramble on too much when I talk about the movies I'm watching.)
Olivia
PS. "Really, you are just utterly astounded by how shitty your IMAGINATION is. If your IMAGINATION was a face you would punch it.
In the face."
PPS. Just leaving this as a reminder that IT ACTUALLY ENDED.
The problem with MS Paint Adventures is that you can't really share pages, like with other webcomics. Because everything is so fucking out of context unless you've read the whole thing. (Also possibly if you have read the whole thing.) I mean, seriously. Problem Sleuth started out with Problem Sleuth stuck in his office and trying to find a way out. Now there's candy magic and brothels and dimensional warps and a final boss battle that's lasted forever, and I'm only on part seventeen of twenty-two, or something. Oy.
But I love it. It's so absurd. I need to go back and catch up with Homestuck after I finish PS. Homestuck is..fucking amazing. But I'll probably have to read the whole thing again, because I only vaguely remember what was happening.
Then I'm going to go back and catch up with Sluggy Freelance, because I want to know what has happened since September. Unfortunately, I'll probably have to read Sluggy from the beginning, too. That will take me a month.
Oh, weird convoluted webcomics. You just can't give me a break, can you?
...
Speaking of webcomics, I've also been reading randoms of XKCD. I love this. Don Quixote is my hero.
This happened to me the only time I ever went on TV Tropes. That thing is deadly. Happens sometimes on Wikipedia, too. Just yesterday we were browsing the weirdest pages on Simple Wikipedia.
...
Okay. Reached a second condescending recap. Time to watch Bambi.
Heh. All the baby quail are like the tail-bits of that..game..where you eat things..and your tail grows..what's it called?
I like how all the kid-animals call Bambi 'young prince' even though they're basically the same age. It's like calling my peers youngsters. (I do call Christine 'baby girl' occasionally, but that's because she iiiiissss a baby.)
Love all the cute little baby voices. Like how everything Thumper says feels like it's rolling in his mouth, and Bambi pronounces 'mother' as 'mahther'.
I quite like the way the deer are animated in this movie. Those gangly graceful legs are beautiful.
Like I said earlier with Snow White, music is approached so differently in these earlier movies than in the later ones. The film is a symphony; almost the entire thing could be played sans dialogue, and still tell a story. It's one thing I really love about Fantasia and Fantasia 2000, although those are instead comprised of short stories. The difference is that for Fantasia, the music came before the animation.
Wow dude, way to acknowledge your son. Glance. Ear twitch. Half-smile. Walk away.
Gah. I love baby-Thumper. So adorable.
OH SHIT you did not just shoot Bambi's mahther.
Whoa. That was a really abrupt transition. Sad sad Bambi's mom is dead sad sad LA LA LA SPRING LA LA. Way to be sensitive.
Heh. Poor ornery owl just wants to sleep in the middle of the day. All his neighbors are making a horrible shitty racket. (It's like me..)
Whoa. Bambi went through puberty faaaast. Voice change much? Oh dear. Thumper isn't cute anymore.
"Nearly everybody gets twitterpated in the springtime." Hee. The owl is making falling in love sound like a horrible deadly disease or something.
Oh no, we lost Flower to the TWITTERPATION. The HORROR.
Oh no, there's Thumper gone too. WHAT ARE WE TO DO. (Whooooa, sexy rabbit.)
Okay enough of this silliness let's just strut off and not notice girls OH SHIT A GIRL RUUUUN oh never mind let's just frolic instead.
BATTLE FOR THE GIRL BATTLE FOR THE GIRL battle battle battle WIN BATTLE whooooo Bambi won that means he's awesome.
It is MAN. D:
(Sometimes my commentaries are semi-serious. Sometimes they are very very silly..)
Oh no, Faline! And ugly-sounding crow-caws. (I think it's funny that the squirrel and chipmunk are always together.) He's coming! D:
Noooo! Not the nervous quail! Run for your liiiiiiiiife! (This is getting me all riled up.)
OH SHIT that's a lot of angry-looking dogs. RUN, FALINE, RUN. Now you are on a rock. Yeah Bambi, you headbutt those dogs! (I thought deer got nervous when they were being hunted. Apparently the noble ones get all chivalrous. And make landslides on piles of dogs.)
OH SHIT HE GOT SHOT. Stumble for your life, Bambi!
Uh. I don't know how exactly that forest fire got started.
Bambi's father is very commanding. "Get up! Get up, Bambi! Get up! You must get up! Get up! GET UP!" He is a bit of a broken record.
On the bright side, Bambi's wound seems to have quite quickly, on the run from the fire.
Poor owl keeps getting woken up. (Lol. The baby skunk was named after Bambi. That might get confusing.)
Sheesh. No privacy after giving birth. Jeez.
I guess it's a family tradition, the father standing and watching proudly from afar instead of actually going to interact with his kids.
Okay. I'm done. Pretty movie. I didn't cry when mahther died, though; apparently that means I'm heartless. Oops?
...
I think baby-Thumper starts a list for most adorable characters. (Does Gepetto count, because he's such an adorable old man? Probably not. Oh well.) Should 'most lovable' and 'most adorable' be consolidated? I'm not sure.
Bambi probably wins automatically for 'most environmentally friendly', but we'll see.
...
Chinese comedian lol! (At least it's not a Japanese comedian. (You probably won't get that unless you're Chinese.))
...
Hmm. It seems I didn't write about Dumbo when I watched it recently? That's weird. I suppose I shall watch it and commentate.
Heh. The stork song. There's this line: "Don't try to get away / He'll find you in the end." Unplanned pregnancy, much? But this segment is pretty cute. I like how the giraffe needs an extra parachute for its neck.
Is Casey Jr a character in old Disney shorts? He's the train in Dumbo, and there's also a bit about him in The Reluctant Dragon. His voice is rather grating.
Heh. I love Dumbo's stork. He's a bit of a silly chap. (I don't know what made me say 'chap'. It's probably these old movies..) His rendition of 'Happy Birthday' is fantastic.
Elephant bitches so mean about the ears. I think it's cute.. It's funny, these elephant bitches. They've perfectly captured real-life bitches, in elephant form. All stuck-up and self-righteous; putting on kind faces and energetic goings-on until they turn out to be bitches.
I love the putting-up-the-tents sequence. I rather like that the humans are faceless featureless blobby creatures. It's a good song, too. (These are some very well-trained elephants.)
Awwr. Poor Dumbo is a freak. I actually find this part, when his mother is locked up, to be sadder than Bambi's mahther dying. It feels more tragic, maybe because the rest of the movie is about the severed connection.
Ugh. Elephant bitches. How can you be so mean to a baby? (Or, you know, anyone..)
I like this mouse.
They use the word 'climax' a bit too much in this part. I can't help myself.
These are seriously the greatest elephants in the world. How the fuck do they do that. Fucking elephant pyramid. What. (All the elephants are old biddies. How did Mrs Jumbo get pregnant?)
Unfortunately, when the greatest elephants in the world fuck up, it is the greatest fuck-up in the world.
Old Biddy Elephant Leader is such a bitchy biddy.
Oh them clowns. It's probably animal cruelty, but their act is pretty damn great..
This bit with the reunion between Dumbo and his mom is so sweet. Good song. (Is this a circus or a zoo?)
"Oh, come on, elephants don't got no feelings." "Yeah, they's made of rubber!"
Hee. I love when Dumbo and the mouse get drunk. ("What kind of water is this anyhow?") The pink elephants on parade sequence reminds me of the heffalumps and woozles dream sequence in The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. It's probably the inspiration. (In fact, the first time I watched Dumbo, I had to go watch Winnie the Pooh as well, to compare them.) (On that note, I also love the heffalumps and woozles.)
Whoa. Blackbirds speaking in very obvious voices. Well that's not racist a'tall. (I like the blackbirds-making-fun-of-the-ridiculous-notion-of-a-flying-elephant song.)
Aww. Happy reunion. Okay, the end.
...
I wonder whether or not to start a 'most gloomy predicament'. All movies must have gloomy predicaments; otherwise, there's nothing to solve by the end. But I guess some are probably More Fucking Depressing than others. It's probably too hard to decide, though.
...
Saludos Amigos. Uh. Definitely never seen this one. I wonder what it is. (According to Wikipedia, it's four shorts of Disney characters roaming around in Latin America.)
Oh. Joy. The narrator is speaking Spanish. Yay I can't understand it at all. (Well, okay, I can infer some of it. But not a lot.) The beginning stuff is live action. Looks like a documentary or something. Can I skip to the animated bits, so at least I'll have that? Eh, I won't. I'll just wait.
LLAMAS. It suddenly got better. He's speaking in a dramatic voice about llamas.
Heh. Lago Titicaca. (Donald Duck speaking Spanish is so weird. I mean, I thought I couldn't understand him before.)
Okay. You know what? I'm going to skip this. I don't know what they're saying and I don't have subtitles or a translator. Maybe I'll get back to it when I have more patience than I do tonight.
Au revoir, amigos! Or something like that.
...
Uh. After skimming the article about Victory Through Air Power on Wikipedia, I've decided to skip that one tonight as well.
...
And, uh. The Three Caballeros is also in Spanish. Bye, Spanish.
...
Actually, never mind. I've watched enough tonight. Time to play infuriatingly fun Flash games and then maybe attempt to get through another chapter of Problem Sleuth. Anyways. That's it for tonight. (I always feel like I ramble on too much when I talk about the movies I'm watching.)
Olivia
PS. "Really, you are just utterly astounded by how shitty your IMAGINATION is. If your IMAGINATION was a face you would punch it.
In the face."
PPS. Just leaving this as a reminder that IT ACTUALLY ENDED.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
I don't know why I keep trying to run away from things that only exist in my head, but that's me.
Okay, I knew I wasn't going to get in. It's still kind of depressing.
...
I am piling way too much unwarranted mental stress on myself. There is no tangible reason to be miserable all the time. More and more I find myself falling apart too easily. It is getting harder to look happy in front of other people. I mean, I can still do it. But it's affecting me pretty badly. I don't even know why I'm upset. I'm upset about everything. Life was so great earlier in the school year. Now it's engulfing me with shitty badness that doesn't even fucking exist.
Some people I know have Real Problems. Sometimes I feel like mine are all made up.
Either I need to go away, or let myself cry, or find something good to which I can focus my attentions.
...
It's eight thirty; I was going to go to sleep early so I can stop thinking, but my efforts were fruitless. The girls are making too much noise. On to the next Disney movie, then: The Reluctant Dragon. (Skipping Dumbo, because I watched it pretty recently.) The next ten films on the list are ones I've never seen, so this should be interesting.
I like the way they did these opening credits; they have the artists' signatures and caricatures.
Hm, well this is interesting. Apparently it's a film about the making of animated things. I didn't know that. I thought it was just a regular movie.
It is quite silly. But it's pretty cool how they show everything.
(Also, I'm geeking out over these shots of the paint factory thing. They're gorgeous. And the maquettes. Sculpture love!)
Heh. Slow motion Goofy riding a horse. I love Goofy shorts. Goofy is boss.
Good poem: "Sweet little upside-down cake / Cares and woes, you've got 'em / Poor little upside-down cake / Your top is on your bottom / Alas, little upside-down cake / Your troubles never stop / Because, little upside-down cake / Your bottom's on your top."
...
Bambi up next. Everyone always seems shocked when I say I've never seen it.
Never mind. Watched the first few minutes, but they seem to have left the apartment, so I should try to sleep while I can. Will finish tomorrow.
Good night.
Olivia
PS. AW MAN. I never never get to sleep when I want to. Norm called as I was drifting off; he needed someone to sign him into New Res, because he has to do a project with Justin but Justin wasn't answering his phone. So I went down to Justin's room to see if he was there, and told him to go get Norm. Then I came back and the girls are back, which should be fine because they were being quiet, but now I'm awake again. Fack. (Also, Jen started talking about how she needs to go on a diet, and how all her food is loaded with calories, and now I'm wound up.)
I'm going to curl up with Evelyn Evelyn and Problem Sleuth until I can fall asleep.
PPS. Oh. Look. It got loud again. Good thing I wasn't sleeping again, or I'd have been woken up.
I want to live on my own.
...
I am piling way too much unwarranted mental stress on myself. There is no tangible reason to be miserable all the time. More and more I find myself falling apart too easily. It is getting harder to look happy in front of other people. I mean, I can still do it. But it's affecting me pretty badly. I don't even know why I'm upset. I'm upset about everything. Life was so great earlier in the school year. Now it's engulfing me with shitty badness that doesn't even fucking exist.
Some people I know have Real Problems. Sometimes I feel like mine are all made up.
Either I need to go away, or let myself cry, or find something good to which I can focus my attentions.
...
It's eight thirty; I was going to go to sleep early so I can stop thinking, but my efforts were fruitless. The girls are making too much noise. On to the next Disney movie, then: The Reluctant Dragon. (Skipping Dumbo, because I watched it pretty recently.) The next ten films on the list are ones I've never seen, so this should be interesting.
I like the way they did these opening credits; they have the artists' signatures and caricatures.
Hm, well this is interesting. Apparently it's a film about the making of animated things. I didn't know that. I thought it was just a regular movie.
It is quite silly. But it's pretty cool how they show everything.
(Also, I'm geeking out over these shots of the paint factory thing. They're gorgeous. And the maquettes. Sculpture love!)
Heh. Slow motion Goofy riding a horse. I love Goofy shorts. Goofy is boss.
Good poem: "Sweet little upside-down cake / Cares and woes, you've got 'em / Poor little upside-down cake / Your top is on your bottom / Alas, little upside-down cake / Your troubles never stop / Because, little upside-down cake / Your bottom's on your top."
...
Bambi up next. Everyone always seems shocked when I say I've never seen it.
Never mind. Watched the first few minutes, but they seem to have left the apartment, so I should try to sleep while I can. Will finish tomorrow.
Good night.
Olivia
PS. AW MAN. I never never get to sleep when I want to. Norm called as I was drifting off; he needed someone to sign him into New Res, because he has to do a project with Justin but Justin wasn't answering his phone. So I went down to Justin's room to see if he was there, and told him to go get Norm. Then I came back and the girls are back, which should be fine because they were being quiet, but now I'm awake again. Fack. (Also, Jen started talking about how she needs to go on a diet, and how all her food is loaded with calories, and now I'm wound up.)
I'm going to curl up with Evelyn Evelyn and Problem Sleuth until I can fall asleep.
PPS. Oh. Look. It got loud again. Good thing I wasn't sleeping again, or I'd have been woken up.
I want to live on my own.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Evelyn Evelyn album, housing conflict, and the first two Disney movies of many.
Whoo! Got my Evelyn Evelyn CD in the mail today. Also started reading Octopus Pie today. (And just finished catching up..) Two good things. Hurrah.
