On naked dudes.

Even after that drawing class, I still feel more awkward looking up nude male reference than nude female reference. This may be a society thing or it may be that I am still not comfortable in my own sexuality. Or just with anything sexual in general.. Basically the only thing I can do is make 'that's what she said' jokes. Perhaps the naked-people thing is just because I am more used to nude women than nude men, because..well, I'm a girl. But it was fine when I was in class. Maybe it is the difference between being told to draw a naked man and going to look for one on the internet.. It feels kind of inappropriate..

I cannot even really talk about sex-related-things unless it is with a DURR HURR attitude. When other girls talk about the physical attractiveness (well, 'hotness', 'cuteness', 'sexiness') of guys, I kind of just sit there and pretend I cannot hear what they are saying. Sexy makes me uncomfortable.

So basically what is happening is that I'm looking for reference for a drawing I'm doing, and I'm finding a bunch of guys with really beautiful forms and lines, and then I kind of get distracted. 'Oh. A penis. I don't know what to think about this.' I don't know what's wrong with me. In class I either draw it and move on or skip over it in favor of other body parts, and leave a kind of vague block-in where it should be. (I also do this for the face if I don't get to it in time, so it's not even like it's getting special treatment..)

Alright this discussion is making me feel awkward. Also it's three thirty and I'm tired. So, good night.

Olivia

PS. No, I didn't go to sleep when I said I would. I was planning on it..but then I started drawing a picture. Which is why I am writing this.)