Flight, part two.

So, now it seems I am in the mood to pick up what I started some days ago.

I wish I could fly and falling is one of my greatest fears. It's strange, isn't it? I guess flying is kind of a metaphor for my goals in life, anyways. As I sometimes say when I'm in the mood to say it, I strive to be awesome. Being awesome is my priority and my directive. It's why I'm always tearing myself down; so I can pick out the bits that need work and build myself back up. And I guess that's also the fear of falling in there - I crave perfection and I am horrified of failure. Failure is one of the worst feelings in the world.

I don't know what it is, but roller coasters are exhilarating. They're the only things that can take away my inhibitions; everything else makes me throw my shields up. I never want to be drunk or high or under any kind of unnatural influence - I don't like losing control. But the flying and falling of a roller coaster makes me giddy. It's adrenaline, I know, but I also know that I would not jump out of a plane or off of a bridge for the same feeling, tethered or parachuted or not. Heights are terrifying, but I think that's because of the splat that comes after.

You know those flying dreams people have? I've never had one. My dreams are always random and fucked up and strange. If I have flown in a dream, I can't remember. I wish I could. Because how often have I found myself imagining just soaring over the crowds and the traffic and the lines and the mayhem of streets and hallways and life?

Now it is four in the morning and I am off to sleep. More later. Because if you can't tell..I really like talking about flying. It's something I noticed about myself recently. Good night. <3