Also, I learned that the first five seasons of Lost are on Hulu. I mean, Hulu sucks here, because the internet sucks, but it's better than that site I was using earlier. Fucken Megavideo, only giving you one and a half episodes a day. Rrgh. Anyways. Now I can watch more Lost. I have yet to be addicted, but that may just be because I've only seen the first one and a half episodes..
(The Evelyn Evelyn album is quite interesting. They really do tell a story. It's weird and pretty and the songs are good, and some of them are fucking awesome.)
...
So apparently I might not have a place to live next year. Apparently SVA has sold the 10th Street residence and most of the Ludlow to other schools, or something. Which means people will be shunted over to GW. Which apparently doesn't have enough beds.
I wanted to get a single apartment. My parents vetoed. They don't think it's safe for an eighteen-year-old girl to get an apartment by herself in New York City. Possibly true. But that's me always wanting to move ahead too quickly in life. And always wanting to be alone. They say I can look for a roommate who goes to SVA. Problem: Everyone I know is either dorming or already has people to live with. Problem: I'm not exactly sociable, so while I have friends and pals and classmates and acquaintances, I'm not sure anyone would actually want to share their home with me. Problem: I actually don't really know many people at SVA. I don't have many out-of-class friends. The ones I do have are awesome, but, as is the rest of my entire fucking life, I'm too I-don't-even-know-what to even bring it up.
I don't want to live in Flushing with my grandparents next year. That would be like taking a step backwards. All my life I have been trying to get farther, faster. That's probably one reason why I don't have many friends..
I just want somewhere that's home and not hell. I want to feel comfortable, not to feel like I can't take a step out of my bedroom without being judged. It's been so bad lately - in my head, not actually in real life - that I usually wait until nobody's around to go to the fucking bathroom. I am kind of mentally unstable, World. Please don't put me into situations that make me trap myself in a box like this. Home is supposed to be safe. Around people who make me uptight all the time, I'm not safe. I have several different faces; for working environment, for class environment, for social environment, even around family members. At home I'm supposed to be allowed to be completely myself.
Home is supposed to be safe.
...
The mood in here just dropped from high to low in only a few hours. Oh, bad news. How interesting you make my life. (That's not a good thing, bad news. Next time you decide to visit, don't. Fuck off.)
...
Anyways. Gonna take my mom's advice and not think about it anymore tonight. Gonna watch Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, in accordance with my resolution to watch all these Disney animated movies in chronological order. (Since Toy Story and A Bug's Life were made in the included time period and were distributed by Disney, they're in the folder, but I consider them completely different, so I won't be watching them with the Disney movies. I'll have a Pixar movie sequence some time, though.)
Here comes the commentary. Because apparently when I'm watching movies by myself, I can't stay quiet.
I love the sound in these old movies. It has a very dramatic and wistful quality. The voices are classic and charming and just kind of sound old. Snow White's is an old-fashioned notion of sweetness, and has a lilting warble in it; the prince's is nearly operatic, and certainly not something you hear today; the queen's embodies cruelty. And the music interacts with the story and dialogue and visuals in a way that it no longer would do. It weaves throughout the entire movie. It really makes me think of Fantasia; I think that basically shows Walt's original vision.
I know we definitely wouldn't be able to pull off an animation style like this anymore. We live in a fast-paced world that wasn't around in 1937, when Snow White was made. It's hard to explain, but the characters have an almost overly-fluid way of moving and acting. I feel like they wouldn't fit into the shortened patience of modernity. And these orchestral montages, they're just not receiveable as they would have been. I could be wrong. But I feel like there's a formula to animated movies nowadays that is completely different from Snow White's. This is a fairy tale in all aspects, from the story to the dreamlike quality of the characters (barring the silly mainly-for-comic-relief dwarves), and while Disney has been making fairy tale movies again, they're certainly nothing like Snow White or Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty. Tiana in The Princess and the Frog is an independent woman of the American twenties, and Rapunzel in her upcoming movie Tangled - which along with The Princess and the Frog also marks a departure from the traditional nature of the stories and even titles of the Disney fairy tale movies - will apparently be a strong-willed girl who can..grab things with her hair? And blackmails the prince into helping her escape the tower?
Anyways. I love Snow White. But it's definitely not a movie of my generation. If people my age like it, it's because of a nostalgia it instills for something we never had. I think it's almost a novelty.
Interesting how a teenaged girl (if she is that, even) can get a bunch of grown men (well, kind of grown) to act like children. I'm referring to the hand-washing scene. It's kind of a silly notion.
One thing I notice from the old animated classics is that the more 'serious' characters have a certain type of face, and the comical characters have another. Snow White, Cinderella, their princes, and their stepmothers have narrow eyes when they're not angry or surprised, and dainty features. White's dwarves and Cinderelly's animal friends and stepsisters have more caricatured faces, and wide, expressive eyes. These are always the more interesting characters. The perfect people are there to make it dramatic, the silly ones to lighten the mood.
The villains in Disney movies are nearly always their own downfall. Think of Snow White's stepmother. In attempt to rid herself of her only competitor in beauty, she turns herself into an old hag as a disguise. Then..she dies anyways. Gaston, Belle's crass suitor in Beauty and the Beast, is so overcome with anger and jealousy and pride that, when the Beast allows him to leave with his life, he makes a final attempt on the Beast's life and falls to his demise. Aladdin is able to exploit Jafar's power-madness to trap him as a genie in a lamp. And, most recently, the witch doctor of The Princess and the Frog is dragged to the realm of those creepy voodoo spirits only because he made a selfish deal with them. The villain is always greedy or cruel or EEEVVVIIIIILLLLL. That's kind of the reason why I'm so against such a clear division of good and bad in stories. People are people. People have motivations, and nobody is pure anything. Intentions may be corrupted, and views may be skewed. There is no evil.
Okay. The love story of Snow White. The song "Someday My Prince Will Come". I completely agree with Grumpy when he declares it 'mush'. She says that he was romantic, but they didn't even speak directly. They were beautiful people looking into mirrors. It's like Romeo and Juliet. This whole love-at-first-sight thing has always pissed me off.
On happy endings. I know they're crucial, and honestly, I like them as much as everyone else - while they're happening. But, similar to my opinion on the concept of evil, I don't think there should be such a great distinction. Happily-ever-after is kind of lame. Ooh, but I love those treacherous vultures at least.
...
Okay, done with the movie. About fairy tale retellings. I am in love with them. Fairy tales were one of my first obsessions - the real ones, the original ones, the different versions from different times and different countries. I was one of those kids who read Grimms' and compared them to Disney. And then when I was a bit older, there were so many different retellings to discover. Snow White and Cinderella and Briar Rose and Rapunzel and that unnamed beauty of the beast's; they were mostly stories about princesses, finding their ways in the world and speaking their minds. So unlike the weak, old-fashioned girls they used to be. I was always drawn to these books because of my close friendship with fairy tales.
My favorite in middle school was Donna Jo Napoli's Zel; my favorite now is the short story by Neil Gaiman, Snow, Glass, Apples. As is by now predictable for me, it's because they tell the villain's side.
...
Watching Pinocchio now, because I obviously don't know how to go to bed early when I could be wasting my time watching movies..
This is my first time seeing Pinocchio. I read a book, though..
I love the character of Gepetto. I love everything about him. I love his toy-filled workshop, I love that his walls are filled with amazing clocks and he still has to look at his pocket-watch to tell the time, I love his accent, I love how close he is to his pets, I love the child-like innocence that drives him to make such an earnest wish on a star.
OH LOOK A SEXY SPARKLY FAIRY. (Edward Cullen? Lollers.)
"A conscience is that still, small voice that people won't listen to. That's just the trouble with the world today." Well spoken, Mister Cricket.
"I'm dreamin' in my sleep! Wake me up! Wake me up!" Hee. I like Gepetto.
Whoooa, now Pinocchio's being sexually propositioned by marionettes. Heh, I should've watched this a long time ago.
Gepetto's sadness at the disappearance of Pinocchio is tragic, and I'm not being ironic at all. I love his characterization. He's such a sweet old man.
Jiminy Cricket is a goofy character. (Also, I thought he just said 'Fuck up, son'. Turns out it was 'Buck up', but close enough?)
Pleasure Island sounds like a porno or someplace in Vegas. Maybe a porno in Vegas? When the man said 'I need stupid little boys', I couldn't help myself. (Are those cigars really just cigars?)
"You've buttered your bread. Now sleep in it!"
I love that they say jackass in this movie. It's a Disney movie and they say jackass. There's kids cigar-smoking and beer-drinking, too. That, I suppose, would be the difference between then and now.
Okay, I get that Pinocchio wouldn't need to breathe underwater, but what about Jiminy?
Lol. Seahorses and seadonkeys.
Dude, Gepetto's crying is going to make me cry. Jeez. He's such a good character.
"Father! What'cha crying for?" "'Cause.. you're dead, Pinocchio." "No, no I'm not!" "Yes, yes you are. Now lie down." Oh I love him. xD
...
Gepetto is a candidate for most lovable Disney character, I think. Such a sweet old man. Maybe now that I'm going to be watching all these movies, I'll do lists for myself too. Dopey's probably also on that particular list, but I totally adore Gepetto.
What else? Favorite song, probably. That instrumental song in the beginning of Pinocchio makes it. And, uh, actually most of the songs in Oliver and Company; I'm kind of upset I only just now saw that movie.
...
Wow I just got tired really suddenly. Time for bed. Good night. (This was a long post.)
Olivia
Also, I learned that the first five seasons of Lost are on Hulu. I mean, Hulu sucks here, because the internet sucks, but it's better than that site I was using earlier. Fucken Megavideo, only giving you one and a half episodes a day. Rrgh. Anyways. Now I can watch more Lost. I have yet to be addicted, but that may just be because I've only seen the first one and a half episodes..
(The Evelyn Evelyn album is quite interesting. They really do tell a story. It's weird and pretty and the songs are good, and some of them are fucking awesome.)
...
So apparently I might not have a place to live next year. Apparently SVA has sold the 10th Street residence and most of the Ludlow to other schools, or something. Which means people will be shunted over to GW. Which apparently doesn't have enough beds.
I wanted to get a single apartment. My parents vetoed. They don't think it's safe for an eighteen-year-old girl to get an apartment by herself in New York City. Possibly true. But that's me always wanting to move ahead too quickly in life. And always wanting to be alone. They say I can look for a roommate who goes to SVA. Problem: Everyone I know is either dorming or already has people to live with. Problem: I'm not exactly sociable, so while I have friends and pals and classmates and acquaintances, I'm not sure anyone would actually want to share their home with me. Problem: I actually don't really know many people at SVA. I don't have many out-of-class friends. The ones I do have are awesome, but, as is the rest of my entire fucking life, I'm too I-don't-even-know-what to even bring it up.
I don't want to live in Flushing with my grandparents next year. That would be like taking a step backwards. All my life I have been trying to get farther, faster. That's probably one reason why I don't have many friends..
I just want somewhere that's home and not hell. I want to feel comfortable, not to feel like I can't take a step out of my bedroom without being judged. It's been so bad lately - in my head, not actually in real life - that I usually wait until nobody's around to go to the fucking bathroom. I am kind of mentally unstable, World. Please don't put me into situations that make me trap myself in a box like this. Home is supposed to be safe. Around people who make me uptight all the time, I'm not safe. I have several different faces; for working environment, for class environment, for social environment, even around family members. At home I'm supposed to be allowed to be completely myself.
Home is supposed to be safe.
...
The mood in here just dropped from high to low in only a few hours. Oh, bad news. How interesting you make my life. (That's not a good thing, bad news. Next time you decide to visit, don't. Fuck off.)
...
Anyways. Gonna take my mom's advice and not think about it anymore tonight. Gonna watch Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, in accordance with my resolution to watch all these Disney animated movies in chronological order. (Since Toy Story and A Bug's Life were made in the included time period and were distributed by Disney, they're in the folder, but I consider them completely different, so I won't be watching them with the Disney movies. I'll have a Pixar movie sequence some time, though.)
Here comes the commentary. Because apparently when I'm watching movies by myself, I can't stay quiet.
I love the sound in these old movies. It has a very dramatic and wistful quality. The voices are classic and charming and just kind of sound old. Snow White's is an old-fashioned notion of sweetness, and has a lilting warble in it; the prince's is nearly operatic, and certainly not something you hear today; the queen's embodies cruelty. And the music interacts with the story and dialogue and visuals in a way that it no longer would do. It weaves throughout the entire movie. It really makes me think of Fantasia; I think that basically shows Walt's original vision.
I know we definitely wouldn't be able to pull off an animation style like this anymore. We live in a fast-paced world that wasn't around in 1937, when Snow White was made. It's hard to explain, but the characters have an almost overly-fluid way of moving and acting. I feel like they wouldn't fit into the shortened patience of modernity. And these orchestral montages, they're just not receiveable as they would have been. I could be wrong. But I feel like there's a formula to animated movies nowadays that is completely different from Snow White's. This is a fairy tale in all aspects, from the story to the dreamlike quality of the characters (barring the silly mainly-for-comic-relief dwarves), and while Disney has been making fairy tale movies again, they're certainly nothing like Snow White or Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty. Tiana in The Princess and the Frog is an independent woman of the American twenties, and Rapunzel in her upcoming movie Tangled - which along with The Princess and the Frog also marks a departure from the traditional nature of the stories and even titles of the Disney fairy tale movies - will apparently be a strong-willed girl who can..grab things with her hair? And blackmails the prince into helping her escape the tower?
Anyways. I love Snow White. But it's definitely not a movie of my generation. If people my age like it, it's because of a nostalgia it instills for something we never had. I think it's almost a novelty.
Interesting how a teenaged girl (if she is that, even) can get a bunch of grown men (well, kind of grown) to act like children. I'm referring to the hand-washing scene. It's kind of a silly notion.
One thing I notice from the old animated classics is that the more 'serious' characters have a certain type of face, and the comical characters have another. Snow White, Cinderella, their princes, and their stepmothers have narrow eyes when they're not angry or surprised, and dainty features. White's dwarves and Cinderelly's animal friends and stepsisters have more caricatured faces, and wide, expressive eyes. These are always the more interesting characters. The perfect people are there to make it dramatic, the silly ones to lighten the mood.
The villains in Disney movies are nearly always their own downfall. Think of Snow White's stepmother. In attempt to rid herself of her only competitor in beauty, she turns herself into an old hag as a disguise. Then..she dies anyways. Gaston, Belle's crass suitor in Beauty and the Beast, is so overcome with anger and jealousy and pride that, when the Beast allows him to leave with his life, he makes a final attempt on the Beast's life and falls to his demise. Aladdin is able to exploit Jafar's power-madness to trap him as a genie in a lamp. And, most recently, the witch doctor of The Princess and the Frog is dragged to the realm of those creepy voodoo spirits only because he made a selfish deal with them. The villain is always greedy or cruel or EEEVVVIIIIILLLLL. That's kind of the reason why I'm so against such a clear division of good and bad in stories. People are people. People have motivations, and nobody is pure anything. Intentions may be corrupted, and views may be skewed. There is no evil.
