Just thoughts.

It occurs to me that with the three places I've lived in my lifetime, my level of involvement in my direct, physical community is going down.

Minnesota, birth to eight and a half years old: Grew up in a suburb of the Twin Cities, in a close-knit cul-de-sac neighborhood where almost of the residents had children around my age. One of those places you see in movies; the yards are all tiny and neat, the houses all have porches, the kids play in the streets. We had apple trees in the backyard, strawberries growing in front, a little garden on the side. There was a pond behind our house and a playground across the street.

Massachusetts, eight and a half to seventeen and a half years old: Another suburb, but a larger one. Couple years of grade school, then high school. Houses spaced kind of far apart, with lots of pine trees front and back. There were a lot of people in the neighborhood around my age, but I never was close with them. In school, I hung out with a few people; I kept mostly to myself outside of school. Parties and gatherings were rare and almost always initiated by others, and mostly small.

New York, eighteen years old: Middle of Manhattan (that sounds like a movie title..). Surrounded by people. Usually can be found in class or shut in my room.

I don't know whether it's the places, or me. Probably both. Maybe I'm being influenced by the places, or maybe I'm just changing. In the beginning of the school year I tried to be social and hang out with people. It went in another direction, and for a while now I've been shut in my hole, but it (hopefully) seems to be picking back up.

I think I absorb the negative influence of the places I live, rather than the positive. My birth town, of course, was perfect for children. Then, as I entered the stage of life that's awkward even for normal kids, I changed settings, and suddenly became something of a recluse. There were a couple of years entirely friendless. Then I had a few friends and started hanging out with people again. Now I'm here, where you can either be supersocial or antisocial.

What am I now?

Olivia

PS. I love this woman.