Wishing day!

It is a wishing day; happy wishing day! I hope any wishes you happened to make today will come true, as long as they are nice and not malevolent and bad. I hope my wishes come true too.

These are my wishes for this wishing day.

I want to work for Pixar. Not now, of course. Not next year. But I need to get an internship and I need to amaze them with what I can do.

I hope some day (preferably some day soon), I will be able to confront an intimate relationship head-on and be at least slightly prepared. And I hope there is somebody who will take me as I am. I think I know him, but I honestly cannot judge from an objective perspective his feelings for me; anyone who looks at it from the outside only says what they say because they don't know that we are both inwardly extremely nervous people when it comes to this, or so it seems. I wish I knew for certain what he thought about me, because I drive myself slightly crazy whenever there is something that I do not know and cannot figure out. I can't figure him out.

I wish my life was sincere. No more of this inevitable and intoxicating bullshit.

Wishes should always come in threes. (Or tonight, elevens would be fitting, but I am not that greedy.)

...

Andrew Dayton, an SVA alumnus currently working as a technical director on set at Pixar, talked to us about getting a job there, and working there, and why they are awesome. It is true that they are awesome. It was probably not possible for me to be more enthusiastic over working there than I am already, but he put words and visuals to my madness. The world's best animators work at Pixar. I need to be there.

John McIntosh, the computer art department head, walked with us part of the way to the theater; we met up with him on a crosswalk a block away. He's really friendly. He talked to Andrew Dayton about some of the computer art students who were going to be there; he had a list, I assume of people from the department, probably only upperclassmen, and pointed out - highlighted, even - people in whom he and the teachers have taken special interest. Andrew Dayton replied occasionally with 'Oh, yeah, I know her portfolio, we liked her work a lot'. I don't know who this 'we' are, I assume it's people reviewing for jobs or internships. But I am going to do everything I can possibly do and I am going to get on that list in a couple of years. I am going to be one of the highlighted students, the one whose name the Pixar representative recognizes because people like my reels and my ideas. Holy shit you have no idea how much I need to be one of them.

Most of my class went; TM let us out of drawing an hour early because he is amazing and reasonable and fantastic. Monty (a classmate with similar dreams of Pixar) and I were shaking each other the entire time, whispering 'This is it. This is what we need to do. This is our life in something-number of years. We need to be kickass-awesome'. A few friends and I have a mock competition betting on who will be hired there first. "I'll put in a good word for you. I'll say to John Lasseter, 'Hey, I have a friend named Olivia, and she's a great animator, so could you maybe give her a job?' " "And then he'll reply, 'Oh, I already know Olivia! She directed that awesome film for us three years ago, remember? She was the one who told me about you!' "

...

I finished my homework relatively early tonight. I'm really hungry; I didn't have dinner. Drama club was fantastic fun though. I love the improv stuff we're doing. I wasn't so good for the last one - I've never read Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, so I really only had a very very vague idea of my character - but it's still a great thing to be a part of. I am proud to say that I am now participating as often as I can. I want to break myself of the nervousness that tries to overtake me each time I stand up in front of people.

It's something that's ingrained into my mind. It's that perfectionism thing coming back and trying to control me. It's there everywhere I turn, but I'm getting so much better at ignoring it (most of the time). I have no confidence so I try to build it up from scratch.

From scratch; now I'm thinking about food again. I'm hungry. I guess that's the sign that I need to go to bed.

Sleeping early tonight! It's only twelve seventeen in the morning.

Still a night person, of course, just not tonight because of the stabbings in my stomach,
Olivia

PS. Whoa, hold it! Neil Gaiman's going to be at AFP's NYC concert? Double the fun! This is going to be my greatest (and only..) first-non-classical-music concert ever. Everrrr. EVERRRRRR. Seriously this is super amazing news and I am so very glad that two of my favorite people in the world are dating. Note to self: Bring Endless Nights along in addition to the mysteriousponysculpt and The Drawings. <3