Okay. The love story of Snow White. The song "Someday My Prince Will Come". I completely agree with Grumpy when he declares it 'mush'. She says that he was romantic, but they didn't even speak directly. They were beautiful people looking into mirrors. It's like Romeo and Juliet. This whole love-at-first-sight thing has always pissed me off.
On happy endings. I know they're crucial, and honestly, I like them as much as everyone else - while they're happening. But, similar to my opinion on the concept of evil, I don't think there should be such a great distinction. Happily-ever-after is kind of lame. Ooh, but I love those treacherous vultures at least.
...
Okay, done with the movie. About fairy tale retellings. I am in love with them. Fairy tales were one of my first obsessions - the real ones, the original ones, the different versions from different times and different countries. I was one of those kids who read Grimms' and compared them to Disney. And then when I was a bit older, there were so many different retellings to discover. Snow White and Cinderella and Briar Rose and Rapunzel and that unnamed beauty of the beast's; they were mostly stories about princesses, finding their ways in the world and speaking their minds. So unlike the weak, old-fashioned girls they used to be. I was always drawn to these books because of my close friendship with fairy tales.
My favorite in middle school was Donna Jo Napoli's Zel; my favorite now is the short story by Neil Gaiman, Snow, Glass, Apples. As is by now predictable for me, it's because they tell the villain's side.
...
Watching Pinocchio now, because I obviously don't know how to go to bed early when I could be wasting my time watching movies..
This is my first time seeing Pinocchio. I read a book, though..
I love the character of Gepetto. I love everything about him. I love his toy-filled workshop, I love that his walls are filled with amazing clocks and he still has to look at his pocket-watch to tell the time, I love his accent, I love how close he is to his pets, I love the child-like innocence that drives him to make such an earnest wish on a star.
OH LOOK A SEXY SPARKLY FAIRY. (Edward Cullen? Lollers.)
"A conscience is that still, small voice that people won't listen to. That's just the trouble with the world today." Well spoken, Mister Cricket.
"I'm dreamin' in my sleep! Wake me up! Wake me up!" Hee. I like Gepetto.
Whoooa, now Pinocchio's being sexually propositioned by marionettes. Heh, I should've watched this a long time ago.
Gepetto's sadness at the disappearance of Pinocchio is tragic, and I'm not being ironic at all. I love his characterization. He's such a sweet old man.
Jiminy Cricket is a goofy character. (Also, I thought he just said 'Fuck up, son'. Turns out it was 'Buck up', but close enough?)
Pleasure Island sounds like a porno or someplace in Vegas. Maybe a porno in Vegas? When the man said 'I need stupid little boys', I couldn't help myself. (Are those cigars really just cigars?)
"You've buttered your bread. Now sleep in it!"
I love that they say jackass in this movie. It's a Disney movie and they say jackass. There's kids cigar-smoking and beer-drinking, too. That, I suppose, would be the difference between then and now.
Okay, I get that Pinocchio wouldn't need to breathe underwater, but what about Jiminy?
Lol. Seahorses and seadonkeys.
Dude, Gepetto's crying is going to make me cry. Jeez. He's such a good character.
"Father! What'cha crying for?" "'Cause.. you're dead, Pinocchio." "No, no I'm not!" "Yes, yes you are. Now lie down." Oh I love him. xD
...
Gepetto is a candidate for most lovable Disney character, I think. Such a sweet old man. Maybe now that I'm going to be watching all these movies, I'll do lists for myself too. Dopey's probably also on that particular list, but I totally adore Gepetto.
What else? Favorite song, probably. That instrumental song in the beginning of Pinocchio makes it. And, uh, actually most of the songs in Oliver and Company; I'm kind of upset I only just now saw that movie.
...
Wow I just got tired really suddenly. Time for bed. Good night. (This was a long post.)
Olivia
Monday, March 22, 2010
I watch too many Disney movies.
I am still slightly amazed that there are several people who read this daily. I mean, it's practically a fucken diary in parts. There's only one thing I explicitly keep out of my posts, and that's dude's name. I don't even know why I do that; most people who read this know his name anyways, one way or another. And if you didn't I might tell you. There's just a dumb reasoning in my head that maybe it'll go away if I don't mention his name. Even though there is only one person I could possibly have been describing for the past five months.
Five months! I've been doing this for about five months. I didn't think it would last that long. (I keep saying that..)
...
Finished Oliver and Company, then decided to follow up with another dog movie, so now watching Lady and the Tramp. First time for both.
Okay, I just watched the first minute of actual action (not counting opening credits and the zooming in on the house bit), and I notice that the coloring on the characters looks really clear. That digital method of coloring wasn't used until the eighties, so I'm kind of confused. I guess I was expecting more of an oldeytimes animation look. The first minute already feels more advanced than Sleeping Beauty, which came afterwards. But who knows? Maybe I'm just not used to this style period on the Disney timeline. That's one reason why I'm going to be doing this in chronological order after this movie.
Okay. Did he just give the dog coffee?
That Scottie is adorable.
Wow, this movie is so racist against cats.
HEY. THAT BEAVER is like Gopher from Winnie the Pooh. This..makes me really happy.
I love these Italian guys from the restaurant. "Hey Joe! Butcha he saysa he wants two spaghettia speciales, heavy on the meatsaboll!" "Tony! Dogsa don'tuh talk!" "He'sa talkuh to me!" "Okaya, he'suh talka ta you! You da boss! Mamma mia.."
I like how each dog has a different accent. The bulldog is British, the chihuahua is Hispanic (saw that coming), the I-think-that-must-be-a-greyhound-or-something is Russian, the daschund is German.
AW THE PUPPIES ARE SO CUTE AND WEIRD WHEN THEY SPEAK IN UNISON.
...
I am in denial of the warm weather. I still wear my sweatshirts and I turn up the air conditioning in my room to pretend it's not getting hot. Freak.
...
Our stop-motion project for Narrative Workshop is coming along well. We shot the first third yesterday, and today Tom and I worked with it in Final Cut for a while. Going to shoot again on Thursday, and probably on Friday as well. It's very fun, I quite like it.
We have a mostly good group. It's me, Tom, Monty, and a certain someone who hasn't fucking done anything yet.. not even showing up for shooting or editing.. only has one responsibility, the music, and hasn't even done that yet, so Tom and I are going to work on it.. pah.
...
Heh.
...
Okay good night.
Olivia
Five months! I've been doing this for about five months. I didn't think it would last that long. (I keep saying that..)
...
Finished Oliver and Company, then decided to follow up with another dog movie, so now watching Lady and the Tramp. First time for both.
Okay, I just watched the first minute of actual action (not counting opening credits and the zooming in on the house bit), and I notice that the coloring on the characters looks really clear. That digital method of coloring wasn't used until the eighties, so I'm kind of confused. I guess I was expecting more of an oldeytimes animation look. The first minute already feels more advanced than Sleeping Beauty, which came afterwards. But who knows? Maybe I'm just not used to this style period on the Disney timeline. That's one reason why I'm going to be doing this in chronological order after this movie.
Okay. Did he just give the dog coffee?
That Scottie is adorable.
Wow, this movie is so racist against cats.
HEY. THAT BEAVER is like Gopher from Winnie the Pooh. This..makes me really happy.
I love these Italian guys from the restaurant. "Hey Joe! Butcha he saysa he wants two spaghettia speciales, heavy on the meatsaboll!" "Tony! Dogsa don'tuh talk!" "He'sa talkuh to me!" "Okaya, he'suh talka ta you! You da boss! Mamma mia.."
I like how each dog has a different accent. The bulldog is British, the chihuahua is Hispanic (saw that coming), the I-think-that-must-be-a-greyhound-or-something is Russian, the daschund is German.
AW THE PUPPIES ARE SO CUTE AND WEIRD WHEN THEY SPEAK IN UNISON.
...
I am in denial of the warm weather. I still wear my sweatshirts and I turn up the air conditioning in my room to pretend it's not getting hot. Freak.
...
Our stop-motion project for Narrative Workshop is coming along well. We shot the first third yesterday, and today Tom and I worked with it in Final Cut for a while. Going to shoot again on Thursday, and probably on Friday as well. It's very fun, I quite like it.
We have a mostly good group. It's me, Tom, Monty, and a certain someone who hasn't fucking done anything yet.. not even showing up for shooting or editing.. only has one responsibility, the music, and hasn't even done that yet, so Tom and I are going to work on it.. pah.
...
Heh.
...
Okay good night.
Olivia
Labtime, Lost, (lack of) leveling, literature, lugubriosity, llmovies (Yes, I only did that to be alliterative, after I noticed it already happening.)
Heh. I just got back from the lab. It hasn't been like this since last semester, when I was scrabbling to finish as much of my overly-overambitious final project in computer animation as I could. The difference: In the lab working on digital video homework, I have many classmates with whom to complain loudly. The difference: I loved laboring over my animation, whereas this stuff is more of a chore. Tedious, versus meticulous. But it's important knowledge that I need for video editing, so it's okay.
At least I finished. It only took..seven hours.
...
I started watching episodes of Lost today. Slightly frightened of what will happen. I don't think I'm a sheep yet. It's good so far, but not OMFG yet, as it seems it will become. I've only watched one and a half episodes. (Fucking Megavideo only lets you have seventy-two minutes a day. Fuckers.)
...
I am basically broke right now, so I cancelled my WoW subscription. When I get money back, I will start on game cards again. It's smarter than having a continuing subscription, I feel.
But now I feel strange. I want it back already, even though I haven't played since spring break, and haven't worked on leveling my main since winter break, and haven't seriously worked on leveling my main since summer. Because it's a connection.
...
Christine's new story is really fucking awesome. She's letting me post it here when her edits are done. Be excited.
...
So I was thinking about those bad days I was having last week, and it's weird. When I'm not actually having one of these bad days, I either can't describe them or feel like they're very silly. Which bothers me. Because when they're happening, they're very fucking real.
It's almost disturbing.
...
I am in the middle of watching Oliver and Company for the first time; Will was singing it and talking about how great it is last night, so I decided I should see it. My goal is to watch all the Disney movies I took from the SVA film library - all their animated films between Snow White and Fantasia 2000. Should be interesting. I keep watching my favorites over and over, is the problem. I still need to see a lot of the lesser ones. Might be that I like them. Next on my list to watch is The Black Cauldron, since they said some interesting things about it in Waking Sleeping Beauty. Then I may go in chronological order.
I like that the bulldog is the pedant. It just seems strange coming from a bulldog.
That guy just ate a dog biscuit.
Aw. The weird little doggy family with the bedtime stories is so cute.
I like the coordinated dogs-crossing-the-street strut.
I should stop watching for tonight and go to sleep. Or keep a running commentary. I seem to do that a lot while I watch movies. It shows up in my Facebook statuses a lot. (I always want to pluralize as stati, but I don't think that's right..)
...
Eh. I'll sleep now. Finish Oliver tomorrow before class, maybe.
I watch too many movies.
Good night.
Olivia
PS. I kept typing 'Olivia' instead of 'Oliver', and then having to change it. I have gotten used to typing my name, since I do at the end of every post.
At least I finished. It only took..seven hours.
...
I started watching episodes of Lost today. Slightly frightened of what will happen. I don't think I'm a sheep yet. It's good so far, but not OMFG yet, as it seems it will become. I've only watched one and a half episodes. (Fucking Megavideo only lets you have seventy-two minutes a day. Fuckers.)
...
I am basically broke right now, so I cancelled my WoW subscription. When I get money back, I will start on game cards again. It's smarter than having a continuing subscription, I feel.
But now I feel strange. I want it back already, even though I haven't played since spring break, and haven't worked on leveling my main since winter break, and haven't seriously worked on leveling my main since summer. Because it's a connection.
...
Christine's new story is really fucking awesome. She's letting me post it here when her edits are done. Be excited.
...
So I was thinking about those bad days I was having last week, and it's weird. When I'm not actually having one of these bad days, I either can't describe them or feel like they're very silly. Which bothers me. Because when they're happening, they're very fucking real.
It's almost disturbing.
...
I am in the middle of watching Oliver and Company for the first time; Will was singing it and talking about how great it is last night, so I decided I should see it. My goal is to watch all the Disney movies I took from the SVA film library - all their animated films between Snow White and Fantasia 2000. Should be interesting. I keep watching my favorites over and over, is the problem. I still need to see a lot of the lesser ones. Might be that I like them. Next on my list to watch is The Black Cauldron, since they said some interesting things about it in Waking Sleeping Beauty. Then I may go in chronological order.
I like that the bulldog is the pedant. It just seems strange coming from a bulldog.
That guy just ate a dog biscuit.
Aw. The weird little doggy family with the bedtime stories is so cute.
I like the coordinated dogs-crossing-the-street strut.
I should stop watching for tonight and go to sleep. Or keep a running commentary. I seem to do that a lot while I watch movies. It shows up in my Facebook statuses a lot. (I always want to pluralize as stati, but I don't think that's right..)
...
Eh. I'll sleep now. Finish Oliver tomorrow before class, maybe.
I watch too many movies.
Good night.
Olivia
PS. I kept typing 'Olivia' instead of 'Oliver', and then having to change it. I have gotten used to typing my name, since I do at the end of every post.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Pokegeeks?
I like being able to have long and thoughtful conversations with people about strategy in the Pokemon games. Those are the kind of geeky people I like.
Geeky people are cool.
Olivia
PS. I am such a dork.
Geeky people are cool.
Olivia
PS. I am such a dork.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
More Pokemon. Also, Dune.
Jen is here. We saw Shutter Island. Good movie, but I have to say I was rather suspecting that ending. At the risk of spoiling, I knew it was going to have a Sixth Sense twist. Still, I liked it.
Now I am reading Dune, because dude made me feel guilty for never having read it, last night.
I bought Pokemon SoulSilver today, as well. AHHHHH. I play too much Pokemon. My first video game ever was Pokemon Crystal, which is basically the same as Gold and Silver. So, back to roots?
Anyways. Not a very long post tonight. Good night.
Olivia
Now I am reading Dune, because dude made me feel guilty for never having read it, last night.
I bought Pokemon SoulSilver today, as well. AHHHHH. I play too much Pokemon. My first video game ever was Pokemon Crystal, which is basically the same as Gold and Silver. So, back to roots?
Anyways. Not a very long post tonight. Good night.
Olivia
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Zombie armies fend away sadness; course registration; time.
So.
I have a few different kinds of bad days. There are some like yesterday, that make me feel like the world hates me and leave me wondering why I'm here, why I'm still alive. There are some when I wander around all day feeling like I'm going to cry. That was today. I usually don't have them two days in a row, especially two different kinds.
It's not like the events of the day are bad. The events are usually normal-to-good. It's a feeling when I wake up, this weird pressing overbearing force that makes my brain drag across the ground behind me.
