Visit. Then stuff about California. Then stuff about rejection.

So uh. My mom's here. I knew she was coming into the city for business tomorrow, but I talked to her on the phone this afternoon and she asked if she could stay at my dorm. Her conference is at Baruch College, only a couple of blocks away from me, so it makes sense. She's sleeping right now, on my extra bed.

Still kind of weird. But whatever. I love my mom, and also she bought me dinner. Awesome.

Anyways. Drawing homework for tomorrow. Yeah. Talk to you later.

Olivia

PS. Okay. Dumb idea, because I should be drawing. But I've been thinking about summer jobs and internships tonight, because Reggie got neither TA nor RA position that he wanted at CTY for the summer. (Was that proper grammar? Sounded weird. Maybe it needed some the's.) More specifically, I've been thinking about going away versus staying home.

My goal is to reach California straight out of college. The idea kind of makes me nervous. Sarah-from-home can't wait to graduate and get out, but she has a difficult home situation, and it'll be good for her to get out of Andover. (She's going to the Academy of Art University in San Francisco next year, for computer animation. She's like me, and wants to be a character animator at a large studio, hopefully Pixar.) But I'm not running away from anything. I'm reaching towards something. In my plan, that requires leaving home on the east coast to make a new home on the west coast. That means that over the summer, I want to go over there as well. Obviously not this summer, because I can't get anything. But after this year, hopefully.

I feel kind of weird about it.

New York City is one thing. California is quite another. It's a fucking country away. My family's over here. My friends are over here. Now there's even a guy I like and with whom I have been deluding myself into thinking I might even have a chance. ("So what's your summer situation?" "Eh, there's barely even a possibility I'm actually going to be accepted by the studios over there this year, so I'll probably be looking for a design job in Boston or something. Live at home." "Good. We can hang out more." ARGH.)

I mean. I want to go. I really, really want to go. You don't even know how much I want to go. But even though I'm not running..I feel like I am. I won't be able to see my family as much. Or my home-friends. And gods forbid I actually start dating someone. (Yeah right.)

I want to be gone summers. And then I'll want to be gone the rest of my life, after I graduate. It's just..a weird feeling.

It's a year away, though. And then three years. We'll think about it later, shall we?

Back to drawing homework.

PPS. Speaking of relationship hopelessness, has anyone been reading Questionable Content recently (starting there up to now)? THAT IS WHAT I AM AFRAID OF except I would never do that because I can't get drunk because I refuse to get drunk also because I lack the balls.

It's depressing. I want Jeph to end this storyline soon. Because it depresses me. I mean I know he can't end it now but I want him to anyways.