Blargh argh blargh.

Happy new, guys.

...

"Oh, you still read it? Awesome. I'm almost at sixty posts now."
"Yeah, I haven't in the past few days, I need to catch up."
"Cool, I - oh my gosh I just realized Zoe told me she reads my blog."
"Oh, she..ohhhhhhh."

Hurr hurr. It's alright, though. Zoe is Good People.

On the other hand, why is it so fucken difficult?

I'm in love or in like or infatuated or insane. I want life to be easy and it's letting me down. Maybe I'm just not giving it enough of a chance.

Maybe I'm deluding myself.

Maybe what I've been telling myself is true, that I just can't have normal relationships because I'm not good enough or not special enough or not attractive enough or not clever enough or just not likable.

Maybe this is the year I can get that part of my brain to shut the fuck up and let me go about my business.

I wish I weren't so nervous. I am tiptoeing around this thing and ignoring it really doesn't help my cause.

I don't want to fuck things up. I'm comfortable right now. I would rather my life be simple than fuck with what I have.

I am not confident enough to try to make things better.

I'm a coward.

...

I'm a bit muddled after tonight. Since tomorrow's post is technically my new year's post, I will think over my resolutions and write them out for the next entry. I'll talk more about tonight, too.

Right now I'm just a bit confused.

Also frustrated.
Olivia

PS. Watch. Adore.

Statuesque
by trentisthenewpink