It got better, though. I was going to just go to sleep early so I would stop thinking, but then dude sent me this really rather absorbing game on Kongregate dealing with zombie infestations, and I played it for three hours, and eliminated large portions of the world, and..that made me feel better.
Escapism is really much better than wallowing.
...
We had a department meeting for freshmen today, about course registration for next year. This year I was waived out of the freshman English classes, Literature and Writing I and II, but I had to fill those spots with humanities credits. I was going to take the Shakespeare class, and in fact did attend the first day, but it turned out I had to take the proficiency exam anyways. Kind of lame. But ah well. I switched from Shakespeare to Sculpture. Sophomore year we have to take a studio outside our major, so I flipped it; my studio elective was taken this year, and next year instead of two humanities classes I have to take three. There's a lot of cool courses. Unfortunately, freshmen get last pick.
There's still a lot of requirements. We have Computer Animation: 3D Modeling and Animation in Maya I and II, Visual Effects and Broadcast Design: Motion Graphics I and II, MEL Scripting for Maya Artists (which most people hate), and either History of Film I and II or History of Animation I and II. There's also a non-credit all-sophomores lecture class - taught by John McIntosh, the department head - called Professional Practices. Which is about..professional practices. Sounds cool.
I'm excited for next year. I won't be living in this apartment. And I'll have animation year-round.
...
Jen's on spring break this week; she's coming to visit tomorrow and Friday. We are going to spend as much time as possible out of the dorm; I need to stop cooping up in my room all the time.
It's St Patrick's Day today. Any excuse for them to get drunk, eh?
They definitely don't like me. It barely bothers me anymore. (This is that apathy I'm afraid of; I'm afraid it will engulf my life, so I won't even care about fixing my problems, because they'll only appear mere annoyances. It is good for me now, and probably hazardous for my future prospects. I don't want to keep isolating myself for the rest of my life.)
...
I am always waiting for time to pass. I want it to be three weeks from now, so Pixar can send me a rejection. I want it to be four weeks from now, so I can see my mom when she's in the city on business. I want it to be the first of May, so I can pack up and be out of this suite. I want it to be next semester, so I can get back to animating.
Time is moving by so quickly and so slowly at once. It's a little bit terrifying. My freshman year of college is almost over. Less than a month and a half left. I am just waiting for it to get more intense, so maybe I can prove myself to myself.
...
It is three in the morning and I'm not even tired. That's what I get for taking naps. I'm going to try to sleep anyways. I should get more sleep. This morning I almost didn't get out of bed for class, between the sourceless feeling of despair and an overbearing exhaustion.
Good night.
Olivia
PS. The zombie game we were playing tonight has random facts interspersed; apparently, wives of cheating husbands in Hong Kong are allowed to murder said husbands, if they do so with their bare hands. Our conversation:
Him: "Would you do it?"
Me: "I have a rather strong belief that I'll never be able to attract anyone, but no, I wouldn't."
"What if you were allowed to use a gun?"
"Nope."
"Sword?"
"..Maybe."
"Lightsaber?"
"Heh, more likely."
"What would I have to offer you to get you to kill someone?"
"A happy life."
"Good answer."
PPS. Now it is four in the morning. I obviously have not been taking my own advice. (Then again, when do I?) I haven't even been doing anything remotely pretending to be productive. (Well, I guess watching stop-motion videos on Youtube could be considered doing research for our project. That's kind of what I had in mind, anyways.) I should go to bed..
Still not tired at all..
I have a few different kinds of bad days. There are some like yesterday, that make me feel like the world hates me and leave me wondering why I'm here, why I'm still alive. There are some when I wander around all day feeling like I'm going to cry. That was today. I usually don't have them two days in a row, especially two different kinds.
It's not like the events of the day are bad. The events are usually normal-to-good. It's a feeling when I wake up, this weird pressing overbearing force that makes my brain drag across the ground behind me.
It got better, though. I was going to just go to sleep early so I would stop thinking, but then dude sent me this really rather absorbing game on Kongregate dealing with zombie infestations, and I played it for three hours, and eliminated large portions of the world, and..that made me feel better.
Escapism is really much better than wallowing.
...
We had a department meeting for freshmen today, about course registration for next year. This year I was waived out of the freshman English classes, Literature and Writing I and II, but I had to fill those spots with humanities credits. I was going to take the Shakespeare class, and in fact did attend the first day, but it turned out I had to take the proficiency exam anyways. Kind of lame. But ah well. I switched from Shakespeare to Sculpture. Sophomore year we have to take a studio outside our major, so I flipped it; my studio elective was taken this year, and next year instead of two humanities classes I have to take three. There's a lot of cool courses. Unfortunately, freshmen get last pick.
There's still a lot of requirements. We have Computer Animation: 3D Modeling and Animation in Maya I and II, Visual Effects and Broadcast Design: Motion Graphics I and II, MEL Scripting for Maya Artists (which most people hate), and either History of Film I and II or History of Animation I and II. There's also a non-credit all-sophomores lecture class - taught by John McIntosh, the department head - called Professional Practices. Which is about..professional practices. Sounds cool.
I'm excited for next year. I won't be living in this apartment. And I'll have animation year-round.
...
Jen's on spring break this week; she's coming to visit tomorrow and Friday. We are going to spend as much time as possible out of the dorm; I need to stop cooping up in my room all the time.
It's St Patrick's Day today. Any excuse for them to get drunk, eh?
They definitely don't like me. It barely bothers me anymore. (This is that apathy I'm afraid of; I'm afraid it will engulf my life, so I won't even care about fixing my problems, because they'll only appear mere annoyances. It is good for me now, and probably hazardous for my future prospects. I don't want to keep isolating myself for the rest of my life.)
...
I am always waiting for time to pass. I want it to be three weeks from now, so Pixar can send me a rejection. I want it to be four weeks from now, so I can see my mom when she's in the city on business. I want it to be the first of May, so I can pack up and be out of this suite. I want it to be next semester, so I can get back to animating.
Time is moving by so quickly and so slowly at once. It's a little bit terrifying. My freshman year of college is almost over. Less than a month and a half left. I am just waiting for it to get more intense, so maybe I can prove myself to myself.
...
It is three in the morning and I'm not even tired. That's what I get for taking naps. I'm going to try to sleep anyways. I should get more sleep. This morning I almost didn't get out of bed for class, between the sourceless feeling of despair and an overbearing exhaustion.
Good night.
Olivia
PS. The zombie game we were playing tonight has random facts interspersed; apparently, wives of cheating husbands in Hong Kong are allowed to murder said husbands, if they do so with their bare hands. Our conversation:
Him: "Would you do it?"
Me: "I have a rather strong belief that I'll never be able to attract anyone, but no, I wouldn't."
"What if you were allowed to use a gun?"
"Nope."
"Sword?"
"..Maybe."
"Lightsaber?"
"Heh, more likely."
"What would I have to offer you to get you to kill someone?"
"A happy life."
"Good answer."
PPS. Now it is four in the morning. I obviously have not been taking my own advice. (Then again, when do I?) I haven't even been doing anything remotely pretending to be productive. (Well, I guess watching stop-motion videos on Youtube could be considered doing research for our project. That's kind of what I had in mind, anyways.) I should go to bed..
Still not tired at all..
Hey look a post, what a surprise.
Hey look it's a lame-ass filler post on Tuesday night, totally not a surprise considering Olivia never finishes her drawing homework when she should.
I will tell you that I had one of those shitty melancholy days where I feel worthless and constantly wonder why I'm not home with my family in bed forever. It wasn't even a bad day. I went to class. I bought peanut butter. I drew. But there was a consistent feeling of why-aren't-I-dead-yet, and it kind of killed the mood.
It's days like these I consider telling the people around me that I'm dying, just so they'll leave me alone. (I don't mean ignore me, the way they do now, or talk about me when I'm not in the room; I mean I want them to fucking stop thinking about me, because it makes them uncomfortable to do so.)
It's not a lie, anyways. Everyone's dying. Some days I just feel like I'm dying on the inside faster than on the outside.
Olivia
PS. Wow, more morbid than I would have liked. Speaking of morbidity, Christine's writing an awesome story about Russian roulette and I wish you could all read it. She's a fantastic writer.
I have pastel all over my fingers. Now also all over my keyboard.
That's nothing new.
I will tell you that I had one of those shitty melancholy days where I feel worthless and constantly wonder why I'm not home with my family in bed forever. It wasn't even a bad day. I went to class. I bought peanut butter. I drew. But there was a consistent feeling of why-aren't-I-dead-yet, and it kind of killed the mood.
It's days like these I consider telling the people around me that I'm dying, just so they'll leave me alone. (I don't mean ignore me, the way they do now, or talk about me when I'm not in the room; I mean I want them to fucking stop thinking about me, because it makes them uncomfortable to do so.)
It's not a lie, anyways. Everyone's dying. Some days I just feel like I'm dying on the inside faster than on the outside.
Olivia
PS. Wow, more morbid than I would have liked. Speaking of morbidity, Christine's writing an awesome story about Russian roulette and I wish you could all read it. She's a fantastic writer.
I have pastel all over my fingers. Now also all over my keyboard.
That's nothing new.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Short film that you should watch.
If you do nothing else after reading this post, at least watch this.
...
I think one of my problems is that I'm not good at keeping friends. Specifically, I'm not good at keeping people close. I don't know whether it's because they grow tired of me, or I of them. I am not sure whether I am growing over them or growing away from them. But it seems to happen to me kind of often. Is this a part of life, or just a part of my lifestyle?
...
Pah. I'm tired. Been working on my drawing midterm. Good night.
Olivia
...
I think one of my problems is that I'm not good at keeping friends. Specifically, I'm not good at keeping people close. I don't know whether it's because they grow tired of me, or I of them. I am not sure whether I am growing over them or growing away from them. But it seems to happen to me kind of often. Is this a part of life, or just a part of my lifestyle?
...
Pah. I'm tired. Been working on my drawing midterm. Good night.
Olivia
I guess I just want to record it because I don't usually remember any parts of dreams well enough to describe them.
Um. I don't know why, but I felt like posting something this morning. Probably going to post again tonight, but anyways.
I really rarely remember my dreams nowadays, or if I do it's just tiny fragments that slip away moments after waking up, but then sometimes there's a particular, random scene that stands out for some reason. Last night, I got up in the morning and knew Brooke's Facebook status immediately, even though I hadn't yet been on the computer, something about her disliking the fact that having a rabbit means waking up early. Then I went to take a shower and when I came out, she was sitting at the kitchen table (in a kitchen that was a cross of the one at home and the one here) with a little white rabbit in a hamster cage. We had a casual conversation about how her rabbit, named Wilbur, woke her up at five thirty. Then I went back to my room. Then I woke up.
What.
From the rest of my dream I only recall feelings. I think they were all very good, better than the random rabbit bit, but that's all that I remember. Why.
...
There is a new song on the Evelyn Evelyn Myspace page and I quite like it. It feels almost like a Dresden Dolls song at first.
(I also love how Jason Webley tackles some of the higher notes.)
(I preordered the album as soon as it was possible, because I'm a dork.)
...
That's it. More later.
Olivia
I really rarely remember my dreams nowadays, or if I do it's just tiny fragments that slip away moments after waking up, but then sometimes there's a particular, random scene that stands out for some reason. Last night, I got up in the morning and knew Brooke's Facebook status immediately, even though I hadn't yet been on the computer, something about her disliking the fact that having a rabbit means waking up early. Then I went to take a shower and when I came out, she was sitting at the kitchen table (in a kitchen that was a cross of the one at home and the one here) with a little white rabbit in a hamster cage. We had a casual conversation about how her rabbit, named Wilbur, woke her up at five thirty. Then I went back to my room. Then I woke up.
What.
From the rest of my dream I only recall feelings. I think they were all very good, better than the random rabbit bit, but that's all that I remember. Why.
...
There is a new song on the Evelyn Evelyn Myspace page and I quite like it. It feels almost like a Dresden Dolls song at first.
(I also love how Jason Webley tackles some of the higher notes.)
(I preordered the album as soon as it was possible, because I'm a dork.)
...
That's it. More later.
Olivia
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Totally random shit.
Back in New York now.
The girls are back as well, and right now I can hear them having a conversation about boob sizes; specifically, how one is always bigger than another. Now they're talking about bras.
Yeah. Uncomfortable..
...
Hm. I just spent a very long time browsing Wikipedia. The internet is dangerous. I wasn't even really that interested. I started on District 9 and ended, through a long and convoluted path, in mercury poisoning and hipsters. (Not poisoning hipsters with mercury, though.)
I am a waste of time.
...
Speaking of District 9, I watched it this afternoon. It's a pretty damn good movie, I think.
...
The internet connection in New Res seems to be faster than it used to be.
...
Yeah. Sleep time. Good night.
Olivia
PS. I totally forgot to wish you all a happy Pi Day. How rude of me.
The girls are back as well, and right now I can hear them having a conversation about boob sizes; specifically, how one is always bigger than another. Now they're talking about bras.
Yeah. Uncomfortable..
...
Hm. I just spent a very long time browsing Wikipedia. The internet is dangerous. I wasn't even really that interested. I started on District 9 and ended, through a long and convoluted path, in mercury poisoning and hipsters. (Not poisoning hipsters with mercury, though.)
I am a waste of time.
...
Speaking of District 9, I watched it this afternoon. It's a pretty damn good movie, I think.
...
The internet connection in New Res seems to be faster than it used to be.
...
Yeah. Sleep time. Good night.
Olivia
PS. I totally forgot to wish you all a happy Pi Day. How rude of me.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Weird things and time things and revelations.
Howdy, folks.
Christine told me to say that.
...
I think, somewhere in my mind, I'm just waiting for his interest in relationships to kick in. Or hormones. Or something. Then he'll find some pretty girl at his school who likes him for all the reasons I do, and that'll be the end. I'll give up, because deep down I'm much weaker than I appear. (I'm much stronger, too, but that's only in a very concentrated part of my life, or also that part that beats down on the rest of me.)
And it's weird, because although yesterday was stressful for many different reasons, those few hours in the afternoon were really fucking good. I mean, I was happy. I was really fucking happy. There was just something different about yesterday. Something extremely, terrifyingly comfortable about that afternoon. Christine asked me if I liked it. I'm not sure. I mean, I did. But it was so weird. I can't even really explain why. It was weird.
...
Oh. That's why everyone on Facebook and Twitter was talking about Daylight Savings.
...
OHHHHH MYYYYY GOOOOSSSHHHH. I just discovered that the guy who played Inigo Montoya is Mandy Patinkin. I didn't recognize him under all that hair. He's Rube in Dead Like Me, and I know his name because when you watch a show straight through both seasons (which are conveniently on Hulu), you have to watch the fucking opening credits like ten times a day. Jeez. Inigo Montoya is Rube. This is so weird.
Anyways. Thank you, Facebook, for that piece of mind-blowing information.
