Ahhhhhh.

Why hello, blogosphere.

The politics of friendship are convoluted and compromising. Sometimes I feel severely left out, cut off. Sometimes this bothers me more than I'd like to let on. I miss innocent friendships between small children. Before the gossip and the conniving and the snide opinions and the gangings-up. It is easier for me to like people I don't talk to often. There are a few exceptions, but very few. I don't understand why we can't just like each other and forgive them and not be so fucking sensitive and not be so fucking exclusive because when somebody is shouldered out of a conversation or ill-concealed jokes about them are made right in front of them, they don't feel good about themselves. In fact, a lot of the time it makes them feel bad.

Most of the time I don't mind, because I am used to hearing me tell myself that not many people actually like me. But it's still appalling how manipulative 'friendship' can be.

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I think I have trained myself to hit the snooze button instead of turning my alarm clocks off. It's a good thing. I am subconsciously trying to make sure I am bothered enough to wake up, after the first few jarring notes.

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Hello I've missed your voice even if you're geeking up a storm through my headphones it's still something.

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It is three thirty in the morning. Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman this evening. AHHHHHH.

Um,
Olivia