I don't know why I keep trying to run away from things that only exist in my head, but that's me.

Okay, I knew I wasn't going to get in. It's still kind of depressing.

...

I am piling way too much unwarranted mental stress on myself. There is no tangible reason to be miserable all the time. More and more I find myself falling apart too easily. It is getting harder to look happy in front of other people. I mean, I can still do it. But it's affecting me pretty badly. I don't even know why I'm upset. I'm upset about everything. Life was so great earlier in the school year. Now it's engulfing me with shitty badness that doesn't even fucking exist.

Some people I know have Real Problems. Sometimes I feel like mine are all made up.

Either I need to go away, or let myself cry, or find something good to which I can focus my attentions.

...

It's eight thirty; I was going to go to sleep early so I can stop thinking, but my efforts were fruitless. The girls are making too much noise. On to the next Disney movie, then: The Reluctant Dragon. (Skipping Dumbo, because I watched it pretty recently.) The next ten films on the list are ones I've never seen, so this should be interesting.

I like the way they did these opening credits; they have the artists' signatures and caricatures.

Hm, well this is interesting. Apparently it's a film about the making of animated things. I didn't know that. I thought it was just a regular movie.

It is quite silly. But it's pretty cool how they show everything.

(Also, I'm geeking out over these shots of the paint factory thing. They're gorgeous. And the maquettes. Sculpture love!)

Heh. Slow motion Goofy riding a horse. I love Goofy shorts. Goofy is boss.

Good poem: "Sweet little upside-down cake / Cares and woes, you've got 'em / Poor little upside-down cake / Your top is on your bottom / Alas, little upside-down cake / Your troubles never stop / Because, little upside-down cake / Your bottom's on your top."

...

Bambi up next. Everyone always seems shocked when I say I've never seen it.

Never mind. Watched the first few minutes, but they seem to have left the apartment, so I should try to sleep while I can. Will finish tomorrow.

Good night.

Olivia

PS. AW MAN. I never never get to sleep when I want to. Norm called as I was drifting off; he needed someone to sign him into New Res, because he has to do a project with Justin but Justin wasn't answering his phone. So I went down to Justin's room to see if he was there, and told him to go get Norm. Then I came back and the girls are back, which should be fine because they were being quiet, but now I'm awake again. Fack. (Also, Jen started talking about how she needs to go on a diet, and how all her food is loaded with calories, and now I'm wound up.)

I'm going to curl up with Evelyn Evelyn and Problem Sleuth until I can fall asleep.

PPS. Oh. Look. It got loud again. Good thing I wasn't sleeping again, or I'd have been woken up.

I want to live on my own.