...
It just went from one fifty-nine to three in the morning. Lol. Good night. (I'm going to beeedddd, bed bed bed bed beeedddd.)
Olivia
Christine told me to say that.
...
I think, somewhere in my mind, I'm just waiting for his interest in relationships to kick in. Or hormones. Or something. Then he'll find some pretty girl at his school who likes him for all the reasons I do, and that'll be the end. I'll give up, because deep down I'm much weaker than I appear. (I'm much stronger, too, but that's only in a very concentrated part of my life, or also that part that beats down on the rest of me.)
And it's weird, because although yesterday was stressful for many different reasons, those few hours in the afternoon were really fucking good. I mean, I was happy. I was really fucking happy. There was just something different about yesterday. Something extremely, terrifyingly comfortable about that afternoon. Christine asked me if I liked it. I'm not sure. I mean, I did. But it was so weird. I can't even really explain why. It was weird.
...
Oh. That's why everyone on Facebook and Twitter was talking about Daylight Savings.
...
OHHHHH MYYYYY GOOOOSSSHHHH. I just discovered that the guy who played Inigo Montoya is Mandy Patinkin. I didn't recognize him under all that hair. He's Rube in Dead Like Me, and I know his name because when you watch a show straight through both seasons (which are conveniently on Hulu), you have to watch the fucking opening credits like ten times a day. Jeez. Inigo Montoya is Rube. This is so weird.
Anyways. Thank you, Facebook, for that piece of mind-blowing information.
...
It just went from one fifty-nine to three in the morning. Lol. Good night. (I'm going to beeedddd, bed bed bed bed beeedddd.)
Olivia
Friday, March 12, 2010
Happytimes, blogtimes, random interjections, bedtimes.
Yo, is it bad that I feel a slight twinge of jealousy upon realizing that he started his blog on the first of the year and he has almost twice my post count? I mean.. He writes a mostly-WoWblog, so he made the decision early on to have two posts a day, one about what he wants to talk about and one with a screenshot. He takes a lot. They're pretty good. We were having that discussion a while ago about whether or not screenshots can be considered art.. Anyways. So it makes sense, because he posts twice a day. Mine is a personal victory; I still fucking write this thing. Seriously. I thought I would have lost interest or lazed out way before now.
Something I've actually managed to keep up with.
...
My problem with writing that cover letter is that I'm no good at selling myself. We all know why that is, I think. But it worked out in the end. I pretended I was selling someone else.
My application's nearly done. I'm sending it out tomorrow. AUGH.
...
So. Dude and I went back to visit the high school yesterday. I drove, since he can't. He's too lazy to learn, or get his license, or something. We wanted to see Ms Dunning, our awesome ceramics teacher - he and I were ceramics-buddies all last year; we sat across from each other at a table in the corner and quietly made fun of the people who didn't care about the class - and hang out with Zoe after school, because Zoe is really cool and one of the only good people in the place..
Ms Dunning had a doctor's appointment and wasn't in school - because, as she explained to me over the phone that afternoon, "I'm oooold, Olivia. That's what old people dooooo." Our plans to meet with Zoe fell through, because it turned out she had a precalc test she had to study for. Lame.
So we wandered around the school for an hour. Hung out with Mr Parker in the ceramics room - one of the very awesome art teachers, he's sarcastic and snarky and cool and I love him - and then just kind of walked around the halls. We realized that my brother and dude's neighbor are in the same last-block class together, Enriched Geometry, so we stalked the math hallways until we saw them through the glass panel of the door, and stood outside the room for the last few minutes of class, and ambushed them on their way out.
Because we're total sketchballs.
Then we wandered a bit more.
Then Ms Dunning called, and made us promise to come back today.
So we did.
Ms Dunning is a crazy lady. Also one of the most amazing people I've ever met. I adore her.
She seems to think that dude and I are together, or something. It's not like she comes out and says it, but..I don't know. She's batty. She's awesome.
So we saw Ms Dunning, that was good. Still didn't catch Zoe. Which sucks.
That rambled on a bit..
...
WHOA I JUST CRACKED MY BACK and I swear I heard like six things popping at once. That was a good one.
Ahem.
...
But anyways. Seeing dude was awesome. Seriously. I don't know how this happens but he seems to be even more likeable in person. Or maybe it's just me. I'd forgotten that I just like being with him.
So, for the seeing-him bits, yesterday and today were quite good days.
...
Random fact: Nowadays I mostly wear my hair in a braid. It's easier to keep track of that way, and it's less likely to get my back all wet after a shower. (I don't like hair dryers..) But yesterday, one of my hair ties broke, and I hadn't brought any extras, so I was back to ponytails. I realized that I haven't seen my hair ponytailed but unbraided in a very long time, and..it's longer than it used to be. I mean. That much is obvious, I guess. But I wasn't expecting this. It's quite noticeably longer.
Lol what, Olivia. That was so random.
...
Hey, did I ever talk about how glad I am that James Cameron didn't win Best Director and Avatar didn't win Best Picture? Well, I am. It was a very pretty movie, visually. But the writing killed it. You'd think spending over ten years on a movie would prompt a stellar story. Apparently not. Apparently, for all that money and time and effort and blood and sweat and tears spent, if you write an extremely cliched story, that's what you end up making.
I'd like to thank the Academy for proving that 'highest grossing' doesn't necessarily mean 'best'.
...
Okay. Now:
(Thank you, Neil Gaiman, for pointing me towards another source of entertainment. You are always good for a laugh. Or a cry. Or something.) Good night.
Olivia
Something I've actually managed to keep up with.
...
My problem with writing that cover letter is that I'm no good at selling myself. We all know why that is, I think. But it worked out in the end. I pretended I was selling someone else.
My application's nearly done. I'm sending it out tomorrow. AUGH.
...
So. Dude and I went back to visit the high school yesterday. I drove, since he can't. He's too lazy to learn, or get his license, or something. We wanted to see Ms Dunning, our awesome ceramics teacher - he and I were ceramics-buddies all last year; we sat across from each other at a table in the corner and quietly made fun of the people who didn't care about the class - and hang out with Zoe after school, because Zoe is really cool and one of the only good people in the place..
Ms Dunning had a doctor's appointment and wasn't in school - because, as she explained to me over the phone that afternoon, "I'm oooold, Olivia. That's what old people dooooo." Our plans to meet with Zoe fell through, because it turned out she had a precalc test she had to study for. Lame.
So we wandered around the school for an hour. Hung out with Mr Parker in the ceramics room - one of the very awesome art teachers, he's sarcastic and snarky and cool and I love him - and then just kind of walked around the halls. We realized that my brother and dude's neighbor are in the same last-block class together, Enriched Geometry, so we stalked the math hallways until we saw them through the glass panel of the door, and stood outside the room for the last few minutes of class, and ambushed them on their way out.
Because we're total sketchballs.
Then we wandered a bit more.
Then Ms Dunning called, and made us promise to come back today.
So we did.
Ms Dunning is a crazy lady. Also one of the most amazing people I've ever met. I adore her.
She seems to think that dude and I are together, or something. It's not like she comes out and says it, but..I don't know. She's batty. She's awesome.
So we saw Ms Dunning, that was good. Still didn't catch Zoe. Which sucks.
That rambled on a bit..
...
WHOA I JUST CRACKED MY BACK and I swear I heard like six things popping at once. That was a good one.
Ahem.
...
But anyways. Seeing dude was awesome. Seriously. I don't know how this happens but he seems to be even more likeable in person. Or maybe it's just me. I'd forgotten that I just like being with him.
So, for the seeing-him bits, yesterday and today were quite good days.
...
Random fact: Nowadays I mostly wear my hair in a braid. It's easier to keep track of that way, and it's less likely to get my back all wet after a shower. (I don't like hair dryers..) But yesterday, one of my hair ties broke, and I hadn't brought any extras, so I was back to ponytails. I realized that I haven't seen my hair ponytailed but unbraided in a very long time, and..it's longer than it used to be. I mean. That much is obvious, I guess. But I wasn't expecting this. It's quite noticeably longer.
Lol what, Olivia. That was so random.
...
Hey, did I ever talk about how glad I am that James Cameron didn't win Best Director and Avatar didn't win Best Picture? Well, I am. It was a very pretty movie, visually. But the writing killed it. You'd think spending over ten years on a movie would prompt a stellar story. Apparently not. Apparently, for all that money and time and effort and blood and sweat and tears spent, if you write an extremely cliched story, that's what you end up making.
I'd like to thank the Academy for proving that 'highest grossing' doesn't necessarily mean 'best'.
...
Okay. Now:
(Thank you, Neil Gaiman, for pointing me towards another source of entertainment. You are always good for a laugh. Or a cry. Or something.) Good night.
Olivia
Thursday, March 11, 2010
ARGH. ARGH.
I was going to talk about going to the high school with dude today, and finishing my reel and fixing my website's coding, and how I really like stop-motion animation and that we're working on one in Narrative, and a whole bunch of stuff. But now I can't concentrate. I'm really really angry. Sorry. This cover letter is killing me. That's all I can say. Maybe tomorrow.
FUCK.
Olivia
PS. ALSO I HATE HOW GOOGLE LINKS ALL THESE ACCOUNTS. I log in to a different YouTube account and it signs me out of Gmail. I sign back into Gmail and it signs me out of Blogger. I sign back into Blogger and it signs me out of Gmail. I sign back into Gmail. Then I get angry and I have to add a PS to my blog, but it's signed me out of Blogger again, so I have to sign back in. FUCK.
Oh yeah. By the way, here's my reel.
FUCK.
Olivia
PS. ALSO I HATE HOW GOOGLE LINKS ALL THESE ACCOUNTS. I log in to a different YouTube account and it signs me out of Gmail. I sign back into Gmail and it signs me out of Blogger. I sign back into Blogger and it signs me out of Gmail. I sign back into Gmail. Then I get angry and I have to add a PS to my blog, but it's signed me out of Blogger again, so I have to sign back in. FUCK.
Oh yeah. By the way, here's my reel.
The internet is for sucks.
ARGH. Even more proof that the internet hates me. Or..computers. Right now, at least. This was supposed to be last night's post. NOTHING IS WORKING RIGHT.
...
So. I was having what was supposed to be a good day. I was working on my website, my portfolio was online. Then my mom told me that my coding wasn't working in IE. I hate IE..
Anyways, she told me to contact someone at my parents' company who deals with coding, so I did. She emailed me back this evening telling me how to fix it. So that was good.
Picked up Sarah around noon. We got lunch, then went to Michael's. I got supplies for my drawing midterm. Also totally useless things like several Scratchbords. They were on sale for one fifty each. I like them. They're fun. I may go get some more tomorrow.
Anyways. When we got back to my house, Sarah gets a phone call from her dad. They've been having problems with her brother this year; long story, and kind of personal, so I won't get into it. Anyways. Suck things have been happening. Things that will require me to kick his ass next time I see him. If I ever see him again. Which is kind of the problem. (He's Max's age, a high school freshman, and really smart. He's just so fucken stupid, and ruining what they have of a family.) So that was bad. Also depressing.
Also, I'd asked her to bring over her laptop because I needed to use Maya to finish my reel. I had three things that weren't rendered; the rest of the reel I'd put together this morning. Turns out iMovie is only easy to use for people who aren't used to using Final Cut Pro. I'd come home this week thinking I could just download a trial of Final Cut and put together my reel then, but nooo. Apparently there's no such thing as a trial of Final Cut, because, as someone put when I Googled for it, 'If you're the kind of person who uses Final Cut Pro, you're going to need it, so you might as well buy it'. So I resorted to iMovie. The interface is..GAH. There's basically no such thing as a timeline. Oversimplified things that should be in the browser are down where the timeline should be, and the thing that's pretending to be a timeline is in the browser's spot, and there's no canvas window. It's weird navigating the timeline, because the time cursor goes wherever your mouse is, and you have to click to stop it from moving. There's no frame-by-frame. It took me a while to figure out how to insert a title card (I was searching frantically for a text tool); apparently drag-and-drop is a big thing in these sorts of programs. Then it took me a long time to figure out how to change the text from TITLE GOES HERE to what I wanted it to say. Blugh.
Anyways, it ended up working out. But when I tried downloading a trial of Maya on the desktop, licensing errors kept popping up and telling me to restart the computer, and kept coming up again after I'd restarted the computer. It's been doing that for the Adobe trials I tried downloading as well. So I wanted to use Sarah's computer. We spent half an hour trying to get it to connect to the internet without success. So I asked my dad to bring his laptop back from work.
That worked out, kind of. Took a long time to download the trial; the connection on that computer is shitty, and the computer processes slowly. Downloading stuff is easier on a Mac; for his PC I had to keep clicking things, instead of just letting it sit until it was done.
Got into Maya. Opened my file. Tried to playblast. Failed. It closed itself. Tried again. Failed. Again. I decided to just render a different way. Waited around for it to render. Rendered the next two. Those were annoying because for some reason Maya decided not to display them; I had to go on faith that the window was in the right place. Tried to download After Effects. Didn't work. Tried again. Didn't work. Tried again. Blah.
Gave up for the night. Hoping for a better day tomorrow. Because today computers hate me.
I am going to go watch Napoleon Dynamite. Maybe that will make me feel better. Good night.
Olivia
PS. Next day's continuation of The Many Rendering Adventures of Olivia the Animator, Part I:
Went over and downloaded After Effects on the other desktop. Turns out, since I'd already had a trial on it over winter break, this time I was opening it would be the last time it would open without making me buy the software. Prayed it wouldn't crash.
It didn't crash. Yay.
Rendered the clips. Realized I hadn't linked in the sound. Tried to figure out how to link sound to video in After Effects. Failed. Did it in iMovie. Yay.
FINALLY FINISHED MY FUCKEN REEL. See today's post. When I get around to it. Or..just go to my website.
...
So. I was having what was supposed to be a good day. I was working on my website, my portfolio was online. Then my mom told me that my coding wasn't working in IE. I hate IE..
Anyways, she told me to contact someone at my parents' company who deals with coding, so I did. She emailed me back this evening telling me how to fix it. So that was good.
Picked up Sarah around noon. We got lunch, then went to Michael's. I got supplies for my drawing midterm. Also totally useless things like several Scratchbords. They were on sale for one fifty each. I like them. They're fun. I may go get some more tomorrow.
Anyways. When we got back to my house, Sarah gets a phone call from her dad. They've been having problems with her brother this year; long story, and kind of personal, so I won't get into it. Anyways. Suck things have been happening. Things that will require me to kick his ass next time I see him. If I ever see him again. Which is kind of the problem. (He's Max's age, a high school freshman, and really smart. He's just so fucken stupid, and ruining what they have of a family.) So that was bad. Also depressing.
