Sleeping early yay I'm tired I don't even know why.

Hey yawl. I'm going to sleep early. I mean really early. Nine o'clock early. Made my DVD for the DV final project this afternoon. Will finish packing tomorrow; then Flushing tomorrow night with parents and rest-of-family; then load van Sunday morning before parents leave. Lala almost done whoo. I'm tired. So I'm sleeping. Good night.

Olivia

PS. I visited Ludlow today. The singles are only a bit larger than the GW singles, but the building is nicer. Plus there's a terrace so you can actually go outside without..going outside. If that makes sense. Whatever. Still kind of weird that the rooms can't lock the bathroom from inside the room. That is, two rooms are connected by one bathroom, and both doors have locks on the inside of the bathroom, but not on the outside.

A bit of an angry thing, then stuff about Amanda Palmer, then random bits.

For someone who doesn't like herself, I seem to still be pretty damn vain sometimes. Or arrogant, or something. I shouldn't be resentful if someone makes a drawing of me that I find distasteful..

And sometimes I have so much hatred in me. I don't know why. I don't want to. But I hate a lot of things. Even if only a little. Most of my dislike is really just tiny pieces of hate..if that makes sense.. I am secretly (or not secretly, depending on how well you know me and which face I wear around you) a very angry person. I don't actually lash out at people, but the bits of hate stew and fester inside and eventually I'm just going to melt or something.

I'm a bitter fuck and even though I know where I'm headed career-wise, I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I try to be so goddamned independent but I still seem to rely on others to tell me that I'm better than I want to believe. I need to stop tearing myself down. I need someone to be nice to me.

(I just want to be happy and not care about stupid things and love life instead of liking it sometimes and tolerating it others. I want to be able to appreciate what I have instead of rarely being satisfied. I want to stop living my life only caring about what's going to happen in the future, and start living like I'm actually here in the present - I keep planning a better life for myself years down the road and writing off most of what I have now as transitional inconvenience. I want to stop viewing the good things that happen to me most days as flukes in a mediocre existence. I want to be a more likeable person. I want to be less of a recluse. I want to not have stupid depressing thoughts. Whenever I think about all these things I feel so immature and juvenile and lame. I do not want to be immature and juvenile and lame.)

Basically what I'm trying to say is,
GAWD. WHY DO I SUCK.

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And on a lighter note, I fucking love Amanda Palmer.



Also, I love that this is the official video for Elephant Elephant. Way to be badass you guys. And by badass I probably mean really goofy.



Also, I wasn't planning on videospamming today, but this made me giggle.



Also she has a new song and it's free whoo. Free things are good.

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Oh god more logos.

This is cool:


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Oh by the way I got an A-plus in narrative workshop whooooo.

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I seem to be using the word 'whoo' a lot. That's silly of me.

Good night.

Olivia

PS. WHOOOOOOOOO.

PPS. I fiddled a tiny bit with the formatting of the blog template, mainly because it was annoying me that the videos I embed tend to be wider than the text area. Funny how an extra two hundred pixels can make it look so different.

Drawing stuff.

So, today was last drawing class. Kind of sad; gonna miss TM.

Also: We did our art trade thing. Shane and Oliver both gave me drawings relating to Pixar, lol. Monty..took a picture from Facebook that is probably the ugliest face I've ever made in a photo, and then made it even weirder. I dunno, he drew me as some kind of fantasy-villain-thing.. I mean, I know this is his imagination style - making weird mashup fantasy drawings - but I really don't like it as me.. In general I feel uncomfortable when people draw me, because I just don't like the way I look, and - this is going to sound rather bitchy - when the artist isn't super-good at drawing, I end up looking even worse than I already do. Seriously. And with this..I mean, I don't like drawings of myself in general, and then he went and made me weird. But..oh well.

Bah.

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I'm working on my narrative workshop final. So that's all you get for today unless I think of a PS. Good night.

Olivia

PS. I'm glad I'm moving out on Monday. No more living with shrieking girls. I can only hope that the person with whom I will be sharing a bathroom next year (the singles at Ludlow are connected in twos by a shared bathroom; so you have to lock the other person's door too while you're in there, hurr) is a little more..like me.

Speaking of, Norm and Tom and I walked back to the dorms together from drawing today, and for some reason we started talking about dating opposite-gender versions of ourselves. (Apparently Jongwoo's new girlfriend is exactly like him, but a girl. Which is actually really adorable, because Jongwoo is such a sweet little video game dork. TM calls him a gentle genius.) They said they would do it, but I wouldn't. I think I'd probably get annoyed with him really quickly.. I don't like me very much..