Also, I'd asked her to bring over her laptop because I needed to use Maya to finish my reel. I had three things that weren't rendered; the rest of the reel I'd put together this morning. Turns out iMovie is only easy to use for people who aren't used to using Final Cut Pro. I'd come home this week thinking I could just download a trial of Final Cut and put together my reel then, but nooo. Apparently there's no such thing as a trial of Final Cut, because, as someone put when I Googled for it, 'If you're the kind of person who uses Final Cut Pro, you're going to need it, so you might as well buy it'. So I resorted to iMovie. The interface is..GAH. There's basically no such thing as a timeline. Oversimplified things that should be in the browser are down where the timeline should be, and the thing that's pretending to be a timeline is in the browser's spot, and there's no canvas window. It's weird navigating the timeline, because the time cursor goes wherever your mouse is, and you have to click to stop it from moving. There's no frame-by-frame. It took me a while to figure out how to insert a title card (I was searching frantically for a text tool); apparently drag-and-drop is a big thing in these sorts of programs. Then it took me a long time to figure out how to change the text from TITLE GOES HERE to what I wanted it to say. Blugh.
Anyways, it ended up working out. But when I tried downloading a trial of Maya on the desktop, licensing errors kept popping up and telling me to restart the computer, and kept coming up again after I'd restarted the computer. It's been doing that for the Adobe trials I tried downloading as well. So I wanted to use Sarah's computer. We spent half an hour trying to get it to connect to the internet without success. So I asked my dad to bring his laptop back from work.
That worked out, kind of. Took a long time to download the trial; the connection on that computer is shitty, and the computer processes slowly. Downloading stuff is easier on a Mac; for his PC I had to keep clicking things, instead of just letting it sit until it was done.
Got into Maya. Opened my file. Tried to playblast. Failed. It closed itself. Tried again. Failed. Again. I decided to just render a different way. Waited around for it to render. Rendered the next two. Those were annoying because for some reason Maya decided not to display them; I had to go on faith that the window was in the right place. Tried to download After Effects. Didn't work. Tried again. Didn't work. Tried again. Blah.
Gave up for the night. Hoping for a better day tomorrow. Because today computers hate me.
I am going to go watch Napoleon Dynamite. Maybe that will make me feel better. Good night.
Olivia
PS. Next day's continuation of The Many Rendering Adventures of Olivia the Animator, Part I:
Went over and downloaded After Effects on the other desktop. Turns out, since I'd already had a trial on it over winter break, this time I was opening it would be the last time it would open without making me buy the software. Prayed it wouldn't crash.
It didn't crash. Yay.
Rendered the clips. Realized I hadn't linked in the sound. Tried to figure out how to link sound to video in After Effects. Failed. Did it in iMovie. Yay.
FINALLY FINISHED MY FUCKEN REEL. See today's post. When I get around to it. Or..just go to my website.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
More on the website, killing Danielle, and another reason why my cat is cute, in case you needed one.
Worked more on my site today. Also purchased the domain lovianart.com, so that's processing at the moment. It's still here, anyways, until it goes through. Let me know if there are problems with the layout; I know there must still be some, somewhere. Finally the portfolio section is safe to navigate and reasonably up-to-date. Yay.
...
This afternoon, Danielle and I went into Boston and took photos. (She's a photo major, it's kind of her thing.) I ended up taking reference pictures for my drawing midterm, of her lying dead on the pavement outside of Faneuil Hall, holding feathers. Don't worry, it makes sense in my head..
People kept staring at us as they walked by; before I posed her, we were both just sitting on the ground talking about it. Then I had to position her limbs and head, and halfway through a cop came up to us.
Him: Are you alright?
Her: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just posing for photos.
Him: That leg doesn't look like it should be bending that way. Are you hurt?
Me: No, it's supposed to look like that. Danielle, move your leg so he knows it's not broken or something. (Or, as we put it later while having lunch, 'Danielle, move your leg for the nice cop'.)
He probably thought I was abusing her or something..
We've decided that some time in May, when we're both off from school and before I (hopefully!) go to California for the summer, we're going to take a day to just sit on the ground in a tourist-area like Faneuil Hall and take pictures and film people staring at us.
Anyways, probably going to get started on that drawing tomorrow. Also gotta put my reel together tomorrow. Whee fun times.
...
These past few days I have seen Molly jump onto that brick ledge thing that protrudes in front of the fireplace in the family room (at least, it used to be a fireplace until we covered it up with the television, because really, we weren't using it anyways) and staring at the book shelves next to it, as if contemplating how best to climb them. She hasn't tried yet, though, at least not that I've seen.
She's adorable.
...
I'M TIRED. It is only midnight-thirty (yeah, sometimes that's what I call it) and I am TIRED. Tomorrow I have lots of working to do. So good night, early.
Olivia
...
This afternoon, Danielle and I went into Boston and took photos. (She's a photo major, it's kind of her thing.) I ended up taking reference pictures for my drawing midterm, of her lying dead on the pavement outside of Faneuil Hall, holding feathers. Don't worry, it makes sense in my head..
People kept staring at us as they walked by; before I posed her, we were both just sitting on the ground talking about it. Then I had to position her limbs and head, and halfway through a cop came up to us.
Him: Are you alright?
Her: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just posing for photos.
Him: That leg doesn't look like it should be bending that way. Are you hurt?
Me: No, it's supposed to look like that. Danielle, move your leg so he knows it's not broken or something. (Or, as we put it later while having lunch, 'Danielle, move your leg for the nice cop'.)
He probably thought I was abusing her or something..
We've decided that some time in May, when we're both off from school and before I (hopefully!) go to California for the summer, we're going to take a day to just sit on the ground in a tourist-area like Faneuil Hall and take pictures and film people staring at us.
Anyways, probably going to get started on that drawing tomorrow. Also gotta put my reel together tomorrow. Whee fun times.
...
These past few days I have seen Molly jump onto that brick ledge thing that protrudes in front of the fireplace in the family room (at least, it used to be a fireplace until we covered it up with the television, because really, we weren't using it anyways) and staring at the book shelves next to it, as if contemplating how best to climb them. She hasn't tried yet, though, at least not that I've seen.
She's adorable.
...
I'M TIRED. It is only midnight-thirty (yeah, sometimes that's what I call it) and I am TIRED. Tomorrow I have lots of working to do. So good night, early.
Olivia
Monday, March 8, 2010
Speaking of people who don't think they're good enough..
Sorry about yesterday. Thought it was posted, but Blogger bugged out. Blogger can be kind of a douche.
...
I didn't know there was a term for this. But I guess it makes sense; there's a term for everything. (It's funny, because you can't self-diagnose without becoming a contradiction, either way.)
...
I've been working on my application to the Pixar undergrad technical direction summer program all day. Finished my resume, wrote the first draft of my cover letter, made a list of the classes I've taken at SVA, tweaked my website. Going to finish the cover letter and assemble a portfolio tomorrow, then put together my reel and finish my site. So much work ahhhh.
I'm applying to summer work at Dreamworks and Disney as well - they're the only other animation studios that take underclassmen - and most of the stuff I'm doing for the Pixar application can be reused for those. This one's due on Sunday, so I'm trying to finish it in the next few days.
I really want this. I really, really want this. Eric (the animation teacher, not the DM) thinks I can get in; he wrote me a recommendation letter, too. I'm not so sure. I'm extremely hopeful, but I'm not expecting anything. Too many people who aren't me want it too, and there's a lot of people out there who are better than me.
But I really want it.
...
So. Tomorrow I gotta get up early to work on my application; then I'm going into Boston with Danielle for a few hours to take photos. Then I'm coming back home and working more..fun. Good night.
Olivia
...
I didn't know there was a term for this. But I guess it makes sense; there's a term for everything. (It's funny, because you can't self-diagnose without becoming a contradiction, either way.)
...
I've been working on my application to the Pixar undergrad technical direction summer program all day. Finished my resume, wrote the first draft of my cover letter, made a list of the classes I've taken at SVA, tweaked my website. Going to finish the cover letter and assemble a portfolio tomorrow, then put together my reel and finish my site. So much work ahhhh.
I'm applying to summer work at Dreamworks and Disney as well - they're the only other animation studios that take underclassmen - and most of the stuff I'm doing for the Pixar application can be reused for those. This one's due on Sunday, so I'm trying to finish it in the next few days.
I really want this. I really, really want this. Eric (the animation teacher, not the DM) thinks I can get in; he wrote me a recommendation letter, too. I'm not so sure. I'm extremely hopeful, but I'm not expecting anything. Too many people who aren't me want it too, and there's a lot of people out there who are better than me.
But I really want it.
...
So. Tomorrow I gotta get up early to work on my application; then I'm going into Boston with Danielle for a few hours to take photos. Then I'm coming back home and working more..fun. Good night.
Olivia
It is such a nice day to be alive OH DEAR GOD MY HEAD'S ON FIRE.
Sorry. Uh. I thought this posted last night. Apparently it did not. Fuck you, Blogger errors.
...
Candle birth, existential crisis, death.
Gargoyle people.
Jackalopes.
OMFG WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT.
...
Why does he say hi? He doesn't know me very well. Were you talking about me or something. Why would you do that.
...
We get weird when we stay up too late.
Olivia
...
Candle birth, existential crisis, death.
Gargoyle people.
Jackalopes.
OMFG WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT.
...
Why does he say hi? He doesn't know me very well. Were you talking about me or something. Why would you do that.
...
We get weird when we stay up too late.
Olivia
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Food Network ahhhh, I really want to eat that. (Iron Chef is reminding me how much I love beef. Beef is delicious.)
So, funny. I don't watch television at school, and when I come home all I watch is the Food Network. (Oh my gosh I love the Food Network. Seriously. Shit, lol.) I've been watching it basically all day..
I saw Zoe today. Yay.
I'm really tired. Sorry.
Olivia
I saw Zoe today. Yay.
I'm really tired. Sorry.
Olivia
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Home and..yeah.
I'm home. It is such a relief. Bed now. Good night.
Olivia
PS. Eric sent us the list of deities in the world. Here's the twins:
Death Twins - Unaligned/True Neutral
Hah and Dees are the twin goddesses of death, fate, and doom. And they're HOT. While they don't necessarily like being WORSHIPED so much as ADMIRED or being enamored with, their worshipers often get a special treat as they go into the afterlife: they get to see the two totally make out as they pass on. They are violently opposed to all forms of undeath, and encourage their followers to eradicate any such beings on-sight.
Heh. I like my twins.
Also, I think I've settled on her name: Adonea Flamewrath. I took it from Adoneus (or Adonis, but I can't say that anymore without thinking of Twilight; fuck Stephenie Meyer and her inability to find more adjectives), a cult god of rebirth. I thought it would be kind of funny, in an OOC kind of way.. (Olivia likes to pretend she's clever sometimes.)
I'm still thinking on her story. I wanted her to be Triana's daughter, at first, but then who was Triana fucking? So either I have to come up with something, or change it. Also, she needs to have more of a personality than Triana. Because Triana was like "I just wanted a drink, and now I'm in a barroom brawl, and now I'm being roped into a battle, and all I wanted was a fucking drink and to sit on my stool in the corner and drink my fucking drink, so grump grump grump I'm just going to stand around like a rock."
...
Yeah, now I'm just lying here staring at Molly. Seriously she's the most adorable cat ever. Doubly so when she's sleeping.
I love how the PS is longer than the post. I thought I didn't have things to say and then I decided I did..
Olivia
PS. Eric sent us the list of deities in the world. Here's the twins:
Death Twins - Unaligned/True Neutral
Hah and Dees are the twin goddesses of death, fate, and doom. And they're HOT. While they don't necessarily like being WORSHIPED so much as ADMIRED or being enamored with, their worshipers often get a special treat as they go into the afterlife: they get to see the two totally make out as they pass on. They are violently opposed to all forms of undeath, and encourage their followers to eradicate any such beings on-sight.
Heh. I like my twins.
Also, I think I've settled on her name: Adonea Flamewrath. I took it from Adoneus (or Adonis, but I can't say that anymore without thinking of Twilight; fuck Stephenie Meyer and her inability to find more adjectives), a cult god of rebirth. I thought it would be kind of funny, in an OOC kind of way.. (Olivia likes to pretend she's clever sometimes.)
I'm still thinking on her story. I wanted her to be Triana's daughter, at first, but then who was Triana fucking? So either I have to come up with something, or change it. Also, she needs to have more of a personality than Triana. Because Triana was like "I just wanted a drink, and now I'm in a barroom brawl, and now I'm being roped into a battle, and all I wanted was a fucking drink and to sit on my stool in the corner and drink my fucking drink, so grump grump grump I'm just going to stand around like a rock."
...
Yeah, now I'm just lying here staring at Molly. Seriously she's the most adorable cat ever. Doubly so when she's sleeping.
I love how the PS is longer than the post. I thought I didn't have things to say and then I decided I did..
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
On the Evelyn Evelyn story. (Warning: Long-ass post.)
Today, part two. I ramble a bit, so I tried to separate it into bits that make sense.
...
Hm. Shit's going down.
For anyone who isn't familiar with Evelyn Evelyn, it's a performance act put on by Amanda Palmer and Jason Webley, in which they dress up as conjoined twins and play music. For anyone with eyes and ears and access to Youtube or Myspace, it should have been fairly obvious from the start that it's the two of them, and not a real set of conjoined twins. When I first saw them I found it silly and fantastic and weird. I still do. I love them both. But apparently people are getting really defensive about the whole thing, after AFP wrote this blog post, a fictional biography of the Neville twins.
...
At the risk of sounding un-PC, I think the Disabled Feminists blog post is an overreaction. In fact, I think most of their comments are overreactions. The way they use the term 'abled people' leaves a bad taste in the mouth. While reading through them, I actually found..a lot of glossed-over hatred. This is why I'm not a fan of '-ists'. Everyone in the world thinks he or she or zhe is mistreated. So everyone in the world thinks that he or she or zhe deserves equal treatment. So everyone in the world ends up, inevitably, in the mindset of the persecuted and the downtrodden and, as in the mindset of the persecuted and the downtrodden, adopts a self-righteous and self-justifying anger. I have it. So do you. Don't deny it.
(When people are angry, they make up shit like this: "Palmer and Webley dress up as the twins to perform on stage, co-operating to play accordion, ukelele, and sing. They can barely restrain their sniggers while they interview about this oh-so-hilarious and edgy topic. ...Why do they snigger and smirk as they talk about “the twins” and their tragic tale? They do this – you do this – because you do see these bodies as Other. Fascinating, bizarre, freakish. Fodder." To clarify, I agree that 'disabled' shouldn't be considered offensive, especially by people who aren't. But this whole sniggering smirking shit? I wonder if the FWD poster has actually witnessed this. I'm pretty sure it doesn't happen.)
People are people. I don't care if you don't have legs, I don't care if you're albino, I don't care if you're a fucken WASP or something, I don't care if you happen to only like walking backwards, I don't care if you have a thick accent, I don't care if you're really short. Personality is not about the physical. It may be affected by it, but it shouldn't be overpowered by it. I've always had a problem with my appearance, but it only changes the way I act when I'm around people who would treat me differently because of it. My weight, my face, whatever. (It's not like I hate skinny people. Just skinny bitches. And, you know, other kinds of bitches, too.)
...
I think the Evelyn Evelyn act is fun and sweet. It has a Twitter account, too, which AFP uses to talk to herself. The characters of the twins are charming. And I don't think that the story is about 'how the brave sane Abled People saved the weird little cripples and brought their music to the world' (in the comments). I don't think it's just AFP trying to be 'edgy'. It's about love and art and discovery and sadness. I agree with this, from a post on the Shadowbox forum, quoted in Amanda's second blog on the subject: "But I also think art making people uncomfortable is all right. Also freedom of expression and everything, it’s not like Amanda and Jason are physically exploiting disability or even making a joke at it’s expense; the entertainment comes from way people’s imaginations are captured, the mystery and the confusion."
People write novels about all sorts of controversial topics. Why can't people make art? I find it very interesting that people are getting squeamish over the idea of child porn. (For clarification, part of the backstory of the Evelyns is that at one point, they were in pornography. Just another part of their fabricated tragic past, which also includes a spot in a circus freak show.) It's illegal. It's widely considered a bad thing. But it exists. It's not as if the Evelyn Evelyn story is promoting it; far from. AFP fans loudly defended her over the Oasis controversy in the UK. The song mentions rape and abortion, and they rushed to back her when the song was banned from the air. Though it shouldn't make a difference, she has both been a victim of rape and had an abortion. Does this mean, since she hasn't been in child porn, and isn't a conjoined twin, that she and Jason Webley shouldn't be allowed to continue the project? I say no. Censorship is gross.
...
(Here's a collection of mostly angry linkspam.)
...
About the twins again: Even if they were real people, their story isn't about bringing in a bunch of people to stare at the oddities. It's about the oddities overcoming their unsavory, shared past, and learning to embrace a future in the sun. This could be a story for anyone. It could be about a painter who was lifted out of a crippling depression by friends, or a writer who grew up in an abusive household and now writes about love. It just happens that this one's about conjoined twins.
...
Some comments on her second blog post that mostly reflect my opinions:
Do you believe no fictional characters that are abuse survivors or disabled should be created except by artists who are themselves disabled abuse survivors -- because anyone else who does so is not OWNing their "privilege"?
For that matter ... do you believe no disabled artists should be allowed to create and give voice to characters that are able-bodied?
The more I read, the more I see "you don't have the right to do speak, and if you speak anyway, we will find something in your speech to attack you for, and if you then apologize, we will say sorry doesn't make it better, and if you STILL keep speaking, we will lather, rinse and repeat until you shut up and go away and leave us alone with our pain that you are not qualified to understand."
Amanda made no attempt to "raise issues"; she didn't do this to make lofty commentary on the issues facing the disabled in society, she wanted to tell a story about two young women who overcame a sordid past to succeed.
To say that Evelyn Evelyn are "supercrips," or reinforce stereotypes that the disabled are helpless until they are "discovered" by able-bodied people (both of which the disabled feminists writeup contended), simply does not hold up to any rational inspection. *ALL* artists, ablebodied or no, have artistic mentors who lift them up and make them capable of creating more than they ever could alone. And frankly, for the disabled community to assume that fictional conjoined twins with 3 legs who have found their voice through art are intended to represent them misses the point entirely -- they speak to all misfits, all who are silent and afraid, all who have been misteated and misused and have had their egos thrashed and stifled. Not everyone's disabilities are visible, you know. There are plenty of broken, shattered people with complete command of their limbs and senses. So, yes ... I do discount the reaction as hysterical.
Evelyn Evelyn is clearly not just another gothic macabre cripple cliche. Its a sensitive and sympathetic portrayal of an archetype that is part of our culture's long history. I don't see that it promotes any negative ideas about disabled people. It is dealing with cultural history, this involves discussing and exploring controversies that already exist not denying their existence.
I agree that having a disability does not make someone a misfit. That is exactly why I don't understand why someone who is disabled but not a misfit would decide that EE, the ultimate misfits, are linked to a history of problematic representation for disabled people. I am an ablebodied misfit, and I do see them representing me. For which I am grateful. I dig misfit art, and find it empowering. ... Let's face it -- anyone who is not a three-legged conjoined twin who was raised in the circus has only a symbolic, metaphorical relationship to these fictional characters. Someone who has had an injury or was born with one or more physical limitations but who is otherwise emotionally, mentally and spiritually complete and socially well-adjusted and at ease has only the tiniest commonality with EE as a basis to personalize the story and take offense to it. ... There is more in EE to relate to than the physical.
Evelyn and Evelyn are shy in a way which is effectively a disability, especially in the music industry.
It is *your responsibility* if you're offended by a work of fiction. Straight out. It's not her responsibility, as she said directly, to coddle you or to try to pat you on the head and tell you it'll be ok. It's her job to continue to put out art. Art, by nature, is inflammatory. It's supposed to provoke. Apparently, it worked. ... A lot of this "ableism" business mystifies me. So the problem is what, that someone wrote a story about disabled people, while not being disabled? Or is it that the story involved cliches? Like, the disabled person possessing a skill and becoming world famous for it? Oh, but no, they had to be helped by an abled person, because nobody ever gets famous by being discovered, everyone just magically sells records. ... I read that disabled feminists article. It was self promotion, overreaction, and political correctness run crazy. It's someone crying foul because someone else created a fictional disabled person, and didn't turn them into a twilight-style glistening paragon of goodly virtue and power. I don't know about you, but twilight bored the hell out of me. This record would suck if it were "and they're conjoined, and came from a great life, and became famous, the end". Struggle creates art. Breeds creativity. *reaction in section below
But tell me one "able bodied" person who hasn't got help in life by another person?
And tell me about one "dis abled" (prefer situation challanged ;) ) person who has not asked for help, at at least one time.
Show me those two and you will have liars. This by a disabled woman. So this comment should be 'valid' in the eyes of those who say that only the disabled are authorized to react to the situation.
...
Comments for the other side of the discussion:
The power of belief is mighty, but that doesn't mean it can actually *change reality*. IMO, lying to your fanbase is a pretty shitty thing to do. Well, I find this interesting. Fiction is lies. When Amanda talks about the twins, she assumes a persona almost exactly like her own, with one exception: She knows, co-manages, co-produces, and assists the Evelyn twins in their musical career. If, instead of adopting the Evelyn disguise, AFP and Jason Webley were to write a book, would they garner the same reaction? I don't view the Evelyns as a lie. Are Gorillaz fans angry with the creators for pretending to be animated primates?
I do not object to "Evelyn Evelyn" because of my feelings about it. I object to it because the disabled community, who has the sole right to decide whether an artist's portrayal of the disabled is acceptable, objects to it. Does every single disabled person object? No. But many do, and so I take my cue from them. I don't see anyone rushing to the defense when the players of games such as World of Warcraft or Dungeons and Dragons are portrayed as fat, pale recluses or snorting, freakish, socially retarded geeks. (I'm a fat, mildly tannish recluse, thank you very much.) Also, 'the disable community' whose voice is being heard is only the group of disabled bloggers who have chosen to speak out against the Evelyn project. And the response: "That's how mobs get started. (Gee, I don't want to burn this witch necessarily, but the majority of this mob does, so LET'S BURN HER!" It MUST be the right thing to do!)"
You, as an able-bodied person, DO NOT and CAN NOT fully understand the reality that a disabled person live in and therefor you do not get to decide what is and isn't offensive IN THIS PARTICULAR INSTANCE. ... It has to do with you not being fully aware of how it is to live as a disabled person in our society.
* reaction to comment in previous section Spoken like a true abled person. The whole point, and problem, of this debacle is that disabled twins ARE being displayed as shiny and interesting and fantastical. It is a fetishization of what disabled people actually go through. I know I would not want to be represented as a twilight style glittering paragon of virtue. If you'd pay attention for five seconds and even attempt to step outside of your own privilege, you would understand that the problem is that disabled people are being used to glam up a story -- not that the disabled people therein aren't glammed up enough. We aren't plot devices to be used at whim. Hm. Maybe Harry Potter shouldn't have been orphaned, because that was certainly a plot device. I find this 'you guys are privileged and don't understand' thing really absurdly interesting. Any group of people can say this about anything, really. A reply: "Everything in life is a plot device. If we were to try and write art and stories without using anything that really happens in life 1-what would it be about? 2-would anyone get it? ... All art has to reflect on real life for it to make sense, for it to have context, for people to understand it, get involved with it and make an emotional connection with it. ... You are in fact marginalising yourself if you say to someone, well, you can write art about anything you want, as long as it's not this group of people."
What certain people responding to Evelyn Evelyn are saying is that, when disabled people are going to be depicted, they would prefer it to be in a sensitive light; they believe this is not an instance of that. They would prefer it to be in a light that understands the disabled perspective; they believe this is not an instance of that. ... They are reacting against marginalisation. Evelyn Evelyn is, literally, a musical freakshow. The disabled community who is reacting negatively is ASSERTING itself, arguing that it is NOT a freakshow – that is the opposite of self-marginalisation. That is self-assertion. One could say that the act itself is a reaction to the concept and historical value of the freakshow. Obviously, they're not parading, say, people in wheelchairs, or blind people, around stage. They are turning themselves into a fantastic example of a circus freak, and giving the characters a story that turns them into more than a two-dimensional caricature. Amanda and Jason are both freaks of the music world, after all; have you ever heard their music? They're both crazy (and crazy-wonderful), and Amanda especially is controversial as fuck.
...
And this from Miss Amanda herself, something I think sums up her career as a whole, and the reason I love her so:
"as far as people hurling the criticism that i am “hiding behind my art”….(this one has come up several times)
here’s what i consider hiding: producing inoffensive, corporate-penned, vanilla-bean love-story family-friendly made-for-mainstream-radio music that won’t offend a single person. and won’t make anybody laugh, won’t make anybody think, won’t make anybody wonder, won’t make anybody talk, and won’t change anybody’s life.
THAT, my friends, is hiding behind art."
...
I don't know why I wrote this. It's so long. I guess I just have to throw my opinions out into the void, like I do. Last long-ass opinion post was about the Kevin Smith Southwest thing, I think..
I am fascinated by the discussions going on in the comments on AFP's blog. Both sides have well-articulated arguments, whether or not I agree with them, and I wish I could keep reading. But it's three in the morning, and I have to get up at seven, so I don't think I will. Maybe tomorrow. Bedtime story, bedtime blog?
I wonder if anyone read this.
Good night, again.
Olivia
...
Hm. Shit's going down.
For anyone who isn't familiar with Evelyn Evelyn, it's a performance act put on by Amanda Palmer and Jason Webley, in which they dress up as conjoined twins and play music. For anyone with eyes and ears and access to Youtube or Myspace, it should have been fairly obvious from the start that it's the two of them, and not a real set of conjoined twins. When I first saw them I found it silly and fantastic and weird. I still do. I love them both. But apparently people are getting really defensive about the whole thing, after AFP wrote this blog post, a fictional biography of the Neville twins.
...
At the risk of sounding un-PC, I think the Disabled Feminists blog post is an overreaction. In fact, I think most of their comments are overreactions. The way they use the term 'abled people' leaves a bad taste in the mouth. While reading through them, I actually found..a lot of glossed-over hatred. This is why I'm not a fan of '-ists'. Everyone in the world thinks he or she or zhe is mistreated. So everyone in the world thinks that he or she or zhe deserves equal treatment. So everyone in the world ends up, inevitably, in the mindset of the persecuted and the downtrodden and, as in the mindset of the persecuted and the downtrodden, adopts a self-righteous and self-justifying anger. I have it. So do you. Don't deny it.
(When people are angry, they make up shit like this: "Palmer and Webley dress up as the twins to perform on stage, co-operating to play accordion, ukelele, and sing. They can barely restrain their sniggers while they interview about this oh-so-hilarious and edgy topic. ...Why do they snigger and smirk as they talk about “the twins” and their tragic tale? They do this – you do this – because you do see these bodies as Other. Fascinating, bizarre, freakish. Fodder." To clarify, I agree that 'disabled' shouldn't be considered offensive, especially by people who aren't. But this whole sniggering smirking shit? I wonder if the FWD poster has actually witnessed this. I'm pretty sure it doesn't happen.)
People are people. I don't care if you don't have legs, I don't care if you're albino, I don't care if you're a fucken WASP or something, I don't care if you happen to only like walking backwards, I don't care if you have a thick accent, I don't care if you're really short. Personality is not about the physical. It may be affected by it, but it shouldn't be overpowered by it. I've always had a problem with my appearance, but it only changes the way I act when I'm around people who would treat me differently because of it. My weight, my face, whatever. (It's not like I hate skinny people. Just skinny bitches. And, you know, other kinds of bitches, too.)
...
I think the Evelyn Evelyn act is fun and sweet. It has a Twitter account, too, which AFP uses to talk to herself. The characters of the twins are charming. And I don't think that the story is about 'how the brave sane Abled People saved the weird little cripples and brought their music to the world' (in the comments). I don't think it's just AFP trying to be 'edgy'. It's about love and art and discovery and sadness. I agree with this, from a post on the Shadowbox forum, quoted in Amanda's second blog on the subject: "But I also think art making people uncomfortable is all right. Also freedom of expression and everything, it’s not like Amanda and Jason are physically exploiting disability or even making a joke at it’s expense; the entertainment comes from way people’s imaginations are captured, the mystery and the confusion."
People write novels about all sorts of controversial topics. Why can't people make art? I find it very interesting that people are getting squeamish over the idea of child porn. (For clarification, part of the backstory of the Evelyns is that at one point, they were in pornography. Just another part of their fabricated tragic past, which also includes a spot in a circus freak show.) It's illegal. It's widely considered a bad thing. But it exists. It's not as if the Evelyn Evelyn story is promoting it; far from. AFP fans loudly defended her over the Oasis controversy in the UK. The song mentions rape and abortion, and they rushed to back her when the song was banned from the air. Though it shouldn't make a difference, she has both been a victim of rape and had an abortion. Does this mean, since she hasn't been in child porn, and isn't a conjoined twin, that she and Jason Webley shouldn't be allowed to continue the project? I say no. Censorship is gross.
...
(Here's a collection of mostly angry linkspam.)
...
About the twins again: Even if they were real people, their story isn't about bringing in a bunch of people to stare at the oddities. It's about the oddities overcoming their unsavory, shared past, and learning to embrace a future in the sun. This could be a story for anyone. It could be about a painter who was lifted out of a crippling depression by friends, or a writer who grew up in an abusive household and now writes about love. It just happens that this one's about conjoined twins.
...
Some comments on her second blog post that mostly reflect my opinions:
Do you believe no fictional characters that are abuse survivors or disabled should be created except by artists who are themselves disabled abuse survivors -- because anyone else who does so is not OWNing their "privilege"?