Something random I started writing about books, and then forgot the point.

I just realized.

The real reason why JK Rowling and (unfortunately) Stephenie Meyer are famous is because they drastically defied fantasy conventions. They made the unreal accessible for this generation; Lord of the Rings was groundbreaking for its time, but now only the purists (read: geeks) have the attention span for Tolkien. I had read about wizard schools and child sorcerers before, but never were they as interesting or did they strike the right balance between life and magic as Harry Potter. And I hate to say this, but teenage girls are far more likely to read about a Mary Sue's wish fulfillment and gorgeous halfbreed boys fighting over her than they would be able to tolerate Dracula.

Okay so I started writing that this morning before class and then went to class and now it's two in the morning and I don't remember where I was going with it..

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Can't believe tomorrow's the last drawing class. Will miss TM. Will possibly maybe miss staying up late Tuesday nights to finish drawing homework. (Maybe won't.) Anyways. That's what I'm doing now. Good night.

Olivia

Oh look more linkspam kind of.

Okay. So I went to the Marina Abramovic show a while ago, while Jen was visiting. Someone posted this link on Facebook today. Portraits of people who started crying while sitting across from Abramovic during her 'The Artist is Present' exhibit. Maybe I'm just not deep enough in this respect, or not empathetic, or too apathetic. Maybe it's just because I didn't go up and sit across from her myself. But I don't understand. I'm not getting the emotion behind it. She was sitting there unmoving; why did her partners cry?

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This is pretty cool. I don't plan on going into TD, but I want to learn how to do all this stuff to some degree, just so I can make good-looking short-things on my own.

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This is fun. Do it. Do it now.

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Oh boy finals stuff. Also my computer is being a total dick. So that's it for tonight.

Olivia

PS. Ohgodwhat.

Mostly on leaving.

So. Today I started packing. I haven't decided whether I have more shit than I was expecting, or less. Either way, it's kind of refreshing to be getting ready to go home, but also kind of weird. I'm not sure whether or not I've realized I'm going home in a week, yet. It only just hit me yesterday morning that I had to work on my finals. I..have a strange way of living.

I can't wait to go home, though. Living in New York is cool, living basically-on-my-own is cool, but I miss my cat and I miss my family even though I just saw them, and I am looking forward to the break. I'm going to be cramming it, though; need to get a new computer, so I can animate over the summer. Need to draw more, hella more. Need to make money, need to get a job. Need to hang out with Molly as much as possible because..I miss her. So much. So much.

I miss my brother a lot, actually. It's kind of weird. But he was basically my best friend growing up. And he's a really great kid. Whenever I see them we talk constantly about all sorts of random shit. I'll be glad to be back with him for a few months.

I may go to China for the Shanghai World Expo with my uncle's family for a couple of weeks in summer. They offered to let me go with them, anyways. But first I have to figure out my schedule and talk to my parents about it and stuff. And..get money.. Anyways, they're also going to Nanjing, where my mom was born. Apparently I went when I was three, but, obviously, I don't remember. Last time I visited China, I was either twelve or thirteen. It's been a while. I'd like to go. But at the same time, there's so much I need to get done at home. We'll see. (Also I have barely-passable, really-quite-shitty fluency in Chinese. My cousin Alex, eight years old, is probably better than me. Plus he can read more than me. I kind of regret never paying attention in Chinese school..)

I've been studying for my art history final all day. It's tomorrowwwww argh. It should be better than the midterm, though; that thing was hell. And I barely passed. I am ashamed.

Finals. Finals finals finals.

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Talking to dude. We are freaked out that we are one-fourth done with college. I didn't think of it that way until he said it just now. Argh. Weird. I only have three more years to impress Pixar and DreamWorks..

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Yeah. That's it. More work now. Or maybe I'll slack off. Hopefully the former..

Olivia

Drugs, and a bit of linkspam.

Uh.. I am kind of like this I guess. I count stairs and I count while I'm clapping and I add timecode..

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That dentist is my hero of the day, by the way. Woke up this morning and was like WTF MY MOUTH DOESN'T HURT THIS IS AWESOME.

Moral of the story: Drugs are good. (Or something like that.)

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Wow. Just..wow.

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I am rather liking this comic. Heh. (Oh god. xD )

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I don't have anything interesting to say today. Good night?

Olivia