For that matter ... do you believe no disabled artists should be allowed to create and give voice to characters that are able-bodied?
The more I read, the more I see "you don't have the right to do speak, and if you speak anyway, we will find something in your speech to attack you for, and if you then apologize, we will say sorry doesn't make it better, and if you STILL keep speaking, we will lather, rinse and repeat until you shut up and go away and leave us alone with our pain that you are not qualified to understand."
Amanda made no attempt to "raise issues"; she didn't do this to make lofty commentary on the issues facing the disabled in society, she wanted to tell a story about two young women who overcame a sordid past to succeed.
To say that Evelyn Evelyn are "supercrips," or reinforce stereotypes that the disabled are helpless until they are "discovered" by able-bodied people (both of which the disabled feminists writeup contended), simply does not hold up to any rational inspection. *ALL* artists, ablebodied or no, have artistic mentors who lift them up and make them capable of creating more than they ever could alone. And frankly, for the disabled community to assume that fictional conjoined twins with 3 legs who have found their voice through art are intended to represent them misses the point entirely -- they speak to all misfits, all who are silent and afraid, all who have been misteated and misused and have had their egos thrashed and stifled. Not everyone's disabilities are visible, you know. There are plenty of broken, shattered people with complete command of their limbs and senses. So, yes ... I do discount the reaction as hysterical.
Evelyn Evelyn is clearly not just another gothic macabre cripple cliche. Its a sensitive and sympathetic portrayal of an archetype that is part of our culture's long history. I don't see that it promotes any negative ideas about disabled people. It is dealing with cultural history, this involves discussing and exploring controversies that already exist not denying their existence.
I agree that having a disability does not make someone a misfit. That is exactly why I don't understand why someone who is disabled but not a misfit would decide that EE, the ultimate misfits, are linked to a history of problematic representation for disabled people. I am an ablebodied misfit, and I do see them representing me. For which I am grateful. I dig misfit art, and find it empowering. ... Let's face it -- anyone who is not a three-legged conjoined twin who was raised in the circus has only a symbolic, metaphorical relationship to these fictional characters. Someone who has had an injury or was born with one or more physical limitations but who is otherwise emotionally, mentally and spiritually complete and socially well-adjusted and at ease has only the tiniest commonality with EE as a basis to personalize the story and take offense to it. ... There is more in EE to relate to than the physical.
Evelyn and Evelyn are shy in a way which is effectively a disability, especially in the music industry.
It is *your responsibility* if you're offended by a work of fiction. Straight out. It's not her responsibility, as she said directly, to coddle you or to try to pat you on the head and tell you it'll be ok. It's her job to continue to put out art. Art, by nature, is inflammatory. It's supposed to provoke. Apparently, it worked. ... A lot of this "ableism" business mystifies me. So the problem is what, that someone wrote a story about disabled people, while not being disabled? Or is it that the story involved cliches? Like, the disabled person possessing a skill and becoming world famous for it? Oh, but no, they had to be helped by an abled person, because nobody ever gets famous by being discovered, everyone just magically sells records. ... I read that disabled feminists article. It was self promotion, overreaction, and political correctness run crazy. It's someone crying foul because someone else created a fictional disabled person, and didn't turn them into a twilight-style glistening paragon of goodly virtue and power. I don't know about you, but twilight bored the hell out of me. This record would suck if it were "and they're conjoined, and came from a great life, and became famous, the end". Struggle creates art. Breeds creativity. *reaction in section below
But tell me one "able bodied" person who hasn't got help in life by another person?
And tell me about one "dis abled" (prefer situation challanged ;) ) person who has not asked for help, at at least one time.
Show me those two and you will have liars. This by a disabled woman. So this comment should be 'valid' in the eyes of those who say that only the disabled are authorized to react to the situation.
...
Comments for the other side of the discussion:
The power of belief is mighty, but that doesn't mean it can actually *change reality*. IMO, lying to your fanbase is a pretty shitty thing to do. Well, I find this interesting. Fiction is lies. When Amanda talks about the twins, she assumes a persona almost exactly like her own, with one exception: She knows, co-manages, co-produces, and assists the Evelyn twins in their musical career. If, instead of adopting the Evelyn disguise, AFP and Jason Webley were to write a book, would they garner the same reaction? I don't view the Evelyns as a lie. Are Gorillaz fans angry with the creators for pretending to be animated primates?
I do not object to "Evelyn Evelyn" because of my feelings about it. I object to it because the disabled community, who has the sole right to decide whether an artist's portrayal of the disabled is acceptable, objects to it. Does every single disabled person object? No. But many do, and so I take my cue from them. I don't see anyone rushing to the defense when the players of games such as World of Warcraft or Dungeons and Dragons are portrayed as fat, pale recluses or snorting, freakish, socially retarded geeks. (I'm a fat, mildly tannish recluse, thank you very much.) Also, 'the disable community' whose voice is being heard is only the group of disabled bloggers who have chosen to speak out against the Evelyn project. And the response: "That's how mobs get started. (Gee, I don't want to burn this witch necessarily, but the majority of this mob does, so LET'S BURN HER!" It MUST be the right thing to do!)"
You, as an able-bodied person, DO NOT and CAN NOT fully understand the reality that a disabled person live in and therefor you do not get to decide what is and isn't offensive IN THIS PARTICULAR INSTANCE. ... It has to do with you not being fully aware of how it is to live as a disabled person in our society.
* reaction to comment in previous section Spoken like a true abled person. The whole point, and problem, of this debacle is that disabled twins ARE being displayed as shiny and interesting and fantastical. It is a fetishization of what disabled people actually go through. I know I would not want to be represented as a twilight style glittering paragon of virtue. If you'd pay attention for five seconds and even attempt to step outside of your own privilege, you would understand that the problem is that disabled people are being used to glam up a story -- not that the disabled people therein aren't glammed up enough. We aren't plot devices to be used at whim. Hm. Maybe Harry Potter shouldn't have been orphaned, because that was certainly a plot device. I find this 'you guys are privileged and don't understand' thing really absurdly interesting. Any group of people can say this about anything, really. A reply: "Everything in life is a plot device. If we were to try and write art and stories without using anything that really happens in life 1-what would it be about? 2-would anyone get it? ... All art has to reflect on real life for it to make sense, for it to have context, for people to understand it, get involved with it and make an emotional connection with it. ... You are in fact marginalising yourself if you say to someone, well, you can write art about anything you want, as long as it's not this group of people."
What certain people responding to Evelyn Evelyn are saying is that, when disabled people are going to be depicted, they would prefer it to be in a sensitive light; they believe this is not an instance of that. They would prefer it to be in a light that understands the disabled perspective; they believe this is not an instance of that. ... They are reacting against marginalisation. Evelyn Evelyn is, literally, a musical freakshow. The disabled community who is reacting negatively is ASSERTING itself, arguing that it is NOT a freakshow – that is the opposite of self-marginalisation. That is self-assertion. One could say that the act itself is a reaction to the concept and historical value of the freakshow. Obviously, they're not parading, say, people in wheelchairs, or blind people, around stage. They are turning themselves into a fantastic example of a circus freak, and giving the characters a story that turns them into more than a two-dimensional caricature. Amanda and Jason are both freaks of the music world, after all; have you ever heard their music? They're both crazy (and crazy-wonderful), and Amanda especially is controversial as fuck.
...
And this from Miss Amanda herself, something I think sums up her career as a whole, and the reason I love her so:
"as far as people hurling the criticism that i am “hiding behind my art”….(this one has come up several times)
here’s what i consider hiding: producing inoffensive, corporate-penned, vanilla-bean love-story family-friendly made-for-mainstream-radio music that won’t offend a single person. and won’t make anybody laugh, won’t make anybody think, won’t make anybody wonder, won’t make anybody talk, and won’t change anybody’s life.
THAT, my friends, is hiding behind art."
...
I don't know why I wrote this. It's so long. I guess I just have to throw my opinions out into the void, like I do. Last long-ass opinion post was about the Kevin Smith Southwest thing, I think..
I am fascinated by the discussions going on in the comments on AFP's blog. Both sides have well-articulated arguments, whether or not I agree with them, and I wish I could keep reading. But it's three in the morning, and I have to get up at seven, so I don't think I will. Maybe tomorrow. Bedtime story, bedtime blog?
I wonder if anyone read this.
Good night, again.
Olivia
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Wild Things, writing things, angry things.
"There were some buildings. They were these really tall buildings, and they could walk. Then there were some vampires. One of the vampires bit the tallest building, and his fangs broke off. Then all his other teeth fell out. Then he started crying. And then all the other vampires said, 'Why are you crying? Aren't those just your baby teeth?' And he said, 'No. Those are my grown-up teeth.' And the vampires knew that he couldn't be a vampire anymore. So they left him. The end."
The Where the Wild Things Are DVD came out today, and I got it.
I really like this movie. And the vampire story is one of the saddest stories ever.
...
Mr Neil linked these lists on his blog. I read them instead of doing my drawing homework.
Well, I'm doing my drawing homework now. But I put it off.
...
If I were ever to write an autobiography (lol, the greatest form of vanity must be the belief that millions of people will want to know your life's story), the subtitle would be "The Unfinished Story of Nobody Special (Who You Probably Don't Know Anyways)". Or maybe the parenthetical would be "(So Why Are You Reading This Book?)".
Yeah. Self-confidence. Whoo.
...
Okay. So. Jen thinks I stole her baking sheet. It's true that I was the last one to use it; I used it for my failed experiment two weeks ago, and left it on my window sill hoping the weird cookies would cool faster, and then when it fucked up I waited too long to clean them up. I wanted to wait until the sink was empty, so I could scrape them off and wash it. I kept the sheet with the stuck, weird cookies in one of my desk drawers, because I didn't want my grandparents to see it when they visited. I forgot about it. Then last weekend, when I got back, I cleaned it off and put it in the drying rack.
That weekend, when Jen came into my room to close my window, apparently she also went through my drawers, because yesterday when she mentioned that she was missing her baking sheet and I said I didn't have it, she yelled that she'd seen it in my desk. She'd claimed it had been open when she'd been in my room, a baldfaced lie that I'm sure she justified to herself because she thought I'd stolen it.
Alright. For one thing, it would be completely illogical for me to steal a fucking baking sheet. I'm still living here for two more months; why would I need to keep it from her when it's in the kitchen for everyone's use? I have my own, too; it's not like I need to take hers. Even if I was tempted to take it (and I really don't see why), it would just be stupid while I'm still living here. It's not like it's money or food.
I left her a note explaining why it had been in my drawer, even going so far as to invite her to search my room - after all, I said, I knew she had already. I told her that although I had not stolen the baking sheet, and would have no reason to anyways, I would help her pay for a new one. I am only doing this because I don't want to go two more months hiding in my room from the three girls who share this suite, even more than I do already. I feel a slight responsibility, too, having been the last one to see the damned thing. Now I think that my offer to replace it reads more like a confession, which annoys me.
She responded with a note of her own, under my door, containing several 'fuckings' and a request that I do buy her a new one, because 'it's not her fault that it's gone'.
That's right, Olivia. Respond to anger with calm. Logic and level heads trump eventually. If people want to live without reason, wait until they're out of your lives.
In the meantime, get upset in your blog, or to your friends. Only.
I'm glad I'm going home on Thursday. I need a week away from the city and the people.
...
(Sure I'm angry. I'm upset for this false accusation, and the swiftness of Jen's jumping to a rather irrational conclusion. But I'm going to sail past it as best I can without lashing out at her, because that's just another thing that will make me the bad guy in her eyes.)
...
Wrote a long section about the angry internet air around Amanda Palmer right now, but it felt kind of weird in this post. I separated it into the next.
We're off to the Met for drawing class again tomorrow. Nothing like six hours in an art museum for class credit.
That's it. Good night.
Olivia
The Where the Wild Things Are DVD came out today, and I got it.
I really like this movie. And the vampire story is one of the saddest stories ever.
...
Mr Neil linked these lists on his blog. I read them instead of doing my drawing homework.
Well, I'm doing my drawing homework now. But I put it off.
...
If I were ever to write an autobiography (lol, the greatest form of vanity must be the belief that millions of people will want to know your life's story), the subtitle would be "The Unfinished Story of Nobody Special (Who You Probably Don't Know Anyways)". Or maybe the parenthetical would be "(So Why Are You Reading This Book?)".
Yeah. Self-confidence. Whoo.
...
Okay. So. Jen thinks I stole her baking sheet. It's true that I was the last one to use it; I used it for my failed experiment two weeks ago, and left it on my window sill hoping the weird cookies would cool faster, and then when it fucked up I waited too long to clean them up. I wanted to wait until the sink was empty, so I could scrape them off and wash it. I kept the sheet with the stuck, weird cookies in one of my desk drawers, because I didn't want my grandparents to see it when they visited. I forgot about it. Then last weekend, when I got back, I cleaned it off and put it in the drying rack.
That weekend, when Jen came into my room to close my window, apparently she also went through my drawers, because yesterday when she mentioned that she was missing her baking sheet and I said I didn't have it, she yelled that she'd seen it in my desk. She'd claimed it had been open when she'd been in my room, a baldfaced lie that I'm sure she justified to herself because she thought I'd stolen it.
Alright. For one thing, it would be completely illogical for me to steal a fucking baking sheet. I'm still living here for two more months; why would I need to keep it from her when it's in the kitchen for everyone's use? I have my own, too; it's not like I need to take hers. Even if I was tempted to take it (and I really don't see why), it would just be stupid while I'm still living here. It's not like it's money or food.
I left her a note explaining why it had been in my drawer, even going so far as to invite her to search my room - after all, I said, I knew she had already. I told her that although I had not stolen the baking sheet, and would have no reason to anyways, I would help her pay for a new one. I am only doing this because I don't want to go two more months hiding in my room from the three girls who share this suite, even more than I do already. I feel a slight responsibility, too, having been the last one to see the damned thing. Now I think that my offer to replace it reads more like a confession, which annoys me.
She responded with a note of her own, under my door, containing several 'fuckings' and a request that I do buy her a new one, because 'it's not her fault that it's gone'.
That's right, Olivia. Respond to anger with calm. Logic and level heads trump eventually. If people want to live without reason, wait until they're out of your lives.
In the meantime, get upset in your blog, or to your friends. Only.
I'm glad I'm going home on Thursday. I need a week away from the city and the people.
...
(Sure I'm angry. I'm upset for this false accusation, and the swiftness of Jen's jumping to a rather irrational conclusion. But I'm going to sail past it as best I can without lashing out at her, because that's just another thing that will make me the bad guy in her eyes.)
...
Wrote a long section about the angry internet air around Amanda Palmer right now, but it felt kind of weird in this post. I separated it into the next.
We're off to the Met for drawing class again tomorrow. Nothing like six hours in an art museum for class credit.
That's it. Good night.
Olivia
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